10 ways to annoy Alana the lioness
disclaimer: (i have been told to make these interesting. but how?......)
me: yay! my first chapter of my first fan fiction!
alana: oooo! whats it about?
me: um..... you.
alana: oooo i love fan fictions about me! did you make sure you wrote a disclaimer?
me: yes. i said that "i do not own tamora pierce of claim any credit for her books" (even though i should be able to...)
alana: thats good
me: yes i hope that every one likes my fan fiction!
here goes!
10.) ask her how it feels to be only a few cm above a legal midgit.
9.) politely explain that red contacts over blue eyes to make them appear purple is never going to become a craze and she should just give up now
8.) Wonder aloud if the Shang dragon only likes her because he thought she was a boy and that's why he got so upset when she wore a dress.
7.) Ask her if she became a knight just to prove to Thom she was better then him at something. Then ask her if she feels better now that the superior twin is out of the way.
6.) Tell her you are a messenger from the gods and that she actually isn't the great mothers chosen daughter, it was all a mix up she was actually meant to die instead of Ralon during her years of a page, could the great mother have her coal token back, oh and if possible kindly jump in front of a stampeding horse to rectify the mistake ASAP during the next few weeks.
5.) take a picture of her expression after the above has been done and send it to George, the prince, her desert tribe oh and just about everyone else she knows
4.) Ask Alana to recount all her adventures then remark in a nonchalant tone of voice that she must be a magnet for trouble and you have to leave now as you suddenly remember an important job you didn't do. Kindly tell everyone else your observation and warn them not to talk to her for approximately 5 days. When Alana asks you why no one is talking to her pretend you know nothing.
3.) Race into wherever she is, point to her and shout that she is a witch and must burn at the stake. Then leave. Fast. Do this over the course of the next few weeks at random times. perhaps for variation shout "off with her head!"
2.) Tell her that the dominion jewel was only a ruse to get her out of the desert because her tribe was getting sick of having her around
1.) inform her loud enough for every one to hear that real knights don't sleep with their knight masters when they are squires
Warning if she threatens you with a sword run away fast…
