TWO

"Don't think yi choosing fae me, mate. Ah'm picking," Fergus said firmly.

"Yep," the Doctor said smartly. "I know."

"Good."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Good," the Doctor agreed cheerfully, picking up the newspaper and greasy wrappers and rolling them into a large ball. "But… If I get this one in, you have to let me give you options."

"No!"

"Spoilsport," the Doctor grumped. He leaned back in his chair, ready to throw the lump of sodden newspaper.

"Alright," Fergus sighed. The Doctor paused.

"What?"

"Alright, yi can give me options," he said wearily. "But that doesnae mean Ah huv tae choose one of them. Ah could choose something different," he said defensively.

"Ok," he said brightly.

"And anyway, yi'll never get that in fae there," he grinned.

"Oh no?" the Doctor said with a sly smile.

He leaned back a little more in his chair, narrowing his eyes at the rubbish bin. He paused, reaching out and picking up the rubber coaster from under the salt and pepper shakers.

"Then watch this," he said proudly.

He tossed the rubber coaster at the swing lid on the bin. Then he bowled his right arm over his shoulder.

The wadded papers arced long and high, during which time the rubber mat had slapped at the swing lid. It whooshed open just as the newspaper landed on the flap. It dipped down and the newspaper ran off and into the bin with a quiet rustle.

"How's that!" the Doctor grinned.

"Yi dirty wee blagger!" Fergus accused, but he grinned. "Where did yi lean to play cricket?"

"On a cricket pitch," he smiled serenely, getting up and clearing the rest of the mess away. He put his hands on the two unwrapped fish suppers and paused.

"Hoe long dae yi think she'll be?" Fergus asked, noticing the way the Time Lord hesitated before casting a guilty look at the bin.

"We'll have to wait and see," he said decisively, turning and lumping everything into the bin.

"Fair enough," Fergus said. He got up and looked around slowly. "Well then, Ah'll be getting back tae work. Ah've a fair few wee things to be getting on with."

"I'll think of some options," the Doctor said with a grin. "Oh! I know!" he crowed suddenly. "How about a Jay Chow concert?" he asked quickly. "We can stop in Taipei for a bit afterwards, go shopping – or no, I know!" he interrupted himself. "Hong Kong! Never been there, have you? Want to see the 1997 hand-over? Or Liverpool play South China FC in the Barclays Asia Trophy? That was only… ooh, 2007? Around July, I think?"

"Skipper!" he interrupted, and the Doctor paused. He watched him, eyes sparkling with mischief, and Fergus let out a huff. "Alright then," he sighed wearily.

"Liverpool?"

"Liverpool?" he echoed, offended. "Awae and bail yi heid wi Liverpool!"

The Doctor grinned, but Fergus made him wait another long few moments.

"Celtic vs. Rangers," he allowed, "the Scottish League cup final, Hampden Park, 1957," and the Doctor slapped his palms together, rubbing them briskly and turning to the door.

"Hampden in the sun it is then! I knew you couldn't resist!" he said smugly, disappearing from the galley.

Fergus watched him walk out, then sighed and wiped his hands over his face.

Then he let them drop and grinned.

-------------------------------------------------

Fergus opened the TARDIS door and peeked out. He pulled his head back in again and looked back at the Time Rotor, finding the Doctor on the opposite side of it.

"This doesnae look like Glasgow, Skipper," he said slowly. He poked his head back out. "Looks more like… some kind of station, likesay."

The Doctor came down the ramp, picking up his brown suit jacket and pulling on a sleeve.

"You sure?" he asked, grasping the door from the younger man and pulling it open to see. He stuck his head out, then stepped out, pulling the jacket on his other arm and buttoning it up quickly. "Hmm," he said curiously, then pushed past Fergus again, walking back into the TARDIS.

"So… are we leaving noe then?" Fergus asked, uncertain.

The Doctor had picked up his coat, hanging it over his arm as he peered at the monitor.

"Not just yet," he said slowly, pre-occupied.

"Yi know, Ah see what yir doing," Fergus said pointedly.

"Hmm? What? What am I doing?" the Doctor asked, looking up at him from across the room.

"Yir blagging this whole thing – again. We played fae the right to pick thi next stop. Ah won, ma oft-regenerated friend, and you lost. So yi got bored, and Ah let yi make suggestions. You didnae want tae go where Ah picked, so yi changed it tae this place and noe yir pretending yi huv no idea how we–"

"Mister Campbell," he said with a definite air of amusement, "come and look at this."

Fergus sighed, then shut the door and walked back up the ramp. He watched the Doctor pull on his long brown coat, pulling the back of the collar to sit straight as he eyed the younger man.

"See that?" the Time Lord asked, gesturing to the monitor with his head. Fergus looked at it, then blinked and looked again. "What's this place called?"

"Glasgow," he said, confused. "But it's not thi real one, it's –"

"I beg to differ, Mister Campbell," he said loudly. "Looked very real to me with my feet out of the door. And what's the date?" he asked.

"1957," he said, confused. He looked at the taller man. "But hoe can we be in Glasgow in 1957?"

"Notin, Mister Campbell," he said, intrigued, "on. Look." He put a hand out and tapped something on the base of the monitor, and the images and information changed.

Fergus stared.

"Yi mean to tell me thi whole bastard planet's called 'Glasgow'?" he asked, alarmed. "Hoe can that be?"

"I have no idea," the Doctor said, then grinned. "We could go and find out, though," he said brightly. "Yes? Little walk, little spy, little Q&A, little fact-finding, little digging, little needling, little fun, then a little shop for a little hot dog, or a–"

"Alright!" Fergus interrupted quickly. The Doctor didn't appear to notice.

"You'll have to get a jacket, it's nippy out there," he said wisely, heading back for the doors.

Fergus stared at the monitor again, then watched the Time Lord bounce on down to the doors.

"Ah'll no be needing a jacket," he scoffed, walking after him, "Ah'm no a complete Jessie like someone Ah know."

"Suit yourself," the Doctor said with a wide smile. They stepped out of the TARDIS and looked around. Fergus shivered.

"Tis nippy, you wir right," he allowed. Then he looked up at the Doctor. "Wait here, then. And don't yi dare sae 'I told you so'," he warned.

The Doctor simply raised his hand and saluted, a grim look on his face, as Fergus headed back inside the TARDIS to fetch his coat.

A moment later and he was back.

They looked left, finding a long, dark corridor stretching out. They turned to the right simultaneously, looking down the same corridor.

"Er… it's all looking a bit space-station-ish," the Doctor said hesitantly, and Fergus turned and looked at him.

"So we're no on Glasgow after all."

"Well, we could be. This could be a station on the surface," he allowed dubiously, looking slightly down at Fergus. "Maybe."

"Let's go find oot," he said grimly, walking off past the Doctor.

The Time Lord looked back at the TARDIS door, putting a hand out and testing to make sure it was locked. Then he turned and followed Fergus to walk down the corridor.

"Here, look," the Doctor said suddenly, and Fergus stopped to look back. "A window. Ah – oh."

He walked over and looked at the dirty port-hole through which the Doctor was attempting to squint.

"Let me," he said, pushing in front and lifting his sleeve, rubbing the dust from the inside of the pane. They looked out.

"Oh," the Doctor said abruptly, but Fergus couldn't take his eyes from the window.

"What?" he managed, still staring.

It was a planet, a huge blue-green ball, hanging not so far from them that they couldn't watch tiny shuttles heading to and from the surface. They appeared to be passing directly underneath their feet, and Fergus felt the Doctor's hand on his shoulder suddenly.

"This is a perimeter defence station," he said darkly. "And that," he said, lifting his other hand and tapping a finger against the glass of the port-hole, "is Krimmanhell," he said curiously.

"Krimmanhell?" Fergus prompted. "Sounds like a swear word."

"And so it should," the Time Lord said heavily.

Fergus looked at him. The Doctor was looking out of the window, his large eyes gazing but apparently seeing nothing.

"Imagine the largest, most convoluted, unworkable group of disorganised planets in the entire universe. Then take a handful of useful ores and minerals and scatter them about those planets, and then give them all big guns. The result is the Krimmanhellanian Dominion of Solidarity and Unity."

"Them?" Fergus asked, looking back out of the port-hole.

"Them," the Doctor nodded. "Fifteen planets clustered around what you humans call Gliese 876, all short-sighted, greedy bureaucrats, and all in need of everything that every other planet has."

"Bloody hell," Fergus nodded. "So… Can we leave noe?"

"It doesn't explain why the TARDIS didn't tell us Krimmanhell was so close to us and that other ball," he said, squinting to one side through the window, "which… I believe… is Glasgow."

"Where?" Fergus asked eagerly, looking out again, shifting round to his left to see further along to the right. He stared. "It's so… big," he said quietly.

The Doctor patted his shoulder reassuringly.

"It is. But I didn't know the Krimmanhellanian Dominion of Solidarity and Unity had a Glasgow," he said thoughtfully. "Still, been wrong before," he allowed gingerly. "And it doesn't explain what those are."

Fergus looked out and saw the small shuttles moving underneath them and toward the large planet filling the window.

"Aye, and it also doesnae explain what wir still doing here," he said. "You said Celtic vs. Rangers."

"I know, Mister Campbell, don't worry. But that match will still be waiting for us when we're done here," he said, still sounding slightly puzzled.

"Of course," Fergus bit out.

"They must be coming from here," the Doctor said quietly, then looked around behind them. "They're being taken from here to the surface… But why?" he asked, letting go of Fergus's shoulder and turning away.

"Skipper!" he said quickly, following the Doctor down the corridor. "If there's all men and no birds, Ah'm coming straight back here."

"Quite right," the Doctor said, no intention of stopping.

Fergus smiled and followed more quickly.