Chapter Two

On Friday, when he wakes up to the familiar sunlight, Dean promises himself that today will be different. Leaving Sam in the dawn-warmed kitchen, he pulls on his boots and walks down the porch steps into the dewy morning air. There's something liberating about having this much open space around him, no voices filling his head, the majestic blue sky dominating the landscape. The electric blue is punctuated by ragged fleece-white clouds, and the sun's white light filters through them in streams of illumination that make Dean wonder if there isn't a God up there after all. For miles and miles ahead of him there are a million different shades of green, a million living things straining towards the sun's warmth, a million different earthy smells that remind him that there's more out there than his inconsequential problems. He feels the pressure ease off of his shoulders as he takes in the silence of the morning.

Yeah, he thinks. Today is going to be different.

He gets to the garage early, ready to use some of his newfound energy fixing other people's cars. Unsurprisingly, Anna has brought him a coffee again. He gives his usual smile, and feeling more than usually forgiving, even manages a few minutes of small talk.

"How was your night, Dean?"

"It was pretty regular. Picked up some burgers for me and Sam, watched some movies, had a few beers. "

"That sounds lovely. Do you have any plans for the weekend?"

Dean ignores the obvious entendre. "Nothing much. Maybe see if Sammy wants to go to the movie theatre, do a little work on the Impala, that sort of thing."

"Okay. Well, if you're not busy…?"

Anna lets the question hang in the air, and Dean considers his options. He doesn't want to lie. Not again. Not when today is supposed to be a good day. But he doesn't want to see Anna on the weekend, doesn't want to keep leading her on…

"You know, I don't want to say yes, just in case my plans change." The familiar look of disappointment clouds Anna's features. Dean feels… not good. Something inside him prods at his loneliness, urging him to at least try to connect with another person. He sighs. "But, if you happen to still have those extra sandwiches, I was thinking I could spare a little time at lunch today."

Anna lights up like Dean's never seen her light up before, and within the folds of his discomfort he knows he's done a good thing.

When lunchtime rolls around, Anna is waiting at her desk with a wicker basket and a freaking gingham blanket, and Dean realizes that she must have been planning this for a long time. She's in a white lace sundress, low-cut and short, with her usual brown cowboy boots. Her big hazel eyes stay glued to Dean's face as they cross the small-town sidewalks and make their way down to the river bend. She laughs a little too much, talks a little too loudly, and tosses her hair in an eager way that grates Dean's nerves, but he focuses on her good attributes and reminds himself that interacting with someone every once in a while is probably healthy. Besides, he thinks as he bit into a thick corned-beef sandwich, the food almost makes it worthwhile. After he's stuffed himself with two sandwiches and washed it all down with the lemonade Anna had made, they start to talk again. Wanting to avoid the stilted, awkward conversations they usually got themselves into, Dean pushes aside his instinct to avoid and starts asking her questions.

"So, how long have you lived in Aldhaven? I'm always a bit out of the loop with all of the families here, since we only moved here two years ago."

"Oh, we've lived here our whole lives. Daddy moved here when he was in his twenties because the community had just lost their pastor and needed someone to take over the church. Then he met Mama, they got married, settled down, and the rest is history."

"Wow. So do you have a big family then? Lots of kids?"

"Only three brothers actually. It could be a lot worse."

"Wow, three brothers. I've only got one and the little shit's more than enough for me to handle. Older or younger?'

"Two older, Gabriel and Michael. Gabe is a teacher at the elementary school and Mike's one of the foremen at the factory. And one younger, Castiel. He's the golden boy. Daddy always says that he's going to be the one to follow in his footsteps, take over the congregation and all that."

"Oh. That's… cool." Red flags start to shoot up in Dean's head as they draw near the topic of religion. It isn't exactly an easy thing for him to talk about, and particularly not with a preacher's daughter. Unfortunately, Anna seems to be able to smell his fear, and dives straight in.

"I haven't seen you and your brother at service before. Do you go to a different church?"

"Uh… no, we don't. We don't really go to church. Haven't since we were little kids."

"Oh, why not?"

Dean pauses and considered his answer carefully. Because he didn't want to be a part of a judgemental faith that had never accepted him? Because, if there was a God, he must be a total asshole after everything he'd put Dean and his family though? Because every time he'd set foot in a church before, he'd been looked down on by the pretentious people who claimed they were devout just because they sat in the same pew every week?

"Just not our thing," he said, finally, shrugging.

"Really? Dean, that's what everyone says before they become a part of our community."

Dean shrugs again, hoping his lack of response is enough to change the topic.

"You never know until you try something, right? If you haven't been since you were a young child, your awareness of your spirituality and your relationship with God may be different now. Church may become a positive thing in your life. It is for most people."

"I've just… I've had some bad experiences with religion. There are some things that I just don't want to relive, and honestly, I don't really feel like anything is missing." Memories of shouting priests trying to fix and save and beat the sin out of him in various nameless towns swam around the edges of his mind. He'd abandoned that long ago, settling for his ritual of being thankful for what he had and reminding himself of it every morning as we woke up. It's enough to ground him, and that's all he needs.

"Come on, Dean. You've lived in this town for two years and you haven't even come to church once. And I'm not the only one who hasn't noticed. Why don't you come this Sunday, just to see what it's like?"

"I don't know, Anna…"

"Please? It would mean a lot to me."

"Why?"

"Because I'm really passionate about my faith, and I think you're a great person who deserves to feel God's love and be a part of our community."

Dean shoots her an incredulous look.

"Seriously," she continues. "Don't you ever have those moments where you just feel that there's something out there, something bigger than us?"

Dean thinks back to that morning, to the glory of the sky spreading across the fields like someone had put it there just to take his breath away. "I guess," he says.

"That's what it feels like for me, when I'm listening to the sermon, and praying. I just really think you would enjoy it."

Dean stalls for a while longer, mulling over his options in his head. He thinks back to what Anna said about everyone noticing that he and Sam had been avoiding going to church. It feels like another strike against Dean, another item on the list of things he's judged for in this town. You need to fit in, he reminds himself. Just for eight more months, until Sam's done school.

"Please, just come this Sunday. Bring your brother. I can introduce you to my family at the tea after the service."

Dean almost balks at that, but manages to keep himself in check. "Uh, well, we'll see. I'll have to talk to Sam about it, you know."

"Of course," Anna smiles. She glances at her watch and starts to pack up the basket of food. "I really do hope you two can come."

Dean smiles awkwardly and nods. What the hell had he been thinking, coming to lunch with Anna? It's so much easier to keep to himself, not get himself pulled further into things. He and Anna walk back to the garage in near silence. When they get there, Anna hugs him goodbye, holding on for a few seconds too long, and leaves him with a cheery "See you on Sunday."