The very early morning sunlight came in through the open curtains. She wondered why she hadn't closed them the night before as she always did but then her memory of what happened the day before came back. And so did the nausea.

She made it to the toilet just on time. She clutched at the toilet with one arm while the other went to her extremely sore stomach muscles. Once she was blissfully finished she sat back, resting against the tub and shivered from the cold. She wondered when Hotch would get there so she could go get some pills to stop this and she could get back to work like normal. And then her abs could get a break.

She tried to get down some ginger ale and crackers but they seemed to have lost their magical properties. She went for the Pepsi instead and was grateful for the reprieve.

Her body felt shaky and weak. She wondered if she would be able to do this pregnancy thing if the medication didn't work. Oh god, how she hoped the medication would work.

If she hadn't been waiting for it she would have missed the knock on her door. She rushed to it despite the surge of vertigo the quick movement sent through her body. She wanted to kiss him when she opened the door but knew it would be unwelcome even if only given in gratitude. She stepped back, letting him in. His eyes scanned her body making her feel self-conscious, she would have changed but she didn't feel like it. There was nothing in her bag that would offer the comfort of Hotch scented clothes. "I wasn't sure when you were going to get here."

"That's fine." He replied, and then shrugged. "Haley lived in my clothes for the first three months." He winced like he let something slip that he hadn't meant to and Emily felt her stomach drop. She could wind up with three solid months of this horrible nausea? "Are you ready?" He asked looking apologetic.

She grabbed her purse and her coat. Hotch grabbed the crackers and Pepsi.

It was hours later when they got back to the hotel. The doctor told her she could take up to four pills a day, morning, noon and two before bed. She took one as soon as she got them and was anxiously waiting for it to kick in as Hotch closed the door behind them. "It could be tomorrow before you feel like eating anything real." He explained from experience.

Emily nodded, slightly disappointed but still hopeful. "What did you tell the team about you being gone all morning?" She sat down on the bed. She blinked as her eyes became heavy. The pregnancy was making her tired but she had been handling it just fine, but after the day before and last night her body was exhausted.

"You had a follow up this morning that I said I would drive you to." He took her purse and set it on the table beside the door and helped her out of her coat. "No one questioned it, but I think Garcia might be calling you. I told her to wait until after seven, that should give you enough time to get some sleep." she let him lower her down on the bed and cover her with the blankets.

She closed her eyes, not having the strength to keep them open anymore. "You are not nearly as heartless as you pretend to be."

"No, Emily, I'm not." She was mostly awake when she heard his words but she wasn't sure if she had imagined them anyway.

Her cell phone rang, waking her out of an extremely vivid dream that was slipping away but leaving her with a pleasant feeling. "Hello?" She said into the phone with out opening her eyes.

"Oh, Em how are you doing?" Garcia asked concern thick in her enthusiasm.

Emily snuggled down into her bed, and in Hotch's shirt. "I'm feeling a lot better. The doctor said it would pass." Which was the truth, the doctor had said it would pass. He was talking about nausea though not the allergic reaction everyone thought she's had.

"Oh that's good! Is anyone taking care of you? Tell me my dark chocolate Adonis has been checking up on you?"

Emily smiled picturing Hotch tucking her in, and wondered if anyone would believe her if she did tell them just how much care he was taking of her. "Actually Hotch's been checking up on me." She let her voice down play it, not wanting to make it sound like a big deal. It wasn't, for him anyway.

"Oh." The tech sounded surprised. "But he's taking good care of you though, right?"

"He's fine. You know I don't like people to make much of a fuss." She glanced around for something to drink and noticed there was a new bottle of Pepsi on the night stand which meant that he'd been in her room while she was sleeping. The knowledge that he'd done that made something in her heart throb. He probably had no idea what his actions were doing. She suddenly wanted to cry again.

"Are you coming home soon?" Garcia asked bringing her back to the conversation.

"I will be finishing up the case with the team." She sat up, waited for the nausea but it didn't come. Still weary she slowly stood. It still didn't come but she could feel a sort of dull unease in her stomach that suggested just not eating would be ok. "I'm almost totally recovered."

"Fine but I want to see you as soon as you get back so I can give you a hug. Derek made it sound like you were dying." Emily could tell how much Garcia meant it since she only used her chocolate Adonis's real name when she was being serious.

"I'm fine, Pen. Derek's a baby. I'll see you as soon as I get off the plane." She smiled because she knew it would be heard over the phone. She also didn't want there to be any doubt about her wellbeing, since Derek's worry hadn't been totally unfounded.

"Love you my Raven Vision." Garcia replied and hung up.

Not wanting to get out of Hotch's warm and comfortable clothes, she knew she had to since she had wasted enough time held up in bed. There was a killer out there that needed to be caught and she wasn't going to let him get away because of a little vomit. Ok well, a lot of vomit and dry heaves.

Emily caught up with the team at the local Sheriff's office, they had finished the profile just before she walked in. There was a rush of excitement as the officers began to split up in mini teams to ride to the Unsub's location. Her team was standing in the middle of it and they all smiled when she took her place in their circle.

Even though she had taken a shower, gotten dressed and put on some make-up she still felt like they could see what she looked like before. She didn't have consealer, so the tiny red spots were still out there for them to see and she knew they would see them. She just hoped they wouldn't comment on it.

"How are you feeling, Em?" Derek asked, touching her elbow as if worried she might break. The others, excluding Hotch eyed her intently as they waited for her to answer and hopefully elaborate.

"Much better. Just needed to sleep it off, I guess."

"It must have been pretty bad, I can see what looks like petechial hemorrhaging around your eyes…" Reid started but Rossi sent him an elbow in the ribs. "Ow!" And he got the hint.

"Come on, people. We're heading out." Hotch directed and Emily fell into step with the group, following Derek to the door but Hotch's hand on her arm stopped her. "You're staying here." He said quietly so only she would hear it but she still looked around to make sure no one had.

"It was only food poisoning, I'm fine now to do my job." She replied as Derek glanced back, wondering why she wasn't following him anymore. The dark skinned man gave Hotch a questioning expression which she knew Hotch couldn't answer without breaking his word he wouldn't tell them the truth.

He flexed his jaw, his amber eyes looking pointedly at her. He was clearly not happy about her manipulating him. "Fine. If you're sure."

"I'm sure." She answered, but she didn't feel the triumph of winning the battle of wills. She ignored it and caught up with the team and they all drove to the Unsub's location.

Their guy was out in the woods, behind a farm house that looked run down and unoccupied. They all knew what they were doing as they stopped their cars and got out.

The Kevlar vest felt snug but Emily knew it was all in her mind since it was too early for her to be gaining any substantial weight. Her gun felt heavier in her hands too as she followed Derek into the back forty yards behind the Unsub's farm house.

They knew from the profile that the Unsub had a small lodge or cabin back on his property to pull off the kinds of deviant behavior he explored. The Sheriff told them who they were going after and about where his torture chamber would be. No one had been surprised about who the Unsub wound up being. Like most cases it was more a puzzle piece falling into place for the LEO's.

As the hunting party moved deeper into the wooded area Emily saw the setting sun glint of a window and pointed it out to the others before heading in that direction. Hotch caught up with her in seconds and she knew he hadn't done it just because he wanted to get there as fast as possible but so he could protect her if the 'shit hit the fan'.

"Kenny Cavanaugh? FBI, come out with your hands up!" She yelled holding her gun at the ready. She didn't move forward, Hotch was abreast to her. They waited for a sign from inside, and for the rest of the hunting party to catch up. "We're coming in." Hotch yelled and started forward as soon as the Sheriff and his deputy reached them.

She knew he wouldn't say anything now in front of everyone but she stayed just behind and to the side of him as she followed him. She could almost see inside the window and she caught a movement inside but before she could yell a bullet shattered the glass and Hotch was on top of her, cradling her head, on the ground while Derek, Rossi and the Sheriff all opened fire.

Emily closed her eyes until the fire fight was over and Hotch pulled her up off the ground. He looked furious and like he wanted to yell at her. He worked his jaw trying to keep his mouth closed. She wanted to assure him she was alright that he didn't need to worry but there was a strange feeling in her abdomen.

She knew what the feeling was, she knew it was cramps. She knew she wasn't supposed to be having cramps. And she knew they shouldn't be getting worse. "Hotch, I…" she started, she felt her face go white as the pain intensified.

His eyes went to her stomach then he reached out to the bottom of her vest. She knew he shouldn't have done that, that if anyone saw it they would know but she didn't care. "There's something wrong." She said simply.

Hotch look around until he saw Rossi, and the older man gave him a head nod in understanding. Emily figured Rossi would have seen the exchange between herself and Hotch, the man watched her like a hawk. He watched the whole team like a hawk.

In the car the pain plateaued to a bad period's cramps. It wasn't terrible but it wasn't anywhere near comfortable without extra strength Midol. She knew she was miscarrying because it didn't feel very much different then when she'd had the abortion. And that was a pain she would never forget.

There was blood on the seat when he helped her out at the hospital. She would have been embarrassed if the sight didn't wrench her heart painfully.

"It was nothing you did. There was nothing that you could have done that would have prevented this from happening. I'm sorry for your loss." The Doctor said, while he looked apologetic Emily could only hear the robotic tone he used like he'd said the same words many times before. She didn't bother asking if he was sure. She knew he'd say he was. After a long moment of silence the doctor excused himself leaving Emily alone with Hotch.

She waited on the examination table, in clean clothes from her go-bag, for Hotch to start yelling. She didn't care if he did, her heart was breaking painfully. She heard a strange noise and realized she was sobbing. She felt his arms go around her and pull her into a tight embrace. She cried into his shoulder for the second time in as many days. He was the only to pull away first this time.

His hand cupped her face so she would look at him. "I'm so sorry, Emily." His eyes held a sorrow she only remembered seeing when Haley had been murdered. She didn't even care that he'd said her first name. She just wanted to go home, back to Virginia.

"I'd like to go now." She turned her face away and slid off the table. The instructions were the same, get some rest, not to take a bath to avoid getting an infection for one to two weeks, or have sex and she shouldn't expect to conceive again for at least three months. Not that she planed on the second last one any time soon, or ever for the last one. She hated that she'd gotten pregnant without a committed relationship she loved that she had gotten another chance at being the mother she couldn't have been at fifteen. But that chance was gone, and barring another broken condom with a stranger she wasn't going to get pregnant ever again.

Hotch nodded. He placed a hand on her lower back and led them out of the building to the car. He was silent the whole drive back and she was grateful. She didn't want to talk about it and she didn't have the energy to keep up small talk.

Rossi was waiting in the lobby when they entered the hotel. "They want to know what happened." He said not bothering with any preamble. "I didn't tell them anything, but they are speculating. And they're very worried." He reached out and squeezed her arm.

"Thanks Dave." She didn't say more. She didn't have anything else to say. He nodded as if he understood.

"Tell Morgan and Reid to get ready. You'll be flying out in twenty." Hotch directed then started to walk away but Rossi stopped him.

"What about you and Emily?" He asked. He looked at her for the answer but she couldn't say it.

"Emily can't fly so soon after, and someone needs to drive her. It's a twenty-four hour drive, we'll have to stop for the night so we'll see you tomorrow."

"It's a nice drive." Rossi offered to Emily. She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes.

Back in her room she looked at the small prescription bottle next to the ginger ale and crackers. It all seemed like years ago that they were helping her but now it seemed like they were mocking her. She rubbed her eyes and face, wanting to get this crap under control. She wasn't dying, she just wasn't meant to be a mother. Maybe she would adopt when her job was a little less hectic?

Hotch was right behind her. He'd seen her looking at the night stand, went over with a wastepaper basket and pushed it all into it without ceremony. If she hadn't known better he was acting like it had been his child she'd lost. And he was acting like it hurt him too.

And that made her love him just a little bit more.

She packed up her things not wanting to stay in the room any longer than she already had. She stopped when she reached for Hotch's t-shirt and fleece pants. She held them in her hands, feeling a comfort just touching them and dreaded giving them back. She figured it'd be too much for her to impose, consider what he had already done and was going to so, that she ask to keep them. "Um, here, they need to be washed still." She held them out for him to take.

He stepped forward and she thought he was going to take them but he pushed them to her chest. "You can give them back when you want."

"Why are you being so fucking amazing?" She asked before she could control herself. He looked surprised by the outburst but a shadow of a dimple appeared on his face.

"It's because I'm not nearly as heartless as I pretend to be." And she loved him just a little bit more.

"No, you're not." She agreed. She finished packing, putting his clothes in her bag with every intention of wearing them that night and every night until they wore out.

She was ready to go in less than five minutes. She waited for Hotch to grab his go-bag and they met up with the others in the lobby. The guys looked at her with concerned expressions which she just smiled in return. Derek came up and hugged her unexpectedly. "See you when you get back." He silently let her know she could talk to him about anything and she nodded telling him she knew.

Reid smiled awkwardly, she expected he had a dozen factoids in his brain at the moment but was unsure as to whether she wanted to hear them or not. She shook her head and hugged him tightly.

She gave Rossi a light peck on the cheek then wiped off the lipstick. "Sorry." He grinned and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not."

"Ok, that's enough good byes." Hotch cut in. "It's only one day. See you tomorrow." He put on his sunglasses and picked up both his bag and Emily's.

She guessed they didn't ask why Hotch was the one that was driving her back because they just figured he was taking care of her because she had taken care of him after Foyet. She figured that was the reason too. That and because he had a chauvinistic streak that made him a knight in white Kevlar when it came to all women.