#2 The Multitudinous, Ubiquitously Legitimate, and Not Inconsequential Reasons Why Turkey Hates Cats
Summary: Turkey hates cats. This is why.
Genre: Humor
Rating: T
Warnings: Implied sexual situations, explicit language
Word Count: 758
Reason #4: They judge you with their beady little eyes
So they'd fought. So what. They did it all the time. Turkey was aware that this wasn't the way a normal, healthy relationship was supposed to be, but when they'd first gotten into this thing, he had already known it'd be anything but normal and healthy.
Now he was at Egypt's home, cooling off. No, he hadn't run away. Turkey was brave, strong and noble, and he'd never run away like a wuss. He'd merely decided to be the bigger of the two and leave before they went back to using fists and teeth. And not in the pleasurable way either.
So. It was established: Turkey did not run away.
The fatass cat currently glaring at him seemed to disagree. It lounged on a sofa across from him, and hadn't stopped staring at him in an extremely disapproving way since he'd gotten there.
"What are ya lookin' at?" Turkey snapped.
The cat glared.
"I didn't run away. And it wasn't my fault in the first place, anyway."
The cat glared.
"It wasn't! It was totally his fault. Can you believe he wants to tell people about us? Fucking stupid idea."
The cat glared.
"Shuddup! I wasn't being unreasonable. I'm not ashamed of him or anything, I just don't want the fuss."
Glare.
"Greece is a big boy, he'll suck it up."
Glare.
"Shit. You really think he's upset?"
Glare.
"Goddammit." Turkey got up. He was going to go buy Greece some flowers and apologize.
Stupid cat.
Reason #12: They have no tact
Turkey cracked open an eye and froze.
He wasn't in his bed. Greece was lying asleep next to him, curled around his side. Shit.
ShitshitshitshitSHIT.
He hadn't meant to fall asleep, and now it was morning and he was naked and anyone could burst through the bedroom door at any goddamn moment!
Turkey carefully extricated himself from Greece and tiptoed to the door. None of his clothes was in the room; they'd all been tossed haphazardly around the house last night. He turned the doorknob and slipped out. The hallway was empty. All he had to do was cross the living room, past the kitchen, and he'd be free. He'd come back for his clothes later; no one would recognize him from them anyway.
Then he heard it. Voices. In the kitchen. He moved stealthily into the living room, pressing himself to the wall next to the open kitchen door. Egypt was chatting with Hungary inside. He would have to race across the open doorway without their noticing. Naked. No problem.
He glided silently past. No one noticed. Hell yeah, he's good!
Turkey snuck towards the backdoor. He was so close. He was gonna make it!
"Meow!"
Turkey froze.
"Meow!"
A cat bounded up to him, rubbing itself against his leg. He tried kicking it, but it skipped out of the way and meowed again. Loudly.
"What's wrong, kit— Sadiq!"
Turkey turned around to see Egypt blushing furiously and Hungary squealing. She'd somehow pulled a camera out of thin air.
The cat purred. Stupid cat.
Reason #27: They shed everywhere
Turkey woke up in Greece's bed. This was becoming a routine. Greece was still asleep, which meant it was time to leave. It wasn't that they were still a secret, but if he waited for Greece to wake up, the man would probably want him to stay over and—God forbid—talk. He got up quietly and started picking up his clothes, dressing as he went along. Shirt, boxers, pants, socks. Now to find his jacket.
He walked into the living room and saw them.
Cats. A dozen of them, all lying on top of his coat on the floor. His eye twitched.
"Get off'er there!" He kicked at them, and the cats meowed and hissed as they jumped out of the way. They glared at him disapprovingly, seemed to "hmph" in contempt and proudly strolled away.
Turkey picked up the remnants of his poor jacket. It wasn't scratched up, but it was covered in a thick layer of fur. Gross. Now what should he do?
"Sadiq?" A bleary-eyed Greece walked into the room, cuddling a cat. He found Sadiq pouting morosely at his fur-covered jacket and couldn't help but chuckle. Turkey glared at him. The cat glared back.
"I have some tape. You can use that to get it off." Greece started walking away, then: "Oh, and I'll put on some coffee. You like eggs?"
Looked like Turkey was staying over after all. Stupid cats.
/end
