Disclaimer: All credit goes to J K Rowling, her marvellous creations, and the wonder of cats
Even Cats Grow Lonely and Anxious
Of course, the kitten is there when he gets back from Gryffindor Tower, sitting on his bed. He's in no mood to deal with it. Less so when it stares up at him with those eyes, like chipped jade. It has made a habit of sleeping on his bed, and nothing, not even carrying it outside the dormitory and shutting the door in its face, has managed to deter it. He still carries the marks on his arms, for Merlin's sake, though at least he'd managed to fix the tear in his robes. He can't afford another lot. It's bad enough that the greying fabric has been infected with white cat hairs.
Not that anyone is laughing at the hairs, oh no. Anyone brave enough to meet his glare is remembering his pale legs and his underwear, waving about in the sky. Nobody says anything, but its all there in their eyes, in the twitch of their lips. It'll almost be a relief to go home for the summers. Who'll remember Snivellus' grey underwear through all their sordid sunshine affairs?
He ignores the cat and slips into bed.
Lily still refuses to see him.
No, he can't blame her, but she's all he has, and he can't just let that go. Not now.
He curls into a ball of self loathing.
"Mew?"
"No," he croaks, "go away."
"Mew!"
A paw reaches for his face. Severus closes his eyes, hopes it's enough to convince the fiend to leave. The cat has other ideas, sticking its nose against his, snuffling and huffing, and leaving a trail of coldness over his skin. His best scowl has no effect either.
"Oh, why can't you just leave me alone?"
This time, his voice leaves him in a hoarse scream. He shouldn't be acting like this, not here, not where anyone can walk in and see him so weak and pitiful. He just doesn't know how to make any of it better. If Lily, his only true friend, doesn't want to know him, then what hope does he have that anyone else will? None. That's what. He's not even delusional enough to believe that Mulciber and Avery want him for anything more than his knowledge, the books that he borrowed, permanently, from his mother's collection (and, of course, he's needed for the translation. Who else has the time). He can thank his mother's blood for his competency too. If only she hadn't gone and sullied it with Snape, maybe he would have been worth something more. He wouldn't have needed to work so hard to be looked at as something more than shit on the bottom of Pure Blood shoes. He would have had the power to protect Lily, he…
Well, that doesn't matter anymore anyway, does it? At least she is safe from him and his tainted blood.
"Mew." The kitten dabs his face again, brushing away a tear he hasn't noticed. Severus flicks his eyes up, letting them catch in the faded green of its stare. It fills him, slowly, with a feeling of warmth. He hasn't felt that for so long, since the moment he first saw Lily, truly, that he is afraid to move, afraid to make the feeling leave him.
The kitten raises its tear stained paw up to its nose. What this?
Severus jerks away, fumbling to his feet. His wand is in his hand as soon as he's up, pointing down at the bundle of fur on the bed. The magic burning away at the tip reflects in it's eyes like Will-o'-the-Wisps. The warmth inside of him hasn't vanished either, only growing stronger with each moment that the beast stares towards him. Severus steps backwards slowly until is knees slam into the bed behind him.
The cat advances.
"No, stay there."
There's no telling a cat what to do, but Severus, in his ignorance, doesn't know that.
Wand waving is ineffective as well, it seems. The kitten's eyes widen, paw outstretched and - Play?
Severus falls onto the bed behind him.
"Aww, Sevvie, you're not afraid of a little kitty, are you?"
"Don't be ridiculous, Avery." Severus pushes himself from the bed, keeping as far away from the beast as he can. It's better to keep his eyes on both of them, and so he leans casually against one of the bed posts, arms folded. He keeps hold of his wand.
The other wizard picks his way across the floor, equally as distrustful of Severus if the tension in his shoulders is anything to go by. Avery has never really liked him. It's not a requirement for his association - you don't have to like someone to have a beneficial relationship with them. Avery just has to find you useful. Trust, on the other hand, no, he'll never trust Severus, won't ever trust anybody.
And you'd be a fool to trust Avery.
The wizard pauses five steps away from Severus. He makes a show of looking at his empty hands, the perfect shape of his nails, even as his eyes scathe over Severus' form. It feels like spiders crawling under his skin. It's a struggle to remain steady, still.
"A little birdie told me you were at the Lion's den again today. Did you friend not wish to talk to you?"
"I don't see what that has to do with you."
"Come, now, Snappie boy, everything you do is of my greatest concern. You're either with us, or with them, and you know what will happen to you and your mudblood whore if you pick the wrong side."
"Don't say that," Severus hisses.
Avery chuckles. "Ah, yes, I did hear that your bitch didn't appreciate the flattery you gifted her. Was it too much for her ears?"
"Shut up, Avery." His fingers creak around his wand. Avery is openly staring at him, lips pursed. Not good. Fix it, Severus. "I thought words like that were far too muggle for the likes of you."
The wizard grunts. It's not a fix, but it seems Avery is going to let him off this time, his eyes finally retreating from Severus to the bed. "You know, Sevvie, that's an interesting cat you have there. Did you know that Mulciber came across it earlier this morning while you were indisposed?" A shiver creeps up Severus' spine at the tone, and the light flashing in Avery's gaze is no better at all. "He thought to have a bit of fun, you know what he's like, that Mulciber." He flicks his stare back at Severus, back to the cat. The creature hasn't moved a muscle since Avery appeared, not even to flick its tail. "I suppose he didn't learn his lesson after the debacle with that other mudblood, what's her name?"
Severus gives a shrug. He can't avoid to be careless again, and it's better to let the insult slide.
"You're right, it doesn't matter." He steps closer to the bed, and now the cat is paying attention, flicking its ear like it can hear something distracting. "Well, I came in just as Mulciber started screaming at the poor thing all because his little parlor trick wasn't working. He looked like he might flick something much worse if I hadn't arrived when I did. Such a temper. I couldn't let him get away with it - hurting a pet that belongs to one of us, how distasteful.
Or maybe I should have waited for you?"
"I respect your decision, Avery."
Another grunt. "I just thought I'd let you know. If you care for your cat at all, you'd better keep it away from Mulciber, at least until he finds a new creature to torment."
Severus nods, the closest he can get to saying thank you. It's enough for now, and Avery turns sharply on his heel, pausing at the door to say "You'd better make an appearance at dinner tonight. Your sulking is unseemly. At least your pet is more acceptable this time." The door closes behind him.
"Mrow?"
"I don't want to hear it," Severus cuts in. "Unless you want to divulge how you managed to throw off the imperius curse." He hears the cat thump off the bed and trot across the floor towards him. It taps his robes. "Or better yet, tell me why you are here. You can talk, can't you? And leave my robes alone!" He rips them away, sending the cat his best snarl in the process.
The warmth inside him falters. Don't like?
"No, I don't like your claws in my clothes. Keep them to yourself or I'll cut. Them. Off." He huffs out a breath. "I shouldn't even be talking to you, this is madness. Just… just stop talking to me and bother someone else." He swishes his robes about him as he dismisses the creature. It's almost dinner time, and Avery is right. Sulking is unbecoming of him. He should try and catch Lily at the dining hall. It'll be hard to ignore him there, surely.
A half formed meow follows him to the door, and he stops to bark a final warning, "Stay away from Mulciber. And… and Avery too."
He doesn't even get close to Lily. Potter and his dogs watch him like barely tethered animals, just waiting for him to approach, to make a fool out of himself. He's not inclined to do that again.
Though Lily doesn't notice his hovering at the door, she also doesn't appear to notice Potter either. The thought doesn't cheer him as much as he wants. No. She's still laughing with her girl friends, the ones that always complained of their association, that always laughed at him behind his back as if he couldn't hear them. She looks happy. What was it he expected? Her to have shadows beneath her eyes like him, to be unable to sit still, to miss him?
Maybe his next breath might have had him storming over, but Regulus catches him instead, placing himself between Severus and the Gryffindor table. "I am thankful that you have decided to join us for dinner."
"I apologise but I find I am no longer hungry, I -"
"Nonsense," the younger boy scoffs. "You simply must join us at the table. I'm not sure I can handle anymore of Mulciber's staggering conversational skills without you." The tight smile Regulus gives him says that's not the only reason. Most likely, Avery has made keeping Severus in line Regulus' prerogative.
"Fine." Take me to your damn master.
The cat isn't waiting for him when Severus finally makes his way to the dormitories.
It isn't there as he changes into the transfigured bed sheets that acts as pyjamas, hidden away in the unlit bathroom corner.
It isn't there when he flicks through Advanced Potion Making, the pages already crammed with his writing.
Good riddance, he thinks.
He doesn't manage to fall asleep until many hours later, when a small creature curls up against his back and purrs.
AN: Chapter title comes from a quote by Oscar Isaac.
In case you didn't guess already, I just really like cats.
