"Something to drink, my love?" Voldemort asked the sorting hat who was resting comfortably in his arms. Touched by his lover's warm gesture, the sorting hat nodded and Voldemort took off to the kitchen. On his way he found that he was surrounded by a mass of naked students. It was then he remembered his original mission. He needed to gain enough sexual energy to live forever but his new found love with the sorting hat was tearing him away from his intended endeavor. How could he finish his plan without breaking the heart of the sorting hat? His concern quickly flew out of his mind when he saw a nude Professor McGonogoll slink into the kitchen. His next tryst had been determined.

Hours later the sorting hat grew impatient. It decided to set out in search for his misplaced lover. At first he was shocked at the sight of so many naked students and staff but soon grew accustomed to the feast of flesh. It was then he heard a ruckus coming from the kitchen. The hat flopped through the doors and was aghast when he saw voldemort in Tom Riddle form pleasuring Professor McGonogoll with a spoon. "How could you? After the passion we just shared? Is it that easy for you to pass around?" the hat cried out. Voldemort dropped the spoon and picked up the sorting hat as it tried to flop back out of the kitchen. "Oh sorting hat, you don't understand! There's a very good reason behind all of this and if you would just liste…" it was then that Voldemort's sentence stopped short and he looked more closely at the hat that was fighting to be free from his hands. The sorting hat fought back as voldemort carefully extracted a black hair from the inside of the hat. "Care to explain this?" Voldemort spit at the hat with a sense of rage that bubbled beneath. The hat had no choice but to look at the incriminating hair that was between Voldemort's fingers. "I uh… I must have picked it up from the floor or something" the hat replied trying to down play the evidence. "You know perfectly well whose hair this is. YOU LET SNAPE WEAR YOU, DIDN'T YOU?" he cried out in a fit of intense anger. The hat was too afraid to point out Voldemort's own cheating (Professor McGonogoll was finishing up the job with the spoon in the background) when Voldemort was ready to give his brim a strong smack. Just as his hand was about to make contact with the hat a dark and silky voice interrupted the violence "You will do no such thing." Voldemort looked up to meet a dark figure standing ominously in the doorway. Things had just gotten interesting.