Note: I'm going to use the wand and house I got on Pottermore. That seemed the fairest way to choose a wand and House. Also, from here on out 1 galleon = 100 U.S. Dollars or about 75 British pounds.

CHAPTER TWO:
ACTING CASUAL IN DIAGON ALLEY

The tunnel was narrow but wide enough that I could crouch and drag my purse and hobo bag beside me. Gringotts is supposed to be miles underneath London and it's really starting to feel like it. My back is killing me. This tunnel had to have been made for a goblin or an elf.

I was shuffling as quickly as I could just in case I met a goblin on the way, but so far the tunnel hasn't branched off. It was also pretty roughly shewn in general. I bet it's not official. Who knows if the creator of the tunnel was stealing from the vault or stashing it the gold there to begin with?

I'm definitely stealing though. It's probably best if I avoid goblins if I can help it.

Images of horrible goblin torture flashed through my mind and I tried to pick up my pace.

And what the hell had happened in the vault? One minute my dumbass was being buried alive and the next there were two separate piles of gold as if by magic. Could it have been me? I'm afraid to hope. If it's not true, I'm not sure I could handle having the possibility of magic dangled in front of me only for it to be snatched away again. Maybe the vault itself had some 'anti-dumbass' charms? Maybe Gringotts itself has some squib protection charms?

I'd been walking for about an hour in between bouts of rest (and laying down on the tunnel to stretch my back) when I finally saw the end of the tunnel and a circle of light from above. After a lot of clumsy maneuvering, I managed to get myself and my bags pulled up out of the hole.

After I pulled myself out of the circular hole, I realized I was in an honest to god wooden outhouse. It looked just like Grandma Thompson's when I was little; white washed walls and all.

I opened the rickety door and stepped out and immediately gagged. It smelled like a thousand pounds of rotten poo outside the outhouse. Ugh. The stench lingers in your mouth!

There was a wooden sign nailed to the front that read "Out of Order: Too Full".

Well, that's one way to hide your secret entrance.

I looked around. I was in the outskirts of a slummy neighborhood. The edge of a brick wall was behind the outhouse and for about a block in the distance was some rundown buildings. Am I in Knockturn Alley? Harry never explored it much. The buildings look abandoned. Luckily, it was early morning. The sun was just rising and I didn't see anyone around.

One thing is certain, I need to get my ass out of Knockturn Alley before I get wizard shivved and robbed.

I walked quickly, trying to keep to the shadows and look casual. No muggles with sacks of gold here. Nosirreee...

Knockturn Alley was quite bigger than I had thought. I'd also come to a few crossroads that turned into a Vertical Alley and a Horizontal Alley. Vertical Alley looked like office buildings.

By the time I saw the sign for Diagon Alley, my mouth was as dry as sand paper and my bladder was telling me how much it hated me. The Leaky Cauldron had to be around here somewhere. Surely they have a public bathroom err I mean loo.

Gotta try to use the British vocabulary so I don't stand out too much. My accent will be glaring enough. Hopefully, random words picked up from Doctor Who and reruns of Keeping up Appearances will see me through.

I was starting to see a few early risers walking the streets. The witches and wizards buzzing about their early morning errands didn't pay me much mind. I kept my head forward and walked with confidence like I knew where I was going. I managed not to shirk away, stare, or scream in terror when a goblin walked by me. I thought for a mad moment he might be able to literally smell the stolen gold I was carting around, but he passed by me without even glancing up.

As soon as I'm done in the Leaky Cauldron, I have to get an extendable bag to put all of this gold in so I'm less conspicuous. I shouldn't have done the hobo bag thing.

When I saw the entrance to the Leaky Cauldron, I nearly wept. As casually as I could, I stepped inside. A bell on the door tinkled as I walked in. The bartender/inn keeper was an ancient old man bent over polishing a glass. He and the counter seemed really tall. I walked up to him.

"Hello sir. May I use your loo?"

"Sure. Second door to the right." He pointed down the hallway.

"Thanks. I promise I'll buy a pumpkin juice when I come back. Too early for a drink ya know?" I laughed nervously.

He gave me an odd look. Damn my nervous rambling.

I turned around and kept walking to the bathroom before he changed his mind. The bathroom looked normal thank god. There was no three wizarding three sea shells to figure out. After relieving myself (I will never take bathrooms for granted ever again), I went to wash my hands... and paused.

There was a young girl staring back at me in the mirror.

Specifically ME as a young girl.

I was somewhere between 10 and twelve. I had the same hairstyle and clothes I had as an adult. I didn't have the awful floofy bangs I'd had when I was originally a kid. But I was definitely. For Sure. A. godammned. kid.

My brain shut down and all I could do was just... stare.

I don't know how long I stared frozen at the mirror. Seconds? Minutes?

The mirror winked.

I jumped back.

"Kid you look bad, but not THAT bad. Run a Sleekeazy soap brush through your hair and you'll look a lot better. There's one in the cabinet behind you." My mirror self rolled her eyes.

I numbly opened up the cabinet, picked up a white comb I found there, and ran it through my hair. My hair looked like I had just washed it after I was done. I shakily put the comb back down and sat down on the toilet seat.

This wasn't a dream. It wasn't a quick adventure. I couldn't go back because I wasn't me anymore. I could have died back at the Trade Days and the mirror shoved my soul here. Or my body back home could be in a coma. Or I was literally de-aged. Whatever had happened, this was a complete rebirth of myself.

No turning back.

I was a what? 10? 11? Year old kid with no parents, homeless, and only a sack of stolen money between me and starving to death.

I had the sudden urge to crumble to the bathroom floor and cry.

"Hey cheer up. It can't be that bad right?" My mirror self was patting the glass from the inside in an awkward comforting gesture.

I have to get it together. I'm in a world with MAGIC! Adventure like I always wanted! No more cubicles. No more student loans (find me now Salle Mae!). I'm as far as I could possibly get from my ex. I don't know for sure if I can never go home. A world with magic was full of possibilities.

Remember self how you used to scoff when a movie character wanted to leave an awesome fantasy world to go back home? Don't be a Dorothy pining for her dirt farm. Don't be that superhero who just wants 'a normal life' instead of awesome super powers.

Also, probably don't refer to yourself in third person. That's a little crazy.

I shook myself. One thing at a time. I just have to focus on the immediate things I needed to do. Try pumpkin juice. Then get a bag with an extendable charm to hold the money. Maybe two bags. Wander around looking at all the cool shit. Then... icecream?

After a few more moments, I felt like I had gotten my shit together and walked out of the bathroom. The bartender looked up as I placed a galleon on his counter.

"One pumpkin juice please."

The bartender raised an eyebrow and handed me the change and a bright orange bottle. The bottle's cap was shaped like a little pumpkin.

"Where's your parents kid?"

"Oh mom had to do a bit of shopping." I used the bottle opener on the side of the counter to open up the bottle. "We're going to meet up later."

I guess this is the first step into my new future as a pathological liar.

"Stay out of trouble then." The bartender was waving his wand at some dishes. I could see spots disappearing.

I took a swig of pumpkin juice.

Hmm... It's... kind of like every liquid pumpkin pie spice thing I've ever had before. So it's vile and shouldn't exist. I took a few more swigs and downed the whole bottle. Pie shouldn't come in liquid form. But at least I'm not thirsty anymore.

I left the pub and went down the opposite direction I had come. There has to be some kind of extendable bag store. A ladies handbag store maybe?

I walked in front of an apothecary and stopped to look in the window. Jars of small eyeballs that still blinked and followed your movements were on display alongside various jars of bugs and brightly colored goop. One of the jars was neon yellow and glowing. Another looked like pickled bird feet.

The next shop was Quality Quidditch Supplies. A nimbus 2001 was on display. The broom had bronze feet grips and touted 'The Best Cushioning Charms in the World!'. Quidditch makes your private parts sore I guess. I always thought Quidditch was one of the more boring parts of the books. Maybe it's because I'm rather afraid of heights. Hurtling yourself around far above the ground with nothing between you and falling to your death but a tiny stick is not my idea of fun. I'd be up for watching a few games, though.

The next shop was actually the headquarters of the Daily Prophet. There was a newspaper dispenser in the front. I could see several witches and wizards typing away at decrepit looking type writers through the glass window. Memo paper airplanes floated around the room.

I glanced down at the headlines. The Holly Head Harpies had just won the semi-finals. Good for them I guess. There was a sale on self scrubbing dish sponges. Some band called 'Charmed 4U' was playing a concert in London next week. A woman was in trouble at the Ministry for trying to illegally cross-breed pegasuses and unicorns. Well, that woman was just doing God's work as far as I'm concerned.

And then I noticed the date.

July 1st 1991.

Well... huh. I don't know why I assumed it was still the same date as when I left. After crossing dimensions and being de-aged twenty years, why not add a little time travel to the mix?

Why did it have to be the Wizarding World in the 90s? It couldn't have been the nice Minster for Magic Hermione era with peace and no death eaters and increasing rights for magical peoples? No, it had to be scary death eater pre-internet times. And here I am holding the knowledge to save countless lives.

I stepped away from the newspaper dispenser and walked away feeling shaky and uncertain.

A bag. I needed to get a bag.

I passed the pet shop, Madam Maulkins, and a cafe before I came to somewhere promising: 'Bodica's Brilliant Boutique: Handbags, Hair Accessories, and More'. The outside awning was pink and white striped and the front door was painted pearly white. It reminded me a bit of a Victoria's Secret. Well, there's no reason my extendable money bag couldn't be fabulous.

I walked in.

The bell over the door didn't jingle so much as play a snippet of actual flute music.

The shop smelled like lavender and was much bigger then it appeared from the outside. At least a 100 different bags lined the right corner. The rest of the store was taken up by brightly colored scarves and various jeweled hair accessories. I walked over and perused the shelves.

All of the bags looked handmade. There was a bag that was bright red and warm to the touch. A furry one where the clasp looked like teeth chattered ominously as I put my hand near it. Another one was green and covered in iridescent scales.

"Hello Miss." A woman in her early twenties walked in carrying a box. Her brown hair was piled on top of her hair in a messy bun. "Can I help you?" She glanced curiously at my jacket/hobo bag but seemed too British to ask me what the hell it was.

"Yes, I'm looking for a new purse and at least one coin purse. Do you have anything with extendable charms?"

The woman frowned. "Extendable charmed items can be very expensive. Are you sure you wouldn't be interested in something from our Little Witch collection?" The woman pointed to a row of sparkly pink purses. One had a pulsating rainbow and another was covered with multicolored butterflies that opened and closed their wings.

"Um, no. I've been saving up all year. My mom said if I didn't have enough I could run back to her and she would help me with the rest." That rainbow one did look fabulous though.

"Oh jolly good then." The woman smiled. "We have several bags in various extendable sizes. They're rated based upon the dimensions inside."

"What's your biggest?" I want to make sure I have plenty of room for all this money. I'm just a walking robbery waiting to happen at this point. Oh, that gives me a thought. "Do you also have any with some anti-theft spells on them?"

Again the woman hesitated. "Dear I don't know if you can..." She trailed off but I could guess the implied word 'afford'. She pointed to a row of bags at the top. "This is our Esteemed Collection. It boasts the maximum Ministry approved Extendable charms, several charms that will allow me to key the bag to open only for you, and you get a free hair accessory with each purchase."

I looked them over. There was a pink and white striped one with a white fluffy kitten embroidered on the front that I felt like Umbridge probably owned or would own. Another green scaled one that reminded me of the movie version of Rita Skeeter. There were also some more normal looking black and brown leather bags. There's a brown leather bag that had some silver embroidery that looks pretty acceptable.

"How much is that one?"

"3 galleons."

Oh I had that in my pocket.

"Now if you want something economical-"

"I'll take it." I reached into my pocket and handed the woman 3 galleons. "I'll also take three of those matching leather coin purses. They're also extendable correct?"

The woman blinked. "Yes, that will be two more galleons are you-"

I plunked two more galleons into her hand.

Yeah I'm as conspicuous as fuck. I don't think I'm going to be able to come back here ever again.

"Oh! Well you also get three hair accessories?" She was still staring at the money in surprise.

I shrugged and picked out three hair pins and sat them on the counter.

"Thank you Miss." She put the bag and coin purses into a shopping bag and wrapped the accessories with pink tissue paper. "What do your parents do exactly? Did you just move here?"

Yes, what do my new fake parents do? My real parents were a waitress and a golf course landscaper. No one would believe they had to move across the world for their jobs.

"They program computers." I blurted out. Muggle computer programmers could be wealthy and have a reason to move. Also, wizards don't know anything about computers and in 1991 neither did most muggles.

"Computers?"

"They're muggles."

"Oohhh." She smiled and handed me the bag now uninterested. It was like someone had flipped a switch on her curiosity. "Lets get these keyed to you and you can be on your way Miss."

Yep, computer programmer was a good choice.

The sales woman waved her wand and then instructed me to put my palm on the main bag. I felt a tingle in my arm. We repeated the same motions for the coin purses too.

"We're done! When you need an item simply think about it when you put your hand inside and it will always be on top. The bag and coin purses will now only open for you. They cannot be set on fire, frozen solid, or cut with any conventional tools or spells. Don't let any of your little friends open it or they'll get a nasty surprise! Please, do not put any perishable items including family pets in the bag. Boudica's is not responsible for any pets harmed or killed if this warning is not heeded." She took a breath. "Have a nice day! Come again."

I wonder what happens when you put food in it?

I left the boutique and made my way back to the cafe I'd passed on the way there. I didn't even have to ask to use the restrooms here. The public bathrooms were very obviously marked. After getting into the stall, I slowly and carefully put the coins from my rolled up jacket in one coin purse. They easily fit. I then started to put all the coins I had in my purse into the same bag. It was also easily emptied. I guess buying three was overkill. I put my old purse into the new bag and emptied out my pockets except for sickels and knuts. If I kept paying for everything in galleons, people were going to seriously start to notice me.

It was still fairly early. I want to look at everything all at once. I wish I had more eyeballs. But I better eat something first. I can't wait to roam around, pet a kneazle, go to the bookstore (Hogwarts a History!), buy some wizard sweets, and just generally poke and prod every cool random bobble I can find.

Ok so not poke EVERY bobble. I will look before I poke. Peer cautiously even.

The cafe was a bit limited in its selection. They had normal muggle ham and tuna sandwiches and such. There was no hippogryph or thestral meat. Not that I was wanting to start my wizarding journey by consuming majestic magical animals. But I wouldn't say no to eating non-sentient magical animals either. I wonder if the thestral meat would still be invisible?

Ah well. The ham sandwich was good.

Now, icecream!

Florean Forestcue's Ice cream Parlor looked newer than the ancient buildings around it. It was painted in bright green and white stripes. There was a giant vanilla icecream cone rotating in mid air above the front entrance. I could see comfy booths and chairs and a white and black checkered floor through the large bay windows.

I walked in and the place smelled like hot fudge, melted marshmallows, and peanut butter. It was empty at the moment. An ice cream cone shaped clock read that it was half past ten. A little early for ice cream for most people I suppose.

The menu was intriguing to say the least: Strawberry Peanut Butter, Earl-Grey and Lavender, Clotted Cream, Blood Pudding (for vampires?), Chocolate, Vanilla, Strawberry, Marmalade, Elderberry, Bangers and Mash (What the fuck? Isn't that sausage?), Dirigible Plum, Green Tea, Chocolate Chip, Banana, Blueberry, Mint, Butterbeer, Oyster Icecream (oh god what?), Pistachio, Cherry, and a 'flavor of the day'.

A door behind the counter opened and an older man in an apron walked out. He had wild white hair and a fantastic corkscrew curly mustache. Hipsters of the future would weep with joy at the sight of it.

"Welcome! Sorry, I was still setting up. What would you like?"

Well not oyster because I'm not a demonic creature of darkness. "How about a scoop of strawberry and peanut butter?"

Mr. Fortescue handed me a generous scoop of ice cream in a green and white striped bowl. I handed him the money (in small bills this time) and sat down to eat at the counter.

The ice cream was like heaven in a bowl. It was sweet but not too sweet, creamy, and it seemed to maintain a perfect temperature. I was taking my time to savor it and it wasn't starting to melt at all.

I ate the rest of my ice cream while people watching out of the window. There were a lot of wizard robes but also a decent amount of Victorian dresses and a spattering of muggle clothing. Occasionally, someone would pop in and out of existence. Apparating didn't look it did in the movies with the black inky trail. You blinked, there was a pop sound, and someone was there that wasn't before. I wonder how they avoided being in the exact same place as someone else? Hopefully, the spell nudged someone aside instead of people getting horribly smooshed together.

I heard a rustling of feathers and looked to my left. A white post owl came in from the open window and was hopping down the counter. He had a little leather pouch tied to his leg and a letter in his talons.

"Hello there. Just a little bit of mail today?" He held out a knut but the owl hopped away from him and flew across the counter to land in front of me. The owl dropped a letter in front of me and held out its leg. I hastily grabbed a coin from my pocket (I have no idea which one), placed it in its pouch, and it flew away.

The letter was addressed:

Kasey Thompson

Diagon Alley

London, England

With shaking hands I opened it and read...

Dear, Miss Thompson,

We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Witchery

This time, I really did cry.

Florean Fortescue walked over. "Miss, are you okay?"

"I didn't think I would… I didn't want to hope…" I choked up again.

Florean Fortescue smiled kindly. "I was worried I was a squib too until I got my letter. Some kids just don't show that much magic when they're younger. Congratulations."

I could go to Hogwarts.

I could learn magic.

I HAD MAGIC.

I just... can't believe it. Magic. REAL MAGIC!

It took a bit longer than I care to admit to get myself together. I'm not a pretty crier. There was gross snot and blowing my nose involved. I eventually managed to get it together though.

"Sorry, I got a little overwhelmed there for a moment." I batted my eyes with my paper napkin.

Mr. Fortescue smiled again and went back to work.

I stared at the letter half expecting it to dissolve in my hands. Or this would be the time I would finally wake up after the most elaborate dream of my entire life. How did I get so lucky? I actually have a place to stay too now. No more homeless future for me (except during the summer?). I must have just made the cut off date to have my name written in the Hogwarts entrance book. Hell, my name was probably written in there the night before McGonagall sent out the letters.

Considering the address is listed as Diagon Alley, McGonagall must have thought I was a half-blood or something and didn't bother to do a parent meet and greet. So I don't have to explain away my non-existent parents.

I need to go buy school supplies. And books! I can't wait to read the school books. I'm going to read them all cover to cover before I go to school. I've got plenty of time to read them all. Oh, I should get extra books too!

Shit. It's only July 1st. What am I going to do until September 1st when school starts?

I've got the money to rent a room, but no one's going to rent a room to an eleven year old. Just trying to sounds like a good way to get noticed by the aurors or wizard child protection services. Are there wizard child protection services? I wouldn't be surprised if there wasn't. Well regardless, I can't rent a room in the muggle or wizard world.

I'm going to have to hide out in the skeleton vault...

I'll have to get some supplies. I'll get all of my school supplies and buy a wizard tent. I got the impression from Goblet of Fire that they were like little houses with indoor plumbing. If not, I'm going to have to find another source of water and several buckets.

Please, please, PLEASE let them have indoor plumbing.

For food, I suppose I'll have to go buy a bunch of muggle canned food? I know Gamp's law says wizards can't conjure or transfigure food so there won't be any handy magic food creating devices. There's plenty of canned foods I won't have to cook. I think I can buy a shopping cart full of canned foods without someone calling the muggle police on me.

I will however, have to get some wizard money exchanged for British muggle money. Which means I'll have to be near some goblins. It might not even be stealing from a vault if its owner is dead right? It's just finding at that point. And it might not be an official vault anyways. So it'll be fine.

Probably.

Well I was going to need more muggle clothing anyways. I can't wear the same underwear every day. Well I suppose I can, but I really don't want to. Possibly being tortured to death by goblins or wearing the same pair of underwear every day? My life has gotten really strange.

I stood up and waved goodbye to Mr. Fortescue as I left.

He's such a nice guy. I hope I can keep him from needlessly being murdered.

No pressure.

The first place to go is obviously Olivander's.

Okay so maybe not obviously. The logical thing would be to first obtain food and water, but gosh darn it. Wands are awesome and I want one!

The alley was much busier now. Witches and wizards of all ages were bustling about carrying packages. Some of the packages were floating beside their owners. A few well dressed witches and wizards had what must have been a house elf next to them laden down with packages. I saw a goblin looking down at a pocket watch and muttering to himself. One woman had a toddler riding on top of several floating hat boxes. It looked rather dangerous. Maybe wizard babies bounce?

After a few moments, I came across a shabby narrow looking shop. In peeling gold letters the sign read: Olivander's Makers of Fine Wands since 382 B.C. In the display, there was a solitary wand lying on a faded purple cushion. The window looked very dusty. In fact, the whole place looked quite run down. It was so easy for wizards to clean, Olivander must really be focused on his work. Or maybe he's just naturally a slob?

I walked in.

The shop was actually rather tiny. There was a wooden counter and a single spindly chair in the corner. Thousands of narrow wooden boxes lined the walls and were piled up all the way to the ceiling. Everything was very dusty. I didn't see anyone about. There was a dingy red curtain blocking the view of what must have been a back room. I walked up to the counter. There was a tarnished silver bell lying on the counter.

I shrugged, picked it up, and rang it.

I heard a crash from the back and some muttered cursing.

After a few moments, a haggard and wild-eyed Mr. Olivander stumbled into the front. He had bits of red feathers sticking out from his hair and his face was covered in scratches.

I stepped cautiously back from the counter as he loomed over me. He looked rather unhinged.

"Have you ever tried to give a phoenix a bath?!"

"Uh n-no?"

"So you have no idea the sheer difficulty, the insurmountable perseverance it takes to get a prima-donna peacock of a phoenix to get into a bath of warm water?! No idea that it doesn't matter that you've had to do this once a week since you were a boy, you're still no better at it? That after centuries of your family making the filth covered creature take a bath that it still wants to drag you down into the bowls of hell every time a drop of water dares touch its dust crusted feathers?"

"...no?"

"Oh it couldn't have been a phoenix like Dumbledore's. Now THERE is a phoenix! Majestic! Tranquil! Trills music like a heavenly choir! Does THAT bird give any feathers for wands? No only two! TWO! I'm stuck with the beast with the body of phoenix and the soul of a pig!"

"...sorry?"

"And THEN just as I got the beast into the water some child DARES to ring my bell! I thought I was safe because letters only went out this morning but NOOOO... How long have you had your letter? How long?!"

"... ten minutes?"

"TEN. MINUTES." Olivander looked like he was about to have a stroke.

"I can come back later?"

"SIT!" He pointed to the chair in the corner.

"Or I'm going to go over and sit on that little stool over there and be quiet and not move until you're done." I scrambled over and plopped down.

There was a loud crash from the back.

Olivander spared me one more wild eyed look and ran off behind the curtain.

I could hear a man's war cry from the back and what I could only describe as the sounds of an angry duck crossed with a piano falling down a flight of stairs.

I almost got up and walked off several times, but I kept thinking that he would be done soon. The angry cursing and occasional musical squawking would reach a crescendo and then taper off only to rise slowly again. It was like a symphony of pain.

I think I must have waited for about an hour. Finally, Olivander emerged from the back covered in scabbed over cuts that looked faintly greasy. He must have treated them. I guess his phoenix didn't regret its actions enough to cry over them.

I jumped to my feet.

"You really waited?" Olivander shrugged. He seemed exhausted. "Wands are eight galleons."

I handed him the money.

"Let's see you then." He threw a tape measure into the air and it started zipping about me. "You're a first year then?"

"Yes, I got my Hogwarts letter this morning." The tape measure slapped my arm and I raised it.

"Unusual. Not going to Ilvermorny then?"

"No, my parents moved here last year." This lying thing is getting easier and easier… shit I'm going to end up in Slytherin aren't I?

"Your wand arm is your right?"

"Yes."

The tape measure slithered on the floor like a snake and then wound back up Olivander's body to puddle into his hand. "Hmm. It's sensible to buy your wand here regardless. Jonker wands are no better than kindling."

"Who?"

Olivander ignored my question and shoved a wand into my hand. "Spruce with dragon heartstring. Give it a wave."

I tentatively waved it and the resulting sonic boom knocked me on my ass.

"Definitely not that one." Olivander yanked it from my hand. "Hmm need to go the opposite route. Yes..."

My ears were still ringing.

"Here. Sycamore with unicorn hair."

I flicked it and a rainbow spread in the air in front of me.

"Hmm curious."

He shoved another wand into my hand and then yanked it back before I could even wave it. Then came a quick succession of wands that I held for barely a moment before he yanked them from my hand.

"Ah, try this one! Beech with dragon heart string!"

I flicked it. A single yellow spark came out but I still didn't feel any special connection.

"No! Give me that..." Olivander grabbed the wand back and walked to a ladder. Once at the top of the ladder, he grabbed three boxes from the stack. Olivander hopped down from the ladder (he was surprisingly spry for his age) and handed me a light brown wand. "Beech with unicorn hair; good for those who are wise beyond their years."

That's uncomfortably close to the truth.

I waved the wand.

It felt... different but not that magically 'this is mine' feeling described in the books?

Olivander squinted at me. "No but close... so very close..." He handed me another.

I waved it and it also felt... okay?

"Ah! You are maddening girl! Here! Maple with dragon heartstring!"

...also okay?

"Silver lime 10 and a half inches with unicorn hair!"

...okay?

"Willow, dragon heart string slightly springy!"

...okay I'm starting to get a little worried here.

Olivander was tugging on his hair. "Hmm? Maybe? She's a bit young but for one, but everything is leading to that..." Olivander stopped tugging his hair and turned his penetrating gaze toward me and I had the wild thought that he might know Legilimency.

I hastily looked away.

Olivander turned away from me, went to a row in the back, and pulled a box from the very bottom of a pile like he was making a very bad move in Jenga. The tower of boxes neatly settled down and didn't waver at all. I wouldn't be surprised if they had been magically stuck together.

"Alder. 11 inches, phoenix feather core." He handed me the box and then noticeably stepped back and to the side and then watched me with obvious trepidation.

I waved it and something just... clicked. Warmth spread from my fingers all the way down to my toes. The entire shop was bathed in a soft white light.

"An... interesting match for one so young." He seemed generally surprised. "Alder is usually a wood given only to the most advanced adult witches and wizards. Best suited for non-verbal spell work. And paired with a phoenix core... Well you'll have a very difficult time at first, but I'm sure it'll work out."

He turned around and muttered, "Probably."

Probably?

Suddenly, there was a whoosh and the most beautiful bird I had ever seen emerged from the back room. Its feathers were like living fire and appeared to be softer than silk. It trilled a musical note that reminded me of a harp and settled atop one of the stacks of wands.

Olivander looked up and glared. "Swin, don't you dare—"

The phoenix looked down at him disdainfully.

And then flopped on its back and proceeded to roll around in the dust like a dog in a muddy yard.

"STOP IT! COME DOWN THIS INSTANT!"

The phoenix flopped back over, slowly raised his dust and cobwebbed caked wings and flapped once, decisively.

Another layer of dust settled over the entire shop.

"THAT'S IT! YOU ARE BANNED FROM THE FRONT OF THE SHOP YOU POOR EXCUSE FOR A FEATHER DUSTER!"

It seemed like a good a time as any to leave.

I sent the owl reply back to Hogwarts pretending to be my fake parents. It had no return address. Hopefully, that's okay…

The apocathacary was a breeze compared to Olivander's. I got the standard first year potion's kit. I made sure to get a mail order catalogue before I left. Right now everything is just random bits of bugs and goo to me so there's no point in getting extra in anything until I actually know what it does.

I bought the standard astronomy supplies as well. Honestly, if I was going to buy anything extra for this subject it would be some muggle books. Muggles just seem so much more advanced when it comes to this subject. I'm sure there's some magic lore I need to know about the phases of the moon or whatever, but have wizards been to the moon? Or to space? I guess I need to keep a more open mind on this subject, but I can't help but feel like most of the golden trio's homework in astronomy could have been made trivial with a some good muggle charts. And in ten years from now, it'll be one quick internet search away.

Madam Malkins was an eye opener are far as wizard underwear was concerned. I definitely will have to get to a muggle department store tomorrow. I feel like I'm going to have to wear some clothes under my wizard robes. Could I get away with a t-shirt with jeans underneath the school robes? I hope so.

There was a nice feature in the Hogwarts winter weather gift set I bought. It would automatically convert to your house colors once you were sorted.

I got a standard ink and quill set plus some parchment. I may have to do my homework with the quill, but I'm getting some decent ball point pens and muggle notebooks to write notes. Quills look like a pain in the ass no matter how pretty they are. I also grabbed a small desk clock (no batteries necessary) and a calendar.

I knew I wasn't going to get a pet, but I couldn't help going in anyways. There was so many adorable little balls of fluff in there. They even had some baby owls. They weren't for sale yet, but they had a clear glass display where you could see them pattering around. They were like walking cotton balls with faces. SO cute. After petting everything that would let me pet it (and a few things that didn't particularly want me to… you WILL except my love adorable blue winged bunnies), I wandered back outside.

The school trunk and camping store were the same place it turns out.

The front of the store was painted forest green and the inside was decorated with the heads of animals I couldn't identity. Most of them had horns or antlers. There was something that resembled a purple boar with tusks as wide as hubcaps, a bear with a vaguely human face, and a rabbit with antlers. In one corner, there was a massive tank of blue and yellow electric eels. They occasionally would bump into each other and exchange sparks.

The whole place reminded me of a magical Cabellas.

It was pretty big inside and it took me awhile to find the school trunks. There was only one standard footlocker option for the trunks although they came in all of the house colors. They all had wheels on the bottom at least. I selected one with just the Hogwarts school crest and wheeled it behind me as I looked for the tents.

I took a corner too sharp and bumped into a magazine corner. I grabbed the edge before it fell over. It was full of issues of 'Worldy Wizard Magazine.' The current cover had a handsome man with blonde wavy hair wearing flannel holding a three headed fish. I almost walked away but happened to catch the headline out of the corner of my eye.

'Gilderoy Lockhart catches the legendary Monster of Lake Tota! Fishing Tips from the adventurer himself inside!'

I stared.

I guess the lavender colored flannel should have tipped me off.

He really is quite handsome. I guess it also confirms that I'm not in the movie universe. That's definitely not Kenneth Braugh. He's more of a Liam Hemsworth really. I can see why so many girls at Hogwarts had crushes on him. It's too bad he's such an incurable asshole.

The cover winked at me.

It took me another five minutes before I came across the tent displays. Many of them were quite extravagant. There was one that looked like a stone castle, another that looked like a log cabin, one that looked like an Arabian King's tent (if you looked into a fake window you saw harem girls), one that looked like a palace if viewed from the side, and several that looked like muggle tents from the outside. None of them had prices or information on what was actually inside.

A middle-aged man emerged from the tent. He was wearing green flannel robes and had a long brown beard and bushy eyebrows. "Good afternoon! How may I help you?"

"Yes, I want to purchase this school trunk and I was also going to buy a tent?"

"Are your mother and father also here?"

I couldn't help but scowl. This being a kid again thing was already getting old. "I have money."

"I'm sure you do kid." He smiled condescendingly. "Why don't you come back again when your parents are with you?"

"Why don't you just tell me how much the tents are and I can judge for myself if I have enough?"

The man's bushy eyebrows frowned together into one giant caterpillar. "Listen you little—"

I reached into my bag and came back up with a fist full of galleons. "My parents gave me the money. Dad said I could pick the tent out. I was the one who wanted to go camping after all. But if our money isn't good enough..." I slowly put the money back into the bag making sure they coins fell from my hand individually into the bag. It looked like I'd managed to grab at least thirty.

"Oh!" The man laughed nervously. "Excuse me Miss. I can be a little testy before I've had lunch!"

It was well past three p.m. at this point.

"Of course." I plastered a fake smile on my face. "I need a tent that looks like a muggle tent from the outside. It must have running water, a loo, a bed, a working shower or a tub, and preferably some kind of table and chairs? The plumbing must all be automatic. I won't be able to use spells outside of school for quite a while... I don't want to have to wake up dad if I need to use the loo in the middle of the night."

Well, I already contradicted my parental lie. I had to infer I was a half-blood though. I don't think he'd sell a muggleborn first year a wizard tent.

"Ah, so you'll be wanting the deluxe model. I own this one myself. Took it to the 1990 Quidditch World Cup in Australia! Stays cool in the summer and warm in the winter."

"Do all the features work without a wand? Can it be set up without a wand?"

"Yes, there's a button on the side. It will unfold and fold itself for you automatically. It folds down into the size of an umbrella. Very inconspicuous."

"How much?" Not that it matters. I need this damn thing to survive until September.

"Well it's very pricey." I could practically see the dollar signs in his eyes. Or would that be galleon signs? "How much did you say you had Miss?"

I must look like a particular stupid child.

"I'm sure I have enough. What is your price?"

A muscle at the corner of the man's right eye twitched. "Twenty five galleons. It's the best on the market!"

I just know I'm getting ripped off, but what choice to I have? "Okay, but you have to give me the school trunk for free."

"Sold." He hadn't even hesitated. Yeah I was getting ripped off.

I handed him twenty five galleons. It was almost physically painful. I hate getting a bad deal.

I stuffed the folded up tent and my other purchases into the trunk. I tried to hold my head up high and look nonchalant as I walked out of the store, but I still felt like the idiot who sold her family cow for magic beans. At least, I had it and wasn't going to wallow in my own filth and sleep on the ground for two months. I could sneak back into the vault and hide out for two months after I got some canned food and clothing.

After the book store of course. Priorities and all.

Flourish and Blotts was AMAZING.

The place was a maze of books. There were books about every magical category imaginable. Charms, potions, history, obscure languages, culture, music, and hobbies. You could spell your own cheeses or knit a jumper that gave you hugs. They had hand baskets with charms to make the carrying weight lighter, or I would have been doubled over with my purchases pretty quickly.

I bought all of the books from the school list, paid for them, and then stuffed them in my trunk. I then went back and bought the whole seven years worth of books in the Stand Book of Spells Series and the corresponding series in Potions. There wasn't any numbered series in any of the other books, though. I got a weird look when they rung me up but eh, whatever. They all fit into my trunk. I should probably have found out the capacity of the school trunk before buying it.

I wandered the shelves and found a few more interesting books I threw in my cart; "Hogwarts: a History", "Wizarding Culture in America", "Arithmancy for Beginners", "Ancient Runes Primer", "1, 100 and 1 Beautifying Charms", "I am Newt: An Autobiography", "Crafting Magical Items and Objects for Beginners", and "You Can Never be Too Paranoid: Protective Charms for your shoelaces and More!", but no book on Occlumency. I also picked up two blank diaries, a calendar, and a mail order catalogue.

I stopped below a ladder where a clerk was seemingly shelving something invisible (or practicing being a mime).

"Excuse me, can you help me find something?"

The young man glanced downward, set something (or somethings?) down, and climbed down the ladder. "What ya need Miss?"

"I was looking for a book on Occlumency or how to become an Animagus?"

"Eh? Let me see." He jumped back onto the ladder and it whisked him away abruptly like it was on rails. I looked around awkwardly, not sure if I was supposed to follow him or what, but he showed up again about thirty seconds later. "Sorry Miss. They're in the age restricted section. Can't sell it ta ya."

"Age restricted section?" Occlumency didn't seem dangerous in of itself.

The clerk pointed down the hallway where an area was separated with a cloth doorway. "Ya know... adult books and such."

He blushed a little and avoided my eyes.

"What kind of books are adult books?" I couldn't help asking and schooled my face into an innocent expression.

"Just... adult things! You pay it no mind. Down aisle twelve are the Hogwarts school books." He pointed down the way I had come.

"So they're books on taxes? Balancing a check book?"

"No! Just... don't worry about it kid. You can't get them any how."

"How to fix a leaky sink?"

"Why would that be restricted? No just... go away." He was started to sweat.

"Playing the stock market and managing long term investments?"

"Huh? No! They're only for adults about grown-up stuff now stop asking!"

"Okay. Never mind." I hid a smile and decided to stop teasing him. I don't want the poor guy's head exploding over Wizarding porn books. "Thank you for your help."

"You're welcome." He turned around to go back to his work and then did a double take. He frantically touched random spots on the shelf beside him and then hung his head. "Oh god! I've lost them again!"

I snuck away.

Not being able to get an Occlumency book sucks. Maybe the Room of Requirement can help me get what I need? Not sure what other way I can get it. I guess I'm just going to have to be vigilant to not look Dumbledore in the eye. Or Snape. Or Quirrel.

I'm going to have to find an Occlumency book somehow.

Time had gotten away from me and it had already begun to get dark. It was damn near twilight and the run down buildings had begun to cast long shadows.

Something really important occurred to me as I shuffled between a building in Knockturn Alley dragging a brand new trunk full of new school supplies, extra books, and several sacks full of money after spending a large amount of coin while by myself as an eleven year old.

I was a gigantic moron.

A young girl with two bags full of money wandering around dark alleys in the bad part of town at night… It's the kind of thing you see in the newspaper and go 'Oh no wonder they only ever found her head in the dumpster!'

I'm trying to creep around to the best of my ability. The buildings are close together and create a lot of shadows at least. But the wizarding world doesn't appear to have dumpsters (do they vanish everything?) and my stupid school trunk is squeaking like crazy. It didn't seem that loud before, but now it might as well be screaming 'Sqeeeak! Come murder me! Sqeeeak!'

I looked around, but so far there was nothing. Just me and the growing darkness.

I paused and listened carefully. Was that footsteps?

I thought I heard the faintest shuffling and tapping against the cobblestones. Or it's my imagination and I'm going crazy?

There it was again!

I ducked behind a building.

Something came down the alley and sniffed?

I tried to keep my breathing even and quiet.

The footsteps and shuffling stopped. The something sniffed again. I pressed myself and my trunk as close to the back of the building as I could.

"I can smell youuuuu," the something said in a creaky ancient voice like nails scraping on metal. "Where are youuuu?"

My hand went into my jacket pocket where I'd kept my wand. What the hell do I do? I don't even know any spells yet! I took my hand out of my pocket. I'd be better off trying to run or kick the thing.

The something sniffed again. It was getting closer. "I know you're there little girly. You smell soo divine. Come out so Auntie Cordelia can seee youuuu."

I glanced around the back of the building. There was a route farther out of here but I would be exposed for a moment in the place between the buildings. Should I try for it? God I need to do something before my heart explodes inside my chest.

"Just a little nibble. Maybe just the tip of a finger? You've got 10 of those. No reason to be stingy deary." The thing let out a raspy and strangely girlish giggle.

Suddenly, there was another set of louder, heavier sounding footsteps.

"What are you doing Cordelia?" It was a man's voice.

"What are YOU doing?" the something (Cordelia?) asked. I decided to chance a peek around the corner.

A man wrapped in a black cloak was arguing with… an old woman? No, it was more like the facsimile of an old woman. She had a long hooked nose, gaping large watery eyes, pointed ears, and her entire face was covered in warts. It was like a Halloween witch mask had permanently molded to her skin and become her flesh.

"I'm... taking a leisurely stroll. At night, as it my prerogative."

"Oh and what is in the sack? Hmmm? It seems... interesting."

"Well who were YOU talking to? Someone... interesting?"

"No... no one interesting. Quite uninteresting in fact."

"Well I was also carrying something uninteresting."

"Ah well... jolly good."

"Jolly good to you too."

I like to think I didn't run away, but bravely power walked away from the situation.

Adventure ahoy.