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Chapter 2. Kiss & Don't Tell..
George get's up at six am. The wake up call he had ordered the night before, rings loudly beside him and he knocks the phone off the hook with his eyes still closed.
It take's him fifteen minutes to convince himself to get out of bed. His shift starts at 8.30, but he wants to get there early to see
His wife, who has been working the past forty eight hours
He heads straight for the bathroom, and turns the shower to scalding before stepping in.
He's not ready for today. He just wants to stay tucked away in this room, this bathroom, away from all of the problems out there, the problems he's created. The problems with Izzie.
Izzie.
His mind drifts to that night, as it so often does. Ever since it had come back to him it's all he can think about and he know's it's wrong. So fucking wrong.
He's married. Jesus, he's a married man. A newlywed, even.
He can't get it out of his head, the way they had kissed, touched. It play's out in his head like scenes from a movie.
Them kissing their way up to her bedroom, her legs locked around his waist, taking off her shirt, her bra, kissing his way up her body, worshipping her.
The way her delicate fingers and porcelain hands had felt against his skin. The same hands running through his hair, and her smile, god. The smile she had given him.
He's screwed.
By the time he had stopped thinking about her fifteen minutes had past, and his skin was red from the water. He was so awake now, so awake.
Turning the water to cold, he leans his head against the wall and sighs.
He's so going to hell.
By the time he get's to work it's 8.15, and any chance of seeing Callie before he starts is basically ruled out at this point,
which is why he's more than suprised when he find's her napping on the bench in the intern's locker room.
Meredith, Christina and Alex are there too, but he ignores them and walks over to kneel down beside his wife. His voice waking her.
"Hey. Bad night on call?"
She smiles when she see's him, despite the tiredness in her eyes, and she touches his arm gently, the glint of her wedding ring catching his eye.
It make's him feel guilty, guilty for the thoughts he was having this morning about another woman, a woman who was definitely not his wife.
"When my patient's gooey abscess exploded all over me at 4.00am? That was the highlight."
He's about to say something, make a joke or express some sympathy, when he feel's her. Izzie.
He looks up, just as she's walking in, her white winter coat on, and a rosary in her hand.
She's so beautiful, it make's something ache inside of him.
She catches him looking at her, and he swings his gaze back to Callie. He can hear Izzie opening her locker and tries to tune her voice out, but it's hard.
He's so used to it, used to her that he could hear her from a mile away, he's sure.
"Holy Mary, Mother of God. Pray for us sinners now and at..
He find's this slightly ironic, considering he's the one who should be praying.
He broke his vows, vows made in a church. A tacky, Elvis themed church on the vegas strip, but a church no less.
He hears Karev whistling at Izzie, and he tries not too take any notice.
"Iz, you look nice."
It's Meredith who speaks next, from her position on the bench behind her, answering the question they've all been wanting to ask
since she walked into the locker room, dressed like that.
"Did you just come from confession? ..In a church?"
"Shutup." Is her quick reply, before resuming her praying.
"Izzie Stevens does penance. You did something bad."
Alex smirks and George wants to hit him. Again.
He can feel Izzie's eyes on him, and he can't help but meet hers, just for a second.
Jesus.. They both look so fucking guilty.
He looks away when Callie sits up, although he can see her taking her coat off out of the corner of his eye.
"I feel like poo. Hope I make it through today without fallling asleep."
She does look exhausted. Which make's him feel even guiltier because she's been working more hours,
if possible, ever since she found out about the race for Chief Resident.
Meaning they haven't been able to spend much time together.
They haven't gone out anywhere in weeks.
He stands up, stretching his legs.
"Do you want to make a coffee date? 3.00pm? You could use a little pick-me-up."
He asks her, knowing she'll say yes. He can't help but turn his head and follow Izzie with his eyes as she walks past him out the door.
It's an automatic knee-jerk reaction, one he's become accustomed to.
"Yeah. That sounds nice. Really nice."
She seem's suprised by his offer, touched. He's glad.
"Good."
He leaves her then, walking to his locker. He looks at his watch. 8.29. Great.
After they've all made their rounds for the morning, and after they've seen the outcome of Dr Sloan's facial reconstruction on Jane Doe,
Bailey assigns them to the clinic for the day.
He's reading his patient's charts by the counter when she approaches him. He know's its her without even looking up.
He waits for her to speak, and she does, after a moment.
"I'm telling you, this confession thing, it really works. It's like we have a do-over. Our sin is gone.. So you don't have to keep avoiding me."
Her voice is soft, and he can hear a slight tremor. He know's she's nervous, so is he, and he can tell she need's a friend but he can't be that.
Not right now, at least.
"Yeah I do. Until this thing blows over, I do."
He walks away before she has the chance to form a reply, looking for his next patient.
It's a busy morning, and the clinic is full of irritable people.
"Javier Ruggero?"
He see's her walk out from behind the desk and follow him.
"Javier.. uh Ruggero?"
"Blows over? What does that even mean?"
"When Meredith and I.. eventually it blew over, it passed."
He tries to explain it without looking at her, he just want's her to leave, go back to her patients. He can't talk about this right now, not today.
"You mean the sad sex? The sad, tragic, depression-inducing sex you had with Meredith is the same as what we-."
He can tell she's hurt and upset by his words, and that's not how he meant them, not what he meant, but he doesn't have time for this now,
and he definitely doesn't have time to remember the sad, tragic, depression-inducing sex he had with Meredith.
"I cant, Izzie."
He walks away again, still speaking to her.
"Okay. Back off. Just for now, back off."
She doesn't follow. He knew she wouldn't.
"Javier Ruggero...?"
As he's walking around looking for Mr. Ruggero, he can see a man and woman approach her.
He tries not too stare, but he catches the stunned, look of disbelief that passes over her face a few seconds later, and he watches as she leads them into the room behind her.
Even from across the room he can see the way her hand shakes as she presses on the door handle.
When he finally locates his patient, and as he's listening to his chest he see's her emerge from the patient interview room she had entered minutes before.
He pretends not to be interested as she pushes past Bailey out of the clinic's double doors.
"What's wrong with that girl?" Bailey asks, clearly surprised.
He shrugs at Dr Bailey, acting like it's a common occurence before turning back to Mr Ruggero.
He doesn't need any more distractions today. Izzie will be fine.
He's more than suprised when Bailey follows her.
Thirty minutes later and he's filling out discharge papers at the nurses station, when Bailey walks up beside him.
He cast's a quick look up and see's Izzie standing outside the clinic doors, arms crossed and staring straight ahead.
"Okay. Discharge beds one and three, two needs a social worker, and hold this down for me. I'm going to be out for a while." Bailey orders, turning to walk away.
"Why? What's going on with Izzie?" He can't help but ask it, and he want's to kick himself.
Don't get involed, George.
"What's going on with Stevens is none of your concern. What is your concern? Sick people."
She points her finger at the half a dozen charts he currently has infront of him, as if to emphasize your point.
"All these sick people until I get back. Understand?"
He doesn't reply, just keeps his head down and continues filling out the charts.
"Dr Bailey. I did a consult in trauma one. The guy has a perf. Can I scrub in?"
Damn. George would much rather be scrubbing in on a bowel repair than stuck here with twenty crabby patients
suffering from common colds, food poisining and
the occasional case of athletes foot.
"No. You cannot scrub in. You're here with O'Malley for now."
He continues charting, even when Meredith approaches, although the force in which he's handling the charts increases.
"Hey. What's wrong with Izzie?"
He doesn't bother with a reply to her question, just hands her the chart's. He doesn't know the answer anyway.
"Beds seven through thirteen. Start with eight. He doesn't have much bladder control."
He walks off without another word, and he know's shes frowning at him, even without turning around.
When he still hasn't seen Izzie thirty minutes later, George is getting pretty worried.
Alex walks into the clinic, lunch in hand and approaches them, looking at them expectedly.
"I've been waiting for you in Really Old Guy's room for twenty minutes. What gives?"
Meredith doesn't even look up as she speaks, just continues on with the discharge papers from bed nine.
The clinic had died down significantly since this morning. Something George is very thankful for.
"Sorry. We decided to eat down here today."
"Nobody told me."
"Anybody.. move." Christina is in the way, in his chair, and he doesn't have time for this now. He's worried about Izzie.
"Anybody know what's going on with Izzie?"
He can't help it. He has to ask.
"Somethings going on!"
And nobody is paying him any attention, which only goes to piss him off further.
"Just ask her yourself."
Meredith is the one to answer him, and it annoys him that she's treating him like an idiot, they all are.
"I would if I knew where she was!"
He walks away from them at this point, he know's getting Christina out of his chair will be an impossible task,
and he has more patients to examine.
He's treating Mrs Rhymes, a thirty six year old with a bad case of the flu and not much else
(which is much better than a perforated bowl) or at least George tries to tell himself that.
"One second."
He excuses himself when he see's Bailey re-enter the clinic, and stops her in her path.
"What's up with Izzie?"
George can tell she's getting annoyed with his constant asking, but she's the one making this more difficult.
If she would just tell him where Iz is, everything would be fine.
"That is none of your concern."
Yes, It is.
"No. It is my concern, I demand to know."
He knows it's the wrong word, the last intern to 'demand' something from Bailey ended up on Scut duties for a week straight.
"I hope I didn't just hear you say you 'demand'. Are you her father? Are you her husband?"
When he doesn't answer, she pushes past him and walks away.
" Then stay here and keep your mind on your job you hear me."
He pretends not to notice when Bailey grab's Merediths arm . He strains his ears, trying to pick up there conversation but there too far away.
He can hear Izzie's name, which make's him wonder why she's still not back yet.
Meredith leaves the clinic first, after being handed what looks like a test tube from Bailey.
As soon as he's finished up with Mrs Rhymes, he tell's Alex who's still eating his lunch, and Christina who's still in his chair to cover for him.
"Hey! O'Malley!"
He ignores Karev and runs out the clinic entrance.
He can see Meredith coming out of the main building.
"Meredith!" he calls. "Tell me where she is."
She's shaking her head at him, and he wonder's why no one believes in him today.
"I can't. if she wanted you to know.."
"She does. She just.. We're just having one of our stupid fights."
She must see it in his face, he know's it's like an open book right now, but he can't keep the emotion off it or the worry out of his voice.
"Do you know how wrong it is if she's really in trouble and i'm not there because we're being idiots?"
She tries to walk past him, but he's had enough of that today. So, he doesn't let her. He grab's her arm instead.
"Come on. Meredith, please."
"She's upstairs in procedure room A. That's all I know."
She's shaking her head at him again, and he's gone, running into the main building calling over his shoulder.
"Thankyou."
It take's him less than five minutes to make it up to the fifth flour, persuade the nurse on duty - Olivia,
to tell him what's going on, and for him to get scrubbed in.
He pauses inside the room once he's opened the door. She's lying there on her stomach, hooked up to an IV,
with a towel covering her hips, looking so vulnerable and it make's something inside him ache.
"O'Malley. Did Stevens ask for you here?"
George is sick of dealing with Bailey today. How could Izzie turn to her instead of him?
He know's the answer though, she wasn't the one telling her to back off.
"No. No, I didnt not."
Her tone is huffy and he can tell she's still angry at his earlier words.
"You need to turn yourself around.."
He ignores Bailey, and asks her the question that's been on his mind since he read her chart outside.
"You're giving your bone marrow?"
He can't imagine why she would be doing that. Bone Marrow collection is a painful procedure, extremely painful and she's doing it alone.
"This is a private matter."
"I'm not leaving."
He's not leaving, she can call security for all he cares.
"George!"
"No."
He can see Bailey shaking her head at him.
"Make me."
She looks away from him and he's going to say something else but their interrupted by Izzie.
"Hey!"
"Sorry. I'm starting now."
"Just let me know when your going to do stuff, okay."
He can feel how scared she is, he can read it on her face and the truth is, he's scared to.
Scared of what their losing.
"Hey."
He brings her eyes back to him, and he keeps his voice warm.
"You're okay."
They'll be okay. He's not sure how, but they have to be. They'll find a way.
"I got it here."
He can see Izzie hiding her smile against the pillow as he stand's up to Bailey.
It makes the punishment he's going to get for the rest of the week, maybe month all the more worth it.
"Fine. Stevens, I'm going. Unless you need me to call security?"
Izzie laughs.
"I'll manage. Thankyou."
He's more than suprised when she winks at Izzie before leaving.
He kneel's back down infront of each other, taking her hand and they look at each other,
really look at each other.
"You said back off."
He wishes he had never said that.
"You didn't tell me you were having a bone drilled in your damn hip."
She gives him a sad smile and looks back at the floor, and he want's nothing more than to touch his hand to her cheek, make her look at him. So he does.
"For who?"
Izzie looks suprised at the physical contact and she closes her eyes, giving a little shake of her head.
"What's this private matter?"
There slipping away from each other. It used to be they were the only ones they could tell their secrets to. So much has happened this year, too much.
"Okay. I'm going in when your ready."
The surgeon's voice interrupts them and Izzie takes a deep breath.
George nod's at him to continue and feel's her grasp his hand, tightly, through the pain.
Their in one of the private rooms twenty minutes later, Izzie bandaged up and sitting on the bed trying to put her scrub bottoms on under her gown.
"You should use the wheelchair. You're sore."
He's standing there watching her, really watching her and wondering how they got like this.
"I'm aware. I'm fine now. Thankyou."
He can tell from her tone of voice she want's him to leave now, but he can't. He's always the one leaving, and it needs to stop. Their in this together.
"You mean pantless, but fine?"
He tries to make a joke, standing their with his hands on either side of the wheelchair as he watches her still struggling.
"Crap." sighs.
She gives up, and he comes around to kneel infront of her, slowly working the pants up her calves.
"Stand."
He rests his head against her stomach as he pulls the material gently up over her hips. It's comfortable.
That's the only word he can use to describe it, this feeling he's having right now and it only increases as she puts her hands on his shoulders, for support.
It's something in the small smile she gives him as their looking at each other that brings all the feelings back.
"I got it."
He's got her scrubs on now and she bats his hand away as he's tying up the drawstrings.
"Iz.. Let me help you."
He means it, and she does, let him. He knows she knows it's the first time he's called her that since this whole thing happened and It's an intimate moment,
and there's too much emotion in the room, between them. It's like an ocean full.
He puts her back onto the bed and picks up her singlet top. His hands gently working open the buttons on her gown.
"Hannah."
"An 11 year old girl. She's mine. That's the private matter." His hands stop working open the buttons and he just stands there, not expecting this.
This was the last thing he expected the private matter to be, so he just keep's listening. Let's her talk.
"Dont.. Don't look at me."
He can see the tears pooling behind her eyes, but he let's her continue.
"My mother wanted me to keep her. But I knew, even at sixteen I knew.. That baby deserved better than life at a Chehalis trailer park."
"Now she's here... and she might be dying and she doesn't want to meet me."
He can't understand anyone not wanting to meet her. She's the most sweet and compassionate woman he's ever met,
and he can't even begin to imagine how unbearably hard this is for her.
"Ow crap."
She's still in pain, this time he's not sure which is greater, the physical or the emotional.
"I didn't think I really cared until she said no. How about that?"
The smile she shows him is sad, and more tears run like raindrops down her cheeks.
"I can say 'Hail Mary's' until.. I turn into Mary, but I still miss you."
That makes him ache, a deep feeling inside his ribcage, like someone took a scalpel to his lung and it's a little hard for him to breathe.
He misses this, misses everything, and it's not just since that night, it's since he came back from Vegas with Callie, Married.
He did this to them. He did. He drove her away.
"Not the... the sex. It was not tragic, George."
The raw sadness in her voice makes him regret ever saying that. Of course it wasn't tragic, it was anything but.
"But I'll live without it. I won't make it if you can't be my friend. If we cant..."
She can't finish, but he doesn't need her to. He know's what she'll say.
If we can't fix this. Their surgeons, that's their job, to fix things.
"What you did today.. you should be proud." He wipes away her tears this time, and he need's to get out of this room, because it's too much.
These feelings are too much. The feel of her skin is too much.
"I'll get an orderly to take you downstairs. But I have to go. You understand?"
I can't stay here with you, and not..
She nod's her head and theres more tears, more sadness pooling behind her eyes.
I miss you. I miss you, every single day.
He only make's it halfway down the corridor before he turns back around.
There in one of the waiting rooms on the fourth floor, standing at the window watching her daughter, her daughter, as she's given the infusion.
It's only when he's describing the similarities in their eyes, their mouth, their strength does he wonder what their daughter would look like.
What a future with her would be like.
He keeps his hand resting on her waist, careful of her bandage on her hip and the other interlocked with hers as they stand at the window, watching.
He doesn't need to be a mind reader to know she's thinking the same thing he is.
"She's beautiful, George. She's really beautiful."
And he can't keep his eyes off her, her, not Hannah. Because in this moment, vulnerable and exposed, she's never been more beautiful to him, no one has.
"Yeah. Yeah, she's a heartbreaker."
It happens in the elevator, somewhere between the third and fourth floor.
It starts out as a slight touch of their hands, and then it's her mouth on his, softly pressing against, and it's a knee-jerk reaction for him to bring his hand up to caress her neck.
She smiles into his shoulder, and he can tell it's a sort of sad smile that brings tears to her eyes, again.
Then it's over, as quick as it started, and all he want's is to do it again.
"We can't do this forever."
He's not sure which one of them says it, he thinks it's him. But it's true, they can't.
All he can do is stare after her as she get's out of the elevator.
It's only when he's reached the ground floor and is walking back to the clinic does he find his wife standing there waiting for him, for their date.
Which was almost four hours ago.
"Oh crap. Our coffee.. I'm so sorry, I forgot. I got.. I got so busy."
He hates lying to her, he knows he's not a good liar, and she can probably see straight through him.
But hearing that he spent the last three and a half hours with Izzie would kill her, so he at least has to try.
"Oh, yeah? With what?"
Her eyes are guarded and she looks dissapointed and angry, and completely run down.
"Well, the clinic.. The patients and.. well, you know how it is.."
He's really not a good liar.
"Oh, man."
He can tell Callie's really upset, its not fair to her.
Not fair to her that he was kissing another woman in the elevator only moments before, or that he was sleeping with her only days before.
"Yeah, I know how it is, so.."
"I'm really tired, I'm really, really tired. So i'll just see you at home."
"Okay."
"Okay."
And that's all they have left to say.
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Next Up: Chapter 3; Loose Lips Sink Relationships
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