Chapter 2
Donna took a seat next to the Doctor's bed.
"You heard everything? Did you understand -"
"What do you think? Of course I did!" he snapped as he fought to hold back his tears, "Spinal damage... they treated it...filled it with an artificial growth stimulant to rejoin the cord...meaning I can't mess with that to try and attempt self healing until its absorbed, because that substance could turn volatile in my system in the process! So I have to sit back and wait for it to work – or not! Why did you let them do this to me?"
He was angry, and she hadn't expected that.
"I didn't know!" Donna exclaimed, "I was waiting to come and see you, I thought if they were going to operate they would have at least told me first, but no, not around here – different rules!"
The Doctor briefly closed his eyes as he drew in a breath, letting it out slowly as he fought to regain his composure.
"I might not recover from this! I could be dead from the waist down forever!"
Then he paused, took a heavy breath and blinked as tears ran down his face.
"It would have been better if I'd died. At least then I would have regenerated, I wouldn't be stuck like this!"
Donna brushed a tear from his cheek. He raised his hand to push her away and she caught it in her grip, and noticed the Doctor was trembling. As her gaze locked with his, she tried not to think about the fact that he seemed utterly broken, because he needed pulling back from this fast.
"No, it wouldn't have been better if you died! A lot of people did die today – and they won't be regenerating because they were human! And what makes you think ending this life would have helped? You don't know what your next life will be like, and why should you think about that? You're still here!"
"I can't walk. I can't feel much at all...or any where,not my legs or... down there..."
And then he felt awkward to say more, but Donna got it.
"Oh right, you're worried about your groin. Well that numbness will go away, it's just going to take time. I can't say how much feeling you'll get back, but there will be some. And don't even think about a sex life – you didn't have one before the accident, why worry now?"
And she hoped as she looked at him he would get that she was making light of it, but sorrow shaded his eyes as he met her gaze.
"I know what you're trying to do but it won't work, Donna. I'm not going to lighten up over this! I'm stuck in a damaged body and if the treatment they gave me doesn't work, I could be like this for the rest of my regeneration – that could be a very long time!"
"There's a sixty percent chance you will recover," she reminded him, "That's something to think about."
"And what about the other forty percent?"
"Oh, sod the other forty percent! You have to get on with life. And you're not on your own."
"Yes I am."
The Doctor looked away from her for a moment, focussing on the wall as he gave pause for his words to sink in.
"You don't mean that."
Donna had spoken softly, but as he looked back at her the look in his eyes had hardened.
"Donna, I can't fly the Tardis from a wheelchair. "
"I can help!"
"I don't think you would be able to work the controls as quickly and with as much understanding as me in the event of a crisis. And you know it's rarely quiet out there, you know how it can get! I can program the Tardis to take you home and then it can return to me. I'll have to stay here. I don't know how long for, but I doubt it will take five years – once the nerves are reconnected and the fluid they patched my spine with is properly absorbed I can work on my own healing - and it shouldn't take long to improve my chances of a recovery. But I don't know what that recovery will mean and right now, none of this is fair on you! I know you said you can look after me but it's the last thing I would want for you. It wouldn't be fair."
Donna gave his hand a squeeze.
"Do you really think I'd leave you at a time like this? And would you really want me to? Best mates don't do that, Doctor. You need me? I'm here."
The anger was fading from his eyes now.
"If you stay, you'll be looking after a very difficult patient who hates being stuck in a wheelchair. I'll do nothing but complain. And I can't even begin to imagine you taking care of the more intimate side of things...We're both going to hate that."
"You're probably right. I'd better go back to the Tardis and get cleaned up, then. And you need to hurry up and get out of here if you're taking me home."
The Doctor's eyes widened.
"You want to go?"
Donna shrugged.
"Yeah, why not? I'll just go back home and leave you to it. I mean, it used to be fun, but its not any more, not with you like this. I might as well clear off."
And then the look in her eyes filled with warmth as she started to smile.
"As if I'd do that to you! For a clever spaceman you really are thick sometimes! Of course I'm not leaving you!"
And she leant closer, looking into his eyes.
"Dumbo," she said affectionately, "I'm not going any where!"
The Doctor tried to smile but crumbled as tears filled his eyes.
"Thanks," he said as his voice started to shake, "I can't do this on my own...I'm so scared, Donna!"
And as he held her and started to weep she held him tightly, taking care not to brush against a newly sealed scar on the side of his head. As she stroked his hair hoped she wasn't squeezing too tight because of his many bruises. He wept with his head against her shoulder, and she let him weep, saying nothing as he sobbed quietly as he clung to her.
Crying had helped.
It wasn't long before the Doctor let go of her and this time didn't try to push her away as she wiped off his tears with a soft brush of her fingertip. He looked up at her and thought of all the times they had spent together, how their friendship had grown stronger, and wondered what would happen to it now his life had changed.
Then he watched as her gaze shifted across his chest and shoulders.
The thought that Donna was admiring his body at a time like this seemed odd...
Donna? His best mate, looking at him in that way?
He wondered why the thought wasn't so alarming all of a sudden...
Maybe it never had been.
Their friendship had been based on the fact that they were just mates.
He had assumed it would stay that way...
Then he remembered he was partly paralysed, and as for making love, he couldn't even feel to pee, let alone get it up...
And that thought made everything come crashing down again.
"Don't look at me like that," he said quickly, "I mean it – don't!"
Donna noticed the discomfort in his expression.
"I was just looking at your bruises," she said, "I swear they don't look as deep as they did half an hour ago..."
She placed her hand on his shoulder and ran it gently to the centre of his chest and then back again. As her palm brushed his nipple for a second time he caught his breath.
"You have no idea how sensitive my chest is now I can't feel anything below my waist. Don't do that again, either!"
Donna couldn't help smiling as she noticed his face start to flush.
"Calm down, Doctor! You know the score with me...I told you a long time ago, I'm not mating with you, sunshine! And I'm sure there has to be a law against it...human and TimeLord? I mean, two different species...it seems so wrong!"
"It's not."
"Not what?"
"Wrong, and there are no laws against it," he said quietly, "And I don't need to be thinking about the things I can't do any more, okay?"
He knew he had spoken sharply, but he was feeling the loss of his own ability sharply and crying had felt almost like a process of grieving for those losses.
Donna shifted her seat closer to his bedside.
"Mind if I take a look at the rest of you?"
She saw a flash of alarm in his eyes.
"Why?"
She gave a sigh.
"I'm going to be looking after you when you get out of here, it would help to know what you can and can't feel."
He looked up at her.
"Okay," he said reluctantly, "But be quick – I want to get some rest. And don't get your hopes up about the bruises fading out. It's partly my own natural healing taking place and the artificial closure of the fractures. It means nothing for the spine injury, the rest is more or less superficial."
As she looked into his eyes, she saw that he seemed resigned now to the fact that being stuck like this for the rest of his days could be a real possibility.
"Don't think like that," she said to him, "The bruises are fading – you say it's not important, I say it's a good sign."
Then she slowly ran her hand down his body, stopping at his waist.
"So everything above here is fine?"
He nodded.
"And maybe you should do this another time -"
"I won't be long. I just need to turn the covers back."
The Doctor took in a sharp breath and closed his eyes tightly, fully aware that Donna was taking in the sight of the rest of him – below his waist, everything he could barely feel...
"Can you feel that?" she asked, running her hand from hip to hip as she tried not to look below his dark pubic hair until she needed to.
"Some...it's a bit numb, gets worse as you go down...there's no need to go any further."
The Doctor opened his eyes and looked up at the ceiling.
He couldn't feel her hand now, but suddenly he knew it was there as he caught the vague sensation of her touching his thigh.
"I can feel that... but not the other side. Right side feels like it's not there."
"And what about your legs and feet?"
"Very little on the right side... patches of feeling. Left side isn't so bad, just feels heavy... Oi, stop that!"
His tone had changed to one of annoyance, and Donna met his gaze.
"What?"
"Stop looking at my cock!"
She couldn't help smiling as she covered him up to his waist again.
"I was just looking at your tube."
"That''s even worse!"
Now Donna was giggling.
"Oh, stop it! I just wanted to see if they use the kind of catheters I'm familiar with, and they do. Stop being embarrassed, Doctor, it's only waterworks."
"That doesn't make you my plumber!"
"Yes it does, I'll be changing it for you. Don't worry, I know how to do it!"
The Doctor felt a flicker of alarm.
"I really don't want to be attached to anything down there."
"But you don't want to wet the bed either?" Donna remarked.
He gave a sigh.
"I really don't want to think about that!"
"Well, until you get enough feeling back to control it, you don't have a choice. I can put a rubber sheet on your bed but there's no way I'm changing the sheets every single time you spring a leak, I'd be at it all day long!"
Donna sat down on the edge of his bed.
"I've seen your scan results. You're more likely to have trouble walking than lasting incontinence. It's called spinal shock. It can last for a few weeks or months and then slowly go away – or it might happen faster for you. Don't think of that problem as permanent. Worry more about your legs, because that's where the lasting damage – if it is lasting – will be. That's the truth, Doctor. You know I wouldn't lie to you."
"How would you know? You didn't even manage to qualify as a nurse, I heard what you said. You could be guessing. Or trying to make me feel slightly better."
"Better? I would have thought walking was more important than...Oh, you know what I mean! And I do know what I'm talking about! I'm not an expert, Doctor, but I do remember everything I learned back then. You'll just have to trust me, okay?"
He looked at her fondly and managed a faint smile.
"I do trust you," he promised her.
Three days passed.
True to what the medic had told her, the Doctor now seemed well enough leave the hospital, and in the time it had taken for him to regain enough strength to leave, he and Donna had made some choices.
There had been much talking and a great deal of thought about the immediate future. The Doctor knew he could no longer fly the Tardis, not while he was unable to walk. And so he had asked Donna how she felt about remaining on the planet. He couldn't say how long they would be stuck there, but Donna didn't want to say too much about that – the thought of never returning to Earth and seeing her family again wrenched at her heart, but after all she had been through with the Doctor, walking away was not a choice. This was a decision she had made much in the spirit of the day she had joined her hand with his to bring about the destruction of Pompeii – it had been Pompeii or the whole world, and she had not wanted him to take the weight of that on his shoulders alone.
It was as simple as that:
They stuck together.
Through the good, bad and the bloody terrible.
And she wasn't going to leave him now.
Donna had found them a place to live – a single level beach house that overlooked the ocean on a private strip of beach. The money to pay for it had come from a rapid compensation payout, which by law, had to be handed out to victims of disasters within forty-eight hours. The Doctor had received ten million credits. Donna had been disappointed to find she only had five thousand in her account, because apparently, walking away uninjured wasn't very profitable at all...
But the new place was furnished and comfortable and had everything they needed. Donna had sorted it all out, even going shopping to stock the kitchen before she collected the Doctor from the hospital. She had already moved in the day before, made the light and airy bedroom look as comfortable as possible. The only bedroom. Obviously, it would be the Doctor's room, but she didn't mind because there was a sofa in the front room that was huge and every morning when she woke up she would look out at a view of the ocean.
Donna had spent the whole morning making the place look as comfortable and welcoming as she could, even placing a vase of roses next to the Doctor's bed.
But it didn't change the fact that it looked like a hospital room, his medications were stored next to the bed, there were pills for pain, pills to help him sleep, and a cupboard on the other side of the room was filled with disposable paper towels, lubricant and latex gloves, sterile packs of disposable tubes and she really didn't want him to see how many of those she had, because he could be needing a catheter for a long time... And then there were the packs of pre loaded syringes filled with low dose morphine shots for when his nerve endings began to repair and the pain started to hit...the list just went on...
This wasn't going to be easy.
But at least the room didn't smell like a hospital, and the sea breeze shifted in through sheer nets that sighed in and out and carried in the scent of the summer mixed with the salt from the waves. The sound of the ocean was soothing and she was sure the Doctor would appreciate it. The bedroom had double glass doors that opened up on to a balcony, and through that gateway set into it, was a slope that led down to the place where there was a path between the sea grass and colourful wild flowers that led down to the beach.
She hoped this place was perfect for him. It seemed to be, she had looked at several properties before deciding on this one. Now all that was left to do was drive over to the hospital and pick up the Doctor and take him home – she had to think of this place as home, and she was yet to call her family and explain she could be gone for a very long time, because the thought of it was too painful, but she knew she couldn't put off that call much longer...
Satisfied the house as in order, Donna grabbed her car keys and headed back to the car, feeling happier to know she was now ready to bring the Doctor home.
When Donna arrived at the hospital, she caught sight of herself reflected in the polished glass doors, and liked what she saw:
She was wearing a white cotton dress with some beads she had picked up whist shopping – she had no idea if they were something local, but they caught the light much like the sand and sparkly pebbles she had seen on the beach. The stones were tiny, and multi coloured. Her new shoes had chunky heels and she couldn't decide if they were comfortable or not because they were new, but so far her only therapy to get through this worrying time had been via retail, and she guessed it would stay that way, because she didn't feel she had the right to complain or fret about anything she had been through, not even the crash, because it was so much worse for the Doctor...
For a moment Donna stopped walking, as an unexpected thought came to mind:
She had thought of the Doctor, and her heart had ached for him sharply, so sharply she had blinked tears from her eyes.
Donna put her hand to her chest and drew in a deep breath.
"Oh stop it, Donna!" she muttered, feeling sure that lately, life had been way too traumatic and emotional...
Deep breath taken, Donna Noble walked into the hospital, pushing aside the sudden wave of emotion that had taken her so unexpectedly. Her mind was set now, this was a new start:
Not the kind of start she would have wanted for either of them, but she was going to get on with it, and no matter how it turned out, she would get the Doctor through this, they would get through it together...
