Disclaimer: Right here, right now, I, Ember Caldwell, also known as NastifaceX, doth proclaim to all whom it may concern, that I, the aforementioned, doth not, it any way, shape, or form, claim or assume ownership to the massively awesome series, and its accoutrements, that is…Supernatural. There, happy?
Warnings: Same as chapter 1.
At first, Dean felt like he had been run over by a semi. Then, as the feeling began to let up, he pushed himself up and started to look around. Just because he was now half-faery or whatever was no reason to forget his hunter training. And one of the cardinal rules of hunter training was, always know where you are. If you don't, find out, and, if you can't, then get the hell out of dodge. It was a simple, useful rule, and one that Dean had used many times and in many situations. Up to and including one night stands with strange women he'd picked up at shady bars. What can he say, like father like son, right?
"Ah, Dean Winchester, you have arrived," a voice, it seemed to be Helbion's, spoke. Dean looked up, squinting against the glare of the sun on a shining peak of ice. There stood Helbion in all his Saturday Night Live-esque glory.
"Yeah, so it seems. So, if you would be so kind as to tell me just where I have arrived, so I can GET THE HELL OUT!" Dean roared the last part. Helbion looked rather taken aback for a moment, before his normal smarmy, sharp-toothed grin spread across his pale face.
"Oh, but it is not where you are that matters now, Dean Winchester, for you exactly where you were before! No, my friend, it is when you are that should concern you," Here, Helbion paused to check his conspicuously naked wrist," Well! Would you look at the time! I must be off, so ta ta! Oh, and remember, look for Sam! Everything else will fall into place. Cheerio!" the neon blond faery chirped giddily as he disappeared with a sparkly poof. If Dean hadn't been so indignant about being left whenever he was, he'd have spared a moment or two to lament over his possible new ability to disappear in a sparkly poof.
Grunting in annoyance, Dean began to make his way out of the cool, dim cave he had been in. However, as soon as he stepped out, he jumped right back in. He'd though the cave was cool, but outside was fucking cold! Looking around for something to keep him warm while he looked for Sammy, Dean spotted a pile of furs in a corner. It was only after noticing them that Dean began to see the other little things in the cave that indicated life. It was primitive, caveman-like life, yes, but life nonetheless. Then, his thoughts caught up with him.
"Helbion, you fucker! You sent me to the fucking Ice Age!" Dean growled, irritated at the faery's shenanigans. When the faery still remained absent, Dean sighed exasperatedly and headed over to the pile of furs.
It took some maneuvering, but Dean was finally able to wrap the furs around him in a way that both kept him warm and allowed movement. That done, and starting to feel hungry, Dean ventured out again, this time with a sharp spear he had found leaning against the cave wall.
The sun, while not giving much heat, shone brightly, and the icicles refracted brilliant light into his eyes. A frigid breeze blew his fur and hair, which seemed longer than usual, as he crested the small hill that helped cradle his home cave. The sight the met his eyes dropped his jaw in sheer amazement.
Giant woolly mammoths lumbered by slowly, pulling along heavy wooden carts, while figures wrapped in fur prodded them along and even rode some. So…this is the Ice Age, eh? Dean thought. There were more people than he'd anticipated, and finding Sammy would be more difficult than he'd thought.
Well, best get to it then, he decided, before picking his way down the hill. As he came down the hill, one of the figures turned in his direction. The figure recoiled slightly, as if surprised. Then they began to practically bounce in excitement, pointing frantically in his direction and yelling incoherently. At least, Dean hoped it was incoherent yelling. It would really suck if they only spoke caveman, and he only spoke English.
As soon as he was close enough, the figure, which had grabbed the other figures attention with their crazy behavior, came running up to him.
"Ey! There you are! We saw someone go to that cave, but ain't no one been out in 'bout three five-days. We were beginning to wonder if you'd died! Who are you, anyway, yeah?" the girl asked. Well, at least she spoke English. Her accent, however, was…strange, to say the least! She sounded like she was swallowing half her vowels and the last letter of pretty much every word that ended in a consonant.
"Umm, I'm Dean. And you are…?" Dean raised an eyebrow, trying to prompt her to finish his sentence. However, she just stared in awed fascination at his forehead.
"Ey! Do that weird jumpy brow thing again! I ain't never seen nothing like that, yeah!" His eyebrow shot up again of its own accord at her strange way of speaking. And, well, also, his surprise. These people, or at least this girl, had never seen some one raise their eyebrow? It seemed a deprived life to Dean's mind.
"There you go. Now, who are you? And do you know someone named Sam?" He queried, eager to find Sammy, do what he had to, and get back to his own mammoth-free time. The girl grinned an irrepressible grin.
"Ey, I'm Naku, yeah!" Then Naku's forehead scrunched in thought, before her face brightened, "I don't know no one named Sam, or Dean for that matter, but the chief's daughter is called Samine. Ey, maybe she's who you're looking for, yeah?"
Dean frowned and was about to say no as soon as Naku said "the chief's daughter", but, just as the name "Samine" left her mouth, his stomach flipped in excitement and his blood pounded fiercely for a few beats. Somehow, he just knew that this Samine was an important person that he had to meet.
"Can you take me to her?" Dean asked Naku. Her bright grin became even bigger, and a somewhat scary gleam appeared in her ice blue eyes.
"Oooh, ehhh, I dunno…she is the princess, you know. I can't just bring you over unannounced, yeah! What would be the purpose of your visit? Perhaps," and here, her grin turned downright sneaky, and her eyes shifted cunningly about," Ey, perhaps you would like to…court Princess Samine, yeah?"
"WHAT!" Dean spluttered in shock, staring wide-eyed at her. Naku's face was suddenly accusing.
"EY! So what's this, then? And just what's so bad about courting the princess, yeah huh? What, she ain't pretty enough for you, is that it? Maybe she's too savage, yeah? Ey, she ain't like those pansy-ass princesses you know? Is that it, yeah?" She looked incensed at the very thought.
"No!" Dean denied quickly, shaking his head almost frantically," That is to say, I'm sure there's nothing wrong with your Princess Samine, I just am not here to court her."
"Ey ehhh, well, I guess…alright. You can see her. EY! YOUR MAJESTY. C'MERE!" Naku bellowed. Dean jumped back, shocked. Footsteps sounded behind Dean.
"Alright, ey, alright, Naku, what is it this time? Don't tell me it's another dead saber-tooth! I'm not falling for that one again, je!" the voice was pleasantly husky, but definitely female. And, when Dean turned around to face the owner of the voice, the figure definitely was as well.
Princess Samine was, well, gorgeous. Her brown hair fell to her waist, the long bangs plaited with colorful ribbons threaded through them. Her eyes were a beautiful green, and her lips full, but not overly so. Her chin was somewhat masculine, but her chest…all woman. And the hips too…and the legs, and the…chest, umm, yes, they were all woman!
The only troubling part is that, they were also all Sam. Well, you know, if Sam had actually been born a Samantha…in his world. Or, his time…or whatever, this time thing was fucking confusing! Just then, Dean belatedly realized he was still staring in dumbfounded silence at the princess. When he refocused back on her face, her expression was inquiring.
"Ey, who are you? I think I'd remember meeting someone like you, je. You must be new," She concluded. For a moment, Dean was confused by what she'd just said before he realized that that Samine had replaced Naku's ever-present "yeah" with her own "je". It seemed strange that while Naku's habit he found just vaguely annoying, Princess Samine's was distinctly charming. Unfortunately, she hadn't dropped the "ey", however.
"Ah, I'm Dean. Yeah, you could say I'm pretty new. Look, I'm searching for someone named Sam. Have you got like, a twin brother or something?" When Dean asked this question, Samine's brow furrowed as she examined him closely. Then, her face brightened and she giggled with joy.
"Ey, Naku! Naku! This is him! This is the one! Ey, finally, after all these years of waiting, he's here! Oh, Papa will be sooo excited, je!" Samine squealed in glee. Naku seemed to catch her excitement, and the two of them joined hands and spun around delightedly, giggling back and forth at each other. Dean just stood there awkwardly, wondering just what the hell was going on. He cleared his throat to call their attention back to the matter at hand, and Samine swirled around to shoot him a look so full of…something, he shivered, half in anticipation, and half in pure terror.
"Eyyy, yes, Dean! Come, come, you should come. Oh je! There is sooo much to do! We've got to get the food, and the clothing, and the guests, and…oh je, everything planned!" She rattled off, seeming both scared and excited at the same time. Samine latched on to his arm like a leech and began to pull him along to some place or another, with Naku behind them a ways.
"Umm, so what exactly are we planning for, if you don't mind telling me?" Dean asked, bewildered over her state of sudden and extreme hyperness. She shot him a look he could only describe as rabid.
"Ey, why, the wedding, of course!"
TBC…
AN: *hides in bunker* Ok, seriously, I know you guys want updates on my other stories! So, please, keep your pants one (cuz ain't nobody here wanna see your…unmentionables)! Look, the next chapters for MIL and LBP are coming along pretty swimmingly as of now, 'kay? As for Of Elven Princes…well, I did say that I had no idea where the story was going next. I told y'all to review and tell me your ideas. But was that what I got? NO! Oh sure, there were plenty favorites and alerts, which are all well and good (read: I fucking L-O-V-E them!), but I can't determine where to go next from faves and alerts, y'all. Get crackin' and tell me what you want to happen!
Pronunciation:
Ey- exactly as it's spelled
Naku- nah-koo
Samine- sah-mean-eh
Je- jay
Helbion Mogghy Malgharty of Hoemhlil- (oh heavens above!) hell-bee-on mog-hee mal-gar-tee of ho-em-he-lil
