Chapter Two: Can't Quite Put My Finger on It

It's dusk. Ghostly bars of amber sunlight angle in through the inn's open windows, throwing faint shadows on the far wall. In moments, though, the sunlight will disappear altogether, leaving the sky a peach-streaked violet. When Alma was still missing, I used to look at sunsets like this and wonder if she was watching too. A question I guess I learned from Delita.

"Hello? Ramza?"

I blink, then turn to regard Meliadoul, who's seated across from me. Then I smile at the tabletop. "Oh, sorry. I was just... lost in thought."

"Clearly." She chuckles, then kicks my leg under the table. "Lost in thought about what?"

"Just... the sunset." Alma's missing right now, too, but only temporarily; she got splattered with mud earlier today from a passing wagon, and is busy cleaning herself up. I didn't see it in time to throw myself in the way.

The following silence draws my eyes to Meliadoul, but she's just watching me with her chin resting on her folded hands and her elbows on the table. She's smiling, too, and the fading sunlight is actually glittering in her dark eyes. "The sunset, huh? You're such a romantic."

I laugh at this and shift in my seat. "Oh, come on. I'm just... I'm not like that."

"And so modest, too." She watches me a moment longer, then exhales and leans back in her chair. She's out of her armor for the day; it's always strange to see her in normal clothes, plain but well-made shirt and breeches of green linen.

I bury my face in my mug of milk. "You know I don't like being complimented."

"I know. I'm sorry."

Shaking my head, I set my beverage back on the table and frown out into the city street. "Where's Mustadio, anyway?"

Meliadoul laughs, a low, almost mischievous sound. "Well, he said he had some other errands to run, but I figure he just wanted to get away from me for a while. It was sort of a long boat ride to get here."

"Get away from..." I throw her a frown. "You mean you guys aren't... together?"

"Yeah, we... oh. Oh!" She stares at me wide-eyed, then laughs again, pounding a fist on the table. "Oh, God, no. No, it's not like that." She takes a deep breath, then chuckles again before she can finish. "No, I meant we're 'together' in the sense that I'm working for him and his father, but that's it. He lacks vision." She pauses, poking at the tabletop, and continues in a low, suggestive voice. "Not at all like you."

"Meliadoul..."

"Sorry." She doesn't sound sorry, though, and she's still smiling as she takes a sip from her ale.

I can't help but shake my head as I answer with another swallow milk. "You're different now."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. You're really... what's the word?"

"Flirty?"

My cheeks heat and I scowl at the street outside. It's starting to get less crowded out there now, with the day ending. "That's... one way to put it, I suppose. You weren't always like this, were you? And I just forgot?"

For a long time she just stares into her mug, frowning. Then she lifts her eyes to me. Worried, serious eyes. "Look, I'm sorry, Ramza. I've been so surprised to see you, I guess I just sort of... lost it, a little bit. I can be better."

"No, that's not..." I trail off, then rub my forehead. How the hell did we get to be talking about this? A day ago I wasn't expecting to see her again for the rest of my life, and now she's apologizing for flirting. Sighing, I down the last of my milk, then set the mug back onto the table and stare into it.

"We..." Meliadoul pauses, struggling for words, then sighs tightly. "Can we go somewhere quieter?"

"Yeah. How about... upstairs?"

Her eyes snap to mine, wary and a little irritated; she probably thinks I meant something else. But shortly she relaxes and nods. "Yeah. Just let me..." Without bothering to finish she grabs her ale and downs the remainder of it, then pushes back her chair and stands.

I rise as well, tossing a few coins onto the table, and then I'm making my way around the other tables, the other patrons, towards the stairs. Meliadoul follows, slowly, as though in dread. I know the feeling; I have no idea what's going on, no idea what to do, and that always makes me nervous.

I take the liberty of ducking into the room she shares with Mustadio. It's got two beds, I see; one is strewn with clothing and various little bits of machinery, while the other is stark, clean and tightly-made. Whatever else she is, she's disciplined with the little things. Once inside, I turn to face her.

Meliadoul pauses in the doorway, then shuffles a pace into the room, leaving the door open. Noise from downstairs still drifts up, but it's muted.

She stares at me. I stare back at her.

Eventually she ducks her head and grates a nervous little laugh. "Sorry. This is... kinda weird, isn't it?"

I shift my feet. "A little."

She draws a deep breath, then exhales briskly and closes her eyes. "Ramza, when we were all traveling together, I think I realized that I... liked you." Her hands curl into fists at her sides. "But there was so much going on, so much to worry about, that I didn't give it much thought. Now that we've run into each other again, though, I just feel..." She pauses, then grimaces and shakes her head. Her eyes crack open again to regard me cautiously.

I swallow. My heart is a hollow pounding in my chest; I never expected to be in this sort of situation, let alone with next to no warning at all. But she's nervous too. I have to say something. "You just feel... what? You can tell me anything."

Her anxiety remains, creasing her brow, thinning her lips, for only a moment before she relaxes visibly. "Yeah. That's true." One step takes her to me, close enough to touch me, though her hands remain at her sides. Her eyes meet my own directly, with her usual fire. "You're a really great guy, Ramza," she whispers. "You have a lot to offer a woman. When we first met I tried to kill you, and was going to do it a second time, but you never once held it against me. You welcomed me into your squad, treated me with respect, and everyone else followed your example. And with all the fighting we went through, I've seen how quickly things can change, how people can be healthy one day and dead the next, so I just... I guess I just wanted you to know that. How I felt. Before it got too late. And so that was why I was the way I was, earlier."

"Wow." I lean sideways, letting my shoulder thump into the wall. What the hell do I do here? Kiss her? No, that would feel wrong. "I... had no idea you felt this way. No idea at all."

"Yeah, well..." She smiles at the floor. "That kind of perception is not one of the things you're good at."

"No. No, it's not." I'm still trying to... trying to figure... Meliadoul? Meliadoul likes me?

Long moments later, she sighs and drops to sit at the foot of her bed. "I'm sorry to lay this on you out of nowhere, Ramza. You probably think I'm crazy."

I shake my head. "Don't be sorry for how you feel. Your heart is what makes you who you are, so you should be proud of it."

Her answering smile is embarrassed, and in the dimness I can see faint color rising in her cheeks. "You would say something like that."

Now it's my turn to blush. "Come on, I'm trying to-"

"I know. I appreciate it." She sighs, rubbing both hands down her face, then glances up at me over her hands. "But don't answer me. Not right now, at least. You're obviously dumbfounded so I don't expect any decision coming out of you right now to be a good one."

"Umm..." I squint at her and rub an ear. "Thanks?"

"Don't mention it." She grins. "Anyway, it feels good to get that off my chest, I think. Even if you decide you're not interested, I think I can face that kind of answer with my head high. So... go run off, before your sister finds us alone in here and assumes the worst."

"Oh, she wouldn't..." Wait, yeah, she would do something like that. "Alright, fine." With one last mystified shake of my head I turn to the door.

"Ramza," she whispers behind me. "Thank you for listening."

"It's nothing." Who in the world wouldn't listen to someone so serious? "I'm... going to go think now."

When she doesn't answer, I cross the hallway into my own room, mine and Alma's. Once I get there and close the door, I find myself just standing in the narrow space available between the bed and the wall. Standing and staring at nothing.

I've thought about being in love before - who hasn't? - but I see now that I was always figuring it would be me doing the confessing. I'd see some girl and my heart would catch on fire, driving me to do crazy and stupid things until the heat finally escaped from my chest and crossed my lips in the form of a poorly-worded and even more poorly-executed confession. But here Meliadoul was pretty calm when she explained things to me. I don't think I'd be like that if it were me in her place.

So... now what? She's pretty, I guess, and I do enjoy her company. She's a little... loud, but that's not bad, because I'm quiet, and if she were like me we'd never talk. I guess she's a bit of a hothead, but that's just because she's passionate, which isn't really a flaw.

Before I can come to any sort of conclusion, Alma shuffles into the room with her hair wet and smelling of flowers. Her face creases into a frown on me seeing me here. "Oh. You're going to bed this early?"

I gaze at her for a silent moment, then sit and stare at the wall opposite me. "Alma?"

"Hmm?" Cloth rustles as she digs through her belongings.

"Meliadoul just told me she likes me."

The rustling stops, and when I finally glance over at her, her face is blank and the room has grown noticeably colder. "And?"

"And I want to know what you think."

Her brows draw together in a fierce frown. "Why are you asking me this?"

I scowl right back at her. "What do you mean, why? I want your advice."

She frowns down at the muddy dress in her hands, then sighs and sets the thing aside before seating herself next to me on the bed. "Well, I don't know what to tell you. Do you actually like her too?"

I shrug. "I... maybe? I'm not sure." Not as much as she likes me; that much seems certain. But then there really isn't anyone I'm madly in love with.

Alma shakes her head. "Do you think she's going to want to come along with us?" Her voice is quiet now, almost gentle.

"I have no idea. That's thinking a little too far ahead, isn't it?"

"Brother isn't very good at thinking ahead, and needs all the help he can get."

I snort, then stare down at my open hands in the dimness of the closed-up inn room. "I don't know. I think I just need time to think about it."

"Hmph." Alma heaves herself from the bed and strides to the door, but then pauses there. "Keep in mind you don't know how long they're planning to stay in town. You might have to decide sooner than you think."

Once she's gone I sigh and flop back on the bed, nearly hitting my head on the wall. She's probably right about that. I don't like feeling like I'm deciding something of this magnitude based on a whim, but maybe I don't have a choice. Maybe...

Oh, who am I kidding? I don't have the heart to say no and break her heart, not without a very compelling reason. If I had all the time in the world, I'd just waste it and then give her the same answer in the end anyway.

Taking a deep breath, I steel myself, then climb to my feet. Push my way out into the hallway.

Meliadoul is still sitting on her own bed, looking tired and pensive, when I slip back into her room. At my entry, however, she glances up in surprise and a little alarm, then scrambles to her feet. "Ramza?" Her dark eyes scan my face, trying to read me, trying to predict what I'm going to say.

I'll spare her the effort and the suspense. "I'm willing to give it a try."

She freezes at this, then slumps and grins at the floor. "That doesn't sound very enthusiastic."

"Well," I sigh, "I have to be honest: this isn't what I had planned. But I do like you, so I think we should maybe try out... us... as long as you understand that I'll probably want to move slowly."

Meliadoul shuffles forward and rests her forearms on my shoulders, hands behind my head, then waits for me to meet her gaze before continuing. "If you told me you wanted to move quickly," she murmurs, "I'd have punched you as an impostor. So that's fine."

I manage a grin. She's close, close enough to kiss, close enough to make out little freckles on her nose and cheeks. I haven't looked at her, really looked at her as a woman before, but now that I do... she's actually really pretty. Big dark eyes that glitter with reflected light from the hallway, and the cuteness of her pigtails offsets the otherwise bold lines of her jaw and mouth. "I guess you know me pretty well."

Her lips quirk. "Not as well as I'd like to."

"Well, you'll get your chance."

She laughs and ducks her head. "Okay. Anyway, I'm likely to be more affectionate than you're comfortable with, so if that happens you just-"

"Don't worry. I know."

"Okay." Meliadoul falls silent for a moment, smiling at me in the dimness, then leans in to plant a kiss on my cheek. "Thanks for this chance, Ramza," she whispers.

I roll my eyes and lift her arms gently from my shoulders. "You have to stop thanking me for things anyone would do."

"Okay." She grins at me, for all the world like a troublesome child pretending to be obedient. "So, what now? I say it's time for a drink."

"I don't drink, Meliadoul."

"Come on, lighten up." Throwing an arm around my shoulders, she directs me towards the door. "Your self-control is a good thing, but there is such a thing as being too uptight."

I shake my head and let myself be lead to the stairs and down them. Meliadoul seems happy, and in truth I'm in a good mood as well, but I can't shake the feeling that somehow, in some way, I'm doing something wrong.