Alright people I am insanely sorry for not updating and I think I have some good reason so don't kill me.

Fanfiction was not letting me login in. I believe it was happening to quite a few people, correct me if I'm wrong.

One of my best friends died and I was and still am an emotional mess but I'm a bit better. This story has now been dedicated to her Memory.

My parents dragged me off on holiday/vacation in Scotland where there was terrible internet access and we forgot the laptop.

I really hope you can forgive me!

Disclaimer: The T.V. show Castle does not belong to me… unfortunately!

People say which is better; Saying something and wishing you hadn't or saying nothing and wishing you had? For me it changes everyday depending on the turns the day takes. A few weeks ago I kissed my best friend, we were undercover and trying to save our colleges but it's still a kiss… two actually. We were on a stake out and I had said that I was open to dumb ideas, and that's how we ended up walking down the street like a drunken couple. The guard didn't believe it so I reached for my gun but Castle stopped me grabbing my hand and the back of my head before pulling me in and kissing me. I managed to pull myself back to stare into his eyes before plowing back into his embrace sucking on his lower lips drawing a moan from within myself. The guard chuckled bringing me from the world I was on, I span out of the kiss pulling Castle with me as I knocked the guard out. After that he said that it was amazing but then I look at him and he goes back on himself covering it with the way I span out of the kiss to knock the guard out. I had just stared at him for a minute searching his eyes looking for anything before I turned to go and save our friends. Ten minutes later I heard a bag and ran towards it and I found myself staring upon castle pounding Lockwood's face in. I walked over to him as he sat in the back of an ambulance after getting his hand wrapped in gauze, jokingly calling him Chuck Norris and laughing about the boys before I turned serious. He stared into my eyes as I thanked him for having my back in there and he answered in the only way he could, with one simple word with so much meaning behind it, the word being 'Always'. I saw what he meant that he would be there for anything, anytime if I needed him. He could tell I was puzzled slightly by his serious side as I have only seen it once or twice before.

Then a few cases later Rick and I need to go undercover again this time in a club. We had left the precinct and went to my apartment for me to get changed, I came back into the main room looking absolutely stunning if I do say so myself. We then went back to his loft and he got changed he came out to see me sitting on the couch talking to his mother about trying to honor Chet's memory somehow. And before we left as usual we argued over who was driving and a usual I won and drove my shiny red Ferrari to the club. As soon as we got inside I danced my way through to the bar and told him to get drinks and then I wandered off in search of the dealer. His eyes followed me checking me out as I went, and unfortunately for him I turned and caught him giving him the 'stop it I own a gun' look. Once he had brought the drinks and approached me, and I already had our guy pinned to the table.

A few weeks after that we got quarantined together and I was saying that I wanted a relationship where I could just dive in with that guy. Just before he could tell me something one the guys that were in a hazmat suit walked in to tell us we were clear. A few hours later we got kicked off the case but stupidly went rouge and worked on the cases against orders. We found the place where the bomb was it was in a white van but before we could do anything someone started shooting at us. We took cover and I shot back, somehow we got trapped inside this freezer with a dead body! We looked for a signal but found none; I started shooting at the door again. He managed to stop me and we slowly sunk to the floor. I remember that before I passed out that I nearly said that I loved him but yet again fate got in the way. Ten hours after that we were stood together staring at the bomb holding hands. Agent Fallon just told us that he didn't know how to disarm it and with two seconds to spare he grabbed all of the wires and pulled. With zero seconds on the clock we were still alive and I was hugging Rick like there was no tomorrow. That night after drinks with the team I watched as he walked heartbroken towards the elevator. I was sure he was just about to pour his heart out to me when stupid Dr Motorcycle Boy walked up behind me, but all I wanted to do was go after him.