We kiss all the way back to his car only breaking so he could drive. Once we get to my house we sneak in and up to my room. The second the door shuts he puts both arms on either side of my head and I wrap my arms around his neck. After I lock the door I jump up so my legs are wrapped around his waist. He carries me across the room and drops me on the bed. Then it happened. We gave each other everything. When I'm finally dressed I go and sit next to him on the bed as he pulls his shirt back over his head.
"So what happens now?" I ask him quietly.
"I don't know." He says honestly before pulling me into his lap and hugging me.
"You gotta go." I whisper to him when the clock hits six a.m. He just buries his face further into my hair and I know he's crying. I stroke the hair on the back of his head.
"I can't leave again. Not after that." He says between sobs.
It was a strange sight, seeing an eighteen year old boy cry. It made you want to cry along with them.
"Hey." I whisper lifting his chin up. "I know it's going to be hard but I want you to go and make millions of people happy with your music. I want you to write me letters about everything that happens even if it's as small as what you eat for breakfast." I tell him. He just nods before leaning in and kissing me.
I walk him downstairs and to the front door. I step outside incase my dad wakes up. Austin turns around and grabs both of my hands.
"You just remember I love you Ally Dawson. No matter where I am you have all of me." he murmurs while wiping a stray tear off my cheek.
"I love you so much." I say and he kisses me again.
"Goodbye." He says taking one hand and grabs my head to kiss me on the forehead. I close my eyes as his other hand slips from mine. When I open them again his car is half way down the street and I'm left on my porch missing half of my heart.
THREE YEARS LATER.
I sit in the practice room at 21 years old and run my fingers across the ivory keys. I smile at the familiar feel and inhale the smell of old wood. It was our high school reunion tonight and everyone was flying in from different places to attend. I only lived an hour away studying at local university with Dez. I had my own apartment and worked as a waitress for extra money. I hadn't had time to come back and visit my father in the past year so seeing Sonic Boom brought back a flood of memories. Good and bad. I think about how my apartment is littered with boxes I haven't finished packing yet. My eyes fill with tears thinking about my situation. I choke them back and stare at the dents and scratches on the worn out wood.
Austin never wrote. He tried to call and text but I wouldn't answer because he promised me he would write to me. I gave myself to him and he just threw me away. He never meant the words he said. He never loved me. I took comfort in Dez after he left. I never really did tell him what happened though. As far as he's concerned I'm still a virgin and I don't plan on telling him otherwise.
As if on cue Dez strolls through the door.
"Hey Al whatcha up to?" He asks kissing me on the cheek and sitting down beside me.
"Nothing." I say smiling up at him lightly.
"Are you okay?" He asks putting his hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah just nervous for tonight is all." I say and he kisses my forehead.
"Don't be. You will be fine but it's time to go." He whispers before getting up and walking down the stairs. I sigh and put the top down on the keyboard standing up. I slowly walk across the room and turn around in the door frame. I put my hand on the light but hesitate. I can almost see the moments flashing before me like a movie screen. All of the all nighter writing sessions, when Austin tried to teach me to dance, after me and Trish thought Austin was the mall thief. I smile slightly to myself before turning the lights off and shutting the door. I walked down the stairs while pulling on the material of my magenta colored dress. I try to place each heel down without falling. I managed to do it practically becoming a pro at walking in them.
I meet him at the bottom and he takes me hand while we walk to the car. I stay silent the whole time keeping my hands in my lap. The emptyness I felt holding his hand wasn't going to sooth my nervousness. What if Austin comes? What in the hell am I going to tell him when he finds out. Finally we reach our old highschool and see all sorts of cars pulling into the parking lot. We finally manage to find a spot and see Trish at the front with her boyfriend Mitch. We smile and meet up with them before heading inside. We sit at one of the many round tables. Each had five seats. Dez and I occupy two seats while Trish and Mitch occupy the other two. The only open seat is next to Dez and I have a pretty good hunch of who will be sitting there. I turn to my right and catch up with Trish. We chit chat about small things while Dez and Mitch converse across the table. When I hear a chair screech against the floor I know that someone is taking the seat beside Dez. I hear everyone saying Hi to the person but I don't hear any names. I finally catch something that confirms my suspicions. 'What up.' I close my eyes tightly and keep my gaze to the other side of table.
"Ally aren't you going to say Hi?" Dez asks me rubbing my back. I just blink before looking up. I meet Austin's eyes and immediately regret it. They are so filled with hurt I have to excuse myself. I get up and practically run to the bathroom. I grip the side of the sink so hard I think my fingers are going to break off. Closing my eyes I breathe in and out trying to calm down.
He isn't worth it Ally. A voice whispers in my head but oh is that voice ever wrong. I just swallow my pride and walk back out to join the table. I put on a fake smile as I feel Austin's gaze on me. I retake my seat and take a drink of water. Dez takes my left hand in his right and holds them on top of the table. I don't think anything of it until I see Austin go rigid. It's then that I know he sees it. The pretty diamond ring placed upon my left ring finger. My engagement ring. I look up at him and he is staring at me with wide eyes, his mouth hanging open. I just drop my gaze and feel a tear slide down my cheek. I quickly wipe it away with my free hand.
We started dating a year after Austin left. He had finally convinced me that Austin didn't love me or he would have written which he didn't. About two months ago He proposed and asked me to move in with him. I sat in my room for a week just debating what to do. I was almost hoping Austin would come back and change my mind. I had my phone in hand with his number punched in just waiting for the send. I finally decided I couldn't stay single praying for one guy to come back for me and I told him yes. I cried when I got home with the ring on my finger. I didn't feel the spark or the tingle. Honestly I didn't feel ANYTHING. But I let it go.
Finally when the night draws to a close we all head to the parking lot.
"So you guys wanna come over for coffee?" Dez asks in a polite tone.
"Sure sounds great." Trish said grabbing Mitch's arm and driving off to our apartment. Austin just nods his head glumly looking down at his shoes. Dez offers him a ride and he takes it sliding into the back seat. Dez opened my door and I got in. The car ride was silent and I preferred it like that anyway. We drive the hour out to our place and pull into the parking lot.
"Hey Aus wanna stay the night too?" Dez asks parking the car.
"Sure." He mumbles before getting out of the car. We find Trish and Mitch by the elevator. They live in the same apartments but on the floor below us. We step into the elevator and press floor 8.
"So Als are we going to get the rest of your stuff tomorrow?" Dez asks and I see Austin immediately turn and glare before composing himself and turning back around.
"Don't call me Als." I say abruptly. Everything goes dead silent and I can see a smirk on Austin's face. I roll my eyes and step off as the elevator lands on our floor. I pull the spare key Dez gave me out of my purse and unlock the door. Everyone shuffles in and takes seats around the warm house. I tell Dez I need to go shower and that I was going to use his- soon to be ours- room. It's the first time I have been in the room as this was a newly purchased apartment. I walk around looking at the boxes that look like Dez started unpacking slightly. I see a box in the back corner that has something sticking out of it. I slowly walk over and pick up the small package. I peel the wrapping back and pull out one of the many pieces of paper inside. What I read makes my heart drop through the floor.
Ten minutes later after reading every single paper I wipe my tears and try not to chew my hair. I slowly put the papers back into they're packaging and stand up. I push the door open to the living and see everyone turn to stare at me.
"Weren't you going to take a sho..." Trish starts but trails off when she sees the look on my face. She sets her tea cup to the side and stands up.
"How long?" I whisper staring at Dez but he just looks dumfounded. Austin just sits looking confused as hell and right now I don't blame him.
"How long!" I scream throwing the package to the ground in the middle of the room. When Dez see's it his eyes grow wide and he looks panicked.
"No Ally I swear I just-" he starts but I cut him off.
"Do not lie to me!" I scream. He stands up and walks over to me. He tries to touch my face but I slap his hand away.
"I had to Ally you needed to let go!" He yelled at me.
"That wasn't your decision to make!" I counter.
"You needed to move on because let's face it he wasn't coming back for you!" He screamed as loud as he could.
I started hysterically crying after he said this. I ran across the room straight into Trish's arms and we sank to the ground. She held me as I cried staring at each and every paper sprawled across the floor. Each an unread letter from Austin. I look up through my tears to see Austin had stood up and was now reaching down to pick up one of his letters. As soon as he recognized what it was he looked up at me with tears in his eyes. The letter drops from his hands and he turns toward Dez who is standing in the corner.
"What did you do?" He chokes out confused as to what's going on.
"Dez! What the hell did you do?" Trish screams out from above me when he doesn't answer.
"I took all of Austin's letters to Ally making her think he forgot about her." Dez states in a monotone voice mostly to himself.
I see understanding cross Austin's face before he walks across the room and punches Dez in the face. I just cry harder and grip onto Trish trying to bury my face into her shoulder. I see Mitch jump up and pulls Austin off of Dez.
"How could you do that to me?" He screams at Dez who is now holding his nose. "You told me that she hated me and that she didn't want to talk to me ever again!" He runs both of his hands through his hair and bends over screaming. I feel myself being lifted off the ground and see that Mitch has picked me up and is carrying me out of the apartment. I look over his shoulder to see Trish rubbing Austin's back as he crouches down crying. Once Mitch get's me down one floor and into his and Trish's apartment he lays me down on the guest room bed. He leaves and comes back with a glass of water and an extra blanket.
"Thank you." I whisper to him and he just smiles.
"Anything for my girl's girl. You are wonderful Ally D. Now get some rest." He says pulling the blanket up. He walks out the door leaving it open a crack. I roll onto my side and pull my knees up to my chest facing the wall. I feel someone enter the room and sit on the edge of my bed.
"Hey." Trish whispers pulling my hair behind my ear. She keeps stroking my hair and leaning over me.
"What's going on in your head?" She asks me quietly. Trish was the only one who knew everything that happened between me and Austin.
"This whole time he's been writing me. He kept his promise. I had myself convinced that Dez was going to protect me and that Austin was gone forever. But now my mind is just a jumbled up mess. I don't know what to believe or what to think." I choke out crying a little bit more.
"Don't think. Just feel." She says. "He's in the living room." She whispers at last before getting up and leaving. After lying down for a few more minutes I slowly stand up and wrap the blanket around my shoulders. I walk quietly as the end of the blanket drags behind me across the wood floors.
When I turn the corner I see his messy blonde hair sticking up in all directions. He is sitting in front of the fire with his back to me. He has a quilt also over his shoulders and is just staring into the fire with red puffy eyes. I slowly approach him and sit down beside him on the floor. I watch as the flames flick around in the fire place swallowing the brown log placed at the base. Slowly he lifts up his right arm, without removing his gaze from the fire, and I crawl into his embrace as he wraps his blanket around me as well. I lay my head on his chest and his arms encircle me. I can't help myself and I just start bawling. I feel his chest shake and I know he is too.
We sit like this for most of the night letting out all of our tears. By the time our sobs die down it's already three in the morning. I stand up and offer him my hand. I lead him like a small child into the guest room and shut the door. I turn around and pull the blanket tighter around my body and I can see him do the same. We stand in the center of the room a few feet from each other not knowing what to say.
He takes a step forward and reaches his hand toward my face. He runs his thumb down my lips gently. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. He takes my left hand and holds it up to his face. He plays with the ring I haven't taken off yet. I watch as his long fingers twist and turn it his face contorting into a look of hurt. Finally he tugs on it a little before looking up at me for confirmation. I just nod my head and he pulls it off my finger. Crossing the room away from me he places it on the bed side table and walks back over to me.
"Ally I don't know what to do." He whispers looking down.
"You think I do? I just found out my best friend and...fiancé has been lying to me for three years! How am I supposed to react to that?" I say choking a little.
"You know I would call him to check up on how you were doing and he would tell me you were good. He told me you had moved on because you were done waiting for me." He tells me. "But now? Now I want to know the truth." He states.
"I waited. Every day I waited for you. After a year of sitting in my room crying my eyes out because I was just another one of your one night stands Dez finally convinced me to go on a date with him. I never felt a thing when he kissed me or hugged me because my body only reacts to you!" I yell the last part pointing at him.
"One nigh- What? Ally are you serious? That was my first time too and frankly my only time!" He says with a frustrated sigh.
"Really?" I asked him smiling. I thought for sure with all his screaming fans on tour he would have been having the time of his life with any girl he wanted.
"Yes really! I would never do that with someone I didn't love!" He yells at me.
"Well I'm sorry Austin but I've been kinda getting fed lies for awhile and I don't know what to believe right now!" I say frustrated. His face softens immediately.
"You're right I know. I'm sorry. But you can trust me. I would never lie to you." He says softly walking a bit closer to me.
"I don't know what to do about this. I'm so scared. I already sold my apartment and quit my job so what the hell do I do now? I am not moving in with him. I don't even want to see his face." I tell him.
"Here's what we are going to do." Austin starts while grabbing my face. "We are going to forget about everything and we are going to start over. My tour is over and I'm in college now. I'm in college here. You're going to move into my apartment and you can have the guest room until we figure 'Us' out. Okay?" He asks and I feel tears go down my cheeks but I'm smiling because he said he's staying.
"You're not leaving?" I choke out.
"Nope." He says smiling. I throw my arms around his neck dropping the blanket and he drops his grabbing my waist. Burying his face in my hair he holds me for a few good minutes.
"You need a haircut." He mumbles while pulling on the ends of my hair.
I had finally cut my hair, when I turned 19, to my shoulder blades again. But no! Here we are again two years later and the haircut conversation comes up once again because it is practically down to my butt.
"Mmm can you give me one?" I mumble to him smiling.
"Well...I suppose I could... for a price." He says staring into my eyes.
"And what would that be?" I asks skeptically raising my eyebrows up at him towering over me.
"Kiss me." He whispers. My breath hitches in my throat as his brown eyes search mine.
"I-I can't." I stutter to him. After her recovers his hurt expression he just asks me plain and simple.
"Why?"
"I just dated Dez for two years and have been engaged for two months. Who says we even want each other anymore?" I ask walking away from him toward the window and looking out. He just comes from behind and lifts my hair off of my neck.
"Let's make a deal. You kiss me right now and then we go to bed. In the morning when you wake up I won't be here. You can stay with Trish for the next month but when I come back you can tell me how you feel okay?" He asks me his hands gripping my waist.
"By the way I'll always want you." He whispers in my ear. I turn around and we are nose to nose.
"I don't know Austin..." I say afraid after all I've been through with this emotionally. I see a fire ignite in his eyes and he moves slightly forward so the tips of our noses are touching.
"I dare you." He says.
"I dare you." He whispers repeating himself when I don't respond.
Slowly ever so slowly I lift myself onto my tippy toes and stop right as our lips are about to make contact.
"I dare you." He practically breathes once again and finally I place my lips on his.
At first we just stand there as I'm kind of in shock by how good this felt. Kiss after kiss from Dez was nothing compared to this and after being numb for so long I feel like I just got hit by a bus. I rip my mouth away from his and back up bringing my fingers to my lips. He literally makes an oomph sound like someone punched him and backs up looking confused.
I look up at him with wide eyes and he just stares back at me almost accusing.
"Y-you..." I stutter out trying to form words. The next thing I know up is down and I'm falling to the floor. Literally right before I smack my head on the wood Austin jumps forward and catches my waist pulling me up. I feel my head fall back and then I'm unconscious.
I wake up on the bed with Austin lying beside me. He is pulling my bangs out of my face and stroking my hair continuously like Trish had done. When our eyes meet I can see relief but also fear.
"Finally." He whispers.
"What happened?" I ask confused on how I ended up here.
"Well...I kissed you... and then you fainted." He says softly nervously chuckling at the end. I bring my fingers back up to my lips and smile remembering the feeling of his lips. He notices and raises an eyebrow at me.
"You...you just make me feel so amazing you have no idea. I haven't been able to feel anything with...um him. I started to think I was just emotionally shut down and then you just come back and you make me feel...everything." I say whispering the last word. He grabs my wrists and pulls me into his chest.
"You feel everything because you are my everything." He murmurs to me.
"Then give me everything." I say looking into his eyes. "Again." I whisper bringing my lips up to his and once again he takes me back to senior year. Rediscovering where this started. Let me tell you that all the pain and heart ache I went through? It was so worth this one moment.
When I wake up in the morning I feel an empty bed and start to panic until my hand lands on a note. I slowly pick it up and read cautiously with my hands shaking.
Dear Ally,
Just like I promised. When you woke up I was gone. I know you're panicking my love but please don't. I also promised that one month from today, this very special day in my heart, I will be walking through the doors of The Miami International Airport. You have until then to decide how you feel. I don't want you to think about anybody but yourself when making this decision and I want you to know whatever your decision may be I will back it up one hundred and fifty thousand percent. Because that's what people do for the people they're in love with. I love you Ally Dawson. Remember? Don't ever forget that.
Love,
Austin.
I let a few tears fall and run my fingers along the empty space beside me. The warmth missing and my heart once again empty. I slide on my dress and undergarments before sitting on the bed and rereading the note a million more times each one making me smile more. I hear a knock on the door and jump slightly when Trish pokes her head in. She smiles and walks across the room sitting next to me on the bed.
"If you keep reading that I think you're smile is going to break." She jokes laughing. "What is it?" She asks curiously. I silently hand it to her and keep my gaze on the bed spread tracing patterns with my fingers. I bite my lip remembering the way his teeth felt on my neck. When she's finished reading she smiles and jumps up.
"Woo Hoo! I told you I never liked wack-a-doodle! Blondie was always cooler." She says smirking and nodding her head. I shoot her a glare at the Dez reminder. I flop back on the bed sighing.
"Ally...Hair cut time." She says laughing and lying down next to me.
"What the heck is everyone's obsession with me cutting my hair?" I exclaim sitting up. I bite my lip quickly and look down.
"Besides Austin kind of has an I.O.U on that one..." I say.
"Excuse me?" She says squealing and sitting up.
"Well he said he would cut my hair...under one condition." I say smiling.
"You guys totally had sex!" She screeches jumping off the bed wiping at her clothes.
"NO!" I scream before stopping and smiling. "Well yes... But that's not the point!" I yell at her.
She just grabs my hands and starts jumping around the room like a five year old.
"Ew now I have to burn those." She says stopping abruptly and pointing to the sheets.
"Or wash them!" I suggest offering her a small smile.
"I'm only letting you off the hook for this because YOU AND AUSTIN ARE SO GETTING BACK TOGETHER!" She says but stops when she realizes what exactly the note had said.
"Wait! What are you going to say? Are you going to go meet him? What about Dez? What about-" I cut her off by grabbing her shoulders.
"I need you to calm down and let me speak." I say sternly to her and she pretends to zip her lips shut.
"First can I stay here until he gets back?" I ask and she just nods enthusiastically smiling.
"Second I need you to take that ring on the table and go throw it at...it." I say shivering when I call Dez an it.
"And lastly I Love him. Very, very much." I say and she starts squealing and clapping.
"I get to ruin freckles! YES I thought this day would never come! Thank you!" She yells clapping her hands together looking up. She even pretends to wipe her tears as I laugh at her antics.
"Soooo can I keep the sheets?" I ask biting the inside of my cheek trying not to smile.
"ALLY!" She screams hitting me with a pillow.
"Please? They smell like him." I whisper still inhaling the intoxicating smell that is Austin.
"Of course." She says immediately softening and putting her hand on my shoulder.
