I was awakened suddenly to hear Jack bellowing, "All hands on deck! Make fast the bunt gasket! Scurry on! I want movement! I want movement!" I shot up, swung my legs over the side of my bunk, and slid onto the floor, feeling glad I'd had the sense to sleep with my boots on. With the rest of the crew, I rushed to the deck and started helping with whatever I could. Meanwhile, Jack was still yelling. "All on deck! Run! And keep running! Run as if the devil himself and itself is upon us!"
"Do we have a heading?" said Gibbs.
Jack jumped. "Ah! Ooh! Run! Land." He ducked behind the mast and then slowly rose again. "Oh! Euh!"
"Which port?" Gibbs asked, unruffled by Jack's steadily more questionable sanity.
"Didn't say port. I said land. Any land."
Jack the monkey, his skeleton form exposed by the moonlight, swung down and snatched Jack's hat.
"Agh!" Jack jumped. The monkey snarled at him. Jack snarled back. In retaliation, the monkey threw his hat overboard.
"Jack's hat! Bring her about!" Gibbs cried.
"No no! Leave it!" Everyone turned and stared at Jack. "Run!"
"Back to your stations!" Gibbs yelled. "The lot o' ya!" Jack stood stiffly in the shadows under the stairs. Gibbs approached him. "Jack?"
"Shh!"
"For the love of mother and child, Jack, what's coming after us?"
"Nothing."
Apparently deciding there would be no getting any sense out of Jack, Gibbs shrugged and walked off. I went over to Jack. "Are you okay?"
"Nothing!" Jack jumped, then, realizing it was me, attempted to smile. "What? Yes, I'm fine."
"No you're not. Do you want a hug?"
"I'm fine!" Jack insisted.
I held out my arms. "I am soft and snuggly, and you are clearly wiggin' out," I wheedled. Without saying anything, he grudgingly leaned into the hug. I wobbled and staggered back-he was considerably taller and heavier than me. "Whoa there, big guy. Maybe we should sit down if you want to literally lean on me." I went and sat down on the stairs and he sat on the step just below, leaning on me with his head on my chest.
"You are soft," he murmured. "I feel better already. I think it's being in such close proximity to your bosom. We'll just have to walk around like this."
"Yeah, okay," I said, laughing. "You'd end up being a hunchback if you tried."
"It'd be worth every crooked vertebrae, love."
"So. You're gonna tell me what happened that made you get all jumpy, right?" I said.
Jack sat up and turned to look at me. Ignoring what I asked, he said, "Had any...interesting dreams lately?"
That threw me off. How did he know? He couldn't know. Could he? My face felt hot. Damn it, why couldn't I have a conversation with the guy without blood rushing betrayingly into my stupid face? "Maybe. I don't know. Why?"
"I happened to be on my way to fetch another bottle of rum, and you were talking in your sleep. I caught a few mentions of yours truly," said Jack slyly.
"I don't talk in my sleep!" I protested. That wasn't quite true. People had told me that I did, sometimes. My mother sometimes joked that it was because I wasn't able to squeeze in quite enough chattering when I was awake, so I took it upon myself to do it in my sleep as well.
"You certainly do." He did an overly high-pitched imitation of me. "Jack, oh, Jack..."
"Stop trying to change the subject! I asked you a question."
"Oh, but it's much more fun to tease you. Look at you, you're all pink and flustered."
"I'm waiting for an answer, pal!"
Jack sighed. "All right. Some years ago, I made a deal with a...certain person, and now he wants his payment."
"What does he want?"
"Me. My soul."
"Jeez, Jack, what did you want that was worth your soul?"
"The Pearl," said Jack, as if it was obvious. Which I guess it kind of was. "So now Jones is sending his terrible hungry beastie after me and I'm in a world of trouble. There. Now you know."
"Jones?" I repeated. "Oh! Is he the guy with the..." I had difficulty coming up with the right word and put my hands on my face, wiggling my fingers under my chin. "The face?" I dimly recalled seeing a scary-looking squid guy on posters.
"That's the one."
"What are you going to do?" It was hard to imagine a way Jack could get out of this.
Jack looked quickly over both shoulders and then said in a low voice, "Not a word to the others, savvy?"
"What do you mean?" I whispered.
"I mean that I am after a very powerful and valuable object," Jack whispered back, "and I trust most of these bilge rats about as far as I could throw 'em."
"Got it. So what's the object?"
"A chest which contains Jones's heart."
"Seriously? Like, his actual heart?"
"His actual heart."
"Gross. Oh, so you're gonna use it to blackmail him? And the drawing of the key, it's the one that goes to the chest!"
"Precisely."
"So how are we going to find the key and the chest?" I asked. "Your compass?"
"Uh..." Jack glanced down at his compass. "My compass has been compromised."
"What do you mean, compromised?" I gave him a weird look. "It's right there."
"Yes, but it continues to point to something that is distinctly neither a key nor a chest."
"What's it pointing to, then?"
"That is irrelevant," said Jack.
"Oh, come on. Let me see." I snatched the compass off him.
"Hey!"
I grabbed his hand and placed the compass open in his palm. The arrow spun around once and came to rest pointing at me. I stared down at it, not daring to believe what I saw. "Jack-"
Looking alarmed, Jack tipped the compass back into my hands. The arrow immediately swung around to point at Jack, and Jack's expression softened. "That's interesting."
I forced a laugh. "Well. The cat's out of the bag now."
"Technically, the cat still remains inside the bag for as long as we pretend there is no cat and no bag," Jack countered.
"You want to pretend there isn't a cat or a bag?" I frowned. "No way, man. We've been beating around the bush for several months now. We gotta just have a feelings jam, you know, get it all out."
"A feelings jam?"
"A discussion of feelings."
"I'm not fond of discussing my feelings."
"Neither am I, but we're gonna do it, and that's final."
"All right. So. Feelings," he said.
"Yes. Feelings."
"Feelings."
"I can tell this is going to be a very productive conversation."
"I don't know what it is we need to talk about," said Jack, shrugging, "I thought it was pretty obvious how I feel about you. I worried it was a bit too obvious, actually."
"So did I! Oh my goodness. It was like you were giving me such mixed messages. One day you're kissing me, another day you're dangling me over the open ocean-"
"I gave you mixed messages? What about you? Kept saying things like-" Jack put on the high-pitched voice again. "'Oh, you're such a good friend, Jack! I'm so lucky to have a friend like you, friend friend friend friend friend...' Then I give you the violin and you're all over me!"
"It is possible to be friends with someone and want to kiss them at the same time, you know," I said.
"Not for long, in my experience," said Jack. "That's why I backed off. Plenty of salty wenches out there. Not many people I can call a friend."
"Well, stop backing off, because I like you in a friend way and in a kissing way and that's not gonna change anytime soon."
"Good. Me too."
"Good."
We were both smiling like idiots.
And then we made berth in Isla de Pelegostos and didn't have time to talk anymore. Dawn had just started to break, and the sky was awash with pink and orange and purple. Climbing down was sort of tricky-it was a long way between the deck and the sand of the beach we'd landed on-but somehow all of us managed. Jack lead the way up the shore toward the jungle.
Soon the Pelegostos had us surrounded. Some of the crew they killed immediately. The rest of us they were tying to long sticks for easy carrying. When they saw Jack, though, they got all excited. "Latazo!" they cried. "Latazo, latazo! Needobeni!"
Jack forced a big smile and spread his arms. "Hello, my children!"
"Akemay neerpa. Garaypo retaylay," said one of the Pelegostos, gesturing to everyone who wasn't Jack.
"Yes, yes, akemay neerpa," Jack said, clearly having no idea what they had said.
"Akemay neerpa!" the whole group roared. "Akemay neerpa!" They started carrying people away on the sticks. Someone grabbed me and started tying me up. Stay calm, I told myself, we'll get out of this...
"No, no," Jack said, waving his hands, "lami ayats."
"Gardaypo retaylay," the person said.
"Gardaypo retaylay here with the chief, savvy?"
They started carrying me off as well. Blood rushed to my head as I hung upside down, and I felt a little dizzy. Behind me, I heard Jack yell, "No lami raynwee! You hear me? No lami raynwee!"
"Why would he do this to us?" Will asked Gibbs. "If Jack is their chief."
Will, Gibbs, Cotton, Marty, and I were all locked in a bone cage, suspended above a ravine by a single vine. The rest of the crew-what was left, anyhow-was in another cage.
"Aye, the Pelegostos made Jack their chief," said Gibbs, "but he only remains chief as long as he acts like a chief."
"So he had no choice. He's a captive as much as the rest of us."
"Worse, as it turns out," said Gibbs. "See, the Pelegostos believe that Jack is a god in human form, and they intend to do him the honor of releasing him from his fleshy prison."
To illustrate, Cotton grabbed Gibbs's hand and bit him. "Argh!"
I snickered. Gibbs snatched back his hand, glaring at us both. "They'll roast him and eat him."
"Where's the rest of the crew?" asked Will.
"You're looking at 'em," I said grimly.
"These cages we're in weren't built 'til after we got here," Gibbs added, just in case Will didn't get it. Will quickly removed his hands from the bars. "The feast is about to begin. Jack's life will end...when the drums stop."
"No! No it won't!" I cried. "We have to do something."
"She's right," said Will. "We can't just sit here and wait then, can we?"
Within moments, we were swinging our cages back and forth like a giant yo-yo, trying to grab onto the side of the cliff. Finally, we got a good grip on the vines.
"Put your legs through, start to climb!" Gibbs ordered.
"Come on, men! It'll take all of us - er, the rest of us - to crew the Black Pearl!" Will urged us as we climbed.
"Actually, we won't need everyone," said Leech. "'Bout six would do." He realized what he said. "Ohh, dear."
Each cage started racing the other to the top. "Hurry!" Will yelled. "Come on!"
"Whoo! We're doing good! Let's keep it up!" I cheered us on, trying for a more positive light.
"Go! Go! Go!" Will yelled. "Come on! Give it all you got!"
Suddenly, we spotted a cannibal coming across the bridge.
"Stop! Stop! Stop! Shh!" Will hissed.
"You shh," I hissed back.
Will, Gibbs, Cotton, Marty and I all froze, silent. The men in the other cage, however, decided to risk climbing. Leech grabbed a snake by mistake and, screaming, all of them fell into the ravine. We didn't waste any time grieving. "Move!" Will yelled. Finally, we reached the top of the cliff.
"Cut it loose! Find a rock!" Will grabbed one and smashed it against the cable, successfully cutting it. We couldn't, however, break open the cage before the cannibals swarmed. "Roll the cage!"
And so it started to roll at a breakneck speed, down a hill and over the edge of a very small cliff. Unable to resist the opportunity to both quote a movie and act like a total goof ball, I wailed, "We're gonna die! We're gonna die! I'm gonna throw up, and then we're gonna die!" The cage kept rolling, down another hill and up the trunk of a palm tree before crashing down, unbroken.
"Lift the cage! Hurry!" Will yelled.
"Come on, men! Lift it like a lady's skirt!" Gibbs added.
"Pervert!" I yelled, lifting the cage and running with everyone else. Poor Marty couldn't even reach the ground, his legs moving uselessly back and forth. The cage rolled into a river and finally cracked open. The cannibals shot arrows and threw spears, but we dodged them and swam away.
"This way, lads! Pull loose-unloose the mooring lines! The mooring lines!" Gibbs yelled as we all ran toward the Pearl and climbed aboard. "Excellent work!" he said to Pintel and Ragetti. Where the hell had they come from? "Work's half done!"
"We done it for you! Knowin' you'd be comin' back for us," Pintel schmoozed.
"What about Jack?" said Will. "I won't leave without him."
"Neither will I!" I added loyally.
"Oy!" Jack appeared on the opposite end of the beach, running as fast as he could in that silly, arm-flailing way of his. I giggled. Close behind were the cannibals, yelling and brandishing spears.
Will quickly changed his tune. "Time to go!"
"What? No!"
"Cast off those lines!"
Meanwhile, Jack was screaming, still running down the beach. He managed to grab ahold of the rigging on the side of the ship. "Alas, my children!" he called back to the cannibals. "This is the day you shall always remember as the day that you almost-" At this point, a big wave splashed him from behind, cutting him off. Sputtering out a bit of water, he finished lamely, "Captain Jack...Sparrow."
"Jack!" I leaned over the rail and helped him aboard. "Are you okay?"
"Could be better."
I kissed him on the cheek.
"I could be...more better."
"Let's put some distance between us and this island, and head out to the open sea," Gibbs suggested.
"Yes to the first, yes to the second, but only insofar as we keep to the shallows as much as possible."
"Uh, that seems a bit contradictory, Captain."
"I have every faith in your reconciliatory navigational skills, Mr. Gibbs," said Jack. He turned back to me. "Now, where were we?"
"Jack," said Will.
"Ah." Jack did not seem pleased to see Will.
"Elizabeth is in danger."
"Have you considered keeping a more watchful eye on her? Maybe just lock her up somewhere."
"She is locked up," said Will furiously, "in a prison, bound to hang for helping you and Bailey!"
"Oh no!" I said. "Jack, we gotta help them."
"No we don't. There comes a time when one must take responsibility for one's mistakes."
Will pulled a sword from someone's belt and pointed it at Jack. "I need that compass of yours, Jack. I must trade it for her freedom."
Almost lazily, Jack pushed the sword away. "Mr. Gibbs!"
"Cap'n."
"We have a need to travel upriver."
"By 'need,' d'you mean a...a trifling need, a fleeting...as in, say, in a passing fancy?"
"No, a resolute and unyielding need."
"What we need to do is make sail for Port Royal with all haste," Will declared.
"William," said Jack, returning his attention to Will, "I shall trade you the compass... if you help me find this." He held out the drawing of the key.
Will peered at it. "You want me to find this?"
"No, you want you to find this," Jack corrected. "Because the finding of this finds you incapacitorially finding and/or locating and discovering the detecting of a way to save your dolly belle, ol'...what's-her-face. Savvy?"
It took a minute for Will to figure it out. "This...is going to save Elizabeth?" he said slowly.
Jack peered into his face, as if trying to figure out if Will was stupid enough to believe this. "How much do you know about Davy Jones?"
"Not much."
"Yeah, it's gonna save Elizabeth."
Yep. He was stupid enough.
A/N: All of the Umshoko (the language the Peleogostos speak) is totally made up, except for "latazo," which apparently is canonically the word used for "chief." Also "lam" is the word for "he/him" in canon, so I tried to turn it into a female pronoun by adding an i at the end.
Hopefully you could get the gist of what was going on from context, but if you were wondering:
needobeni - welcome
akemay neerpa - make cage
gardaypo retaylay - save for later
lami ayats - she stays
no lami raynwee - don't hurt her
