The next day at school was completely and utterly normal.
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU WITH A RUSTY SPOON!"
Normal for the prefecture's most atrocious, wicked, and generally evil school ever that is. Ishiyama High, the number one place ever where all sorts of unsavory teens tried to get an education that the teaching staff could ever provide.
"HE'S DEEP FRYING MY FACE! OH GOD!"
In other words, no one gave a fuck.
The hallways were decorated with trash, cracked walls, and graffiti of various signs. The hoodlums that bothered to show up only did so to lounge around all day and fight with each other. Not a single day went by in Ishiyama High without something being broken and someone going to the hospital.
On this particular day, our hero Oga Tatsumi made his way through the filthy bowels of Ishiyama to the roof. All manners of thugs and scum stared at him, transfixed at the audacity of Oga.
For you see, a baby was latched onto his back and snoring lightly.
"Hey, check it out. It's that legendary first year dude." One delinquent whispered to his friend, "Brutal Brawler. Crazy Coward Killer. The Bastard Ogre. Oga Tatsumi. They say he once jumped out a ten story building just to chase down a weakling running from him."
"I heard that if you run from him, he'll torture you slowly."
"Did ja' hear? Roku and his gang tried blindsiding him a couple days ago. They caught him in a bad mood and ended up having to be sent to the ER."
Oga sighed loudly, putting everyone around him on edge. The teen never stopped his feet and just kept walking, half-lidded eyes barely registering his surroundings. All of a sudden, two delinquents stepped out and blocked his path. One had bleached hair while the other had inky black hair. Bleached hair hunched over and sneered at Oga while Inky regarded him as he would a bug that was about to be squashed.
"You got a lot of nerve Oga. Strutting around like ya' own the place. Well guess what, today you're gonna die."
Oga glanced at the two thugs blocking his path before his hand started to dig into his pocket. The offenders immediately backed up, shock and horror etched onto their faces as they assumed Oga was going to pull out a weapon. Instead, the teen yanked out a broken and crumbled candy bar. Tearing off the wrapper, he shoved the entire sugary treat into his mouth and continued walking. Both thugs, angered that they had been tricked, tried to step in his path again.
Key word 'tried'.
Oga chewed slowly, savoring the taste of the chocolate as it melted and spread across his tongue. Without missing a single beat, he backhanded both delinquents hard enough to send them flying into the wall and out the window respectively. Ignoring the awed and terrified looks directed at him, the brunette continued on his way.
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"Morning you silvery haired bastard," Oga greeted his friend Furuichi.
"Right back at ya' you damn child molester," Furuichi retorted without pause.
There was an awkward silence before Oga tried to deck his childhood friend in the face. Laughing loudly, Furuichi dodged away from his friend before he started to dig into his bag for breakfast. Tossing Oga one of the many wrapped hotdogs he had, Furuichi plopped his ass back down and started chewing on his meal.
"Man, still can't believe you agreed to be that demon's parent," Furuichi said in between bites, "I thought you had your hands full with the other baby in the family."
"She's been spending time with her Grandma. Be back around a few weeks later."
"Ah. So tell me, how did your mom and sis take it?"
"Take what?"
"You know, learning that the other young male in the family not only had pre-martial sex but also knocked up someone and produced a child."
Oga paused in eating and thought back to yesterday.
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Sexy Flashback Action
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"And…that's how it is," Hilda finished with her head bowed. Baby Beel was staring into space right next to her. Everyone around her stared at the kneeling woman in stunned silence.
The silence was then broken by the sounds of figurative glass breaking.
The tension in the air was so thick that you could run a chainsaw through it and still not get through. In the kitchen, Mother Oga had set down the ladle for soup she held and slowly did her hair into a bun. Misaki Oga, the eldest child and former leader for an all women gang, tossed her Popsicle away and stood up while cracking her knuckles. Both had twitching left eyes and were glaring with red demon soulless glares at the only male human in the house. Tatsumi, knowing his end was near, had written a quick prompt will that told that everything he owned was to be sent to his childhood friend Furuichi.
Before the two strong headed women of the house could start beating the ever loving shit out of Oga, Hilda continued on with her introduction.
"From today on, this child and I will be in your care. I am called Hildegard. I may be rough around the edges but we're counting on you."
"HILDA! WHAT THE FUCK?" Tatsumi cried hysterically. The temperature of the room had dropped to near sub-zero levels, "I TOLD YOU TO STAY IN MY ROOM!"
"But…I heard this is how things are to be told in the country. Would it not be improper of me to not present myself as such?"
"I swear to God Tatsumi! You've chosen the worst time to spring this on us! I just learned the finer points of pressure choking!"
Oga couldn't answer; his sister had reached him and was correctly choking the life out of him with said technique. The only thing the teenager was doing was flaying his arms around as he tried (ineffectively) to pry his sister off. In truth, he was only doing so half-heartedly. It wasn't the first time he had been a living test dummy to his sister.
"Oh you poor sweet dearie," Mother Oga wailed as she hugged the demon nurse. Hilda blinked in surprise, noticing how Mother had simply blurred from view and materialized in front of her within seconds. That was not normal.
"Having to not only fall in hopelessly in love with my fool of a son at such a young age but also having to birth his child! Oh no, this won't do! It's a shame his father isn't here, he would have shown Tatsumi the right way of love! Oh woe is me, having grandchildren so early!"
"It's not like…you're getting…any younger," Oga managed to choke out.
The poor witless son of a bitch realized that if he was going to die, he was going to do so on his terms. Mainly dying as he lived, a complete and utter smartass and tool to those around him.
In this case, a smartass to his mother and a tool to his sister.
Hilda didn't even get to blink before Mother Oga had released her and swapped places with her daughter. The wet demon nurse stared in mild surprise as Mother Oga started to beat the ever loving crap out of Oga with a baseball bat she had somehow procured out of nowhere. Misaki was besides her and only smirked at her brother's pained screams and whimpers of making it end.
"So…where you from Hilda?" Misaki asked, turning towards her.
The demon nurse stared at the teenage girl for a few minutes. Within a few seconds, her belief of weakling humans had been slightly cracked. Here was someone who displayed abnormal skills that she thought would be normal for demons, not humans.
Mother Oga had some sort of hammer space technique, evidenced by how she had produced a baseball bat, a tire iron, a bloody iron pipe and a 2X4 out of nowhere and was viciously pummeling her son to death with each item. Or it could be that the weapons were kept close and that Mother had some sort of flash step ability.
Either way, the older woman was scolding her son loudly as she continued to beat him with various blunt instruments.
"Some say that it is Hell," Hilda responded with a smile.
"Ooh…your Japanese is pretty good. Hmm, so where did you meet my brother?"
"I walked into his friend's home when he was in the middle of deciding what to do with the Young Master."
Misaki blinked and then regarded the green haired baby next to Hilda. Feeling like he was being watched, the baby turned to meet the curious teenage girl's stare. The both of them eyed each other for a few minutes, no sound being heard besides the wails of pain coming from Oga.
"Aah?" Baby Beel finally cooed as he tilted his head to the side.
"Kawaii! So adorable!" Misaki said with hearts in her eyes as she plucked Beel up and smothered him.
"My my, if the hair was different and he had a frown on his face, I would almost think it's Tatsumi as a baby all over again."
Hilda blinked and looked over to where Oga was. The teenage boy was face down on the ground, twitching erratically every few seconds. There was also a puddle of blood pooling around his head and his arm was bent awkwardly.
"Come here to Oba-chan. Who's a cute baby? Who's a cute baby? You are, yes you are." Mother Oga cooed as she rocked Baby Beel in her arms.
'This family is not normal by human standards. I must watch over these three in the coming times. Maybe this idiot will prove to become a worthy parent to the Young Master after all.'
Suddenly, Tatsumi started to laugh. Everyone looked over to see the teenager had managed to lift himself up by his arms.
"It worked! Hallelujah it worked!" He yelped and sprayed a fine mist of blood all over the floor, "My plan to let her beat the shit out of me without resisting worked! All I have to show for it is probably some broken bones and blood loss!...I think I'm going to take a nap now."
With that, Tatsumi collapsed into sweet unconsciousness.
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End of Flashback
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"And that's why I bought him to school," Oga finished.
"Um…you didn't say anything. All you did was start shuddering before smiling again."
"…And that's why I bought him to school," Oga reiterated.
"…Okay," Furuichi said as he stared at Oga. Suddenly, his mind clicked into overdrive and he shot up in anger.
"WAIT JUST A DAMN FUCKING MINUTE! YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU GOT THAT HOT BUSTY LOLITA CHICK STAYING WITH YOU WHILE I GOT MY ASS KICKED BY MY PARENTS?"
"HOW IS THAT IMPORTANT! SHE'S A GOD DAMN DEMON!"
"IT'S IMPORTANT BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS GET THE GIRLS!" Furuichi growled.
"SHUT THE HELL UP AND EAT YOUR DAMN HOTDOG!" Oga roared back.
Unknown to the two, Baby Beel had woken up a short while ago and had crawled away from his father figure to chase after a butterfly. The baby giggled to himself quietly as he reached out a quivering finger towards the insect. Of course, his hopes of acquiring the strange floating bug thingy was brutally crushed.
Literally.
"Whoa, you kiddin' me?"
"He's really got a kid with 'im. What a piece a work!"
"See, what'd I tell ya? If we're gonna get Oga, now's the time."
The middle thug quickly grabbed the baby and wrapped him securely into a bear hug as he glanced over to the two bickering friends.
"Oi! Oga!"
The person in question looked up and immediately paled. Yesterday, after a painful two hours of being stitched up on the kitchen counter without pain killers, Hilda had informed Oga of a certain dangerous detail concerning Baby Beel and distance.
Simply put, being at least 15 meters away from the baby was going to kill him. The demon baby had attachment issues, ranging so far as to kill his human parent because he didn't want to be alone.
The thugs were holding the baby hostage at least fourteen point nine meters.
"Oga-kun, ya gotta be more careful. You have to watch the baby real close or else..." One of the thugs said as he chuckled evilly.
"I fucking dare you," Oga said in a low voice.
"What was that? Begging for mercy already Oga?"
"I SAID I FUCKING DARE YOU!" Oga shouted as he turned away from his friend and faced the thugs fully. The three broke out into a sweat as a shadowy monster complete with claws and razor sharp teeth suddenly appeared behind the teen.
"Go ahead, make my day. Harm the baby, make him cry; move at least one more meter away from me," Oga threatened.
'How is that important?' Furuichi thought.
The thugs started to shake but the middle one still holding the baby remembered he had the one thing Oga wanted. Presenting the baby forward, the idiot made his demand.
"Yeah and so what! We'll let your baby go if you come over here and get down on the ground and beg!"
At this point, Furuichi stepped up besides his steaming friend and ran a hand through his hair.
'Well, no matter. These goons are dead anyways.'
"You guys are idiots you know that?"
"Whatcha say you bastard?"
"If you let the baby go now, that'll be the end of it: He will not look for you, He will not pursue you. But if you don't, he will look for you, he will find you, and he will kill you."
The statement was told in such a calm chilling voice. There was no real anger, no real malice but the message was clear. The three thugs stared in horror at the silver haired teen. Unlike his friend, he wasn't well known or reputed to be very strong. Still, there had been SOME stories of some dude that hung around Oga that could very well be just as strong as or even stronger than him.
The three idiots were just a second away from finding out how brutal the legendary first year could be.
"Move it, chumps."
The three stooges turned away from Death's embrace and immediately froze up in shock as they recognized the newcomers.
"You guys are..."
"It's the twin-headed dragon of Ishiyama, the Sanada brothers!"
Two green haired delinquents stood off to the side and sneered at the first year teens. The older one, Ryuii Sanada, was smoking a cigarette as his younger brother, Ryuichi Sanada, bared his chops and licked them.
"We'll be ones to do in Oga!" The younger brother said.
"Hey hey, you shouldn't be stealing my prey!" A big brute wearing an orange seat shirt with scars running along his face suddenly joined in.
"Killer Machine Abe!" One of the panicking first years cried out.
"Oi, it would be very troublesome of you forgot about me too," A second year dressed up in a tacky purple suit with a lighter purple dress shirt said. He gave a two finger salute while blowing aside a long strand of curvy hair.
"Even Good Night Shimokawa!"
The three first years immediately ran over and huddled in a circle near Oga. The teen, seeing a chance, viciously decked the one holding Baby Beel. Catching the young child in mid-air, the teen stared at the cooing baby and poked him in the head.
"Never crawl away like that again or else I put you on a leash."
"Dabuh!"
"Hmph, so this is the invincible rookie Oga Tatsumi? He's really carrying a baby around."
"I don't care! Let's fight already!"
Oga was digging in his ear with his pinky before he suddenly realized that there were second year students around him.
"Oi, who are you guys?"
"GAH! YOU IDIOT! DON'T YOU KNOW? THOSE GUYS ARE KILLER MACHINE ABE AND GOOD NIGHT SHIMOKAWA PLUS THE SANADA BROTHERS! EVEN SOMEONE LIKE YOU WON'T STAND A CHA-!"
*POW*
Everyone except for Furuichi blinked and dropped their jaws in shock. Within the span of a second, Oga had teleported right in front of Killer Abe and decked the brute right in the gullet. The muscled bound teen didn't even know that he had just been defeated even as his huge body collapsed to the ground.
Shimokawa was next. The finely dressed idiot was about to spring into action to avenge his fellow second year when he was suddenly yanked forward by the collar. The delinquent only got a glimpse of the bored look on Tatsumi's face before he pulled the teen down and kneed him hard.
*CRUNCH*
Good Night Shimokawa took a nice nap with a broken bloody nose.
"All right, next!" Oga yelled with dull enthusiasm.
"Heh, you're not bad rookie!" Ryuii said as he pulled out a flip knife and brandished it.
"But we're better! We're going to cut you up with our ultimate attack!" Ryuichi cried with glee as he pulled out a large chainsaw and revved it up.
"TEXAS CHAINSAW COMBO!" The two brothers roared as they charged as one.
Oga yawned loudly as he stood there and awaited the incoming brothers. The two remaining first years started to cheer on their sempais while Furuichi looked on with indifference.
"They're too slow," He muttered, "I could freaking dodge them blindfolded."
The brother holding the chainsaw tried to slash at Oga, attempting to vertically cut him in half while the older one was going to shank the teen's face. Oga, with a complete and utter lack of caring, slid in between the two of them and grabbed them by their throats. Both brothers went slack and collapsed backwards, eyes swirling and foam spilling out of their mouths.
"And all the psychiatrists called my father a madman when they found out he put me through life and death situations to learn how to fight," Oga remarked with a smirk, "Just goes to show what normal people think. I kick ass!"
"Remind me never to ask your dad to take me on a training trip again…ever. The last time I did, I think I had more near death experiences in a day than most people do over their life. Which says something about you."
"Remind yourself you jack! Well, whatever. I better head home before the brat starts getting fussy. See ya."
With that, Oga left behind four defeated second years, one unconscious first year, and two shocked out of their freaking minds first years.
Furuichi only grabbed his bag and left, hiding the big smile he had plastered on his face.
"Man, I wonder how long until Oga attracts the attention of the big boys?"
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When Tatsumi got home, he arrived to find his family plus Hilda at the dinner table enjoying some strangely colored curry.
"Oh Tatsumi, you look tired. Did you get in another fight?"
"Maybe. Depends what you call a fight nowadays."
"Well we're enjoying this curry Hilda made for us. She's surprisingly a good cook. Want some?"
"Nah, I'm going to hit the shower then the sack. Good night."
"Wait, let me look after Beel-chan while you're doing that. He needs to be more acquainted with his Auntie and Grandma."
Tatsumi gulped as he worried about the distance. Hilda seemingly sensed his distress and spoke.
"Don't worry, I measured the distance between here and the bathtub. It's only 14 meters."
Sighing in relief, the delinquent left to try and relax in the tub.
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"It is me the dimensional transference demon, Alaindelon. I was asked by Hilda-sama to report the current distance between you and the Master. 12.7 meters... 12.9 meters..."
Tatsumi blinked at the large imposing mustached naked man next to him in the tub before he tried to step out of the bath.
"Ooh 14.3 meters!"
He immediately fell back in and tried to maintain a safe distance from the demon.
"13.9 meters... 13.3 meters..."
Feeling that it was safer, the teen tried once again to get out.
"Oh, oh! 14.5 meters!"
And immediately fell back in.
"Ooh…14.9 meters!"
"GOD DAMN HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RELAX LIKE THIS?"
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"Thank God he's finally asleep..." Oga said. He had just rigorously rocked the Demon Baby for one hour straight before he finally achieved the results he wanted.
Suddenly Alaindelon poked his head through the door.
"Whoa, what the heck man? What are you still doing in my house? For that matter, do you ever wear pants?"
The transference demon didn't say anything as he split open and Furuichi fell out in an ungraceful heap. Taking a several deep breaths, the silver haired teen glared at the transfer demon before turning back to Oga.
"What are you doing here?" Oga asked.
"He was loitering around in front of the house, so I transferred him."
"I was going to try and hop in through the window but he," Furuichi pointed at Alaindelon, "Blindsided me and captured me. What's worse, he smells like rotten cheese and raw meat in there."
"Huh. I guess that must have sucked."
Furuichi walked over and glanced down at the sleeping baby, "You know, he kinda reminds me of Sachiko."
"How in the deepest lava sinks of hell does a demon baby with green hair and electric crying remind you of my niece?" Oga said incredulously.
"When you look at him like this, he really doesn't look like a baby Demon Lord."
"Oi! Answer the question!"
"Huh? Oh sorry, just lost my head there a bit. Uh…I guess because when they're like this, they just look so innocent despite how cruel their situations are."
Oga didn't say anything as he somberly looked at the baby and then to a picture on his desk. Hilda observed this all quietly before glancing over to where the Young Master's parent was staring. She glimpsed a shocking photo.
Oga was smiling. For what reason, she didn't know nor cared. It probably had something to do with the baby girl on his shoulders.
"Oi Hilda, Earth to Hilda."
Snapping back to attention, the demon maid vowed to find out the meaning behind the picture later.
"Do not worry. As he grows up, he will gain the power to destroy humanity so long as we raise him correctly." She intoned as to counter Furuichi's earlier statement.
"Wait, does that mean if we raise him the incorrect way, like to be all good and stuff, then he won't destroy humanity?"
Hilda's response was to level her umbrella sword at Oga's throat. How dare he! Yet he didn't even become scared like last time! Unfazed, Tatsumi pinched the blade between his fingers and pushed it aside.
"Oi, watch that damn thing. I don't want a repeat of four days ago. It was just a question."
Growling softly to herself, Hilda sheathed her blade.
"Huh, you know, he's right, for once." Furuichi suddenly butt in to try and diffuse the growing tension in the air, "If you raise Beel to be not evil, he might not kill us."
Oga thought about it and then leveled a deadpan stare at his friend.
"Do you know who you're talking to?"
"…Oh damn right. You're the same dude who once kicked the crap out of a bunch of guys because you wanted the police to help you get home."
"Exactly, I'm probably the embodiment of insanity and ass-kicking. Cruelty is also up there."
"Then again, the better question would be why it was just you? I mean time and place otherwise; wouldn't someone else probably be just as good or even better?"
"Oh, I wouldn't say that. As we discussed the other day, the Master is a Demon Lord. I was told by his father to find someone of great political influence and control but also to possess great strength. I thought that you were already so strong that in time, influence and control would not matter if you could destroy all those who opposed you!" The transfer demon explained.
"I like how this dude is totally just saying that you're practically nothing more than dumb muscle."
"You are near the window Furuichi. I am fairly confident that I can kick you high above the bed. Please, continue to insult me and see what I do about it."
"And in addition to that, barbaric, ruthless, and defiant bastards who think nothing of their fellow man are perfect. The stronger and more ruthless the person is, the more the Master takes a liking to them." Alaindelon continued on.
Blinking, the two humans looked at the demon and then back at the baby.
"That means…if I find someone who's stronger and more evil than me, then Beel will leave me?"
"That is correct."
"Well okay then. I guess I can find someone better than me sooner or later. Furuichi! I hope to count on your help from this day forth."
"So long as I possibly don't have to worry about demons coming out of nowhere to kill you or me then I'm in. Especially if there are more hot ones like Hilda."
Furuichi was promptly sent sailing out the window, crying out in pain all throughout his flight.
