IWA: Random Papers installment number 2!

BK: Just a reminder, pennames are as follows:

IWA: it walks alone

BK: BritKit

SKM: SailorKMoonie

M: Mordecai

FC: freakinCRAZY

FTW: flyonthewall

Mars: Mars

IG: I'm Good

IDNR: InDesperateNeedofRitalin

MM: MotorMouth (although I don't think he shows up in anything we've got down yet.)

PF: Pink Floyd

VGM: VideoGameMaster

000000000000000000000000000000

M: Jesus is like 10 leprechauns, but he's a lot harder to catch.

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FC: (BELCH) (quietly) Excuse me!

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FTW: Wanna do my homework for me?

M: No, I've got a friend!

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IWA: (talking to BK)

M: Is that ice cream... strawberry?

IWA: Yes. (goes back to other conversation)

M: Okay. ... It was in my granola bar, a strawberry!

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M: There's no fruit in fruit punch... it got punched.

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M: My fro's name is Delroy.

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M: It bounces, it's metal.

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FC: (yawn) I'm boooooorrred!!! Somebody hit me!

BK & FTW: (hits FC)

FC: Well, I didn't expect you to actually hit me!!!

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M: Is there anything cheese can't do? My sister is lacktoast-intollegent... intelligent... whatever.

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FTW: You know you're in America when you base similes on food.

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M: Usually when things hurt, you do them again! It pisses me so much!

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M: So what about that pep-rally on Friday? We supposedly have to bring pep.

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M: I smell fire... I think we should all run...

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BK: How do you spell colonel?

FTW: Colon-al.

IWA: Colon-el.

M: Drink your colon-ale, it'll get you drunk.

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M: Hurricane. Force winds.

IWA: Wehehehehehehehehehehehe!

M: Back to the news!

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M: You'd think fish would taste better, but they don't.

IWA: I hate fish.

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FTW: We're such retards!

FC: (goes for high-5) Go us!

FTW: (fart sound while laughing) My lungs!

FC: (belch)

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M: Mmm, carrots.

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M: (sings) Electrical tape, electrical tape!

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M: Why are chipmunks brown? Why aren't they, like, purple or something?

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IWA: (scribble scribble)

FC: (sneaks up behind IWA) (pokes IWA in the side)

IWA: Yaaah!

FC: (runs away)

IWA: (leaps up) (runs after FC) (downward hammerfists FC) I swear, the next time you do that, I WILL hit you... (mutters)

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IWA: (choking)

FC: Don't die!

IWA: Air has bones!

FTW: Hairless bones?

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FC: PACE OUT DUDE!

All others: (silence)

FC: Translation: peace out dude! ...Duh!

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IWA: Are you ignoring me? Or are you deaf?

M: I'm deaf and annoying.

IWA: ANNOYING? When did I say that?!

M: (smacks head) IGNORING! I meant IGNORING! GAAAHH!!

IWA: You were ignoring me?

M: And I'm deaf.

IWA: ...No comment.

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M: (as, "I was only suggesting") I was only ingesting...

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FTW: No, I can't. I'm doing homework.

IWA: Like doing homework's ever stopped you before?

BK: (looks up from across the table) She said 'homework'? I thought she said 'laundry'.

IWA: ...??? How could you get 'laundry' from 'homework'?

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IWA: Mr. Wing got a pizza...

FTW: Mr. Wing IS a pizza.

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M: There are many similarities between fruitcake and Santa. Santa has reindeer. Fruitcake probably contains reindeer. Both touch the hearts of millions, but fruitcake also touches your arteries and your colon. They both can clog your chimney. Both can kill small children: Santa with a submachine gun; fruitcake with a little boxilism. Or mold.

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M: And then I die.

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FC: What's the definition of 'sarcasm'? ...Woah!! That was really random!

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FC: Can somebody shoot me, take off my head, ring out all the gunk from being sick, put it back on, and bring me back to life?

Others: (silence)

FC: Never mind, then...

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FC: NOOOO! FTW is gone now... she switched gym classes.

M: No, she switched to the dark side!

IWA: Don't worry, she brought a flashlight!

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M: How 'bout you and your friends versus me and the revolution?

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FC: (pokes IWA)

IWA: Aaagh! Don't do that! (picks up hardcover The Darwin Awards II) This IS a hard book, you know.

FC: I have a hard head.

BK: (picks up larger hardcover book) This is a harder book!

FC: (raises eyebrow) (cocks head)

M: This is my hand! It's weird...

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BK: (to IWA) Just so you know, 'ednal' stands for 'Ed and Al'.

IWA: Ednal?

M: Is that anything like eggnog?

BK: It's just easier, okay?

FC: (contemplating Mountain Dew bottle) (looks up) Huh? Eggnog where?

BK: No eggnog.

FC: Oh. (goes back to contemplating Mountain Dew bottle)

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IWA: (sings) Peter Piper pii-ked a peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pee-ppers Peter Pii-per, Peter Pii-per, Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers that he picked.

All: (silence)

BK: What??

IWA: 'Peter Piper's Fugue.' I'm playing along with it in the concert tonight.

BK: o.O (stares) ...I'll go back to reading now.

M: o.o How can you sing that that fast?

IWA: Practice, Mordecai, Practice.

FC: Aaah! Too many 'p's!

IWA: o.o Really?

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IWA: BritKit, I am in desperate need of plot.

BK: I only have a couple more pages!

(silence)

(a few minutes later)

BK: Done! Now, what did you need?

IWA: Plot!

BK: Oh right!

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BK: Maternal instincts. She has to serve her guests coffee and tea.

FC: ...Do I want to know...?

IWA: Not really.

FC: Oh. (puts head back down, chin on binder) I hate tea and coffee. I'm screwed.

BK & IWA: Then she'd serve you water.

FC: That works! (chipper)

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IWA: Penguins have taken over the nine tenths of your brain you don't use.

BK: That's fine. As long ast they don't bother me, I don't care.

(pause)

FC: (looks up from playing with pen) Huh? What'd I miss?

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IWA: I am writing, therefore I cannot hear.

BK: (starts conducting random marching band that appears out of nowhere)

Band: (plays really annoying song)

IWA: I didn't mean it literally!

BK: Oh. Darn. (stops conducting)

Band: (disappears)

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M: There's a piece of broccoli in the middle of the room!

IWA: O.O There is...

M: It's been there for weeks! No one notices the broccoli!

IWA: o.O (stares at broccoli)

M: And it's upside down!