I've seen your face in another light

First their love had been easy.
It had started when they were younger, nothing more than children.
Innocent, they had been so innocent, the three of them.
Lukas remembered how they sat there at the lake, watched the little waves that were created by the wind, how they listened to the rustling of the leafs, how they had searched for symbols in the clouds that flew there on the light blue sky.

And in the night they had watched the stars. They had been three friends and they had been the happiest persons the world had ever seen.
He remembered that, when it turned colder in autumn, they would sleep close to each other, he, as the smallest of them, in their middle. It was so vivid in his mind:
Their warm skin, their scent – both of them smelled like pure nature but Mathias was the wind and Berwald was the sea. He remembered everything. He remembered how their brotherly love to each other became rivalry – and when he had realised that it was because of him, it had already been too late.
Rivalry brought conflicts over them but this was also something no one had seen – hadn't it looked so natural? Hadn't it been natural? He had been used to the subjects of their conflicts: Who was the eldest, who was the strongest. It seemed childish and he'd just slap the both of them like he always did – he had been stronger them the both of them - and hoped it would end one day. But it increased.
One night he had sat at their bonfire – the day had been exhausting but he hadn't been able to get to sleep. The days when they cuddled together for warmth and slept in each other's arms were long gone. Gone was the childish love that bound them together. Berwald had decided to continue his raid eastwards – they had argued over it for hours because Mathias wanted to sail and attack the English or maybe the Frenchs – he wasn't the wind anymore but a spark that'd turn into a fire, a fire stronger than everything. A fire – out of control.
They had fight also and he had spent the evening's hours with fixing them up. Such a stupid thing. He still hadn't get why they became mad so often and he had been so angry. But all he had done was to sit there and to stare into the fire. Berwald had fallen asleep hours ago – and he just knew that Mathias was quiet so he assumed him to sleep too. But it wasn't like that. He had been cold, indeed, but he hadn't accept the arms that wrapped themselves around his waist from behind. Warm arms – the bodyheat of their owner radiated even through the blankets. "Hey, Norge.", a voice that couldn't whisper, a very light accent and the nearly teasing tickling of blond and spiky hair on his neck. "Danmark.", he whispered and supressed the urge to push him away, he didn't find this comfortable, did he? Yet he was so warm…"Let go, Dane.", he said, a little louder now. "But why, Nor?", somehow he sounded hurt. "I like to hold you like this. I can't do it when Sve is around.", Mathias added as he nuzzled his neck. Lukas didn't say another thing, he just rolled his amethyst eyes that gleamed lightly in the warm light and allowed him to hold him for some seconds before he simply shook him off. "I said let go, didn't I?", he asked him with a softly sharp tone as he saw the disappointed look on his face. "But…Nor." "No 'Buts'.", he blocked him as he stood up and walked a bit away to his sleeping place. He hadn't known that this had hurt the soul of his eldest friend so much - and that it would become one of the reasons of his later suffering.

Why did you have to go and let it die?

The next day begun with a cold and quiet morning and while the pale sun of the fading autumn had risen, Lukas' eyes had slowly opened. The boy had blinked a couple of times, slowly realising that there was some extra weight around him. He moved his head a bit to the side just to see that the arms that were wrapped around his back and waist belonged to a certain young dane. Lukas rolled his violet eyes as he tried to free himself from the forced hug of the – still sleeping – Mathias without waking him up. Mainly he did so because he did not want to disturb him but a part of him – a part that simply knew how fucking annoying the eldest of them was – just wished for a little more silence. After a few trys he finally managed to escape and stood up to look around. The other two still slept – Mathias had yawned a bit and rolled himself to the other side – he simply looked like a child while sleeping – and Berwald looked, well, kinda dead or like he was just a very old man. The usual quiet boy could not surpress a grin as he turned around to walk into the forest.
He needed to search for some medical herbs...the fight from yesterday had left marks and wounds on their skins and they needed those herbs in their bandages to quicken the healing process. To this time his thoughts had still been clean and so very free from all the worries. Lukas was still their leader, he was strong, he was proud, he wasn't all too dumb – in contrary he had a whole lot of knowledge and maybe, just maybe, he was a bit arrogant.
The grin had turned into a small smile as he closed his eyes and breathed in. The air was cold and it would become even colder in the coming days and weeks...This was what they called 'the first breath of winter'. And he knew quite well what that meant. They had to go back to one of their villages with their houses of stone, they had to hunt – hunt a whole lot before the deers left their forests. How else could the three of them stay strong and healthy? A few years ago they had nearly died because their time plan had not worked out. Lukas did not like to remember those winter. It had been more than awful. It had been the first moment he had felt how it was to become weak.
He opened his lavender blue eyes again, tilting his head into his neck. The sun had risen up and lightened the sky that shone in the colors of the rainbows.
And while he just stood like that, he did not know how long he had been gone from their fireplace right now, he was hit by the picture of oceanblue eyes – eyes that held a green shine. They belonged to the Swede and he just did not find an answer why those eyes flashed in his mind so often in the last weeks. Surely he felt connected – to the both of them and to Berwald in a special way. He could sit there in silence with the tall blonde for hours, barley exchanging words. But if they talked about the norse sagas Berwald nearly talked all the time and his voice was just...he did not know – maybe stunning was the right word? Anyways, he could listen to him for hours. The Norwegian just couldn't think about any reason why this bond should be stronger or why those thoughts of the other one should be something special.
But he felt that something was different.
They were about to hit puberty, the three of them.

It took a while for him to tear his gaze away from this beautiful sky – more than it costed him to find the herbs in between the fallen leafs. A soft wind moved them, forced them to fall from the trees. They were colored in a warm orange, a firing red and a deep brown. Whoever had said that the autumn was grey was dumb, ignorant or a liar. The herbs – still green like jade stones – nearly shone through the undergrowth – and he just had to bend himself down a little bit. A curved dagger laid in his right hand and when he was just about to cut a few of the plants he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder. It make him turn around in the speed of a shadow and in a second his dragger rested against the throat of the male that had stood behind him. All of his muscles were tensed and his eyes nearly gleamed, not in fear but in anger as he brought them up to look in a calm face with a questioning gaze. Berwald did not seem all surprised that Lukas was strained like that – he surely had shocked him a bit but it had been the only way to get his attention. Nearly immediately the Norwegian took a deep breath in but still there was a spark of annoyance on his features. "Ber. What are you doing here?", he asked in a calm voice that did not hide that he wasn't happy about the disturbance. "I thought you wanted to be gone when the sun rises.", he added as he slowly let the dragger sunk again and put it back into his pocket. "Mhm'", came the answer of the Swede. "Mat' 's k'nda worr'ed because ya w're gone." Lukas cocked his head to the side and scanned the older one a bit. "I just needed to collect some herbs.", he said and suddenly he felt reliefed that Berwald hadn't seen how close the damned Dane had slept by him – and this feeling confused him even more. But the Norwegian was able to control himself nearly perfectly after all. Lukas turned to the side and looked over his shoulder into the nearly stoic face of his companion. "You should take a few of them with you too. For your wounds.", he said and gave its best to sound like he did not care if he took them or not while he begun to walk back to their bonfire place. "Tak.", he heard behind him. "S'rry for sh'cking ya." The violet-blue eyes of the Norwegian narrowed. "You did not shock me.", he denied. "I d'd.", Berwald repeated but kept quiet as Lukas didn't answer but simply shook his head, causing strands of his light blonde hair to fall into his face. The expression of Berwald's face didn't change but as Lukas threw another look at the older one he believed that there was a small difference around his lips – was he smiling? For a moment he did not know if he should be angry or happy about it. In the past weeks Berwald had nearly never smiled. It was a rare occasion that this happened. And somehow he was feeling glad to see this 'smile' one last time before the three would split up."Why w'n't ya c'me w'th me?", he suddenly heard this deep soft voice behind him. "Hm?", Lukas turned his face to the Swede and saw that the smile had disappeared again. He knew well enough that Berwald would not repeat himself and also he was fully aware of the question. "I just don't want to walk eastwards – I have heard a few things about that guy called Nowgorod. I belong to the sea, even more than you and Mat." Yes, the Norwegian just craved to sail into the north and westwards to explore and conquer the lands he would find there. The north was mysterious and wide...just like Lukas himself was. "Underst'od.", there was no disappoint or hurt on his face or Lukas just did not see it. Maybe he did not want to see it. And maybe the thing with Nowgorod was just another lie...A spark of what could have been regret filled the violet shimmering eyes of the youngest of them as his hand around the herbs formed a wrist and he looked to the sky. "We'll see us again. Ya know that.", he told him with a nearly soft and warm voice. Yes. They would not lose each other. The tree of them belonged together. They were brothers though they weren't from the same blood, they were friends and their love was strong, right? Nothing would change just because he would travel with Mathias and would leave Berwald alone. They would surely be the same when they were going to meet again.
"It w'n't be the s'me." Had Berwald really whispered those words? Lukas could not remember. It could be the truth...it could be an illusion of his regret. No. It would not be the same. It could not be the same.
They would change. And their love would change. It already did. It changed. It wasn't the love of brothers. It was not innocent anymore. Not pure like the snow. They weren't kids anymore and in their time apart they would grow. It would change them, those coming times like the times now changed them. All of them. Their hierachy had never been very strict...All of them counted the same. But this would also fade away.
Not an hour later the three stood at their bonfire place and said goodbye.
It was a fading memory. Had there been tears in his eyes? In the eyes of the strongest of vikings?