Author's notes: I decided this deserved as good an update as I can give it right now. Here's the next chapter of "The Laughing Fish".
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The television displayed the Gotham News at Eleven.
"Coming up next, Marla Benson has a special report on the Smiling Fish epidemic. How safe are Gotham's waters?"
Batman stood where he'd been last night after getting as much sleep as his dual life allowed. Sometimes he wished that he'd remain either Bruce Wayne or just stay in the cape and cowl forever. It would certainly allow him more rest either way.
The fish lay in the tray, now half-open with its bones showing under the light of the lamp. The scalpel was next to it, dirty and covered in bits of flesh and white scales. The computer screen flashed up a series of numbers and scientific terms as a post-dissection analysis.
"Well, he's not out to poison people. This diluted toxin only affects fish," Batman declared.
"Maybe he's trying to make us all die of disgust," Alfred suggested.
Batman shook his head, failing to realise this was a joke. He stared at the screen, unable to work out why the Joker wanted fish like this in the first place.
Before the butler could make another joke which wouldn't make sense to his master or the caped crusader continued coming up with theories, the television screen made a loud "twang" as if the world's largest piece of elastic had been pulled in an echoing room. A cartoon sound, followed by a loud bit of ensemble music. A news channel letting adverts on? This didn't sound like standard procedure for them.
"They're finny, and funny, and oh, so de-lish,
They're joyful and jolly Joker fish!"
Batman realised this was Harley's singing, and in his disgust he realised that Joker had hijacked the channel and broadcast a commercial. This is going to be amazing… he sarcastically thought.
Harley stood in the centre, wearing a Kiss the Cook apron, while two henchmen sat back, one wearing pigtails and a young girl's clothes, while the other wore a propeller hat and dungarees. Neither of the men seemed to fit in with their outfits.
"Say, mum. Wondering what to feed the family tonight?" Joker asked from offscreen.
"What'll I feed the family tonight?" Harley asked.
"'Arr! Try me famous Joker fish!" Joker walked on, dressed in a yellow coat and hat that you saw on wet days- a fisherman's outfit. As he walked towards the table, he pulled out a heavy bag and poured it over the table. Joker Fish. This commercial was getting more disgusting by the minute.
"There's Smiling Smelt, Giggling Grouper, and Happy Haddock!"
One of the fish seemed to writhe, as if it had briefly regained control of its dead corpse. Batman took a sceptical look at the fish. If any of those were the fish Joker had mentioned, it was hard to tell after the disfiguration.
"This could cause a stampede to pork," Alfred deadpanned.
Meanwhile, Joker proceeded to slice up the fish and hold a piece of it on a fork.
"Yummy yum, yum!" he muttered.
Then he realised Harley wasn't going as the script demanded.
"Eat it."
An awkward pause, and Batman realised Harley Quinn must have an allergy of some kind.
"Um… Mista J, I have this little problem with fish."
As his normal, uncaring self would normally have done anyway, he shoved the fork into her mouth, Joker fish pieces on the end. She failed to chew them, and her mouth bulged like a hamster that was storing food in its cheek pouch.
"Glmumy glum glum!" she barely managed to utter, before she went off the camera.
"Yes, friends! That's Joker fish!" Joker beamed, just before Harley wretched as she threw up. Whether it was from her allergy, the Joker fish or a mix of both, neither Batman nor Alfred could tell.
"Tasty, tempting, and of course…"
"…naturally low in cholesterol," the henchmen finished in a pair of voices that sounded nothing like the children they were trying to be.
"Coming to your local store…"
And that was when he broke character. Taking off his hat, he angrily marched towards the camera.
"…just as soon as that nasty old Mr G. Carl Francis decides to give me MY LEGAL CUT OF THE PROFITS!"
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The Same Time
A few miles away from the Batcave
A confused Mr G. Carl Francis widened his eyes. Before the commercial he'd been watching the news and trying to work out what had happened that day. The boss had turned him down for a raise, his wife was having an operation, the office had just been sued by another average Joe, and to finish it off Joker had stormed into the office with threats and those ghastly fish. He shuddered at the memory, and though it had been well over twelve hours since he'd been hit by one, he still had the smell somewhere.
The three Gotham Police officers around him also stared at the screen in surprise. Commissioner Gordon stood by a police radio, staying alert for any potential developments, while Bullock scowled in his usual manner at the television. The third police officer just stretched his neck uncomfortably, uncertain what to do next.
Finally, Bullock showed he'd had enough.
"Change the channel!"
The officer whose name Francis had missed walked over to the TV and adjusted the set just as the low cackles of Joker's voice echoed through the speakers. Despite a brief bit of static on the screen, he remained in the centre of the screen and the sound continued echoing, despite several adjustments.
"It's on every station!" the officer remarked in disbelief.
Gordon pulled the radio close to his mouth and might as well have been yelling directly next to the man on the other end.
"Get a trace on that signal, now!"
Turning his attention back to the TV, Gordon, Bullock, Francis and the other officer all watched as Joker stopped laughing and produced a pocket watch.
"I hope you've changed your mind, Mr Francis…"
Turning the watch around, G. Carl Francis saw the time was 11:20PM. Forty minutes to go…
"…because I haven't changed mine."
And with that, the cackling continued before the screen faded to black.
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And the second, long overdue chapter of The Laughing Fish finally rears its head. Sorry it's so short, but more will be coming.
Oh, and another thing to mention. I have published my first original B:TAS fanfic. It's called "Prowler" and you can find it either through my profile or in the archive. Thanks for reading.
