Chapter 2

Authoress' note: Think I'd be gone forever, did you? Well I, Joanfenny Kenobi, has returned!

Orio: Someone's had strait sugar this morning.

Joanfenny: Quiet you! Anyway, a thanks goes to Kondoru for being my first reviewer. Apparently no one else bothered to review. How sad. Hey Luke, can you say the disclaimer?

Luke: We're about to go fight Vader and you want me to do a disclaimer?!

Joanfenny: It'll only take two seconds!

Katniss Everdeen: Oh, for crying out loud! Joanfenny does not own Star Wars, The Avengers, Ducky Momo, Ego, the Hunger Games, JK Rowling, her brothers, a dead squirrel, but she does own Orio.

Joanfenny, Orio, and Luke: …Where did you come from?

Leia had gone off to help with the evacuations, so Luke, Joan, and Orio headed to hanger B4 to stall Vader. The Star Wars sound track played through the speakers, adding intensity to the situation. One thing Joan learned from hanging out with the rebels is that they always play John Williams whenever there was a battle. And when they run out of John Willaims (depending on how long the battle is) they play Ducky Momo. They used to play the Avengers theme song because it's cool, but then Tony Stark threatened to sue them, so now they play Ducky Momo.

Orio poked his head out of Joan's backpack. "Does Vader have any personal issues against cats?"

"I… don't know?" Luke guessed.

The black-and-white fur-ball grinned. "Well, he will after this." He disappeared into the bag and a sound that resembled a chainsaw came from within. Luke gave Joan a skeptical look, who only grinned back at him. "Luke, mi amigo, you should know by now that Orio isn't your average kitten."

"Why do you even hang out with him? He seems more annoying than helpful."

"Well, for one, I'm his creator. Second, we have fun annoying each other and other people. Lastly, he's good at getting me out of pickles."

"Yup, there was one time a pickle monster attacked Joan while she was dreaming and I—"

"That's not what I meant." Joan snapped.

The trio finally reached their destination… only to find it completely deserted. Save for one lone Tie-fighter Advanced sitting innocently in the hanger. It was so quiet you could hear a flea fart. There were no signs of the Dark Lord of the freakin' Sith.

Joan tapped her chin. "Where do you think he is? In the bathroom?"

Luke looked at Joan. "Why the heck would he be in the bathroom?"

Joan shrugged. "He's still human, sort of."

While Luke gagged, Orio peeked out of the bag; a mysterious brown stain was on one cheek. "Well, this is certainly out of Vader's normal behavior."

Luke cleared his throat. "Yeah, Vader should have sensed I was coming, so he'd be waiting for me."

"Maybe he sensed me too." Joan guessed. Many fandom villains had learned the hard way not to mess with the Authoress. Whenever she'd come, it was a fight or flight for the evildoers.

Luke cautiously approached the ship. There didn't seem to be any traps, but then again traps are meant to be well hidden. I mean, if the traps weren't hidden, then they wouldn't make very good traps…

"Stephanie, could you keep it down? I'm trying to find my lightsaber." Joan mumbled to the Narrator. She was digging into her pocket, only to pull out things like loose change and old tic-tacs. She was wearing her magic pants today, which had very deep pockets.

"Are you talking to that voice inside your head again?" Luke asked. The young Jedi was circling the ship, still not seeing any Sith crazies.

"What? Oh, yeah…" Joan flipped through her notebook until she found one page where she wrote as a reminder: Even though I'm the Authoress, I'm not the narrator for any of my adventures. The Narrator is Scéalaí, but I never call her that because I can't pronounce it. She's just a voice inside my head, and one of the few voices I have that are sane. I can't narrate because I'll start rabbling on about zombie squirrels or picture frames. So whenever I have an adventure in Realm Fiction, Scéalaí does the narrating. Now, the possibility of a zombie squirrel invasion is higher in America than in China because America…

A loud buzzing sound filled the air, interrupting Joan from her reading. Looking at Luke, the Authoress noticed that Luke had his hand on Vader's ship, and blue electricity was racing through his body. Looks like this was Vader's trap.

"Hang on Luke!" Joan whipped out her pen-wand. With a blast of purple energy, Luke was freed from the current. Unfortunately he passed out from the shock.

"Vader must know Luke too well." Joan noted, seeing how cunningly the trap was placed.

"He is my son, Authoress." A deep voice hissed from behind. Turning around, Vader stood but ten feet from her, his ignited lightsaber in hand. The ending scene from Rogue One suddenly came to Joan's mind.

"O-O-Oh… Lord Vader. Long time no see." Joan sputtered as she backed up. A feeling of thrill and terror was racing through her veins, similar to the excitement fans would feel whenever the Dark Lord appeared on screen. "Have you managed to get the whipped cream out of your respirator?"

"You will not interfere with Skywalker's capture this time, Kenobi." Vader swung his lightsaber at Joan. Joan dodged and tapped her wand. It illusion as a pen was replaced with one of a violet lightsaber. She had a green lightsaber, but it was still buried in her pocket. While Luke had been given her some training in lightsaber skills, Vader was almost two feet taller.

"That wand can do no harm to me." Vader boomed as he stuck Joan's saber.

"It can't kill you, but it doesn't mean it can't hurt you." The wand of the Authoress had few limits, but no killing was one of them.

The skilled Sith Lord and the amateur Authoress battled in the hanger. When Joan had a free hand, she gave her notebook to Orio. "Take notes for me, will ya?" She yelled.

Orio whipped out a spare pen from the bag. "What do you want me to write?"

"Write 'Vader' at the top of the page. Then write, 'speaks formally, gets right to the point, and is a man of a few words.'"

"I speak more than Boba Fett." Vader snapped. He used the Force or hurl Joan into the wall. Orio managed to jump out of the backpack just in time so Joan wouldn't flatten him. Unfortunately his head landing right into a pipe tube on the ground. Hot pain roared through Joan as she struggled to stand. "This is the part of the battle when the villain makes a speech." She mumbled.

"Your powers are weak, young one. You are not an Authoress; you are just a child with a pen. Despite what you have managed to do in this Realm, it will not help you anywhere in your world." Vader snarled as he stepped closer.

Joan wheezed. "Orio, scratch the 'man of a few words.'"

"Sure, just as soon as I get out of this." Orio's voice echoed through the pipe. As he swung his head back and forth, the weight of the pipe caused him to lose balance and he fell awkwardly on his front paws.

Joan directed her attention to the Sith, "You better not talk like that to me, just because I'm not a professional like J. K. Rowling doesn't mean I'm not an Authoress. I can still smother you in apple pie and cupcakes."

"Desserts do not intimidate me." Vader hissed.

A groan came from the Tie, and the Authoress, Sith Lord, and pipe tube cat turned to see a static-haired Luke rubbing his eyes. "Wha happened…?" He slurred.

While Vader was momentarily distracted, Joan slipped off her backpack and searched for whatever Orio was building. The only thing that Joan had never seen before was a small brown ray-gun. Pointing it at Vader, she fired. The Sith Lord brought up his lightsaber to block the attack, only for the saber to turn into chocolate. Dark Chocolate, to be precise.

"What?" Vader yelled in outrage.

"Behold, my chocolate-inator!" Orio bellowed. With one final tug he freed himself from the pipe, only to sling-shot himself into the fire alarm. Red sirens screamed through the hanger as the sprinklers went off.

"Are we on Kamino?" Luke mumbled. He struggled to stand, but instead he stumbled like a drunken man.

Even though Vader lacked his lightsaber, it did not mean he wasn't dangerous. The Dark Lord loomed towards the Authoress, but Joan didn't hesitate to act. A purple laser blasted from the wand, and Vader disappeared.

"You killed him!" Orio exclaimed.

"No," Joan said coolly, blowing the tip of her wand. "I just teleported him."

"To where?" Luke asked, rubbing his poor head.

Joan grinned, showing her teeth. "Like I'm going to tell."

As the trio trekked to the bridge to report that Vader "left," Joan was writing down some final notes in her notebook. "Man, this stuff I really going to help me with my mini crossover."

"What's the crossover?" Luke asked, his hair still static.

"It's about how I first got here, duh! You know, crashing on Ego, having a prank war, egging Palpatine's mansion, and of course there's Blaze."

"Don't forget about the time we escaped from Panem." Orio piped in.

The trio laughed until their lungs hurt. "Oh my gosh, I loved it when you hypnotized Kylo Ren to sing and dance." Luke snickered.

Joan sighed with content. "Orio and I should be getting back. I'm babysitting tonight and my brothers can't keep the younger siblings under control."

"Well, I guess I'll see you around, Joanfenny." Luke gave a lopsided grin. "Thanks for saving me back there."

"Thanks for the opportunity. Wait, Orio, how did you invent the inator in my backpack?"

Orio smiled. "I have a whole workshop in your bag, Joan."

Authoress' note: I want to know three thing:

1) Do you think this is funny?

2) It is decently written, or do I need to work on that?

3) Should I shave Kylo Ren's hair?

Kylo: NOOOOOO!

Joanfenny: Hey, Katnip, can you say the review thing?

Katniss: So yeah, if you love this story, you will review.

Orio: That's it?

Luke: Let me try, REVIEW OR ELSE WE'LL TAR AND FEATHER MY NEPHEW!

Everyone else: O_o

Joanfenny: But seriously, reviews are food for the soul.