His hands pressed firmly against her shoulders, forcing space between them. He swallowed hard as her blue eyes stared wide into his. "Vic," he began, his throat immediately drying out again. "I…"
"What?" She blinked, stammering a bit, "Oh, I know…I'm sorry. You're right. Maybe it is too soon to talk about moving in already. I'm just happy to know we can get back to being a family…like we were. We can pick up where we left off. We were in such a good place, Billy. The kids were so happy and I really felt like we were getting to a point where we were starting to rebuild some of the trust we'd lost. We can get all that back now."
"How long has she been gone?" Billy ran his hand over his face, his mind reeling as he tried to put together the fractured pieces of the night. How was it possible that everything had fallen apart in the span of a few minutes?
"Who? Phyllis?" Victoria shrugged, "I don't know…fifteen, twenty minutes maybe?" She shook her head, reaching for him again. "But it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is getting our family back and we can do that now…starting right here…right now…right this second."
"Vic, I…."
"We need to talk about what we're gonna tell the kids," she said quickly, the smile never leaving her face. "We might want to wait before we tell them anything about you coming home. I mean, we just don't want to build up their hopes too high just yet." A trace of regret spread across her face and she quickly spoke to correct herself, "Not that I don't believe it's going to happen because it is…it will this time. I know it. I just want to make absolutely sure before we tell the kids. I don't want to disappoint them…not anymore." She took a deep breath, looking up at him. "They're gonna be so excited, Billy."
"Vic—We need to talk about this. I think you're…."
"Maybe we could take a trip…something simple…just for the weekend or something…we could go to the beach or the lake or maybe just to an amusement park. It would be nice to get away and it would be a good way to get the kids away so that we could have some interrupted time to talk and answer their questions and explain things and…"
"Vic!" His voice rang out louder than he intended and he immediately glanced up towards the stairwell, his eyes closing for a moment, hoping against hope he hadn't disturbed the children sleeping upstairs. "You've got to stop talking. I need to say something."
"Oh," she breathed, a slightly shocked expression on her face. She looked away. "You're right. I'm sorry. I haven't really given you a chance to say much of anything, have I? I've just been going on and on…Please…go ahead."
"It's just.." He sighed. "Vic, you know I don't want to hurt you. That's never been my intention and I've gone out of my way to try and make sure I was doing everything I could to be here for you and the kids, but I think maybe that was my mistake. I think maybe I've been given you the wrong impression."
"The wrong impression?" She laughed nervously as she ran her hand through her hair. "You've been here for your children. You've been a loving and attentive father. That's the only impression I have of what's been going on. Is that wrong?"
"No. It's just…You said Phyllis told you that she was done, that she wasn't going to make me choose between being with her and being with my children."
"Yeah, that's what she said Billy." She stood up, clenching her fists as she paced across the room. "She wasn't exactly thrilled that you were here tonight…that much was obvious and I don't think she likes feeling like she's not at the top of your list. Phyllis is never going to be happy playing second fiddle to anyone. That's just the fact and as long as you're spending time with Johnny and Katherine that's time you're not spending with her and…"
"But see it isn't. That's just for right now. Phyllis and I are together and eventually Johnny and Katherine will be spending time with both of us…together." Billy stood, walking and standing in front of her, his eyes staring into hers. "You get that right?"
"According to Phyllis, you are no longer an 'us'. She said she's done. She told me not to send you home to her. She said you could stay here with your family. She said this was where you belonged, Billy."
"I will always be here for Johnny and Katie. I'm their father and that will never change, but this isn't my home, Vic. This isn't where I belong and if Phyllis thinks it is, well she's wrong about that." Billy walked towards the door.
"Billy." Victoria walked quickly behind him, reaching out and grabbing his arm. "I'm telling you exactly what she said. She told me she was done…she was finished. She wants you to be here. What part of that do you not get?"
He sighed, shaking his head. "I don't have time to stand here and try to convince you," he said softly, "I've got someone much more important to talk to."
Phyllis walked back to the couch, placing the paper box on the coffee table in front of her. She held the lid in one hand as her eyes roved over the contents in side. It wasn't much, just the remnants left behind from a few overnights—toiletries, an undershirt, a t-shirt, a ratty pair of jeans, and the watch she'd found shoved into the couch cushions. In reality he might not even miss them if she'd tossed them all, but she'd never be able to simple discard them and keeping them seemed like a exercise torture too masochistic even for her standards.
She let the lid hover over the top for a moment, feeling as if the placing of the lid was somewhat symbolic—as if somehow it meant she was truly finished—it was really over—she was honestly moving on. The knock on the door startled her and the lid rattled to the floor. She lifted her foot, stepping over it and walking quickly over the door.
"Who is it?" she asked, her voice somewhat shaky as she glanced at the time.
"It's me, Phyllis."
"Damn it." She put her hand over her mouth, closing her eyes tight when she realized the words had actually been audible. "Just go, Billy, please."
"Phyllis, please let me in. I know you're upset and you have every right to be, but I really need to talk to you."
"I don't want to talk. I said everything I needed to say already. Didn't Victoria tell you?" She could feel the tears already building up behind her eyes. One look at him and every ounce of her self control would be gone. She'd never be able to say the words she'd said earlier while looking into those eyes. Those eyes could break her in a way nothing else could.
"She told me you came by and she told me what you said," Billy said softly, "but I need to hear from you. I need to see your eyes when you say it, Phyllis."
She found her eyes close even as he said the words, as if somehow he might be able to tell what she was thinking and feeling even through the closed door. "I've made up my mind, Billy. There's nothing you can do or say to change that."
"Maybe not, but there's some things I have to say. Phyllis, please. Just open the door…let me say what I need to say. Otherwise, I'm going to have to sleep all night out here by your door until you come out." He pressed his ear to the door, hoping to hear some semblance of a laugh. Instead, he heard the movement of a lock.
"Five minutes," she said, quickly turning her back to him as he walked in behind her. She gestured to the box. "I was going to bring this to Jabot tomorrow, but since you're here, you can go ahead and take it with you when you leave."
"If I leave…"
She turned, her eyes looking into his for the first time. "Billy….Let's not do this. We both know this is the best thing for both of us."
His eyes softened as he looked at her. "Why would you say that? What would even make you think that?"
She shook her head. "Because it's true. Victoria wants you back. It's a fact."
"And so what? Victoria gets everything Victoria wants? And I have no say in the matter? Who decided that?"
"That's not what I'm saying, Billy, but you have children with her and she'll use that to keep you tied to her and you'll always feel like you're choosing and it's not fair. It's not fair to them. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to me. I don't want to always feel like I'm keeping you away from your children and I certainly don't want your children to grow up and eventually realize that I'm the person that keeps you from spending all your time with them."
"That's not going to happen." He reached for her, sighing as she pulled away.
"Don't," she breathed, her voice breaking at the idea of it. "Please don't touch me."
"Phyllis. This isn't what you want. I can see it in your eyes. You don't want me to go."
"You're right. It isn't what I want and in a perfect world it wouldn't be the way it has to be, but if we keep going this way you're going to end up having to create a life with me that's separate from the life you have with your children and eventually you're going to grow to resent that, which will eventually mean you'll grow to resent me."
He shook his head. "You know what this sounds like? This sounds like my mother. Have you been talking to her?"
Phyllis sighed. "No. No I haven't, but you know what…maybe Jill wasn't all wrong about everything. I mean, she went about it in the wrong way, but maybe she was right about us. Maybe it never would have worked. Maybe it never could have worked."
"Alright…you've got to stop this. I need you to sit down here and listen to me." Billy reached for her hand, pulling her down on the couch to sit down next to him.
"Billy, we can talk about this all night and the end result is still the same because the facts don't change. I don't want to be with someone who can't give me their all and you can't because a part of you will always be with your children and your family…." He opened his mouth to speak, but she stopped him, raising her hand and continuing, "And I'm not saying that's wrong…it's not…You should be with your children. They're important to you. They love you and you love them and that's not the problem. The problem is I can't be part of that with you."
"Yes you can."
"No. Victoria has seen to that. She's created this choice and right or wrong it's the way it is and I'm not going to be the one to make you choose. I don't want to be that person and I won't be."
Billy shook his head. "Would you listen to me? My God you are stubborn." He reached for her, taking her face in his hands and staring into her eyes. "Don't you get it? You aren't that person. You aren't the one that's making me choose and I'm so sorry if I didn't realize it sooner or if I made you feel like I didn't value this or you or…" He paused, the words becoming jumbled in his brain.
"Listen. I can't control what Victoria wants, but I can control what I want and what I want is a life with you and that life will include my children. You're absolutely right—my family is incredibly important to me, but you're a part of that too. I told Victoria tonight that the kids would be spending time with us together and I meant it. I have no intention of having two separate lives. The only life I want is the one I share with you and my children."
"What if Victoria gets angry though? If she tries to alter your custody or…"
"I don't think she would, but if she did, we fight her. You and me together…there's no fight in the world we couldn't win." He reached out, softly wiping away an errant tear that escaped.
"You're sure about this?" There was still a glimmer of doubt in her eyes when she looked at him.
Billy smiled as he reached into his jacket pocket. "I thought you might be the type that needed a little something tangible to help you make the decision, so I made a quick stop on my way over."
There was fear in her eyes as she watched him. "Oh God, Billy…what did you do?"
He laughed a bit as he read her mind. "No…not that. I mean, one day….absolutely, but not now…not yet." The smile spread across his face as he saw the relieved look in her eyes. He pulled out an envelope and handed it to her. "Open it," he said softly.
"Chicago?" she grinned.
"Yeah," he said, with a smile, "Four tickets to Chicago. I figured we'd go down for a long weekend—you and me and Katie and Johnny. We can go to the aquarium, Lincoln Park Zoo, Navy Pier, Millennium Park…there's tons of stuff the kids will love it." He paused, smiling as he saw the smile on her face. "And it will give them a chance to spend some time with us…to get used to us together..to get used to us as a family."
Phyllis shook her head as she stared at him. "I'm not sure what to say to that," she whispered. "Victoria is going to be furious."
He pressed his fingertips to her lips. "Shh…Don't worry about Victoria. We can't control her or what she thinks or feels. If she wants to be bitter and angry, that's her prerogative. I choose to be here. I choose to be with you. I choose to be happy. What about you?"
She reached up, looping her arms around his neck and pressing her lips to his. "Easiest choice I ever made."
