"So. Um, hi there," Steve bashfully grins at his webcam. Yeah, this blog thing? Not his thing, but Bucky said it would gain him some popularity. Well, actually he said, "Steve, when you were sixteen and not getting growth spurts, you made a whatchamacalit and made yourself get one. Mr. Growth Spurt of the Century and Many More to Come, the ladies will be over you. And the men. TAKE THIS WEBCAM AND RUN WITH IT."

Steve, on a creative binge, snapped and said, "Can I run it down?"

To which Bucky responded with a no, and threw the thing at his head. Because of that, the Gamma Ray Gun ended up with a few malfunctioning wires, and when Steve fired it a random bystander, the man turned into a green rage monster that ransacked the city. Not, you know, that he's been credited for it or anything, because if he was he'd definitely be in the Avengers Initiative in a flash. The last he heard of the Hulk was that War Machine sent him to some place in India. Poor guy.

Coughing, Steve blushes and waves at the camera. "Er, so the thing with the priceless metal stealing? Yeah, that didn't work. Apparently," here, he stopped to pick up a bag of plastic filled with what was supposed to be vibranium, "the Transporter doesn't exactly teleport things over to me. Well, it does, it's just that it teleports it as liquid. Not exactly useful for ransom, but I can make my own shield now, cool, right?"

"Um, so, the Avengers Initiative haven't exactly called yet, but they will! When I finish my Freeze Ray," he holds up what looks like a Nerf Gun, but isn't, he swears by it. "I just need one more ingredient, and then you can expect me on the news, doing the bad stuff that Fury would be proud of. I won't be getting defeated by War Machine, swear it."

He laughs, feeling weird and damning Bucky to hell. "So, um, some of guys sent me some questions. Here's the first one, from...er, darcylewis . Seriously, rocketmail? Ah, anyway: 'So who's Tony? Is he cute? If not, can I have you then?'" He turns red at the selfie and the ridiculous amount of winking smileys.

"Er," Steve says. "Um. Well, Tony is-" amazing and hot and smart and so damn hot like ten syllable damn kind of hot have you seen him in running shorts I've seen him in running shorts his ass is amazing and hot and so is he of course he's cute how could he not be? He gets this sappy look on his face, a faraway look in his eyes, a bit of drool on his chin. Realizing that he is being recorded and that he has no idea how to edit his own videos (it is not his fault that he does not, exactly, know how to operate technological devices that are not his own), he coughs and says, "Well. I guess you know already."

Grabbing the ten percent that's left of his dignity, he clears his throat and says, "This one is from asgardian . 'Why didn't you come at the park at eight? I said, explicitly, for you to come to the park at eight in my last email. What the hell, Horrible?'"

He rolls his eyes. Billy Kaplan, poor kid, doesn't he know he already knows his secret identity? He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to remind himself that Billy is still just a kid, he doesn't exactly know what he's doing yet. Steve forces out the part of him that's Dr. Horrible, not Steve Rogers, and says, "Asgardian, you're not my nemesis. War Machine is. Also, you probably need a better name than Asgardian, of all things. What the hell is an Asgardian? No, nope, nuh-uh. You practice magic, not alien planetoids that don't exist. Next question.

"Er, darcylewis , again, apparently. Mmm. 'So, that Tony guy? By any chance the Tony at Shield HQ, because, damn, girl. You got good taste. P.S. I know because I work there.' Ah, really? Guess I never saw you...um, would there be any other, honestly? He's beautiful, isn't he?" He laughs, bashful, and continues. "He really is, you know..."

Steve trails off, imagining a few instances where Tony and him could be together, like on a beach, in the theaters, at the mall, top of the world, bed...and lastly, in the ballroom in that fancy hotel downtown. The floor, marble, wouldn't hurt his knees, and the lights, magnificent, would shine on the ring he would have made for Tony. And Tony himself, he'd be dashing in a simple suit and tie, fitted and expensive. He'd grin, say yes, and they'd dance together, happy. And Steve would be the happiest man alive, knowing he found the right partner in his arms and swaying along with him, a ring on his finger and brown eyes shining.

He'd look beautiful on their wedding, he thinks. Then he grins and knows. Definitely. He turns the webcam off, posting it on his site, and continues on with his daydream.

By the time Bucky gets back, he's making his hands kiss each other in a deep, passionate sport called Tonsil Hockey. Very deep and passionate. Yup. He acts as the priest who married them off, saying, "You may kiss your delectable and hot husband, you lucky guy, you, I wish I was you, you know, everyone in this church does, you know why? You are a lucky man, Steve Rogers. Lucky, lucky, lucky man."

It's very sane. He swears by it.

He doesn't notice when Bucky stares at him, muttering "That's it. That's my best friend," as he deliberately slams the door on his way in. He also doesn't notice when Bucky looks at the clock with grudging look of respect and awe. Again, he doesn't notice when Bucky repeatedly slams the door over and over again. He does, however, notice when Bucky walks over him, grimacing, and pulling his hands away from where they were going to do the do. Fondue. Make love. Hipster. Whatever term they use now.

"Hey!" He says, honestly quite offended. What right did Bucky have in separating loved ones from one another, anyway? He's not Death, and even if he was, marriage vows explicitly say, "'Til death do us part." Wait, um, doesn't that mean they're only married until death? Steve gapes at Bucky in horror. That will just not do.

He opens his mouth and Bucky says, "Three 'o clock. Shield HQ."

With the air of a soldier, Steve nods and heads out the door. Tony is waiting for him.

And Bucky, because he's Bucky, he doesn't say, "Goodbye!" or "Good luck!" or "I hope you finally get into his pants because god dammit Steve you make him sound like the reincarnation of Adonis or something!" No, nope, nuh-uh. He yells out, "You should get out of the uniform!" Because Bucky is Bucky and Steve is a hopeless man who devotes too much of his life loving strangers.

Well.

One in particular.