The next story of Countdown to Merry Christmas, Jonny T.
Deadpool
Christmas Of The Merc
Deadpool sat in his warehouse, bored as can be. It was Christmas Eve.
"Well, this is just great." Deadpool groans, "It's the night before Christmas, and I don't have shit to do. What kind of holiday special is this?" Deadpool grabs his phone. "Well, I might as well try to find some people to go party with." Deadpool states. He dials a number and places the phone to his ear. A few seconds pass. "Hello?" Deadpool questions into the phone, "Sabortooth? Hey, bud, it's Wade. Hello?" Deadpool dials another number. "Hello?" Deadpool questions, "Cable? Hey, Merry Christmas, bubby! Who is this? It's Wade. Hello?" Deadpool dials another number. "Well, it's my last hope." Deadpool states, "Hello? Logan? Hey, you wanna get a few beers, catch up a little? What? It's Wade. Hello?" Deadpool flings the phone behind his couch. "Dammit!" Deadpool yells, "Why doesn't anyone wanna hang out?" He flips on the TV and sits for awhile. He somehow found himself laughing at an episode of Family Guy, only for the news to flip on.
"This just in, we have received reports of a rapid snow storm heading into the city." the news anchor reports, "All residents are cautioned to stay inside."
"Well, maybe not having anything to do is a good thing." Deadpool says, "I mean, you'd have to be crazy to go out in this weather. Wait, what am I saying?" A few hours had pasted, and Deadpool continued to watch TV. All of a sudden, there was a knock on the door. "This better be good." Deadpool groans, "JD was just about to tell Elliot he still loves her." He opens the door to find a man and a woman standing in front of him.
"Please, sir, my wife is in labor!" the man informs, "Can we please come in? Our car got stuck in the snow, and all the roads are closed." Deadpool thinks for a moment.
"I guess." Deadpool replies. The man and woman rush inside.
"Oh, thank you!" the woman says, rubbing her extend stomach.
"Don't mention it." Deadpool replies, "That'll be twenty bucks."
"What?" the man questions.
"You wanna go back out into the cold?" Deadpool questions.
"Fine." the man replies, and hands Deadpool twenty dollars.
"Sweet." Deadpool says, "Now, you just go and sit down on the couch, and I'll go and grab a board game."
"But my wife is about to have a baby." the man informs.
"AAAH!" the woman cries a little.
"Oh, in that cause, that'll be forty more bucks." Deadpool replies.
"Are you crazy?" the man questions.
"Hey, a merc's gotta make a living too." Deadpool informs. The man sighs and hands Deadpool forty more dollars. "Good." Deadpool says, "Now, I've delivered a baby before. So I know what I'm doing." Deadpool lays a blanket over his couch. "I'm sure I've learned from my mistakes."
"Honey, we can't let this man deliver our child." the man whispers in the woman's ear, "I think he's a little off."
"We have no other choice." the woman informs. Deadpool lays the woman down on the couch, then strolls over to a trunk. He opens it and pulls out a katana and a handgun.
"What are those for?" the man questions, in shock. Deadpool holds up the katana.
"This is just incase we need to cut her open to get the baby out." Deadpool explains, then holds up the gun, "This is incase the child is the spawn of Satan, to which we would have to destroy." He strolls back over to the couch.
"Joseph, I'm scared." the woman whispers into the man's ear.
"It's okay, Marie." the man replies.
"Now, let's take a look under the hood." Deadpool states, then lifts the woman's dress up, "OH MY GOD!"
"WHAT?" Joseph and Marie questions, in shock.
"Sorry, it's been awhile since I've seen something like that." Deadpool replies, "Okay, well, it's crowning. I kind of forgot what that is, but I think it means that it's time to push."
"AAAAAAAHHH!" Marie screamed as she tried to push the child from here body.
"Okay, I have the head!" Deadpool informs, "Let's just hope it doesn't come off this time!"
"What?" Joseph questions.
"Nothing, just a little humor." Deadpool replies.
"What kind of humor are you into?" Joseph questions.
"Does the term, 'Guns for Hire', answer your question." Deadpool replies.
"AAAAAAAHHH!" Marie screams louder.
"Okay, it's almost out!" Deadpool informs, "Just one more push!"
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Marie screams, giving one final push.
"AAAAHHH!" a small cry comes from the other end of Marie.
"It's a boy!" Deadpool yells.
"A boy!" Joseph cries, kissing Marie. Deadpool holds up the baby, and the katana.
"Only one more thing left to do." Deadpool says. He moves the katana towards the baby.
"Wait!" Joseph yells, "Isn't that the father's job?" Deadpool thinks for a moment.
"Fine." Deadpool replies, handing him the baby and the katana. Joseph cuts the cord from the baby.
"We're parents." Joseph says, with tears in his eyes. Deadpool hands him a towel and Joseph wraps the baby up in it, then hands him to Marie.
"My baby." Marie sobs with joy.
"Good job, buddy." Deadpool says to Joseph.
"Thanks." Joseph replies, "Thank you very much, sir."
"Oh, I have something the baby can lay in!" Deadpool informs. He runs over to a pile of junk, and brings back a little crib. The two parents lay the baby in the crib. All of a sudden, there was a knock on the door. Deadpool answers it to find Bob and Weasel. "Hey, Guys!" Deadpool greets, "What are you doing here?"
"Hi, Mr. Wilson." Bob replies, "I was just at the church, playing a shepred for a play, and I thought I would drop in and wish you a Merry Christmas."
"Aaaw, and you did the same, Weas?" Deadpool questions.
"No, my car got stuck a few blocks away." Weasel replies, "You know this is the only place with the lights on at this hour?" Deadpool looks at his watch.
"Hey, it's seven minutes after midnight!" Deadpool states, "Merry Christmas! Come on in!" Weasel and Bob enter the warehouse, and strolled over to the couch.
"Oh my god." Weasel says when he sees the new born in the crib, "Did you deliver a baby in here?"
"Yeah!" Deadpool replies, "This is Marie and Joseph."
"Nice to meet you." Bob says, shaking Joseph and Marie's hands.
"So, what are you gonna name him?" Deadpool questions. Joseph and Marie look at each other.
"Well, we were going to name him after the doctor that delivered him." Joseph informs.
"But since you did, we'll name him after you." Marie adds.
"Really?" Deadpool questions, a little surprised, "That's awesome!"
"What's your name?" Joseph questions.
"Wade Wilson." Deadpool answers.
"Then our son will be named Wade Wilson Mason." Marie informs. Deadpool smiled under his mask. He then looks around at everyone. He looks at Joseph and Marie.
"A couple named Marie and Joseph that needed shelter." Deadpool thinks to himself, then looks at the baby, "And gave birth to a son on Christmas day." He then looks at Weasel and Bob, "And a wise man, and a shepred come to the home. This would make a good story one day."
The End.
Still eight more stories to go. I hope you enjoyed this one. Please Review. Thanks.
