In Every Drop of My Blood

Chapter 1

"Extinguish my eyes, I'll go on seeing you. Seal my ears, I'll go on hearing you." Ranier Maria Rilke

To awake in pain and in silence and not know where he was, to not know where Arthur was and feel that suffocating sense of danger, to awake in that kind of darkness was one of Merlin's deepest fears. Yet here he was. In the dark,in a silent stone room of some sort, Arthur was no where near. He could feel it in the pit of his stomach. Merlin's head was pounding, cold was stiffening his joints and aching in his bones. His heart sank as he began to remember what had happened. There had been a light, a blazing light and Arthur had been shouting.

They had just finished watering their horses at the edge of creek, not an hours ride outside of Brill. Gawaine, Percival, Arthur and himself had ridden out to investigate reports of bandits in the area. Gawaine had been telling one of his interminable stories when he suddenly silenced himself, alerted, and given a warning shout. Arthur had swung into his saddle and drawn his sword before Merlin even had time to turn. He didn't see Percival. He had counted five figures emerging from the forest when the light had struck, blinding him, and then last of all, Arthur shouting, screaming in incoherent rage, and then the darkness.

Trying to move his hands, Merlin realized they were bound with shackles, but his feet were free. Merlin moved almost convulsively, trying to sit up. He must have been bound to the floor because he couldn't move his hands more than a few inches in any direction. The darkness was oppressive.

Merlin tried to relax, willing his mind to look at the situation clearly, to put together whatever clues he had to figure out what happened and where he was. He pushed down the overwhelming fear of Arthur's safety, taking a deep breath. If he was going to help Arthur, he had to get control. It was hard to think when his head hurt this much. A few more breaths to relax. He was still cold, but he noticed that he was starting to feel a bit warmer. His back was warmer than his stomach, which was touching the stone floor. Even the back of his head felt warmer. He twisted his head from side to side.

The sun must be shining on him, he realized. He was in a pit or prison of some sort and the sun was shining through an opening above him, warming him, but it was dark. It was dark. The thought struck him numb with horror. It wasn't dark. The realization hit him; he was blind. Merlin let out a cry, but bit it back, shocked by the despair in his own voice.

As his heart raced, he moved his face towards the source of the warmth, the light he wasn't seeing. His fingers probed roughly at his face, feeling the amount of swelling. The pain was sickening. Merlin heaved, writhing against the chains, holding his head. He gasped; panic was eating at his resolve to stay calm. Merlin heard Gaius' voice in his mind, cautioning patients about allowing swelling around the eyes to subside after a close call with fire. Stay focused, he told himself. That must have been what happened. He tried to recall the flare of gold that had knocked him unconscious. A deep breath helped calm him. It could have been a spell he realized or perhaps a close call with a torch or a flaming arrow. Yes, he told himself. Time would take care of the swelling and his sight would come back. He choked back a sob that no one would hear. He had to keep his head.

To focus himself,Merlin began to listen intently. It was silent. No, almost silent. He could dimly hear birds calling in the trees. He was still in the forest then, and he was in a pit or a prison. There was an opening above his head, that was likely a locked grate of some kind, through which the sun was flooding at present, and he was chained to the floor. There had to be a way out. He flexed his magic, pushing against the confines of the chamber and heard a rattling above him. He wasn't sure if he had opened the grate. Merlin focused on his manacles next, but his thoughts slipped away at the critical moment. He tried again, only to meet the same result. His magic faded at the crucial juncture to open the shackles.

With fear gripping him tightly, Merlin nervously reassured himself that his magic was working. He warmed himself with a spell, and he breathed a grateful and relieved sigh. Perhaps the hand cuffs were spelled. Uther had created many such instruments during the height of the Purge and many still existed. Merlin had found them, in the guard room on occasion, mixed in with other shackles and chains. Evidently, some of them had been lost and re-used as time went by, their true use forgotten. Merlin fervently prayed that the rest of the pit was not resistant to magic. It would mean someone knew...

The thought shook him to his core. Merlin knew he could not afford to panic. Forcefully, he refused his thought on opening the manacles. He worked at the metal with his hands, pulling and shoving, squeezing his slim hands bit by bit through the ring of metal. He worked at it for a long time; he worked patiently, desperately, slowly, then frantically, and in the end he had to stop. His hands were slick with sweat or blood, he couldn't tell which and still he couldn't get them off his wrists. His head pounded unmercifully with every beat of his heart.

Merlin paused, trying to fight down the panic that was flooding through him. It was stronger now, the sense of Arthur in danger. The fear resonated through his aching body, throbbing in his chest like a war drum. Arthur's danger was now manifest. It clenched in the pit of his stomach. The warning sensation echoed in his aching head. He was helpless.

His heart roared in disbelief and frustration. He was not helpless. Blind and deaf, he might be reasoned Merlin, but that was no excuse that he could not be by Arthur's side. Reaching deep into his instinctive magic, beyond the disciplined spells that yoked the strength of his magic to the need of the action, he dove into his connection to the King. He could not see the orb of blue fire that coalesced in his chained hand. But it rose into the sunlight, following Merlin's connection to Arthur unerringly as an arrow.

Focusing all his attention on his hand fire, he could almost feel the wind in his hair. as it sped over the hills. Merlin's physical body shivered convulsively as he lay almost unconscious on the rough stone floor. No matter, the warlock told himself.

The blue fire had paused at another grate in the forest floor. Merlin could only guess that it was a twin to the one in which he was imprisoned. But this grate was flung open, the darkness gaping. His heart shuddered as he heard the crack of a whip and a familiar hiss of pain. The smell of blood was in the air, sickening Merlin. The blue hand fire was shining full in Arthur's face but before the king could draw another breath, the warlock saw his friend's eyes go shuttered, walling off the pain. Merlin knew that subtle clench of Arthur's jaw. Fierce with worry, his hand fire flared before he could truly control it. Arthur spun unexpectedly, shoving against his captor.

Merlin saw that Arthur was chained to a pole, his left hand high above his head. He dove toward it, destroying the metallic structure of the ring instinctively, thanking fate that this shackle was not spelled, and the king was free in an instant. Arthur grappled with his torturer. The hand fire blazed up again as Merlin channeled his strength into aiding the king. He held the light as long as he could. Arthur used his chain as a weapon, whirling it madly, like a mace, and Merlin saw his attacker scuttle to the corner. But Merlin was fighting himself now; his body was failing. The weakness was creeping through his hand fire now, muting it's brilliance. But even as he faded, Merlin saw Arthur climb out of the opening and shove the grate shut. He saw Arthur's lips frame his name as he looked out into the forest. He couldn't tell if it was his own head that throbbed so miserably or if it was Arthur's. Struggling to maintain his hand fire, he took comfort in this last action. Arthur was free. Not out of danger, but free. It was something.

Merlin faded into darkness and the blue orb disappeared from sight.