Chapter one - Everyday life

A new day. New duties, waiting for me to fulfill them. Well, "new" is probably not the correct term. Indeed, everyday follows the same old routine. And if a kunoichi is saying this, it really counts up for something – just consider all those dangerous missions and exciting adventures you'll encounter eventually in this job. Sorry, but this is plain wrong. But in the end, I'm the only one to blame if I can no longer indulge myself like this. Actually, it is an open secret that I have never been able to get over one certain event, that I have never been able to get over this one certain person. All in all, that wouldn't be a problem. I haven't been the only one to be affected, who has taken it to her heart. Comprehension of my feelings was and is something I can be sure of, but not if it comes to my thinking – and deeds.

Having finished my breakfast, I get up and clear away the left-overs. Order is a must. You can almost say I've got some kind of allergy when it comes to things lying around somewhere, things that are not in the place they should be. Ino said once this originated in the fact that my very own life is missing order. That's the only reason I am trying so very pedantically to keep it all around me. She's probably right, though; but I will never admit this to anybody, least of all her. It really is odd: the reason why the two of us were fighting with each other once, why we had this high sense of rivalry, is gone for a long time now, but still, some barriers from that time are being kept unbroken. One of them is my urge to be better than her, never to fall behind her.

On my way to the bathroom, I cannot avoid wondering why I'm haunted by all those unpleasant memories today. It is not even eight a.m., and I've already dealt with unfulfilled romances of the past as well as with destroyed and renewed friendships – not to forget: my own life. If this keeps going on, the day will most certainly become quite funny. The autumn weather must be the reason.

Up until now, I've been standing in front of the washbasin, gaze downcast, careful not to look into the mirror. But why am I still hesitant? That's what I came here for, to look into the mirror. Like I do every morning before leaving home. Some little ritual. And even though one might think that it poses no difficulty at all to complete this task, it really is. I am nervous, frightened of what I will see. But, I can't help myself.

I lay my hands on top of the washbasin to support myself, draw one more deep breath, and finally lift my gaze, to look firmly into my own green eyes, while asking myself: "Can I be trusted?"

Like always, I'm turning away my eyes far too soon.

It is a cold, wet weather outside. It has been raining since the night continuously. Therefore, it really is no surprise that I am soaked to the bones as I reach my destination: the center for mission distribution. Of course, I could have avoided this trouble if I had been jumping like the wind from roof to roof, like any normal ninja would do; but I've got rid of that action quite some time ago, leaving me with no other choice but to endure the clothing sticking to my body.

I let my eyes roam through the room. Most desks are occupied and on every single one, papers are towering. Yes, within this room the wonderful realtiy of being ninja can be seen, which is far away from all those romantic stories about hardy heroes or vicious villains. Indeed, it is the same as in every other society – bureaucracy is the mean to keep chaos at bay.

An everyday and sobering view.

Having renewed this conclusion, I walk over to one of the desks in the middle – after all, the papers are ordered in an alphabetical way – to get the information for this day's duties.

Today, a rather young man is holding the place. Rather young means about my age, which is the middle twenties. And actually, that makes him too young for this paper job. Usually, it is done by the retired people – if it's not some kind of punishment. But Sato, that's his name, lost his left leg during an operation and is due to that no longer able to go on missions. Our doctors and medic-nins are very skilled and can do a lot of things, but replacing lost extremities is not amongst those abilities.

"Good morning, Haruno-san." I was greeted by him, mumbling myself only a quiet "morning". "Looks like you have fallen victim to weather, Haruno-san." He smiles at me and I ignore that. I'm definitely not in the mood for conversations, least of all one having my momentary petty appearance as topic. It seems like Sato has taken notice of this as he does not try again to converse with me. Instead he he hands me a paper and after a small glance I know that I am to accompany him in the paperwork. Luckily, I will do this in another room. While he is only handing out orders and instructions and open to everyone's eyes, I am allowed to do the distribution of orders and analyze reports. At least, this much responsibility is entrusted to me.

The hours are passing by and the towers of papers are shrinking and growing. Regularly, reports of returned units come in, have to be sorted, information is given out that those shinobi are available for new missions again. There are new requests for missions, interviews with clients to create a profile of the according mission. Murmuring can be heard, rustling of documents and the ticking of the clock to where my eyes are wandering off to right now. Eighteen minutes past twelve.

In one go, I push my chair back and stretch myself. Having to sit all day is not that easy, after all. It really is some distress for your back and all that paperwork is the same for your eyes. Will I need glasses in some years? Actually, that is quite an unimportant thought and still it troubles me somehow. I'm just not sure what to think about this option.

My stomach is grumbling quietly, leading me back to the present. I should go and get something to eat, but one look out of the window is enough to me that the rain has still not decided to have a break, and I don't have the slightest desire of getting soaked again, now that I'm finally dry. It's a pity, but this only leaves the smorgasbord for lunch, instead of some hot soup, which would be perfect on such a day. And after all, this shows more fairness towards my colleagues. Since, as far as I can see, none of them shows any intent of taking a large break.

Well, at least some hot tea should be possible. So, off to the kitchen.

While I am headed there, I see Sato near the exit. I must admit, he has never been one I expected to run off for lunchtime. But from the look of it, that's exactly what he is doing. Still, it is strange, that he isn't moving out off the door, but standing kind of helplessly in front of it. I have almost passed him when I notice the reason. Like every other normal person, he is not that excited about the thought of running around in that rain without any protection. But why doesn't he use his umbrella then?

Shrugging my shoulders, I'm done with that scene and have almost vanished behind a corner as Sato spots me.

"Excuse me, Haruno-san. Would you mind giving me a hand?"

I stop and sigh briefly – seems like my tea has to wait, hopefully this will not take too long -, then turn towards Sato. He is standing there rather awkwardly: his crutch beneath his left arm, in his right hand the closed umbrella. He is looking at me with some relief, but there seems to be something else, too.

"I'm very glad that you just happened to pass by. It's the stairs, Haruno-san. Due to the rain, they have become rather slippery, and I cannot get down without having a hold on the banister." Like he wants to proof his point, he shows me his hands – well, actually it is just the right one, since it is a little complicated with his left -, which are both occupied. "Perhaps, you would be able to help me getting down."

"Of course." I walk over to him, but as I arrive, I have no idea at all what I am supposed to do. Shall I support him while he puts on a balancing act with his crutch and umbrella getting downstairs?

I swear inwardly at my own sudden helplessness. Has it really been that long since I have last helped at the hospital, that I have taken care of patients or even treated them? Can I no longer remember the most basic knowledge, such as guiding someone safely downstairs? I feel frustration rising. Want to scream. This cannot be real! Why must I be reminded today over and over again of my failure, of my inability?

I'm not sure if my mood can be seen on my face, but probably yes, since Sato gives me his umbrella a little shy and careful. I take it and look at the object confused, then back at the young man. He is smiling at me. It is a calm, a soothing smile. A smile that only very few people possess. Naruto, my best friend somehow, is one of those, too. No, his is different, not soothing; Naruto's smile gives joy and happiness – that much that at times it is actually getting on one's nerves. No man can possess this much good mood.

How long has it actually been since I've seen Naruto last? The last time was on some kind of village gathering, when the question of succession within the Hyuuga-clan was finally decided and announced? Meaning four or five months ago? Has it really been that long already?

Seriously, Sakura, what do want with all this thinking? It is not as if you could change anything by doing so.

"Haruno-san?"

"Sorry, I've been thinking."

"I've noted that." Again, he smiles, cocking his head a little. "Yes, on a day like this, that is probably very easy. Shall we go, Haruno-san?"

"Sure." I fumble, a little uncertain, with the umbrella, looking down at it. What is it, he wants me to do?

"It would be a great help to with you could just be holding the umbrella while we descend, so that I can use my free hand to get a hold on the banister."

And now I really feel the urge to smack myself. That's such an easy answer. Why didn't it come to my mind? It really seems not to be my day today?

I step out of the door, opening the umbrella. A second later Sato is at my side and we start our way down, making only slow progress (why is it that all important places in this village are up this high?). The steps are, indeed, very slippery. Pools of water have gathered there and the edges and surfaces, polished smooth by uncountable feet walking over them, are inviting to do some sliding. No wonder that Sato did not dare to descend on his own. I, in his place, wouldn't have done it either.

Although the umbrella gives me protection from above, I'm in no way protected at all. The air is wet, making the wind chill, some raindrops find their way beneath the umbrella, and I'm not dressed for some wandering in such weather. Since I never know if I might be sent off to a mission, I choose my clothes accordingly – the jacket and scarf I wore this morning are still at my working place: boots, a simple skirt above some leggings and a plain, comfortable shirt allowing a lot freedom for movement. Besides the leggings, the pullover I'm wearing underneath my shirt is the only tribute to this season, but within this wet, cold weather there is little warmth you can get out of it.

"Say, Haruno-san", I hear Sato suddenly saying next to me. I can hear from his breathing already, how difficult the way down is for him. "May I ask you a question?"

Seriously, what kind of stupid saying is this? May I ask a question? If you look at it strictly, you've already done that, causing the question to become nonsensical. That I'm aware of something like that shows me more than enough that I'm irritated by the current situation. Usually, I would give no thought at all for idioms. To be honest, I'm just looking for something to avoid conversation. But Sato has done nothing to me, he simply tries to be friendly and I'm pretty sure if I looked in his face, I would see that smile again. At least, his voice sounds very much like that. Therefore I keep my gaze stubbornly cast to the steps.

"Sure."

"I've heard that you once have been a very good medic-nin. Why did you give up on that?"

And that's all it takes to make me regret that I took up on this conversation. That's one of the things I don't want to think about.

"Well", I answer, my eyes still firmly directed to the steps. "It's not that I gave up exactly or wanted to. It just happened." And that's it for me. Sato really doesn't need to know that the translation of 'just happened' is: I've lost the trust of my mentor, too often gone against the rules, too much obstinate and rash acting, even though that is usually not like me, too often gone against orders resulting in endangering others, too often thought of other things and neglecting my tasks. Yeah, that could really be the summary of my way to that paperjob.

Again it is silent between us. I can feel the cold getting into my fingers and causing some slight ache there. Taking a short look there, I see how red my fingers have become.

"Do you miss it at times, Haruno-san?"

"Miss it?"

"How it has been. The missions. I for once do so. Sure, the work we do now is also quite important and there is a certain responsibility. But still, the bitter taste of being cast away can't be denied. Like with the old, worn-out shinobi, there is no other use for us within this village. All we the options we have left are coping with formalities or emigrating. Somehow, we are imprisoned." He interrupts himself for a moment, stops and grabs my arm. This action is that surprising that I finally look into his face. It is serious, very serious. The gaze of eyes unwavering. "Haruno-san, there is no hope for me. With one leg missing it is hardly possible for me to fulfill a ninja's duties. The highest thing would be being a defender if the village should ever be seriously come under attack. And even that is not a certain thing at all. But not so for you, Haruno-san. You still have chance of turning back. To do again what you chose years ago when you were visiting the academy. To do what you once wanted to do. If there ever should come up the opportunity, use it."

He looks at me for one further moment, then averts his eyes, his cheeks having turned a light red and his breathing going heavily. "I am really sorry to have bothered you, Haruno-san." As he turns back to me, his smile has returned, too. "That I've dragged you down all this way and in such bad weather, too. I can only offer you to take the umbrella for your way up."

"No, no. It's alright." But, once more, my thoughts have begun to drift away from the present.

"I'm very grateful, Haruno-san, for your help. I hope, you will have a nice day." And with a little bow he sets out on his way.

I guess, only now have I come to realize that he, Sato, too has been a ninja – that within his hearts he still is a ninja.