Chapter One: Far From Okay
Exactly one week had passed since Keith's funeral and yet he still found himself in the very same position.
He was locked up in his room, laying on his bed with his eyes fixated on the deep green ceiling as tears escaped his eyes and dampened his face and pillows. His only thoughts were of himself, his uncle and his mother and how happy they were going to be. Keith was finally going to be his Dad, in the legal sense of the word anyway and was set to marry his Mom and finally give him a real family. Everything was so perfect. He had never seen his mother or Keith so happy. But now he found himself asking just how the hell everything had gone so wrong so fast.
A part of him should have sensed it. Something inside of him should have known about the gathering storm in the form of his ex friend but he thought that maybe for once in his life the happiness he was experiencing was going to last for more than just a fleeting moments. That for the first time in his life everything was going to be okay.
But like a thousand times before, he was dead wrong.
Nothing was going to be okay again. Keith was gone taking with him any hopes he had of ever being happy. Of course he still had his Mom. But he had to ask himself for how long?
The woman had spiraled into a deep depression and spent most of her time walking around the house in her bathrobe talking to herself and breaking into bouts of hysteria and anger. Whenever he dared to venture out of his room he never know which version of his mother he was going to come in contact with. Sometimes he would try to avoid her all together but when they would have an encounter she would stop him, turn him around roughly and scream at him, yelling that it was all his fault Keith was gone and how if he had never gone back into that school that they would be a family now and happy instead of her sitting in her room all alone, in pain. At that point she would fall to her knees and cry as he walked away and bury himself in the darkness of his room where he too would unleash tears.
It was a never ending cycle as of late.
Sure his friends and brother would try to comfort them with phone calls and visits but they would leave hurt and frustrated when the door remained closed and the phone calls went unanswered. Neither himself nor his mother could muster the strength to look into their pity filled eyes or listen to their words of sympathy as they talked about what kind of person Keith was and how he would want them to move on with their lives.
As much as they loved them wanting to help they couldn't possibly begin to understand what Keith meant to them. They had no idea nor could they even begin to comprehend the type of effects this lost was going to have on he and his mother for years to come. Keith was the center of their world and was the one person they could always count on when times got tough. He was their resident cheerleader and loved and believed in them when others didn't and an unconditional love like that was irreplaceable.
"Lucas" his mother's voice called out to him softly.
"What?" he replied rather harshly without meaning to. He didn't want to hurt his mother or cause her any more despair but he was in no mood to be yelled at again.
"I'm going to bed now. Keith should be here soon"
This statement and the nonchalant attitude behind her words gave him an uneasy feeling.
"Mom" Luke spoke with extreme caution "Keith is…"
"Waiting for me" she interrupted "So I have to go now angel. Everything you'll need is on the kitchen counter okay"
Lucas watched fretfully as his mother left his room and headed back towards her own. He instantly sprang to his feet and followed the woman to her room where he sat in a chair next to her bed, making sure she didn't do anything to hurt herself.
Seeing her like this was tarring him apart. His mom was always so strong and in control. He was so used to seeing her dominating any situation she found herself in and when everything was said and done the woman always came out stronger and better then ever before. But at this moment he didn't see her bouncing back from this with even a fraction of her sanity in tact. The way she looked right now, the sorrow in her eyes and the gloomy oar around her soul led him to believe that his mother was on the edge of insanity and he didn't think he would ever get even a fraction of the woman she once was back. His mother, his best friend and most trusted ally was gone and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.
With this thought came the sudden feeling of claustrophobia.
The walls surrounding him became too close for his liking and it felt as if someone had their hands around his throat, cutting off his air supply and causing his lungs to burn.
He had already lost so much throughout his life time that the thought of losing someone else he loved made his heart race faster and faster.
He had to get out of this place.
He had to go somewhere, anywhere to break free from the pain.
Making sure his mother was sleeping and in no way any danger to herself the boy checked her over quickly before running out of the front door into the pouring rain. He increased his speed as he passed all the houses on his street and made his way towards a park. It wasn't the court for once but instead it was a place where his uncle Keith used to take him to play all the time when he was a little boy. He didn't know what made him go there when the whole point of his venturing out was the numb the pain.
Then again maybe his subconscious didn't want him to escape what he was feeling.
Maybe he deserved it. Perhaps his mother was right. Was it possible that deep down he too blamed himself for Keith's death?
Hot pellets of water fell from his eyes as he collapsed onto one of the park benches, panting heavily. He sat there in the darkness of the night as heavy rains soaked his clothing and his body trembled. The pain in his chest decreased only slightly, forcing him to remember his heart condition and the fact that he had gone off his medication.
He laughed almost psychotically hoping that his defective organ would fail him so he wouldn't have to feel any of this any more. So that he wouldn't have to feel anything ever again.
He then buried his head in his hands and continued crying, unsure if he would ever stop.
Suddenly he felt someone put their arm around his shoulder and pull him deep into their stronger more muscular form. He didn't even have to look up to know who it was. The scent of his cologne gave his identity away almost immediately.
He could remember inhaling the scent several times before during their brief encounters growing up. During these few meetings he would try to brush up against him just enough so that his clothing would pick up some of the scent so he would be able to smell it long after the man was gone. That way at least there would be some part of the man with him, even if it were only for a short while.
That was of course before he got to know the person in question. Now the smell of the fragrance made him sick to his stomach instead f longing for the person who wore it.
On any other given day he would have pulled away from this man's grasp and proceed to tell him where to go and how to get there, but not today. Today was nothing like the days that came before it. Today he was hurting more then he ever had in his entire life and for once his biological father was in the right place at the right time and actually doing the right thing.
So the two sat there for a few short while, with the son in the arms of his father as the sound of heavy rain filled the void left by their unspoken words.
After some time the voice of the elder Scott brought his son out of a daze.
"You're going to catch a cold if we stay out here any longer"
"Maybe" he replied still staring into the abyss. He didn't care about anything right now so needless to say the thought of him catching a cold hadn't even crossed his mind.
"I think it's more enviable then simply a possibility. I think it's time I take you home" the man spoke without his usual snide ness.
The younger boy simply nodded in response as he stood and followed the man to a familiar black jeep.
Once the two were inside the man turned on the heat to full blast before pulling off and heading into the direction of home, well the one she shared with his mother anyway. Neither of them said a single word, there was no need to. So instead they decided to rely on the rain to break the silence for them until they arrived in front of the very same house he had just fled.
He released a heavy sigh and closed his eyes to prepare himself for the emptiness and loneliness that awaited him inside. When the door opened he slowly stepped out and walked behind the man in the dark trench coat. They entered the house and continued to make their way further in towards the bedrooms when the dark haired male stopped short.
"Is your mother here?" he questioned looking at the closed bedroom door.
Lucas nodded his head and pointed to the door that the man had been focused on.
Dan then knocked on the door three times before turning the knob and letting himself in.
Luke didn't know how he should feel about this but for now he was going to allow his father to check on her. Besides he was happy to have someone there to help him try to get the woman back on her feet, even if that person was Dan.
He watched as the man checked over the woman's sleeping form and ran his hand over her arm. He then saw a look of confusion was over his father's face before it was replaced by a mix of sadness and fear. He was about to question it but before he had the chance the man ran over to him and took him by the arm and ushered him back into the rain before placing him once again in the vehicle.
"I want you to stay here until I come back to get you or tell you otherwise ok?" Dan spoke in a gentle voice that he was not used to hearing.
"Ok" answered Luke as he watched the man dial numbers frantically on his cell phone before heading back into the house.
A few seconds later it became obvious who his father had called.
Flashing lights surrounded him as he saw two paramedics and a police officers rush into the house.
During this time Lucas just sat there, frozen with his eyes glued to the scene before him. Even as a gurney being wheeled out by the same medical professions rolled past him with the black body bag on top he still sat there in the same position. He said nothing. He didn't even cry as the ambulance speed away nor did he avert his eyes from the front of the house where his father was speaking with the police officer.
Once a few minutes passed the elder Scott returned to his prior position behind the steering wheel with reddened eyes and quivering lips.
That's when he finally moved.
He replaced the seatbelt around his waist and looked straight ahead. He starred into nothingness for a while as he listened to his father cry for the first time in his life.
"She's gone. Isn't she?" he questioned numbly.
He listened as Dan swallowed hard before answering.
"Yes" he paused "Yes Luke, she's gone"
"I figured" he replied casually. He could sense Dan's eyes on him more then likely shocked by his laid-back response.
"Luke…"
"How?" he interrupted.
"Sleeping pills" Dan answered softly.
"I see" Lucas paused again before continuing "I'm tired"
"Luke this has to be so hard…"
"Stop, please just stop" he almost shouted before turning to face his father "I don't want to talk about it. Besides we both know how much people just love to leave me, right Dad?" he spoke in an icy tone "And like I said before, I'm tired"
He then returned his gaze to the road as his father started the engine and the scenery around him went blurry.
It seemed as if it took hours to get to the beach house but once he was there he found himself in a familiar room, in a house he almost forgot existed. He made himself as comfortable as possible and lay still as he listened to the waves crashing up against the hard earth.
Seconds turned into hours as his eye lids became heavy and he found himself drifting off to sleep as he heard someone enter the room. His father must have thought he was sleep because he kept touching him tucking the covers I around his body, as if his first efforts had not been good enough.
"Making up for lost time I assume" he thought.
Then he heard the man whisper to him "It's going to be okay son" before giving him a kiss on the forehead and exiting the room once again.
A part of him wanted to believe in the words the man had spoken to him, but he couldn't.
Nothing in his world was okay; in fact everything was far from okay.
