so this is what it feels like to be heart broken i needed to try to take my mind of missing him and I turned on the radio and came across this song it was Need You Now .
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without.
I just need you now.
Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me it happens all the time.
I just need you now
I just need you now.
Oh, baby, I need you now
I was crying when I heard the lyrics knowing im an idiot to hurting Blaine and im in pain from seeing him with Dave.
I cant belive someone who tormented me in high school was now dating my ex fiance and I want Blaine back but how can I make it up to him to show I still Love him and I blew the best thing that's ever happened to me hes the love of my life.
I had even started seeing a therapist and he said that I have this thing with love when men fight as a way to be connected but Blaine was never like that he wasnt afraid of intimacy but how can Blaine be in a good place about the breakup while im hurting and sad and lonely and crying because I miss him.
Like I said I told Rachel one day when we sat on her bed talking "Maybe I can fix it" and that led to her getting him to meet me at scandals thinking "keep my words straight as an aarow".
Flashback
then he hugged me and I told Blaine " Im here to get you back" I didnt mean to blurt it out in front of him but i had then said I'm first gonna get your forgiveness then im gonna get your heart back" then Blaine said Im seeing someone and its someone you know i felt like I was gonna be sick.
Then I thought " please dont be Sebastain Smythe" then Dave said hi Kurt and then i said Kurofsky and Blaine had to tell how he and karofsky met and told him about me then Dave said he was the big bear and blaine was his little cub then blaine had said about us all hanging out together and i felt the tears forming in my eyes.
Then I said I had to use the restroom so i got off the stool I was sitting on and walked to the bathroom while Blaine watched me knowing he couldnt do anything then i ran in the bathroom and locked the door and stood in the stall and slid down the wall to the floor while crying.
end of flashback
I miss Finn too he was my stepbrother and I'm not over him passing away he looked out for me after we became family when my dad married his mom I feel like the pain I'm going through with Blaine is like right after i found out about Finn all over again .
I mean i have dealt with heartache starting with my mom passing away then with Finn passing away then now with breaking up with Blaine again .
I hope I get the love of my life back I love him so much .
