"Ah, ah ah….", Olivander told me in that creepily quiet voice of his. "Careful now." I sighed heavily and blew a piece of hair out of my face. Three years I'd been his apprentice, studying wand lore and learning to create the deepest bond between a wizard and his magic. I felt certain I would be Olivander's age before most of the concepts of studying this branch of magic would make complete sense to me. The job was compelling, challenging, and never ending. It kept my interest, and was an incredibly good job to have obtained directly out of school. I had approached Olivander about the possibility of a job mere weeks after the battle with Voldemort.

Everyone was still picking up the pieces of their lives, and trying to move forward, but at a sluggishly slow pace. My parents had been difficult to track down, which was, after all, the original purpose of my plan. It had taken me nearly a year to find them after I got my job at the wand shop, and that was even knowing where to begin to look. They'd been exceedingly angry that I'd done such a thing to them, but I knew it truly could have kept them alive, and I think in time that they came to realize it too.

It felt like that was the only step forward that I took. While Ginny and Harry got married and began a family, Ron and I had yet to progress further in our relationship. Everyone else got their own homes, and pets and children. I lived in a London flat that was close to work, and which Ron came and stayed at on occasion. They all took glorious trips around the world and sharing experiences, while I hardly ever left home other than to go to work or a bookstore. I knew Ron was frustrated with me. He was and would always be my best friend. I loved his family, and they loved me. For all intents and purposes, it was the way things were supposed to be. I was certain that his mother and father expected Ron to propose at Christmas, which was drawing closer, and also that she was curious as to why it hadn't happened yet. I was dreading the day. Because while I did love their family, and in a way, Ron, I could never say yes to him.

It would have been wrong to proclaim my love to one person while my heart was still bound so forcefully and unwillingly to another.

Ron's touch had never made my heart race like Draco's had. His voice had never gave me chills or made my blood pressure skyrocket into the air. He was….there. He just wasn't what I wanted. And as I worked on securing the unicorn hair into the heart of the wand Olivander was holding, I wondered if I was simply genetically predisposed to ruin any and every relationship with someone who mattered to me.

Oh, and there was also the tiny fact of bearing his son. The Malfoy heir that no one knew existed…not Ron, not Harry or Ginny…not even Draco himself. Not a day went by that I didn't think of the pair of them. Draco, with his steely eyes, his unpredictable mood swings, and untrustworthy nature. And our son…who would be just over four years old. Developing a personality of his own, learning manners, and how to read…questions always ran through my mind about him. Some were specific and understandably important…others just simply the musings of a mother who had never known her child. Every day that I awoke I was torn apart by my decision. I knew it had been the right one. I could never have afforded to keep a child on my own, and I would not…could not…go to anyone else for help. I suppose some of it was pride, and the refusal to get down on my knees and beg anyone for anything. But also, I was ashamed of how bad I had let Draco hurt me, and of how close I'd let him get to me. The only thing for me to do was give up my baby to someone that could afford to take care of him.

So I stayed in my rut in life, if not happy, then at least safe where I was….I was a fool to think that it would always stay that way…that I would never see either of them again.