Welcome back for the final installment of this two part series. Thank you all for reading, reviewing and showing your support. I hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon, Mario or a Mary-Sue. I do however, own Gold.
"NO YOU DON'T!" Gold exclaimed, glaring at the author.
Fine. But I'd like to.
Red blinked. "...Why?"
Because shut up.
It was the dead of night in the middle of the afternoon, Red and Mary-Sue were locked in an episode of fierce combat. Pokèmon's battered corpses flew through the air and landed with heart wrenching-
"Oh hell yeah!" Gold yelled suddenly, throwing his hands up in the air. "I finally beat Red!"
From beside him, Red rolled his eyes. "For the last time Gold, that's not actually me."
The other trainer didn't look up from his DS. "Yeah, you were super easy to beat."
"Only took you couple thousand try's." Red muttered.
With a grumble of annoyance, Gold shut the machine and shoved it into his backpack. Looking up, he remembered the Mary-Sue was still there.
"So, what are you betting her next Pokemon will be again?" He asked, looking at the black haired champion beside him.
"A shiny shadow Umbreon with wings, a top hat, two red legs, black eyes and a purple tail named George."
"Pssh. It's odviously going to be a Lv 253 Celebi that glows with a radioactive smile and two chickens."
Red looked at him oddly. "Did you get enough sleep last night?"
No Red. No he didn't.
However, before Gold could answer, everyone's favorite (*snort*) Mary-Sue spoke up.
"There's something I've realized." She informed them sadly, crystal blue eyes sparkling sadly.
"Oh sweet Arceus, what?" The champion moaned.
"Y-your in love with me."
(The stuttering makes it official.)
Red's face went blank with shock as Gold, once again, doubled over laughing.
"Wait, I'M in love with YOU?!"
Amethyst Topaz held up her hands. "Please, Red, try to control your emotions. I know, you want me, but..."
"Oh my gosh, this is golden, GOLDEN!" Gold manged to chock out, crying himself laughing. "And no pun intended!"
Red shut him up with a quick kick to the stomach.
"I think I have this wrong, I'M... In love... With YOU?!"
"I'd... I'd like to live with you. I know it would make you happy..."
"Me... loving... YOU."
The other trainer slowly tried to get up, gasping for air. "I think my kidneys are bleeding."
"Your a swell guy, Red..."
"Me and you... In love?"
"Yep, definetly my kidneys. I might need some medical attention." Gold chocked.
"But I have a much greater destiny then you, it's just something you won't understand." She sighed, ending her speech that nobody had actually been listening to.
Red shivered. "Excuse me well I go and burn these mental images out of my brain."
"Okay, scratch that, I need medical attention! God, I think I'm dying!" Gold clutched his stomach in pain.
Mary-Sue glared at the injured boy.
"Stop over-reacting, you little baby!" She screamed as he threw up blood and what appeared to be a few bits of organ.
"Look... Who's... Talking..."
Making up her mind, the girl threw the Pokèball she had in her hand into the air.
"I'm sorry Red, but I have to finish you off."
Red, now fully recovered from what had just happened, only smirked. "Very well."
"Is there a doctor here?"
"SHUT UP GOLD!" The two of the yelled at once.
...
The champion paled, casting an awkward glance at the Mary-Sue.
"Uhh... That was weird."
There was a flash of light that nearly blinded them, and from the Pokèball emerged a...
*Takes deep breath*
Super Ultra Amazing Mega Super Epic Glowing Shadow Shiny Triple-type Baby Immortal Powerful Beautiful EX Star-powered Dark Moonlight Teardrop Kawii Desu Desu Awesome Lugia.
"Damn skippy!" Gold exclaimed, looking at the name in shock.
"Oh no." The black haired trainer said in a monotone, "How ever will I defeat it."
Being Red, he didn't need a question mark.
"I know one way!" Gold offered, getting up despite his numerous injuries.
"You do know I was being sarcastic, right?"
The other boy didn't respond. Instead he leaned in and whispered something in the Champion's ear. Red imidiatly recoiled in disgust.
"There's no way I'm doing that!"
"Oh, come on, you did it at the Halloween party!"
"Yes, because I was trying to scare you guys!"
"... It worked." Gold admitted. "Anyways, by now you should know that the only way to truly defeat a Mary-Sue is to match her level of annoying-ness!"
"JUST START THE FIGHT ALREADY!" Mary-sue screamed, levitating a foot off the ground for seemingly no reason.
"... Do I really have to?" The champion asked, frowning.
The other trainer nodded quickly.
Red sighed in defeat. "Alright."
~WARNING!~
If you happen to be a Red fangirl or anything similer, the following scenes may disturb you or cause mild to major insanity. Trust me, I had to be put in a straight-jacket after writing this.
It wasn't fun.
Taking one last deep breath, Red suddenly broke into a ridiculously happy expression, lifting his hat with one hand to rid of the shadows that concealed most of his face. In an over the top cheerful voice, he addressed the girl:
"Such wonderful weather we're having today! Don't you agree?!"
"Shut up and send out your next Pokemon you little loser!" She yelled gently.
Red giggled childishly, causing Gold to cringe in the background.
"I love Pokemon! Especially the cute fluffy ones! They're so fun to hug!"
The Mary-Sue blinked in confusion as her tiny- I mean, uh, superpowered mind tried to comprehend what was going on.
"Where did Red go?" She asked finally.
"That is Red." Gold informed her. "Sort of." He finished when Red giggled again.
"... Eh?"
From out of nowhere, Red pulled out a normal Pokèball, the bright crimson top shining faintly in the dying light.
"This is my most favoritist Pokemon in the whole wide world!"
Gold made a chocking sound as the girl continued to look horrified.
The black haired trainer continued smiling. "Do you want to hug it?"
And a thousand Red fan girls died that day.
Being a lovely, caring person, Mary Sue snorted in disgust.
"Keep your filthy pests away from me!"
"Are you sure? It's just one hug- and Oh sweet Arceus I can't do this." Red sighed, reverting back to his old expression. In a monotone, he added. "Go Igglybuff."
"Well, it was disturbing well it lasted." Gold concluded with a shrug.
The Mary-Sue smirked. "Is that the best you got?"
"No."
"I can easily defeat that in one hit!"
"Y'know, that's not that impressive, considering practically anyone can." Gold told her.
"However..." The girl went on.
"Oh god..."
"This battle has gone on for far to long."
"I agree." The other trainer nodded. "I'm late for my 4'o clock tea time."
Red gave him a 'WTF?' look.
"What? I like tea... Geez."
Mary-Sue closed her black eyes dramatically. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...Why, exactly?"
She fell to the ground, sobbing uncontrolably. "It's the curse! The curse!"
There was a pause.
"What?" Gold asked, looking lost.
"You see, when I was younger my dad-" The girl leapt into a long, pointless expiation.
"You had to ask." Red gave the other trainer a dirty look.
"Well excuuuuse me, princess." Gold rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry I don't spend every minute of my life around these kind of people!"
"- And because I was so powerful he had to-" Mary Sue continued on in the background.
"You're right, you spend that time drinking tea and denying everything anyone ever says to you."
Gold slammed his teacup down with a clatter. "I do not!"
"-So then the shiny Articuno EX told me that my destiny was to-"
The black haired trainer glanced at the girl with a sigh. "This is going to take awhile, isn't it?"
Red nodded slowly, looking bored.
"... Wanna play Mario?"
The older trainer frowned.
"Yes."
~*Later...*~
"No, you're supposed to jump on the Goomba!" Red instructed the other trainer, voice edged with irritation.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" Gold grumbled, mashing the A button furiously.
"Why'd you just take the poison mushroom?"
"Oh come on, they look exactly the same as the regular ones!"
"... And that concludes my entire life story, and why I have to kill you." The Mary Sue finished, tears running down her face.
The two boys looked up in surprise.
"She was talking, wasn't she?" Gold asked.
The champion nodded.
"... Do you think we should have listened?"
"Nah, it problably wasn't important."
The girl wiped her eyes, almost looking sorry.
"I-I know I made you cry. I'm sorry."
"I was crying of boredom." Red offered.
Gold then added, "I was crying of laugher."
"I was crying because the author hasn't given me any lines!" Pikachu screamed, sparks of electricity flying off his cheeks.
"I didn't cry!" The Igglybuff told them all happily.
Amethyst Topaz glared at it, before commanding: "Now, Lugia, use blast burn on Red!"
"But Lugia can't learn-" Red was cut off by a giant wall of flames hitting him directly and sending his flying throught the air.
"Oh my gosh!" Gold gaped as he watched the champion disappear beneath a layer of fog. "I think I left the oven on... And you killed him!"
The girl looked solemn for a moment, before she smiled broadly and waved her hands in the air like a mad-man.
"I defeated Red! I am the Pokemon master! Suck that losers!" She screamed, flying around everywhere.
The other trainer could only stare, at a loss for words for what had just happened.
Landing back down on the ground, the Mary-Sue made her way towards the exit of the mountain, her teal eyes closed proudly.
"I'm off to go do things a REAL champion would do, not just stand atop a mountain for weeks upon end and-" He braggy statement flattered as she felt herself crash into something.
"Hi." Red greeted, his stare cold.
"AHH! HOLY CRAP!" She screamed, jumping back in surprise. "HOW THE-?"
The true champion grinned. "I'm Red, the Pokemon equivalent of Chuck Norris. I don't die that easily."
Amethyst was fuming with anger.
"Fine! Then I'll have to beat you the hard way!"
Gold shuddered. "That sounded wrong on so many levels."
"Grow up." Red told him.
There was an awkward pause.
"Igglybuff has fainted." The text box told them.
The champion raised an eyebrow. "How?"
"It got hit by a snowflake."
...
...
"Oh."
The girl laughed harshly. "It doesn't matter what Pokemon you send out next, I'm still going to win!"
"Is that so?" Red asked with a smirk. "Very well then, I choose Gold!"
"...Huh?" Said boy looked up with confusion.
"YOU CAN'T DO THAT! HE'S NOT A POKEMON!" The girl screamed at the top of her lungs, thus slaughtering their eardrums.
Red cast a glance at the 'Lugia' in front of him a gave her a look.
"And this is...?"
"THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CREATURE YOU'VE EVER SEEN! YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL TO BE IN IT'S PRESENCE YOU STPID LOSERS!"
The champion shook his head sadly. "I'm surprised at you, Amethyst Silver Topaz whatever, I thought you loved all Pokemon equally.
"I d-"
"That's low, even for you." Gold agreed.
"But I-"
"I was just starting to respect you too."
It was an odvious lie.
"I LOVE ALL THE POKEMON!" She screeched.
"Well you don't need to spaz about it!" Gold exclaimed, now standing in front of Red. "Geez, kids these days."
"Gold I swear if I hear you say that again-"
The girl was getting impatient. "JUST ATTACK ALREADY!"
Red rolled his eyes. "Fine, Gold, do something."
The 'Pokemon' was just about to ask what, when a sudden burst of inspiration hit him. Reaching into his shoe (which is apparently where he kept it, doesn't sound very comfortable.) the trainer pulled out his signature item: the billiard cue.
Dun dun dun!
With our a moments thought, Gold chucked the stick at the most random area that came to mind.
Expecting it to just bounce off, he sat back. "That was surprisingly worth it."
The cue struck the Lugia thingy, causing it to be imidietly consumed by a rainbow glow.
It fainted instantly.
Red and Gold stared at it in shock.
"NOO!" The Mary Sue wailed, sinking to her knees. "You hit her only weak point! Her hip!"
"You know, this isn't the first time I've defeated a Lugia with my billard cue."
Red grinned. "Now it's time to put my plan into action."
Scowling, the Mary Sue retracted her Lugia and sent out her next Pokemon.
"Go, shiny Victini-2!"
The small legendary fell to the cold ground, expression fierce. The girl fist pumped and pointed towards Gold who was busy picking up his billard cue.
"Now, use-"
"OBJECTION!"
"OBJECTION OVERRULED!" Gold yelled. "Wait, who said that?"
The champion pointed to himself. "I did, for I have finally found out the true way to rid us of this Mary Sue!"
"Oh really? And how can you do that when I'm immortal?" She laughed coldly.
"Simple. Can you tell me Victini's Black and White Pokèdex number?"
"You loser, it's zero!"
A smile overtook Gold's face when he realized what Red was up to.
Red grinned. "And, because you are fighting me, this odviously has to take place in either generation 2 or generation 4, which both came before Victini's original debut. So, what's Pokemon zero in those generations?"
She snorted. "That's a trick question. There was none!"
"Correction. There was one. A glitch Pokemon I like to call, MissingNo!" He proclaimed, pointing accusingly at the small creature.
Mary-Sue let out a gasp of horror as the Victini shifted in shape, screaming in pain as it became nothing more then a collection of glitch symbols. The battle slowed down, music a high-pitched wail.
"Sounds like Cystal trying to sing." Gold smirked, then was shut up by a well aimed Pokeball to the face.
"And by that, I activate another glitch, one known as 'Exploding Bulbasaurs!'"
"And what does that do?!"
"Simple. With the snap of my figures, all your Pokemon become Lv. 143 Bulbasaurs that only know the move explosion."
The once Victini shifted once more, this time turning into a well loved Pokemon known as Bulbasuar.
"But how are you-?"
"Now Gold!" Red shouted, cutting her off.
As if on cue (no pun intended), the other trainer threw his billiard cue at the girl's bag, knocking it out of her grasp. The Pokeball's inside rolled out, only to be stopped on by the attacker himself. The confused Bulbasaurs ran around blindly before finally falling to their deaths off the side of the cliff.
"No!" Mary Sue screeched.
"And now, because it was once a Lv. 0 MissingNo, your Pokemon has no heath. So even if you try to attack or move to go catch Pokemon, you will white out." Red smiled harshly. "Face it, you lost."
Tears sprang from the girls eyes, and she fell over sobbing. "But, h-how did you-?"
"You know, some say the only way to truly beat a game is to hack it." The Champion's grin was manical. "And I am one hell of a hacker."
With a terrified scream, the girl slowly dissolved into nothing but ash, the tiny grey particles being blown away by the harsh winds.
"Wow." Gold gaped. "That was cool."
The two trainers stood, frowning down upon the crudely made gravestone that represented the death of the Mary-Sue.
And by gravestone, I mean a rock that Gold had written on in permanent marker:
In hateful memory of:
Amethyst Sparkle Element Fire... Umm... Crap forgot the rest. Red help me out here!
Just write it down Gold!
Fine. In hateful memory of: Amethyst Cystal Emerald something something whatever.
You're an idiot...
"Pissing People off since this fic's release date."
"You know she'll be back, right?" Gold asked, looking at the champion.
Red nodded."And, she'll problably challenge me again. But for now-"
"I challenge you to a battle!" Another voice rang out, this one also high pitched and female.
"Oh for the love of-"
Wow. That was fun to write. 'm kind of sad that it's over.
Oh well, onto the Halloween special!
"Wait." Gold asked, his expression blank. "That wasn't the Halloween special?"
Umm... No?
"But that was terrifying!"
Red shook his head in disappointment. "You are a failure of an author.
Wow. Your a dick.
Anyways, I'm off to go write a GoldxJynx Fanfic-
"You are not!" Gold yelled, bashing the author over the head with his skateboard.
"Great going Gold, you killed her."
"Umm... It was an accident?"
Red sighed and turned to face the camera. "Anyways, as the author was problably going to say if she remembered: Thank you for reading! And go read Puttylol's fanfic!"
"Now."
~*Galefire*
