I do not own MIOBI nor its characters
I blame Christina Perri for this, her song The Lonely is the most heartbreaking…
THE LONELY
The loneliness will stay with me and hold me till I fall asleep
He said he would leave her, leave her and never look back. But it didn't stop him from watching her. Every meet she went to, every competition she won. He saw it all and could not be prouder. That's his girl, standing on the highest platform, excepting gold. It's where she belongs, what she was born to become; a champion. But the night she fell apart in front of him is a sight that haunts his dreams still, but it was the right thing to do, right? The only thing he could do to make sure she would achieve her dreams. So he chooses to ignore the hollow eyes he sees on his televisions screen when the cameraman zooms in on her beautiful face. He chooses to ignore the fake smile she puts on for the media. He is willing to ignore everything if that's what it takes to get her those Olympic titles. He sighs and turns of the television, why is he torturing himself with images of her? His nightmares give him enough pictures to last a lifetime.
The days are long now that he has no real purpose anymore. He doesn't have to get up at the crack of dawn to open the gym for the one willing gymnast who wants to start practice when she should be asleep still. She would wait for him like a little energetic bundle, impatient to be let in. He often remembers the day he first came to the Rock. The bickering parents couldn't have made him stay, they could have offered him all the money in the world and he would have easily refused. There had been but one person in that gym who could have made him stay and true to her character she had stepped forward and begged him to stay. The surprised look on her face when he recognized her still brings a smile to his face. She was so hopeful and dedicated for the sport, just like he. From the beginning she had been his equal, maybe even his only true friend. He could always rely on her and she was the only one who could calm him down in times of frustration or anger. But that all doesn't matter, he is wrong for her, so wrong. Not only because of their professional relationship. If that was all he was but all to willing to risk everything. No, there is so much more she doesn't know about him, what would probably scare her away from him anyway. His past to messed up for her to understand. She is better of without him, that is the only thing he knows for sure.
What he doesn't want to see is how she is suffering from his absence. Now that he has left she feels hollow and so lonely. After her injury it was him who brought her back to gymnastics, gave her back her love for the sport. He made her get up in the morning and do all those crazy things he came up with. He inspired her, but now that is gone. The others moved on quickly after the news was announced and a new coach was soon found, who wouldn't want to coach the best gymnasts in the country?
She's lays awake at night, remembering every moment she had with him. She tries to remember his voice, the sparkle in his eyes whenever he really smiled, not the smile he gave the media or the parents, but the smile he saved just for her. She didn't think he realized he did it, but she loved him for it nevertheless. Those memories are fading though and the tapes she has of him don't do him justice. If she had known he would leave that night she would never have said a word. Would have kept her mouth shut and her heart closed, but it is too late for that now, and she can't help but blame herself for it. The others never said a word, but the look on their faces were enough to let things unsaid. The first few days after his departure Lauren, Kaylie and Emily stayed with her through all of practice, drove her home and made sure she kept eating between practices, but after a while that stopped. They had to think about their own futures and she was happy for it. She couldn't help but think they'd never understand, and sometimes even she didn't understand herself. Why was he causing her so much pain. It was not like her to fall in love, that was for Kaylie, maybe even for Lauren, but not her. Not Payson Keeler, the gymnast solemnly focused on gymnastics. Why did it hurt so much than that he left, without saying goodbye?
In the end she stopped questioning herself. Why bother really, she wouldn't get the answers she needed and wanted anyway. Her only rock became gymnastics again, like the old days. There was no more need for friends, no more need for any distraction what so ever. She would achieve her dreams, with or without him, in the end only the golden discs around her neck would matter. So she trained harder than ever, coming in early and staying late every night and at every competition she was the star. The media loved her dedication, her drive. Nobody dared to question about him, knowing they wouldn't get an answer anyway. She knows that when he left, everybody thought the Rock would crumble without him as the centre, but they all proved them wrong, she proved them wrong. She fools them all with her fake smile, her polite answers, but the only one she can't fool is herself. She knows it's just a façade, she knows it's nothing more than yet another title. They used to mean the world to her, but now they don't mean a thing. He took that from her, and she has absolutely no idea of how to get it back. She had pondered with the idea to go and search for him, but that wouldn't change a thing. He left, and he did it for a reason.
In a few days there will be yet another competition and she's not looking forward to it as she should. Frustrated she falls down on her bed, she will always love the competition, the adrenalin it gives her, but the win is empty without the right coach next to you. She never thought that would mean so much to her, and with Marty it hadn't, but when you meet someone with the same passion, the same drive, than it means so much more. Will she ever get that feeling back? She hates him for it, and wishes that feeling would make her forget how much she wants him back. To see him standing at the sidelines, watching her every move, making sure nothing bad will happen to her. She curls into her blanket, wanting sleep to silence her thoughts, but the night will be long again, for it will be hours before exhaustion drags her into a peaceful unconsciousness.
The day of the national championships has arrived. The competition where it all began, a year ago now. The moment her life changed and his feeling awakened. He couldn't loose her and had done everything to bring her back to where she started. He realized too late what he had done to their relationship. He was the one to cross the line, to make her comfortable around him, allowing a friendship to develop. She only did what he hadn't dared. And when he closes his eyes he can still feel her lips on his. He slowly walks through the entranceway of the arena, still not knowing what he was thinking when he bought a ticket for the competition. He wishes he could think of a legitimate reason for is presence, like wanting to know how his former gymnasts or performing, but he can't. His only reason is the one reason he shouldn't have. But he can't really care. He needs to she her with his own eyes, see if those dead eyes are just imagination, hoping they are his imagination. Making sure he is well sheltered by the shadows of the arena he waits for the competition to start, nobody needs to know he is watching.
In a few minutes they have to walk into the arena. Standing in the dark hallway everybody is preparing to perform the best they have.
'Payson, are you ready?' Her coach asks. She simply nods and shakes out her muscles. Today will be the end of a chapter. Today she will say goodbye to him and all the feelings that belong with it. Before her the Rock team starts walking and within seconds she is blinded by the lights and deafened by the cheering. She puts on her media smile and follows her team mates. The commentators are introducing them, telling a short story with the most promising athletes. She has heard it all before.
'And of course we have Payson Keeler, can you believe it's only been a year since she broke her back. This must mean a lot to her, coming back to the competition that almost ruined her career. I can't wait to see what she has in store for us, but I've been told we're in for a big treat.'
She can't help but smile. How well everybody avoids mentioning him, like they are afraid to upset anybody, upset her. She looks around the arena, the stands are packed and full of posters and flags. She spots her parents easily and gives them a reassuring smile. After today she will be their carefree daughter again, or she will at least try to be.
'Payson, you're up in five minutes.' She hears Kaylie tell her. This is it, this is were it all began, on the uneven bars, and this is where all will end. She stretches her muscles once more and walks over towards the chalkbin, moistening her grips with the water spray. It is than that she feels his eyes on her. His gaze penetrating her soul. Quickly she turns around, searching the stands for the one person she's looking for. The crowd is cheering her on to start her routine, her breathtaking, dangerous and difficult routine, but she only sees one face which has her frozen on the spot.
'Sasha.' She whispers.
A/N Insomnia does this to me, please do not hold it against me... it's like 3:00am now. I'm surprised I'm even able to write English. Anyway, I don't know why I'm writing so depressive, but it will get better I promise. I think it will be a few more chapters. Anyhow, if you want to review, thank you :) and thanks to explamation points forever Perko and SunStar123 for the comments!
