Disclaimer: I don't own the official Naruto. But my ideas are mine.


Chapter 2

Life with the Houou's

And so it was that young Naruto came to be taken away from the village of Konoha and its villagers' festering resentment, not even being a day old. He grew up in a loving, if volatile, home. When it came down to it, what more did one really need? Many things happened, of course. Tsunade and Shizune were both medic-nins. Obviously, they looked up various books on child psychology. Naruto ended up having a fairly advanced vocabulary for his age, just from listening to his family talk, which included a fair knowledge of swear-words picked up from his mother, much to Sizune's horror. Growing up with family, ones parents naturally pass on what skills they have to their children. A father will gladly teach his children how to throw a ball or play a sport. A mother will teach her children, whether they like it or not, social etiquette and how to deal with people… and so on. Now when you're growing up with a mother and sister that that have constructed more than half modern medic-nin theory, well… you pick up some things, like how to take a noogie from you're freakishly strong mother. Of course it wasn't until shortly after little Naruto's second birthday that he actually learned what a medic-nin was and consequentially started to actively follow in his mother's footsteps.

"What's that?" asked a confused Houou Naruto, now two years old and still struggling with new or bigger words, "can I eat it?"

"No," Tsunade explained sweetly, "you can't eat it, Naru-chan. It's like a job, No!" she suddenly exclaimed dramatically, "it's much more important, you save people, and they all look up to you!"

"You mean, like a super hero?" Naruto asked in awe.

"Yes, exactly!" Tsunade cheered, "Like a super hero! Superhero's are cool right?"

"Tsunade-sama!" came Shizune's voice as she barrelled into the room, years saving her otoutou from corruption having practically giving her a sixth sense, "stop trying to manipulate Naruto-kun like that!"

"You're talking non-sense Shizune, why don't you take the day off? You can have paid leave" Tsunade offered.

"You don't even pay me; I volunteered to be your assistant!" Shizune protested hotly, "and you can't bribe me, I'm not going to let you manipulate my otoutou!"

"Grr…" While Shizue was her assistant and differed to Tsunade on pretty much anything, when it came to her 'otoutou' she could be so… "it's not manipulation, it's… a sales pitch"

"It's clearly manipulation!"

And of course, his first memorable meeting with Katsuya later that year.

"Kaa-chan, what's the surprise already? Can I eat it?" Naruto inquired

"For the last time, brat…" Tsunade dragged out, "no, you can't eat it. You glutton, stop caring about food so much"

"Fine! After you stop drinking sake so much!" Naruto shot back.

Of course, taking lip from her adopted son was pissing Tsunade off but she only grinned. Why? Hehe…

"Okay, Naru-chan I'll show you the surprise now! Ready?" Tsunade asked

"Yeah!"

Tsunade flipped though the hand seals quickly. Boar, Dog, Bird, Monkey, Sheep… bite the thumb, a bit of blood on the palm, slam it into the ground, and…

"Kuchiyose no jutsu!"

…Tsunade was treated to the sight of Naruto screaming like a little girl before hiding behind her legs and pointing fearfully. "It's a giant slug! It's going to eat us!"

Katsuyu, meanwhile, was decidedly put out. "Oh my, I won't eat you Naruto-san. Don't worry"

Sadly, Katsuyu's efforts had quite the opposite effect. Naruto screamed shrilly, "It knows my name! It's a mind reading, giant slug! Kaa-chan, run for it!"

"Tsunade-sama…" Shizune muttered, "maybe we should have told him about Katsuya-san before…"

"Um," Tsunade cleared her throat, "y-yes, N-Naru-chan, don't w-worr…" she managed to get out before doubling over in laughter. Naruto was afraid of… Katsuya! Katsuya the vegetarian! He screamed like a girl!

"Naruto-san, I'm your mother's summon," Katsuyu explained, trying to coax the child from behind his adopted sister's legs, now that his old cover spot had been compromised due to it… laughing uproariously. "You don't have to worry; she's told me all about you."

"O-Oh, of course. I knew that." Naruto claimed as he shakily came to stand before the giant slug, "I just… have an irrational fear of slugs," Naruto provided weakly, "I've gotten over it now though."

"I see." Was the only response from Katsuyu, who was, honestly? A bit amused and somewhat enamoured with Naruto's 'cute' antics. "Well I hope that means we can be friends, Naruto-san."

"I'd be honoured, Katsuyu-san." Naruto smartly replied and bowed smoothly, "please don't mind Kaa-sama. We don't know why she's so strange sometimes, but she is."

"Oh my, that must be terribly difficult for you," Katsuyu offered her condolences, "but you're such a polite boy, she must be so pleased."

"Naruto-kun…" Shizune interrupted, taking pity on her ototou. "Your manners are very impressive… when you use them…" which isn't often, she almost muttered aloud, "but you don't need to be so formal with Katsuyu-san. She's almost like a part of the family and of course you'll be able to summon her one day…"

"R-Really?" Naruto asked, "Oh… then Katsuyu-chan, can you do something about my really mean mother?" he pleaded.

"I'll do my best, Naruto-kun," Katsuyu offered. And, amidst cries of "just who's summon are you?" she proceeded to lob a glue like substance at the venerable Tsunade-hime.

You could say that Tsunade was much better off for knowing her adopted son. He brought light and life to her previously unexceptional existence as a drifting gambler. You could even say she changed for the better as her sardonic side, despondancy and general hate of the world decreased. Though of course, some sacrifices had to be made.

Tsunade's eye twitched in irritation. "Impossible…" she was at the market, standing before an interesting shelf. "Sake…" she muttered, glancing to the right and finding large, glorious bottles of sake. "And… ramen" she muttered, glancing to the left: shelves stocked with the yummy instant noodle packets which Naruto was such a fan of. A big fan. "Damn! Why is ramen being put beside sake, anyway?" she yelled in frustration.

Shizune didn't miss her mentor's dilemma. Ramen or sake, what would she buy? Suddenly, the assistant's face split into a somewhat meddlesome cheshire-cat grin. "Oh, Tsunade-sama, did I tell you?" she asked, sounding far too innocent. "Naruto-kun's been doing so well with his studies lately. And yesterday he found a pervert and threw him all the way to the top of a redwood tree."

Tsunade's lips twitched, having seen the afore-mentioned man clinging to the top of a thirty meter tall redwood for dear life. "Naruto did that? That's pretty high…" she mused.

Tsunade seemed to struggle; she reached out vainly for her sake. Sweet glorious sake! But… "Damn. Stupid maternal pride…" she ground out, finally giving up and snatching some ramen from the shelf. "Come on Shizune, we're paying for this crap before I come back to my senses."

Grinning insanely, Shizune followed. Oh, Tsunade-sama had chosen something over sake! She was so proud…

And though Tsunade now had a son, she did unfortunately retain her status of a wandering-gambler. In fact, it was while wandering through the small town of Rukodo that Naruto first encountered the last piece of what would be his family at the local onsen.

"Oy, kid, what's that you've got there?"

"Huh?" Naruto eyed the silver haired man, "what do you mean, old man?"

"That thing on your back" Jiraya insisted, indicating the intricately stylized lines covering the majority of Naruto's back.

"Oh, that? It's a tattoo. My kaa-chan got really mad when she found out…" Naruto trailed off evasively.

"That's no tattoo kid, it's a seal" Jiraya said shortly, causing Naruto to narrow his eyes at the stranger

"If you know what it is, then don't ask!" Naruto snapped. How the did this guy distinguish the seal kaa-chan put on his back from a tattoo?

"I meant," Jiraya growled out slowly, "what's it for?" It wasn't a question.

"Who the hell is asking?" Naruto shot back. Obviously, he had picked up how to swear from his mother, to a point.

Hearing his cue, Jiraya amazingly managed to perform an impromptu introduction dance in the hot spring, splashing water everywhere. For emphasis, he held open a copy of Icha-Icha Paradise in one hand at the end for Naruto to see. Though why he would take that book into a hot spring is anyone's guess.

Naruto eyed the inside of the cover. "The world's greatest novelist and ninja," he read flatly, "the wonderful Jiraya-sama."

Naruto sighed at the evidence. "Tacky silver hair: check" he muttered aloud, "lame introduction dance: check. Picture in a perverted book… sigh: check. Yeah, it's him."

Naruto suddenly turned his head to the wall separating the men's bath from the female's side. "Hey, kaa-chan! I found Uncle Jiraya!". Though Naruto had never met the man, his mother had regretfully informed that: between Jiraya's history as part of her gennin team – which was almost like her second family growing up – and his status as the close mentor of Naruto's biological father… Jiraya was more than qualified for the position of 'uncle' if he wanted it.

Tsunade swore. A lot. In fact, if Naruto hadn't been so used to it by now, he'd have been scarred for life. "Naru-chan! If that idiot starts peeking, beat the living hell out of him!"

Which brings us to our present scene. Some years, and much history after Naruto's first encounter with his 'uncle', our hero is found standing in a small clearing within the forest behind his 'current' house one moonlit night.

Once again, Naruto's fist made contact with the unforgiving rock. The resounding 'thwack' going unnoticed by the blond as he continued to pound away relentlessly at the boulder in front of him. His strength was steadily, if achingly slowly, approaching his mother's freakish level. The crescent shaped slab of rock he was pounding on – which had once been a boulder – was a testament to the fact. Chips and splinters of rock littered the ground around him, reminiscent of so much broken glass.

"Isn't it past your bedtime, brat?"

"Huh?" Naruto snapped around, spotting the familiar spiky silver hair. "Oh. Hi, Ero-Uncle" Naruto greeted. "Didn't the female population around here petition you to stay away?"

"Che! Little nephew, you have much to learn." Jiraya lectured. "When a woman tells you to stay away, it means she likes you!"

Naruto stared at his unofficially adopted uncle. Was he serious? "Ero-Uncle…" Naruto sighed, "are you really an idiot, or just in denial?"

Jiraya merely grunted and opted for a change of topics as he sat down on a fallen tree-trunk. "And what about you brat? You're out late, sneak out of the house?" he asked, bringing the conversation – by some strange fluke – to a civil level as he threw a can of juice at Naruto.

Naruto made a noncommittal grunt in response as he reached up to catch the cold beverage arcing through the air and…

"Shit!" Naruto suddenly swore as the can slapped into his open palm and unexpectedly sent laces of pain shooting throughout his open hand. A dead silence ensued, only broken by the 'ding' of the dropped beverage bouncing off the floor.

Naruto looked at his palm in bewilderment. For the first time that night, he noticed the bloody mess that his knuckles had become.

"Need me to patch you up, kid?" Jiraya asked, only half joking.

"Nah, this is nothing." Naruto explained and proceeded to form seals in jerky movements that were clearly interrupted by the insane pain his hands had to suffer through. A few agonizing seconds later – not that he showed just how much pain he was in – Naruto picked up the fallen beverage and joined the old man on the impromptu bench, completely healed. "So what's up, ero-Uncle? You come here to do 'research' for that perverted book of yours?"

"Peeking? Nah," Jiraya explained, "I actually came looking for you, kid. Haven't seen you for a while..."

Naruto felt the older man reach over and muss up his hair affectionately, and asked "Really?"

"Sure," the frog hermit grunted, "I even missed your fourth birthday, remember? Though I'm not saying I won't do some 'sightseeing' before I go"

Naruto ignored his uncle's sudden perverted chuckle. "No, it's fine. You sent a card with Gamakochi."

Jiraya sounded thoughtful. "You know, any normal kid would be complaining or demanding presents by now."

Naruto merely scoffed at the thought. "Normal? What's that have to do with me?"

"True. You're a pretty weird kid. 'Normal' isn't sneaking out at night to punch some rock until it gives up and crumbles into rubble."

A silence stretched out to follow Jiraya's last statement. He held his tongue as he saw the medic-nin in training frown at his can of apple juice. "You know how I never told you what that seal on my back was for?"

Indeed, Jiraya remembered the seal well. Frankly, he was impressed that Tsunade could pull something so complicated off. How many months or years had it taken her?

"Well," Naruto continued, "it's not really for sealing anything. It just… alters this one" he mumbled, lifting up his shirt and exposing… nothing.

"You can't see it, but it's there. The Kyuubi's seal…" Naruto muttered. "You know, when seals are put on people they only show up when you mould some Chakra through them" Naruto informed

Jiraya's brow furrowed, that was true. Very true. "Kid, I've never seen the one on your back disappear." He informed gravely

"Yeah," Naruto's head lifted up, now contemplating the stars, "Chakra's always running through it."

Jiraya was almost afraid of where this was going. "What is it?"

"A lock." Naruto promptly answered him. "It's just a lock. It keeps the Kyuubi's chakra from touching mine."

"But… why?" Jiraya asked in befuddlement.

"A medic-nin needs very high Chakra-control" he stated as if it were a simple and profound fact of life. "And even kaa-chan's battle techniques need a lot of control… and I can't," Naruto sighed, "I can't reach the right level with Kyuubi's chakra mixing with mine."

"I don't understand it much, but It's a lock" Naruto re-iterated "it cuts Kyuubi out of the loop. And it seals off a quarter of my chakra to stay active all the time"

"Twenty-five percent, huh? That's pretty steep." Jiraya carefully informed, "Minato's seal will grow with you, so you're mother's will have to grow to match it. That's twenty-five percent of your chakra that you'll never see for the rest of your life. Just to make it as if Kyuubi wasn't there."

Naruto didn't seem phased; in fact the little boy seemed much older than he was. "There's more to pay than that. I was chosen as the container because I was born the closest to when Kyuubi was sealed. My body is the container. And to stay the container, kaa-chan's seal will fade once a month and adjust my body"

Jiraya grimaced. "So once a month as Kyuubi's chakra is open to you and your body is forced to alter itself… which day is it?"

Naruto nodded. "Nee-chan picked out the day. She said making it work once every new moon would be more convenient. It's not bad, but I can't fight or train very well. I feel sick and… cough up blood a lot"

Ah, Jiraya couldn't hold it anymore "I knew Tsunade was paranoid about Minato's seal, but I hadn't even considered this… Listen Naruto, having the Kyuubi sealed in you shoots your chakra control to hell, but it's not all bad! Minato's seal will let you heal faster and have more chakra converted slowly from Kyuubi. It balances out. You can't reach the ridiculous heights of control that Tsunade has, but-"

Naruto stood up and faced his uncle with a determined look. "I need chakra-control to be the heir to kaa-chan's techniques" he said firmly, his face taking on a more fierce tone as he continued. "And I don't need help from the Kyuubi for that: or anything else!"

Jiraya looked surprised, but ended up chuckling wryly and conceding the point after a time. Once Naruto's made up his mind like this… well, you either agree or get out of the way. And Jiraya could very well understand the boy's sentiments regarding getting far under his own power. "Alright kid, I get it. Sit back down already."

It was then that Jiraya made a wistful observation "All children have the desire to surpass their parents. Such a sweet little kid, aren't you, 'Naru-chan'?"

Naruto smiled, bearing the brunt of Jiraya's jibe, just glad to see that his uncle understood his decision "Don't sound so laid back, old man," Naruto countered cheekily, "I'll surpass you, too!"

"Hmph!" Jiraya snorted contemptuously as he made a show of flipping off the log dramatically. "A brat like you? Kyuubi already shot your chakra-control to hell! You have absolutely no natural talent for it at all! You can only use seventy-five percent of your chakra, and to top it off, you're an idiot!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Naruto demanded, lunging for the famed pervert's throat.

"And you're loud!" Jiraya yelled back as he dodged Naruto's lunges with ease, "you're the worst possible person to try and become a ninja!"

Naruto growled and charged again. This wasn't playful banter anymore, this was war!

"BUT!" Jiraya thundered, causing Naruto to pause in his tracks and listen interestedly. "… you got guts, kid."

Jiraya smiled proudly as he continued. "You built your chakra control up from scratch to something damn impressive for your age. And you never let your twenty-five percent chakra handicap slow you down, you just worked harder. You really aren't a genius like some other kids: you're book-smarts isn't anything impressive. But you're always reading a scroll or book whenever you walk anywhere. You had me, Shizune, and your mother to teach you, but in the end you grew damn strong kid: under your own power."

Naruto almost got teary-eyed. Almost. His uncle sure had a roundabout way of delivering praise, that was for sure. The boy walked up to the man and gave him a wide smile. "You forgot something" Naruto informed.

"Yeah?" Jiraya asked, amused.

"Yeah... I'm loud but," Naruto cocked his fist back "I can trick idiots like you any day"

WHAM!

"Ugh" Jiraya groaned as he peeled himself off of the tree Naruto's punch had sent him sailing into. "Damn brat, I take back everything I said! You're useless!"

"Keh!" Naruto snorted, "you think you can insult me and then get away with it by saying some other stuff? You're the only idiot here!"

"Ungrateful brat!"

"Ero-Baka! Ero-Baka!" Naruto taunted, pointing an accusing finger at his uncle. "When they see him, all the women run away! He has to peek because no one will date him! He's been slapped by women in every country in the world!"

Well… no one ever said they had a normal relationship. Normal would be too boring for those guys. But at the end of their meeting, Naruto and Jiraya walked away with the underlying messages behind their scuffles and arguments engraved within their hearts forever. And that... that was all right.

"I understand your decision Naruto. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks for understanding, Uncle."


Omake

Naruto walked up a small hill and found his Uncle sitting atop a grassy knoll. For once, not doing anything perverted.

"Yo, Ero-Uncle. What's that thing?"

Jiraya just grunted and continued to twist the little multi-coloured cube in his hands.

"Hey, hey. What is it already?" Naruto pestered.

"It's called a Rubix-Cube, brat. A merchant sold it to me. It's a puzzle. See? You have to get each side to have only one colour on it." Jiraya explained, giving it a decisive twist.

"Ahh, I see."

x- thirty minuets later-x

"Gah! Piece of junk!" Jiraya yelled before suddenly throwing the cube away.

Only to have Naruto catch it in one hand. "Jeez! It's just a cube! What kind of Sannin are you, anywhays?"

"Let's see you try it!" Jiraya demanded.

"Fine, I'll solve this thing easily! Just watch carefully, Ero-Baka" Naruto instructed.

x-another thirty minuets later-x

Naruto sat, fuming at the little cube before him, taunting him mercilessly. Damnit.

"… It's a stupid thing, anywhays." Naruto pouted

"Of course," Jiraya agreed factually, "in fact, I have much more important things to do."

"Me too," Naruto quickly agreed, "I can't believe I've wasted this much time already. I mean, it's probably impossible to do it."

"Do what?" Jiraya asked, "I don't know what you're talking about. And I definitely don't know anything about useless cubes that are beneath my notice."

"Oh hey! A rubix-cube!"

The uncle-nephew pair turned in tandem to see the origination of the voice. A spectacled kid suddenly bent down and picked up the afore mentioned cube.

"Wow, I haven't had the pleasure of idly indulging my crazily-cranial-cracking intellect on three dimensional cubic entertainment of this magnitude since I was three." The child, no older than four, observed.

x-thirty seconds later-x

"Ah!" The nameless boy exclaimed, "as extraneously easy as I recalled."

Naruto and Jiraya's eyes twitched in irritation. Naruto didn't even know what every other word out of this guy's mouth meant, but a stranger had just shown him up. Badly. Without even knowing.

"Well, good day gentle-sir! I'll just return this delightful mind-teaser to you, my good peer, and be on my way. How good of you to leave it so unimaginably far from solved for me. I bid you, Adieu!"

An with that, the little spectacled boy went on his way. Naruto had to physically restrain himself from hurling the rubix-cube at the gifted child's retreating form with a vengeance.

However, Jiraya took the cube and threw it at the smarmy brat, himself.

"This never happened." Jiraya insisted

Naruto could only nod fiercely in agreement

x-next week-x

"Yo, Tsunade" Jiraya greeted as he entered his old team-mate's current abode.

"Jiraya" Tsunade drawled from the kitchen. "How coincidental. You managed to somehow drop by just as dinner was prepared. Again. And I'm sure that you must be very hungry after travelling so far. Again. And I'm sure you won't leave me alone until I let your freeloading ass eat for free. Again!"

"Wow, Tsunade. You really are a remarkably astute woman!"

TWACK!

Jiraya was hit in the head by a flying projectile of the egg-timer nature. But hey, it was worth it. Free food! It didn't matter that he actually had loads of cash. Free-ness was bliss, plain and simple.

"Hm?" Jiraya sounded intrigued as he spotted an innocent looking cube perched on the counter. "Tsunade, what's that?"

The Slug Sannin followed his gaze. "Oh that? Naru-chan kept bugging me to buy him this thing a while ago. Kid kept carrying it with him and fiddling with it when he wasn't training. I swear he wouldn't put the damn thing down, even though it pissed the hell out of him. And then…" She shook her head wonderingly, "when he finished it, he just put it on the windowsill and left it."

Tsunade shot her old team-mate a look. "What do you know about it?"

Jiraya grinned madly. So, the brat didn't give up after all? He kept going for a week even after all that happened? For what? To gloat? For praise? No. To accomplish what he couldn't before. To not back down. "Kid's got guts" he informed, feeling somehow insurmountably impressed.

Tsunade's eyebrow delicately rose in that way that made people feel like they were idiots "What, are you just finding this out now? You really are slow, aren't you, 'Ero-Baka'?"

Jiraya's pride stung painfully. Too painfully to reply. He felt like he'd been verbally punched in the gut!

Naruto suddenly strolled into the room, his pristine white clothes now covered in mud. He looked over and noticed the shocked and insulted look his uncle was sporting. "Ah? Ero-Baka is here again? I should call you Ero-Freeloader, but it's too long" he informed pointedly.

"I'm going to take a shower, Kaa-chan!" Naruto yelled over his shoulder as walked past the stunned form of his uncle. "Make sure Ero-Freeloader doesn't eat all the food before I'm done!"

Tsunade smiled proudly. That's her Naru-chan! Putting idiots in their place and throwing insults at perverts with pin-point accuracy. Ah, she was so proud.

End


I'm sorry; I tend to use a lot of commas. I can't help it, it's an addiction. I'll try to cut back.

Boar, Dog, Bird, Monkey, and Sheep are the hand seals for the summoning technique as described by Jiraya. I'm not sure that the hand seals are the same for every summon race, but this is what I have.

Katsuyu, for those that don't know, is Tsunade's greatest slug summon. She's very 'tame' and polite. Gentle, too.

Icha-Icha Paradise is that orange book Kakashi is always reading. It's a popular perverted book that Jiraya writes.

"Ero-" is a prefix that Naruto uses in the anime to describe perverts. Hence: ero-sannin (perverted Sannin). It's not a far jump to get Ero-Uncle (perverted uncle) and Ero-Baka (perverted idiot)

About Ero-Uncle. Strictly speaking, it should be something like Ero-Ojisan. But that can get confused with a lot of things too easily. Ex. Ojisan is uncle. Ojiisan is grandfather.

Please Review.