A/N: Standard disclaimer, no rights of ownership, etc. etc. If you like this story, make sure to check out its sequels. There are a whole crazy mess of them now. Also view the accompanying fanart at my website, www.vejiitasei.com.

You can view this story in its un-chaptered form at my website, also. I went back and broke it up into chapters because I was getting complaints that it was too long. Sorry if the chapter divisions seem awkward in places, or if some chapters seem too short or too long. That's what happens when you write a story without chapter divisions, and then later chop it up.

Reviews are welcome!!

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He smoothed a snarl from his features and bent his head. He had been in the service of the golden dragons for nearly half a year, and he felt certain that he was no closer to gaining access to the Clair Bible than he had been before. At times it seemed that the dragons were merely toying with him, taking glee in wasting his life. He knew they aged thousands of times more slowly than humans and as such were in no hurry to grant his request. In fact, he was lucky to have gained access to them at all. His only saving grace had been that Milgasia had remembered him as one of Lina's party so many years before. The dragons had granted him admittance, but insisted that he prove his worth before letting him see the Clair Bible. He knew that the information he needed was in there if only he could lay hands upon it.


A growl released itself from his throat and he glanced up at the sun beating down upon him. He was actually glad for his stone skin, for it meant he did not sunburn, which was fortunate for him. He had to go without his shirt most of the time, since it had become so tattered as to become fragile. His pants were more durable, but even these were becoming ragged. The dragons didn't care, however; they only cared that he finish his tasks as directed. A quick look at the pile before him told him that he was still very far from completion of his latest assignment. He still wasn't entirely sure how he was supposed to be moving the pile of rocks, or what purpose it served for him to be doing so, but he certainly wasn't going to question the dragons. A slip now could mean disaster.


Little thoughts of Amelia began sneaking into his mind, as they always seemed to whenever he was fatigued. Sometimes he would find himself pondering her deeply blue eyes, or remembering the way her pink lips stretched in a smile. In his dreams she would occasionally call his name, and he would wake up sweating and weak. He scowled at himself. No, she deserved better than a monster. Her people would never truly accept him as he was. How could she fully accept him as he was? He wasn't even certain that his touch wouldn't bruise that endlessly supple, pale skin. Honestly, he wasn't even sure he wanted to touch her. Other things were more important, weren't they? Weren't many issues more pressing than one girl?


There were too many questions in his mind and too many doubts plagued his heart. He wanted to be a heartless swordsman, he wanted to care passionately about power, but his travels with Lina and the others had changed him somehow. Along the way he came to realize that perhaps caring for others took precedence over power, or maybe power was caring for others. Lina, for example, was as arrogant as a person could be, but she always looked after others when it mattered. She had learned much caring for others and had gathered substantial powers. Why, he saw her at her most powerful when she was saving someone, especially someone she cared deeply about, like Gourry.


The thought of the nearly brainless warrior brought an amused smile to his cold lips. He straightened and placed his hands on his lower back, stretching the kinks out of his muscles. His eyes narrowed in the bright sunlight and he brushed the wiry hair out of his eyes. It had been a long time since he had thought of Gourry. He supposed the big blonde man was his friend; they had certainly spent enough nights together keeping watch, silently staring into the flames. Sometimes it seemed to him that Gourry understood the big picture better than the rest of them, that he understood life better than the rest of them because he had no expectations, and the price of such knowledge was remembering the details. He realized he would do anything for Gourry, just as he knew that Gourry would do anything for him. Something stirred in his chest and he knew he missed Lina and the others. As soon as the thought passed through his mind images of Amelia sprang up again. He closed his eyes against them, feeling the wind beginning to blow cold on his skin. Autumn would be upon the mountains soon. As he pressed his eyes shut, his hand wandered to his belt, clutching the ornament that hung there. It was the only thing he had of her, and although it was worse for wear, he would return it to her. He realized suddenly how badly he actually wanted to return her bracelet to her. Perhaps she would touch him again, and he would see that soft, tender expression pass over her round features as she looked at him.

He pushed the feelings away from him angrily. Amelia was a nice girl and they were friends, nothing more. They could never be more. He should just forget about her while he was ahead and leave her with pleasant memories. Besides, he wasn't sure life with a chimera would be pleasant. He didn't know if he could have children, or how his body would function during intimacy. The last thing he wanted was to wound her, but it had been difficult not to initiate physical contact during his stay with her as it was. If he went back it would just be worse. His natural restraint and the fear he bore from his appearance had kept him from clutching her to him innumerable times, but the desire to hold her had been there nonetheless. He never would hold her, though, because even Amelia, as pure-hearted as she was, could never love a monster, a freak, like him.


He brought his hand down on one of the rocks, smashing it to pieces as frustration raged through him. He had to find that cure. It was the only key to his future happiness. Perhaps if he was fully human again Amelia could feel more than friendly towards him. His thoughts brought him back to his present situation, and he realized that if he didn't get the rocks moved there was no possible way he would gain access to the Clair Bible, and then there would never be a chance with Amelia for certain. He bent and put his arms around the large rock, grunting and straining as he began to push it across the valley.


Oh my goodness, a voice rang out behind him. That doesn't look like very much fun.


Zelgadis whipped around, eyes wide. He recognized the voice, but it couldn't be...


Do I have something on my face? Xellos said mildly, brushing at his cheek with a gloved hand.


Zelgadis breathed through clenched teeth, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.


You remember me! Xellos chortled, taking another step towards him. I'm so glad!


Like hell you are, Zelgadis spat. What do you want?


Xellos smiled slowly, the expression winding across his face like a serpent. I haven't seen you in a while so I thought I'd drop by, he replied mildly.


Like I believe that.


Xellos smiled more broadly and waved a hand in the air. Very well, then. Believe whatever you like.


Why are you here? Zelgadis continued. Xellos smiled so widely that Zelgadis thought his face would split, and as the taller man began to raise a finger to his lips he knew what the answer would be. Never mind, he snapped before Xellos could open his mouth. I already know that it's a secret.


Oh dear, Xellos replied, his benign smile dropping from his face. Am I becoming predictable?


Zelgadis groaned and shook his head. He studied the Monster for some time, eyes narrowed, but could discern nothing, as usual.

Okay, what do you want from me?



You never show up unless you want someone to do something for you. What do you want from me?


Xellos looked from side to side and put a hand on the back of his neck, holding his staff in front of him horizontally. I was wondering if you'd like to have some tea with me, he said.


Zelgadis felt his mouth watering. Tea? He hadn't had tea for months. In fact, food had been hard to come by in the mountains. The dragons certainly didn't share whatever it was that they ate, and so he had been left to scavenge. He had been subsisting on a diet of fish, mushrooms, and the various kinds of lizards that lived among the rocks. he whispered.


Xellos smiled again. Yes. You seem as if you could use some. You have been working awfully hard, after all.


Zel scowled at the Monster. Is it poisoned? Drugged?


Xellos put a hand to his chest and opened his eyes wide. Zel shivered a little at the deep amethyst color and the slitted pupils, as he always did at the sight of evil eyes in such an innocent face. My goodness! You still think so poorly of me?


Of course. You're a goddamn Monster. I think you'd love nothing more than to hurt me.


Xellos' eyes narrowed but remained open, his smile growing and losing its mirth. Oh, dear Zelgadis, if I wanted you dead you would already be so. Zelgadis took a step back in spite of himself, fear slowly creeping through his limbs. He had let his anger get in the way of his better judgment and spoken rashly. He just hoped Xellos was still as easygoing as he remembered. Xellos studied Zelgadis for several more moments, then shut his eyes and smiled warmly. But don't worry. You're much more fun alive.


Zel said sharply. Lucky for me.


Very lucky, Xellos said brightly. Now, would you like tea?


Uh, sure, he said, scratching his head as Xellos plopped down unceremoniously on the ground and began whipping supplies out of the brown leather bag he wore. It was hard for him to remember sometimes that Xellos really was a Monster.


I imagine you're hungry as well, Xellos murmured, taking out a loaf of bread, a block of cheese, and various thin slices of meat wrapped in waxed paper. I don't suppose the dragons feed you well, if at all.


Zelgadis managed not to snatch the food directly from the Monster's hands and wolf it down immediately. He waited until everything was spread out before him on a little cloth, and only then did he serve himself. He even cut portions for Xellos, offering them to the trickster priest. Xellos laughed and shook his head. Oh, I ate already, thank you, he said brightly.


Do you things even need to eat?


If we're spending any length of time on the physical plane, yes. My body on this plane is just as much flesh as yours in some ways, and as such needs to be maintained somewhat. I can go for much longer without sustenance, however. Please, go ahead and begin eating. The tea will be ready shortly.


Thank you, Zel growled, eating quickly and neatly, always keeping an eye on the smiling man. Before long he had bread clutched in one hand and a cup of tea in the other, using every ounce of willpower he had not to break down and gobble everything up like a beast. Oh no, he wouldn't debase himself like that in front of someone like Xellos.


Xellos asked, daintily sipping on his own tea.


Zel replied.


And you're already sitting down. How convenient.


Zelgadis whispered, stopping his feeding and staring at Xellos. A slow dread began to creep through his veins, and suddenly the wind seemed to be much colder. What do you mean?


Xellos cocked his head and the amethyst irises appeared once again. His dark eyebrows lowered fractionally and he set his cup down, folding his hands in his lap. I have news you may be interested in.


What is it? Zelgadis urged, the dread no longer creeping through him but raging instead.


I'll give you the good news first. Gourry and Lina are fine. I saw them just a few days ago.


Fine, fine. I would expect no less from them. Just cut to the chase!


Xellos took a breath and leveled a gaze at him. Amelia's dying.


he shouted, standing within an instant. The lines of his body were tense as he clenched his fists and glared at Xellos.


Xellos looked up at Zelgadis calmly and without mirth. Princess Amelia wil Tesla de Seyruun has fallen deathly ill.


Can't they cure her?



But she's in the white magic capital of the world! How could they not cure one simple illness?


I do not think that the illness is so simple, the Monster replied calmly.


Then what is it? Zel shrieked. What can be done?


Xellos sighed and examined his fingers. It appears to be some sort of curse, but it's one so old that no one can locate the anti curse. If she doesn't receive assistance she will die. Unfortunately only one person in this world is capable of helping her.


Who? Where can I find them? the chimera urged, eyes wide.


Xellos fixed the full force of his alien stare on the young man. Why, you, of course. You only need to ask the Clair Bible.


But I don't have access to it! Zel cried, gesturing angrily. The damn dragons won't let me look at it unless I finish all my tasks!


I can help you with that, Xellos replied smoothly. I am fairly certain I can convince them to let you take a look at it.


Zel felt even more helpless. He couldn't believe he had to rely on Xellos, of all people, for help. He knew there had to be more to this story, but he needed to decide if his mistrust of Xellos would take precedence over Amelia. It was trust Xellos or let Amelia die. There was no choice, really. Fine. What do you want from me?



I find that hard to believe.


Xellos shook his head. No, really, I need nothing in return.


I don't understand.


Xellos smiled. Let's just say it doesn't suit my purposes for you to let her die.


Then save her yourself!


You know as well as I that the dragons would rather have me kill them than lead me to the Clair Bible. You, on the other hand, can ask for Amelia's cure along with your own.


Zelgadis fell silent, fixing the Monster with an angry stare. He felt helpless, and of all the emotions that were churning within him at the moment, that one was the worst. He had to do what Xellos said. There didn't seem to be any other way. How can I- he began.


Trust me? Xellos finished, wiping off his teacup and placing it back in his bag. I don't know. That's up to you. But if you don't, the girl you care for will die. Is your distrust worth that price?


Damn you, Zelgadis growled.


Xellos tilted his chin. What? Why me? I'm not the one making this decision. I'm just the bearer of the news.


You're just doing this so that I'm in your debt.


Xellos chuckled and shook his head, picking up his staff and rising to his full height. He smiled coldly down at the chimera. My dear Zelgadis, your mortal debt is of no concern to me. I think you overestimate your own importance in the grand scheme of things.


Zel shivered in spite of himself, forcing his eyes to meet the wily stare of the Monster. Then why? he whispered.


Because you're closest, because Amelia shouldn't die.


There's more to this.


Xellos smiled, returning once again to being an unassuming priest. Of course. But it's all a secret.


Zelgadis swallowed the lump of apprehension that had risen in his throat and lowered his eyes. Very well.


Oh, you don't do this for me, make no mistake about that, Xellos continued. After all, it is you who cares for her, not I. He flashed Zelgadis another smile, then shaded his eyes against the sun. It seems as if we're about to have company.


Zelgadis looked up at the sky and noticed that the dragons had taken flight, circling them slowly high in the air. They must have sensed you.


They always do, Xellos said with a sigh, then waved at the dragons politely. he called out. I see you, Master Milgasia!


One of the dragons began to speed toward the ground, engulfed by a flash of light moments before impact. In the dragon's place stood a tall, blonde man. Good afternoon, Master Xellos, the dragon said.


Hello, Master Milgasia, Xellos said cheerfully. I trust you are well?


Milgasia scowled, his brown eyes seeming to burn beneath his golden brows. At the moment. To what do we owe this visit?


Xellos gestured towards Zelgadis and grinned. I believe you've been rather impolite to this young man. It seems as if he has been doing useless tasks for nearly half a year now.


Milgasia looked at Zelgadis, discomfort apparent on his face. We only meant to test his mettle, Xellos. He must be able to endure hardship to prove his worth. Only then will we grant him access to the Clair Bible.


Xellos planted the butt of his staff in the dirt and tapped his chin with the forefinger of his free hand. Hmm. I see. He stood silent for several moments, apparently thinking. The wiry hair on Zelgadis' head began to stand on end with the tension in the air. the Monster finally said, leveling a cool gaze at the dragon, What about if I vouch for him?


Milgasia began.


Xellos cocked his head. Is my word not enough for you and yours? he asked smoothly, the faintest of smiles touching his sculpted lips.
Zelgadis watched as Milgasia stood his ground, sweat beginning to bead on the dragon's forehead. Xellos' smile grew slowly as the Monster studied the dragon. Milgasia's clenched fist began to shake. Very gradually Zelgadis realized that Xellos was gathering energy. The sheer power of the magic being amassed made his stomach lurch, and he understood for the first time how dangerous Xellos truly was. The Monster smiled tightly and raised a hand, pointing a finger at the sky. Milgasia made a noise low in his throat and Xellos laughed.
You know, the Monster said, I can provide you with incentive, if you wish.


Milgasia closed his eyes and lowered his head. Very well. The human can see the Bible.


Xellos said brightly, clasping his staff with both hands. Thank you so much!


Zelgadis muttered, hoping that Milgasia would realize just how sorry he was.


Milgasia did not reply, only turned and began to walk up into the peaks of the mountains.


Shall we? Xellos asked sweetly, gesturing Zelgadis ahead with a sweep of his hand.


I suppose, Zel muttered, brushing the bracelet that hung from his belt for comfort. Something occurred to him and he turned, looking Xellos right in the face. The sunlight shone off of the Monster's thick, dark hair, the hue somewhat purple in the bright light. He called me human.


You are a human, Zelgadis. I think you're the only one that doesn't realize that.


Zelgadis narrowed his eyes at Xellos, but decided not to reply. He turned and followed Milgasia up the pathway, keeping his gaze fixed on the broad back in front of him. It seemed as if they climbed forever, but Zelgadis felt oddly energized. He was finally within reach of his goal and his belly was full, all because of a Monster. He had never liked Xellos, and now he was in his debt, perhaps. It occurred to him that it was possible there was no cure, or that he wouldn't be able to get it from the Bible. If that was the case, he would find a way to make Xellos pay. He trudged along Milgasia, so lost in his dark thoughts that he almost ran into the dragon when they stopped. Raising his eyes, he realized that they were standing on the same flat portion of rock that they had gathered at years ago. Amelia had nearly died a few yards from where he stood now. He could remember her blood covering the stones beneath, the pink fading from her soft, round cheeks. If Milgasia hadn't been there she would have died. A great feeling of gratitude welled up within him and he bowed his head, his heart heavy with thanks. He also recalled that he had been horribly wounded, his tough stone skin split. After the ordeal, on their way down from the mountains, she had leaned against him and cried. When he had asked her why, she only shook her head and buried her face in his shoulder. Later, after she had gone to bed, he had probed Lina for information. Lina, still drained from losing Gourry, had replied that Amelia had nearly lost something very dear to her. Only now was he beginning to wonder if that something had been him.


Milgasia turned and looked past him at Xellos, and he realized that his goal was only moments from being realized. Xellos said behind him. Will you lead him to it?


Milgasia pursed his lips for a moment before answering. Yes, I will. His brown eyes settled on Zelgadis and he managed a wan smile. Are you ready, young man?


Zel nodded and sent a suspicious look at Xellos. Yes, I'm ready.


Xellos chuckled, resting his chin on his chest. Don't fret, Zelgadis. Milgasia is too afraid of me to lead you astray. Although I do not know the way to the Bible myself, I can certainly find him within the labyrinth, and he would find it rather unpleasant if I should need to do so.


It's not Milgasia I'm worried about leading me astray, Zel growled.


Xellos laughed again. Yes, yes, he said. Your point is well taken. Now hurry back.


Milgasia sighed. Take my hand and do not let go until we reach the Bible, he cautioned.


Zelgadis scowled and blushed in embarrassment, but took the dragon's hand anyway. Milgasia started forward and put his hand through the rock. Zel followed, shuddering as the rock gave way on either side of him. He glanced back, nervous, and saw Xellos wave and smile. His lip twisted in exasperation, but then Xellos' form disappeared behind the wall of stone as he was pulled into the dimension in the mountain. Darkness and light swirled around him in disconcerting patterns, making his head spin and nauseating him slightly. Was this what Lina had seen upon entering the mountain?


He glanced to either side and saw the distant sparkling of crystals. His breathing echoed strangely around him, and he found himself squeezing Milgasia's hand. The darkness seemed to rise all about him and he flinched, involuntarily backing up. Please, calm yourself, Milgasia said softly.


This is a strange place, Zelgadis whispered. All around him he could feel emptiness and cold, and he desperately wanted to go back outside. Even dealing with Xellos was easier than this.


It will be better if we hurry, Milgasia said, gently tugging on Zel's hand.


Uh, yes, Zelgadis muttered, eyes wide as he tried to make sense of the sparkling crystals and pulsating lights. He glanced down and wished he hadn't, for he couldn't see anything beneath his feet. Shutting his eyes, he let Milgasia guide him, focusing on the dragon's warmth and steady breathing.


After what seemed like an eternity they stopped. the dragon said, raising a hand and pointing at a shining orb several feet away.


That's it? Zel said softly, eyes wide. That's the Clair Bible?


Yes. What you see before you is the source of infinite knowledge.


May I touch it? he breathed.


You must. It is the only way to access its contents.


Zelgadis took a step forward, slowly reaching out his hands. His palms were sweating and his entire body seemed to shake. Such violent trembling seized his fingers that he wasn't sure he was actually capable of holding the shimmering sphere that floated in front of him. He licked his lips and glanced back at Milgasia, who nodded slowly. Taking a deep breath, he clamped his hands down on either side of the orb, anticipation raging through him. Finally, after so many long years of waiting and frustration, he would finally learn how to cure his body. He readied himself for the bombardment of knowledge he was sure would come and received. . .nothing. He blinked in surprise, and suddenly was blinded by light coming from all directions. Holding up a forearm to shield his eyes, he squinted and looked about. It appeared that he was somewhere even stranger than the labyrinth dimension he had just wandered through with Milgasia. The light faded a bit and he lowered his arm, staring about him. Was he inside the Clair Bible? Was that what was going on? He seemed to be suspended in midair, in the middle of a vast emptiness. There were no shadows, no breezes, only light.


What is it you seek? a voice rang out, shaking the very fibers of his body.


Zelgadis replied, looking about to see if he could locate the source of the voice.


Cures of the body or the soul? the voice boomed.


Zelgadis frowned. He hadn't considered that. Body, I guess, he answered.


Tell me.


He cleared his throat and folded his hands neatly behind his back. I wish to return myself to a human, he declared.


It is not an easy process. There is no one spell or concoction, but a mixture of the two. First you must gather the ingredients for an astral purgative...


Zelgadis nodded as the voice continued, frantically memorizing every word. This was it, this was his cure! Soon he would be true flesh again and no longer a freak that people feared. Of course, Amelia didn't fear him, but she was special. . .


What other cure would you know?


There's a girl, Zelgadis muttered. She's very ill. Although she lives in Seyruun, no one knows how to cure her. I would have her live.


There was a long silence. It is no normal illness.


I thought not. Zelgadis breathed, hardly daring to blink for fear that he would miss something.


She is most likely under a curse, the voice said. She will die soon.


But how do I heal her? How do I break the curse? he demanded, and fell silent as the voice described the spell and procedure. His heart seemed to slow inside his chest as realization broke over him. When the voice stopped he stood perfectly still, feeling drained of strength and spirit, and before he knew what was happening he was being helped up by Milgasia.


Did you find what you sought after? the dragon said gently.


That and more than I bargained for, Zelgadis replied, allowing the dragon to aid him.


Come, we should make haste. The return journey is more strenuous.


Milgasia wasn't kidding. Zelgadis had a difficult time trying to follow the dragon. He felt so incredibly weak, as if he had been beaten to a pulp and barely survived. How had Lina been capable of coming back from such an experience and casting a spell that required the sort of strength the Ragna Blade used? He coughed and tried to keep his mind on his task, on moving forward, but before long he collapsed, the world turning black around him as he fell. He attempted to catch himself, but the floor beneath him seemed to open up and swallow him, and he fell, fell forever. . .