The sun was absolutely fucking pissed off at this development. Wanna know why? It's because Akhenaten was its offspring, and now the Sun had no descendant. It had to wait for another 500 million years before a red dwarf was to be impregnated by Sol's GIGANTIC FUCKING DICKS.

The yellow piece of fuck threw a tantrum so big that a thousand coronal mass ejections were threwn all around the Solar System.

It then swore revenge on Jaune Arc, the king of a million brides. The revenge was going to be executed like this: It bundled up all of its cocks into a single one and then it would shoot one gigantic fucking cum-shot at Remnant. Even if it missed, the gravity of the glob of semen would destabilize the orbit anyway, ensuring that everyone freezes/burns.

The sun then proceeded to do it. The sperm bundle was so big it could be seen from a neighboring star. Jaune knew he couldn't do anything; The powers of a sex god can only do so much.

Only one thing was left: He was to sacrifice fifty thousand children to BARON SAMEDI, the voodoo god of death.

And then Jaune realized halfway through the process that killing 50,000 children is really unethical. This destabilized the ritual, resulting in TCHERNOBOG, the Slavic god of death being summoned.
"Well, shit," Jaune said, and then every single person in a 500000 mile radius turned into Uppyr, half-sentient zombie servants of KOSCHEI, the Deathless Tsar.

However, just as the glob of spermatozoids was about to hit Remnant, 50000000000000000 piscinoids, deep ones and kaiju jumped out from the seas and punted the blob back to the Sun, killing it. However, due to the sun no longer existing, Remnant started to slowly freeze to death.

This was not acceptable. Every single god agreed too, and SANTA MUERTE, some Mexican death god idk lol SUMMONED THE SUN BACK TO EXISTENCE. HOWEVER THIS SUN WAS NORMAL AND DID NOT GENERATE HUGE FUCKING DICKS.

And then the entire multiversal Wehrmacht invaded Remnant Wolfenstein-style. They used flying disks, landkreuzers, despoiler bombs, mules, sacrifices, that which observes, the entire Sumerian pantheon, The Tall Thin Dry Ones etc.

And then every single Jaune in the multiverse felt this overwhelming need to combine. They did so and the Omni-Jaune appeared, a being of pure energy and power.

After 98880807097099080980 years of deadlocked combat, The Omni-Jaune succeeded. He continued to rule the multiverse to this day with a benevolent fist, until something… odd happened.

To be continued