I thought I'd explore Lily's perspective a little bit, even though originally Catullus wrote this poem about Lesbia.
If anyone's interested, it's thought that 'Lesbia' was in fact a woman called Clodia. A quick google search should give you a bit of background to the (rather tragic) story.
Catullus 85
Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, fortasse requiris?
nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.
Translation
I hate you and I love you. Why do I do this, perhaps you ask?
I don't know, but I feel it happening and it tortures me.
Lily
I hate James Potter. I hate him. I hate every single bit of him. I hate everything from the hem of his stupid robes to his windswept hair, to his gorgeous hazel eyes…
Damn it! Why do I keep doing that? One minute I'm going just fine, and the next, I'm seeing those eyes. Why can't I get him out of my head for just one minute? I don't even like him. I can't like him. He's an up-himself twerp.
Why does he have to be the one guy in this school who gets to me?
OK, so I'm kind of aware of his every move. I mean, he asks me out every 10 seconds!
And I say no.
Every time.
And all the time I just want to grab him and kiss him and forget who I am. Forget that I'm Lily Evans. Forget that he's James Potter. Forget that he's a bullying toerag and just kiss him senseless.
I love him and I hate him. I hate how confident he is, playing with that stupid snitch. I hate his hair, how it's always so messy. And yet I feel this insane desire to run my hand through it.
Lily Evans does not go for guys like James Potter. Lily Evans does not condone dangling people in the air for fun, however windswept their hair is. Lily Evans does not like people who think that every girl would jump at the chance to hook up with him. Even if he has the most amazing eyes she's ever seen. Or the best smile. Or –
STOP!
Pull yourself together Lily Evans. You are better than this.
So I keep myself firmly under control. I flirt with everone else. Fuck it, I even flirt with Severus Snape! Because I have this insane desire to hurt James Potter. To hurt him just the way he's hurting me. By being so damn hot and such a horrible person in every way. Hate and love. That's what I feel. So mixed up, I want to kiss him and hex him into oblivion at the same time.
