Irrational
At home my bag slipped from my shoulder onto the ground, while I walked in my Bedroom and fell head fist on my bed exhausted. Before I went sleeping, I change in some Pj's and climbed under the covers falling asleep just some minutes later. In the morning I remembered dreaming about Angela: how she smiled, laughed, talked and all her little gestures confusing me inside out. It ended with us kissing, which made me blush a deep red. Therefore, waking up was hard but leaving the bed was even harder. I wanted to go back in my Dream, but I knew that it's biologically not possible.
Slowly sitting and finally standing up I went through usual morning ritual: shower, dress, eat, etc. After breakfast I made my way to the Jeffersonian, put on the blue lab coat and while waiting for the other to arrive, I looked at the Bones again hoping they'd tell me something new. Just a little Information I missed yesterday.
Zach was the first one to arrive than Hodgins, Booth and finally Angela, who greeted me in a hug, but somehow it felt different. I remembered the dream-kiss and blushed again, looking away to greet the others. She didn't notice (gladly) and when she turned on her heels to do to her office, my eyes lingered on her as long as possible, studying the way her hips swayed when she moved.
I stared.
Blushing again I quickly looked away and tried to concentrate on my work, which failed. Every time she met I avoided her, being scared of her finding out. So at some point I went to my office in order to cool down a bit. Just than Booth came in and told me to meet him and the others on the Platform, because he found the girl. She's a student like I already said, but that's not the point. Angela prevented me from listening to Booth, because it's her fault for wearing an exposing blouse. So I often caught me looking at her (staring) and sometimes our eyes locked.
When Booth was finished talking he told me to come with him to the girl's family, where we gathered enough Information to actually solve the case.
Apparently she was in love with her best friend and when her classmates found it out, they laughed at her and some were disgusted. When they started mobbing her, she stood strong, which triggered the classmates to go further. They continued calling her names and began to get violent, First of all it was as simple as pushing her around or tripped her in the hallway. She still stood strong, so they increased there violence just one time, where she ended up dead. She was chased, cornered and finally killed. What hurt me the most was, that she never told her best friend. So when she was buried, her parents told her best friend, who started crying. When I thought about Angela and what she meant to me I realized that I indeed love her.
Afterwards Booth drove me back to the Jeffersonian, while I thought about my behavior this day. I know avoiding Angela was wrong, but every time I saw her I remembered my dream and blushed. She realized what I was doing, because I saw her hurt look and felt guilty. Obviously I didn't stop.
When I came back and went to my office, she was already there waiting for me with a look of hurt and anger. As soon as I saw her I stopped, so now I stood in the doorway looking at the ground, guilty. Somehow my shoes seemed to be extremely interesting and when she started tapping her foot and crossed her arms I wanted to run.
"What's going on?" I flinched at harsh tone and took a tiny step back, which she noticed and immediately.
"Don't run away!" she almost yelled while walking towards me and grabbing my wrist. No running away.
"I don't know what you mean, Ange." playing oblivious to the situation, I whispered.
"Don't you dare 'Ange'me Bren, I know you've been avoiding me!" I wanted to say something, anything, but when I looked her in the eyes my words stuck in my throat. There was so much hurt.
I mean I know that she's my best friend, but I couldn't help it. She confused me: I felt happy and sad at the same time, because she was what I wanted but couldn't have. When she spoke
the next time it was barely a whisper, but I heard her "Just tell me what I did wrong."
Right then I lost it. Tears welled up in my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. I heard myself stuttering a faint Nothing, which was true: she didn't do anything. I think it was due to the tears that she gave me a small smile, but honestly it made things worse. She shouldn't be smiling, not now and for me being rational was out of question, so the thought that she may pity me crossed my mind.
Of course she doesn't, right?
I'm not sure. Someway in my line of thoughts I realized that Angela was about to hug me and when she did, I snapped out my mind. I was so confused that I just stood there completely still. She took my hands and put them around her waist.
"You know, when someone hugs you, you usually do the same."
When I heard her buried my face in her shoulder and cried, clinging to her like my life pretended on it. Sobbing, I explained her that right now it's hard for me to look at her or to be near her, while she drew comforting circles on my back. "Why?" was all she asked hurt. So I told her about my dream and blushed when I mentioned the kiss, but all she did was wondering how long I felt like that.
"Since Kirk…I mean I know it's irrational being attracted to you. You're my best friend!"
She pulled away with a simple Oh Sweetie, told me that she needed to think at home and let me stand here in my Sorrow.
