A/N: and here's chapter 2 for everyone kind enough to give this thing a chance and thank-you so much to everyone who reviewed last chapter! you guys are the best!
-
Chapter 2
-
Jude stopped a few yards out from where Connor sat. Treading water, he began to second guess himself. Was he interrupting something? Was this Connor's thing, sitting alone out on the water after the beach had cleared for the day? Alone time was certainly something Jude valued. Or maybe he just told himself that so he didn't feel so bad about the amount of time he spent alone. Either way, he'd still only met the other boy that morning. Was he being presumptuous in thinking the attention during the day extended to an invitation in the evening? Maybe Connor had just been being nice to the new kid. A noble gesture, but just a gesture none the less.
Jude wondered how long he could tread water for. The tide was coming in after all and so eventually Connor's board would drift into him and then it would be Connor, not him, that was interrupting.
"Hey!"
Jude looked up and saw that Connor had turned around. His eye brow cocked slightly, his smile crooked but it was bright in it questioning. "Hey." He smiled back and swam the remaining distance.
Connor tipped himself off the side of his board when he got close so they could both hang onto the edge, Connor on one side near the front, Jude on the other, near the back. "So," Connor said looking around. "You forget something?"
Jude ducked his head. He hadn't come up with an excuse. He hadn't gotten that far. "Yeah, uh, I think I left one of my cleats out here."
"Mmm been there. You'd think it'd sink but no, the seagulls take'em."
That. Right there. That ease of banter that some people just seem to have captivated him. It was one of those skills that had skipped over him and left him floundering and even further away from making friends. "Oh yeah?" was all he managed accompanied by a laughed.
"Yeah, they're not shy, I'll tell you that much."
"Well you fit right in then." Connor shrugged but nodded in what Jude thought was maybe not so much agreement but acceptance. He looked different now. His hair was wet and plastered over his forehead instead of sticking up out of his bandana. His eyes looked younger, open wider, no longer needing to squint from the sun and his odd affinity for that bandana over a baseball cap. They were brown, Jude noticed, lighter than his own, and mischievous in a way that was appealing. Bad boy wasn't really Jude's thing but that's not really what he was seeing either. Connor was more of a tug in a different direction than one in the wrong direction. His smile had that mischief to it too, like there was some dumb innuendo just sitting behind it. When it was hiding there and not jumping out at him Jude couldn't help but find it cute and he caught himself staring more often than he would like to admit. His heart rate began to pick up when he noticed Connor staring back. "The waves have died," he said in hopes of breaking the eye contact and allowing his heart to slow back in rhythm to the gentle roll of the incoming tide.
"You don't need waves to surf. Waves are for the weak," Connor answered, his eyes still holding Jude's in a way that didn't allow him to full dissect the absurdity of the remark before Connor suggested a race out to the buoy.
Jude looked out towards the line of orange buoys that floated further out in ocean. He could barely see them bobbing, backlit by the setting sun. They were there to keep the boats away from the surfers and the surfers from going out to far.
"What about your board?"
"It'll just float in on the tide. Sometimes I like to race it. See how many times I can make it out to the buoys and back before it reaches the sand."
"What's your record?"
"Six. But I'm pretty sure I drowned that time 'cause I swear there was like no tide and so the board wasn't moving but you know, I just had to keep going."
"Well of course, think of the shame you would have brought to your family if you'd have stopped."
Connor just smiled before asking "so there and back?" He straightened up a bit and was already pushing himself back from the board.
There was something contagious about his eagerness that, despite the ache in Jude's arms from a long day of baseball and an afternoon spent in the surf, made Jude push off the board too and start out towards the buoys.
"No fair," he heard Connor call between the splashing of arms and legs. Jude was pretty certain it was fair though given the other boys build. And maybe it was because of that difference in muscle mass that Jude felt a strong need impress. Maybe it was because all day Connor had fixated on him and if Jude didn't give him something good to actually look at then that new attention would start picking away at old wounds. He kicked harder and pulled his arms faster through the incoming tide. The salt in the water began to sting his eyes but he kept going. The further he swam more frantic his limbs became. He made it to the buoy first but only barely and as he turned around and began heading back, he felt a hand on his ankle, tugging him back. Any fear of mysterious sea creatures lurking below vanished when he heard a laugh from behind him. The weird spout of competitiveness seemed to disappear with it too. His muscles relaxed a little, finally allowing himself to feel the dying rays of sinking sun on his back and as he kicked free of his capture it was his own laugh that carried over the water. He was only free for a couple seconds though before he felt the hand again, this time on his swim trunks.
"Hey! No playing dirty."
"A little presumptuous, are we?" Connor smirked as he finally managed to take the lead. And just like that morning, he flipped onto his back to look back at Jude. "Besides, everyone knows I save my foreplay for the sand."
Jude felt himself blush but picked up his pace. Connor was easy to catch and Jude used probably every ounce of strength him arms had left to reach out and dunk him before continuing back the board.
Lucky for them the board hadn't drifted too far. Jude won. What exactly, he hadn't determined and was too exhausted to think about it when he flopped his upper body over the floating fiber glass. Really, he didn't know if it counted because when he turned his head, Connor was still on his back, making his way lazily. He was kind of glad though, seeing as he was currently laying half dead and panting seemingly uncontrollably over the board.
It was the blue on the board that caught his tired eyes first. It didn't miss him that it was the blue because he had already begun associating the colour with Connor. He sat himself up a bit so he could see more. It was a mural of sorts, hand drawn by the looks of the uneven lines and indefinite proportions. The blue part was a human type creature but it had two heads and four arms and four legs. There was a jagged tear down its center, a yellow lightning bolt drawn down the middle. There were other human creatures in the background, some still together, others ripped fully apart with confused and sad looks on their faces. An angry looking ocean churned beneath the creatures, black and charcoal except for the white foamy tips of crashing waves. The fury was reflected in the spiteful looking God, he assumed, hovering in the storm clouds above and raining the lightning bolts down upon the helpless creatures below.
"Like it?" came a voice behind him.
He turned but Connor dove under the water. He reappeared on the other side of the board and folded his arms right in front of Jude's so they were touching. Jude moved his hand a little so it rested on top of Connor's arm and waited. Connor didn't move away though, instead he moved closer, leaning over the board. Letting his eyes slip close, Jude felt lips on his, rough and salty from the ocean, but soft in their touch.
He pulled away before Jude could react but when Jude opened his eyes again he was still resting across from him. There was no smirk on his face. Instead, he seemed to be grinding his teeth on the inside of his bottom lip. But he still looked right back at Jude, eyes wide and unwavering. While his own remained fogged over, Connor's bore into him. There was a purpose behind their gaze. And Jude didn't know what that purpose was, his head spinning just a little too fast to think anything through completely, but it was the simple fact that Connor had one while he drifted, lost at sea.
"I should go," was all he said. Although, Jude was impressed that he managed anything at all. "Dinner."
"Yeah." Connor looked away then, down at the painting of the blue creature on his board.
Jude headed back to shore, thankful the tide had moved them closer. He didn't care so much about the sand stuck to the bottom of his feet this time. It was getting dark, the sun only rays now above the black water. Connor couldn't stay out there forever. A breeze blew in off the water and Jude shivered under his wet skin. Maybe he was imagining it but he swore his lips were still warm. Just as he tucked his own surf board under his arm, he spotted Connor walking towards him. "See you tomorrow?"
"I'm not gay," Jude said, his lips tingling as the lie rushed passed them. He didn't really know why he said it. His brain still felt a little hazy. Long days in the sun would do that to a person. Long days of getting attention from a cute boy would do that too. It was like treading water where every unabashed gaze in his direction sent another wave over his head. The kiss though, that soft press of warm skin onto his… That wave was too big. That wave washed away any of ambiguity of Connor's intentions and pulled him under. He needed to retreat. He needed to find dry land and shelter from the oncoming storm. It had been years since he had reached for that cover. Most of the time his world consisted only of himself so from the time he had started to understand, Jude had just gone with it. Other people were different but Jude never told them anything anyways so it never felt like this was something he way lying about. Connor was not like other people though. He had made that very clear.
"Yeah, okay," Connor nodded, the smirk returning to lips. "Alright." And Jude knew he knew because it wasn't 'alright, I accept and respect your stated sexuality.' No, it was 'alright, going with that then? I can work with that. Just wait and see.'
Jude opened his mouth to defend himself but didn't. Instead, he headed for the sandy path that gradually turned to dirt as it lead up from the beach towards the neighborhood of nice homes and trust funds that he now called home.
When Jude got home he could tell it was going to be one of those nights. The house was dark, the hardwood paneled walls in the hall and the living room soaking up the soft glow coming from the kitchen. It wasn't a scary sort of dark though. It was warm, cozy. Murmuring voices drifted into the front hall as he slipped off his shoes but he couldn't make out what they were saying. It didn't matter though. He knew. It was about Callie. It was always about Callie. Even though they'd been here for eight months now, his sister just could not stay out of trouble. The home had come to her too late.
"Jude," he heard Lena call as he climbed the stairs to his bedroom. The scrape of chair legs on the hardwood floor echoed through the house before he could even answer. When he did she insisted he come get something to eat and so Jude turned around and walked back down and into the kitchen. Lena was standing at the counter already making him a sandwich. "How were the waves? You guys were out there for a long time."
"Good."
"Hey Baby, you haven't seen your sister have you?" Stef asked. She was sitting at the table with a woman in a suit. In front of them was a large binder. It was a familiar scene but with it did not come comfort.
"No."
"Did she say if she was going anywhere?"
"No. Why?"
"Well she didn't come home last night and she has a hearing on Thursday."
"Oh."
"Well I'm sure she'll turn up," Lena said, handing him the plate. "She's been doing better. No need to worry."
Jude nodded. "Thanks," he said and turned to leave them to their murmuring. She was probably with a guy. When she disappeared that's where she ran to. They usually weren't anything sinister. Jude found loser to be the most fitting. Life had sat them in such a precarious position though that even a simple loser could bring them down. Case and point, dating anyone was apparently a parole violation and so Jude kept quiet. Over and over he'd seen Callie crumble under the hands of some guy. Sometimes it was just little things like missing curfew or skipping school. It always escalated though, particularly when summer boredom began to set in.
A sinking feeling settled in Jude's stomach as he pushed the door open to his room. He placed the plate with his dinner down on the dresser beside his door. He paused then, looking at the large wooden piece of furniture. When they'd first been placed with Stef and Lena, the dresser had been on the other side of the room. He'd moved it that night. It was strategy, a survival technique. And now, eight months later, it was still there. He knew he could move it back now. Logically, he knew. But logically, Callie should know there was no need to disappear anymore either. Running was her security blanket, her conformation that she could escape if she really needed to, that this option was truly better than juvie. And that dresser was his, more so than any teddy bear or oversized hoodie could ever be. He continued into his room, shutting his door behind him and flopping down onto his bed, his tired muscles expressing their relief. This was all his, his bed, his room, snuggled warmly in the first real home he'd ever known and Jude wondered if he'd ever be able to shake off the past or if, like Callie, it was all just too late for him.
