AN: Ok, so, for the early years, there's not really much I would change? Like, there're some things of course, individual things here and there that could have gone differently, but as for plot? For the first two season, that's pretty simple, mainly because little happens that actually has far reaching effects. Season 3 are where most of the changes are going to pick up, so for now? Enjoy what little changes and keep your hats ready for future changes that shall come. Because that's going to be insane.
Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.
She'd forgotten how Zeus damned annoying it was to be left behind all the time.
Gabrielle remembered, of course- she remembered everything about the first time she had lived through this life. But there was a difference between remembering the event and living through it. Remembering the annoyance and worry and slight twinge of fear for her new found friend and living through it all, all while resisting the urge to strangle the warrior the next time she saw her.
Gabrielle understood, of course. As far as Xena knew, she was little more than a child, a young woman who had joined up with a fearsome ex-warlord for the adventure of it. It was Xena's job to protect her, to keep her safe, to make sure she lived to see another day. Xena didn't know what Gabrielle did; she didn't know what they had been through together, what they would go through in this life, didn't know how strong Gabrielle truly was. And while Gabrielle understood, it hurt.
She'd been tempted, ever since that first night, to tell Xena about the future. To just lay it all out, to put everything on the line and let Xena make the decision. Let her make the call about whether or not to trust her, to skip forward to where their relationship had left off, to not worry about the hundreds of things that would go wrong because now they would go right. Oh, had she been tempted.
But Gabrielle held back. Xena wasn't ready, and to push forward, to try and force what would come naturally if she just waited? It would ruin everything. So Gabrielle held onto the role Xena had put her in, allowing the dice to fall where she already knew they would.
But it was beyond annoying, especially when, for the third time that week, Xena left her in a tavern and left to make sure it was safe.
Especially since Gabrielle knew what was coming. She knew about the arrow wound Xena would receive, knew about the warlord's son she herself was going to have to flirt with later in order to get him to change sides, she knew it all. And to just sit there and wait was killing her.
So, like Gabrielle had taken to doing the last few times Xena had left her alone, she trained.
It wasn't anything obvious, no. As much as Gabrielle wanted a sword or her sais back in her hands, those were too out of place, too noticeable. Xena would see them, would ask too many questions, would make things too awkward and force out the explanation from her. All things she was trying to avoid. So she trained with a staff; those were easy enough to come by, given a few minutes in the woods and some large enough trees. Every time she was alone, she had managed to find a decent replacement for her old staff relatively quickly, allowing her to get in some time training before Xena returned.
It felt nice, having a weapon in her hands again, after so long. After so many months of being soft, of the most dangerous thing in her hands being her eating knife, she could feel herself getting strong again. It would take years to rehone the skills she had learned, to regain the abilities she had lost, but Gabrielle already knew she could do them, that she would have them again, and knowing, as Xena had once told her, was already half the battle.
So she trained, and when the warlord's son arrived, she went back into the tavern to flirt with him, and when a few days later, Xena found out about him, she silently accepted the scolding Xena gave her about men (all while biting her tongue. Because she knew exactly what Xena's taste in men were, and she had no room to speak). Gabrielle allowed what happened to happen, and whenever Xena left her behind, she just kept training.
It was easier than she thought to change things. She had thought it would be hard, trying to figure out how to shift and shape the world around them to fit her needs, her knowledge of the future only telling her one of the paths she could take. But it was surprisingly easy.
When she was kidnapped by the priests of Morpheus, she already knew what she had to do to stall for time. She kept the battles going longer, dragged out those couple of extra seconds and minutes and hours Xena needed, and Xena saved the day, easily as could be.
It was easy to prove that Xena hadn't killed any of the men near the village, because no men were ever killed. When Xena mentioned the town they would be passing by, Gabrielle just ever so casually mentioned going a different route, a shortcut that would get them through the mountain range in just a few hours, instead of the two days going the normal route would take. When questioned, Gabrielle had just referenced her studies of maps, and Xena had accepted it, leading them in the opposite direction, high into the hills on a path that did, technically, get them out of the range faster than if they had gotten caught up in Ares' plan. And from the hill, Gabrielle watched as the travelers got home safely, tiny little specks that saw no interference as they returned to their town.
She protected the people from the titans by just never offering to read the scrolls, leaving them all to believe the magic just wasn't there. She protested Xena trying to die to save Prometheus, and managed to keep Iolaus from getting hurt. The former had Xena hesitating just enough to get them all to figure out some other answer that didn't involve Xena getting kidnapped by a giant flying lizard and falling from a thousand feet in the air, and the latter just helped. Helped Hercules and Xena fight off the creatures that had hatched from the eggs, helped them all be there to free Prometheus, helped to save the world.
When she saw Perdicas in Troy, it was easy to realize what she felt, this time. She loved him, yes, loved him like the brother she had never had, the brother and best friend he had been to her before their parents had decided they were to marry. She saw the man he had become, and even knowing what it would do to him, she was proud that he had tried to change his fate, had struck out on his own to realize what the world could be. But the kiss she gave him was on the cheek, a promise to catch up again soon and send letters if she could and if he ever went back to Potidea, and that was that.
Living life in hindsight was a blessing and a curse, it seemed. The chance to fix everything, to understand why things had gone the way they had, but even with the changes, powerless to stop it all, overall.
Because some things were the same- she still threw herself over Terreis, protecting her when the arrows fell but unable to stop the first of them, making her a princess. Though she was able to change Ephiny's opinion of her, Ephiny's face as she used her own staff to knock her on her ass a priceless sight, especially since the Amazons' opinion of her had been so low to begin with- a seemingly defenseless villager Xena had been refusing to train having defeated a warrior who had been training since she was four. She still left for Athens, some curious part of her wondering, after so many years of practice, how much better she would be (the officiator was sobbing by the time she finished, barely able to speak, and the headmaster begged on his knees for her to stay when she left to meet up with Xena) and a desire to see her old friends once more. People she had thought about fondly in her travels, even if she never seen them again.
She still got Xena and Diana confused those first few days they stayed in the palace after the assassination attempt had been uncovered, unused to seeing a double wandering around after so long of there just being Xena. It still hurt, listening to Xena and Marcus that night, the two of them believing her asleep- hurt to hear her soulmate with another, even if Marcus was probably the one man in Xena's life actually deserving of her. One of the few Gabrielle could fully approve of, if Xena's inclination had gone towards him staying. And even though she knew it was tolmic poison on that dart and that Xena would be fine, that she would awaken and save the day, the sight of her best friend, her soul mate, lying still on that table?
Gabrielle still broke, still found herself screaming in the woods as she beat a tree with her staff, because Xena seemed dead, and the last time Xena had been dead, Gabrielle had burned her. Burned her and lost her and in the process lost everything.
She still allowed herself to get captured by Callisto's men, though more for Joxer than anything else. He was her friend, the other brother she had never had, and just like she expected, when Callisto asked him to cut her throat, he balked. Xena saved her, just like she always had, and Gabrielle found herself safe and sound once again, secretly excited for their next meeting with Joxer. At least before he fell in love with her, he had been fun to hang around and goof off with, and as for the crush? Well, she had a plan for that this time.
And Gabrielle still found herself in the middle of that war. She couldn't even think about getting Xena to change course- Ephiny was there, needed their help, and Gabrielle had almost insisted on them following that path. And Gabrielle hadn't cared that it was suspicious if she was able to lead them directly to where Ephiny had been hiding; she still did, running before Xena despite the warrior's frantic, terrified yells for her to stop and come back, because her sister was in trouble. Gabrielle still found herself leaving the safety of the temple, to save that boy, something she actually succeeded in doing this time- she took an arrow through her thigh as well as a sword to her chest, but still she saved him. Saved him with just a broken nose and a gash above his eye, saved him and took him home.
She still found herself dying, dead, in the Elysian fields, greeted by her family. Family that knew- the gods knew what had happened, apparently, had seen it all in the Fate's newly fixed loom all those months ago when the repeat had begun, and were just waiting. Just waiting to see what she would do, how she would change the future, whether or not her knowledge of what was to come would be enough.
Found herself cradled in Xena's arms as she began to breathe once again, Hades allowing her to return with a gentle smile and a quiet wish of "Good luck." Found Xena crying over her, tears she longed to reach up and kiss away but unable, just too weak to move. Found herself slipping into sleep as Xena hovered protectively over her, the war finally over, making sure no more harm would come.
Her wounds were worse this time. Not just the slash to her chest, but the muscles in her thigh had torn as well, especially after carrying the boy back to the temple. She would have a limp for a good long while, though none of them, Xena or the priests, had believed it would be permanent. Just something that would heal, that would fade over time as she recovered. An annoyance, and something Xena deemed bad enough to delay them at the temple for another week while she healed, but still, Gabrielle was sure she came out none the worse for the wear. And she saved him, had saved that little boy.
Just like she planned on saving Solan.
It hurt, seeing him. She had known there would be pain- even the slightest thought of him, of what had happened, had been enough to start the ache in her heart. But to see him, to listen to him speak, even as he all but cursed Xena? It hurt more than she ever could have realized that it would.
He was one of the things she was going to fix. She was going to change his future, would make sure that he would grow up into a wonderful young man, that he would get the destiny her daughter had stolen from him. Watching as he ran off, as Xena talked to Kaleipus, Gabrielle swore right then and there that she would fix it all.
She had to let herself be bitten by the bacchae- there was no other way, not to stop Bacchus, at least. No other way to get Xena to change, though this time it was different. She had more control, almost, as if her previous life as one of the creatures kept her mind from being overwhelmed. Together, she and Xena killed the god, saved the girls- and for a moment Gabrielle began to panic. This was the first god of how many Xena would kill in her lifetime? How many more would die by her hand, and how many more would try to kill them?
If she had her way, none. Of that, Gabrielle was sure.
It was easy to say no to Perdicas this time, now that she knew. Because he needed her, by the gods, did he need her. But she didn't love him, not the way he wanted her to, and she needed Xena more. She needed her, needed her like the world needed the sun, and so she said no. Said no to his initial proposal, said no to the second time he asked- she couldn't love him, not the way he needed her to, so she said no.
She was still going to take him home, though, still going to make sure he got there safely. A couple of days of them talking, she hoped, would help. And there were plenty of women in Potediea, quite a few who longed for him, and Gabrielle was sure he would find happiness there. So she and Xena made plans on where to meet, if Gabrielle returned back towards the area before Xena finished catching Callisto and could meet up with them, and they left. Left with a long hug and a promised good bye, so very different from the kiss and promise to come visit that had initiated their departure in the first world.
"You love her, don't you? That's why you won't marry me."
All Gabrielle could do was nod and watch as Perdicas, surprisingly, smiled. She had been expecting a scowl, at least, the most common reaction, in both worlds, from people who took the step towards assuming she and Xena were lovers. But Perdicas just smiled, a small, sad smile.
"Does she make you happy?"
"More than anything in the world."
They continued on like that as they walked, side by side, discussing Gabrielle's adventures, talking through his experienced with war. It was hard, sometimes; sometimes his voice would shake and falter, his skin paling as he remembered what he had done, the world around him spinning as he froze mid-step and got caught up in the memories of what had happened. Episodes that passed, eventually, leaving him trying to laugh them off as he drank from the offered waterskin, but painful events that tugged at her heart.
She wanted to love him, wanted to be the woman he wanted her to be, but she couldn't. And knowing what she knew this life, Gabrielle couldn't pretend.
But she could protect him, and make sure he lived to find the woman who could.
She had thought they would be safe- leaving a day earlier than they had before, walking through much of the darkness until the road became too dangerous to continue; at least an entire twelve hours ahead of Callisto, before she ever realized that Xena had left their little group, leaving them exposed. She had thought it would be safe, that it would all be ok, that Xena would be able to take care of her and they would be done.
Callisto rounded the corner behind them in a fury of steel and sand, Xena and Argo right on her heels, the chakram arching through the air towards her hand as it slashed down, a killing blow aimed right for his neck.
It fell on her back instead, a diagonal slash that seared itself from her shoulder to her hip before the chakram could reach Callisto's wrist, one of the few times the weapon had been too slow. A wound that sent her sprawling as twin voices screamed her name, as Callisto rode off as Xena came to a halt besides her, falling from Argo as she scrambled to get to her side.
It wasn't deep, thank the gods, just a flesh wound that had missed her spine. It would scar, Xena had determined, after it had cleaned and stitched and covered in a poultice that would drive away infections, but it would heal. And with time the scar would soften and fade, and just like everything else, it would be left in the past.
The worst of the lasting damage was that she would need a new shirt.
Xena asked her to go home that night, after Perdicas had fallen into an uneasy sleep. Asked her to leave her for good, to go home and live a safe life. She had almost lost her twice, had seen her bloodied and stitched up and thought she was dead twice in the span of just a few short weeks. So Xena asked her to go home. She didn't care what she did there- write, get married and raise children, become a hoarder of cat related paraphernalia; Xena just wanted her safe, and home would be so.
It hurt, levering herself up into a sitting position; doable, her wounds treated enough that Gabrielle would be able to do a slow walk, or even ride Argo as she healed if they kept to a gentle pace, but still painful. But Gabrielle still did, despite Xena's protest that she should stay laying on her stomach, so that Gabrielle could be face to face with Xena when she spoke.
Xena had told her once that she knew she loved her after she almost lost her in the temple. That she had kept her feelings to herself for the longest time out of fear- fear that Gabrielle wouldn't feel the same, fear that she would never be deserving of her, fear in general for Gabrielle's life, if she let her love for her be know. So even though this was earlier than before, earlier than it had been in the last world, where Gabrielle hadn't realized her feelings for Xena until after she had lost her on that mountain, Gabrielle felt no fear of her own. No hesitation. Not when it was finally time.
Gabrielle leaned forward and kissed Xena, a soft, gentle kiss that had the other woman staring at her in wonder, in shock, her eyes wide and mouth slightly agape even as Gabrielle smiled and laughed. Smiled and laughed and said, in a soft little voice- "I can't go home. I love you."
Xena was quick to recover, hands reaching out to help lower Gabrielle back down onto the furs, rearranging the light cloth they had draped over her back to protect it from the slightly chilled night air. She smoothed back Gabrielle's bangs, leaning down to place a quick kiss onto her forehead before pulling back, putting some space between them.
Gabrielle wanted to protest when she heard Xena mutter something about the pain herbs and sleep talking, but Xena had a point- she felt like she was floating, the pain in her back gone, sleep just waiting for her on the horizon. So she closed her eyes and allowed herself to drift, planning to talk with Xena tomorrow.
Tomorrow didn't come, not in the way she expected. She woke up to Xena gone, Perdicas asking- no, begging- one more time that she come home with him, not even to get married but just to be safe, and the exact knowledge of where Xena would be.
It burned, moving, the stitches in her back tugging as she forced herself up and on, holding tightly onto her staff as she hobbled along, ignoring Perdicas' pleas. She had to get to Xena, had to make sure she was alright; even though the plan had always been for Xena to go alone, for Gabrielle to get Perdicas somewhere safe, she hadn't actually thought it would come down to this. To Xena going off after her alone, trying to end Callisto without backup, without her besides her. Even if in the last life Gabrielle had been tied to a stake, about to die for her attempt on Callisto herself, Xena still hadn't had to face her creation alone.
He tried to stop her, and for his troubles Perdicas ended up lying on the side of the road after all, only this time with an egg shaped lump on his skull, courtesy of her staff, instead of a gaping wound from Callisto's sword. It only took a single blow to fell him, and Gabrielle kept on, ignoring the burning in her back, the blood she could feel leaking down and wetting the top of her skirt, making the loose, makeshift shirt Xena had fashioned for her to wear stick to her skin.
They found her soon enough, Callisto's men, and they took her to her. Took her to where Callisto and Xena were waiting, Xena tied into that chair, Joxer having taken her place in an attempt to get revenge against Callisto and subsequently getting caught. Callisto just laughed, surprised that Gabrielle had survived, and tied her to the stake as well.
Just like last time, Xena broke free, though Xena never went far from where Joxer had hustled her after the two of them had been freed. She couldn't fight, not like this, not with her back burning and her head spinning. Not that she cared- she had had worse, in the other world, and she had survived. So she tried, striking out with her staff at any who came near, either knocking them out or knocking them into Xena's sword, ending them as they tried to end her.
All while Callisto watched. Watched and laughed as her men died, observed Xena's protective movements, made an attempt for Gabrielle herself, her sword once again poised to fall and-
And froze, her face twisted in shock as she looked down at the blade that poked from between her ribs, her own sword clattering to the ground as Callisto turned. Turned and faced the rage in Xena's eyes, the last shred of goodness, of possible forgiveness, gone. Because Callisto had already tried to hurt Gabrielle twice, had succeeded once, and Xena was determined to never let it happen again.
They still burned a body that night, Xena determined to see to the end of the creature she had had a hand in making. But this time Perdicas stood beside them, nursing his head wound, his expression unreadable. When they offered to take him home, really take him home this time, he refused. He was thankful, of course, gracious for the offer, but still he turned them down. He wanted to take his time, to see if the world could have a peaceful light, before he went back to his childhood home.
Xena insisted they stay in the village a while longer, just enough to make sure her back was ok- an unnecessary precaution, after those first few days. Her back had turned into a mass of scabs that pulled and broke whenever she moved too quickly, but just like with her previous injury, if she walked slowly, if she kept her footing stable as they walked, she could move without too much discomfort.
Xena didn't bring up the kiss, and Gabrielle didn't press it, letting her friend believe her confession had been the result of the herbs they had used to ease her initial pain. Instead Gabrielle focused on helping Xena through her nightmares- Callisto's own taunts from the afterlife, the renewed fear Xena seemed to have about losing her, tormented thoughts that kept Xena awake long after she should have let sleep take her. So Gabrielle focused on those; little touches and soft words to remind her that she was alive and well, healing fast, pointing out that what she had done was to protect her.
There was no guilt there, not this time; Xena had done what she had done out of love, to protect her friend, not because she had just chosen to let Callisto die. It took a couple of weeks, Xena growing almost haggard before they began to falter, but soon enough they left. The nightmares faded, she began to sleep again, and, for now, because Gabrielle was sure Callisto would find a way back into the world, but for now, they were ok.
For now.
