God save the queen

Chapter 2

"Good morning servants," queen Luxord said cheerfully from his throne. "I would like to inform you that some very special guests are arriving today."

"Guest?" Reno whispered to his best friend, Axel. "Crap. Remember last time? The queen was angry with us for weeks!"

The last time guests had come to visit Castle Oblivion, Axel and Reno had "accidentally" put the prince of some far-off country on fire.

"Don't cry, Reno," Axel whispered back. "It was worth it, wasn't it?"

Reno smirked. "Yeah, it was."

"The princess Rinoa of France, and her wife Kairi, a British noblewoman, will be staying here for two weeks. Miss Kairi is the daughter of a dear friend of mine, so I expect you all to take good care of her and princess Rinoa." He sent a stern look in the direction of our beloved redheads. Axel poked Reno and let out a small laugh, which earned him a punch in the shoulder from his very annoyed-looking boyfriend.

"Gee, Roxas," Reno said. "What's up with you? So grumpy. What are you, pregnant or something?"

"As a matter of fact," Roxas replied in his most dignified tone. "I am."

-

"So… guests, huh?" Riku said. He was sitting on his bed watching Sora search their room for any kinds of drugs. Said brunet had decided that Riku was never smoking anything again. Well, he could dream.

"Yes," Sora said. "Guests."

"Who are they?"

"Don't you ever pay attention?"

"Nope. You knew that, didn't you sweetheart?"

"Yes, honey, I knew that. The guests are princess Rinoa of France and her wife, Kairi."

"Kairi? That sounds familiar. Do I know her?"

"Well, last time she was here you stole her drugs."

"Drugs?"

"Yes, Riku, drugs. You know, the kind of substance that you are never ever using again."

"I'm not? Why?"

Sora sighed and turned to his boyfriend. "One, because it is a vile substance that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two, because… Because… Well, it's bad for you."

Riku just nodded and pulled one of Marluxia's flowers from his pocket. He had just found his lighter in the other pocket when his boyfriend realized what was going on.

"Riku!" Sora exclaimed. "You are so not smoking that flower!"

"Why not?"

"Because you are quitting!"

"I am?"

"Yes! And anyway, that's Marluxia's flower and you know she hates it when you steal her flowers."

Riku sighed and put his arms around Sora. He gave the brunet a please-don't-be-angry-with-me-sweetheart-look and tried to kiss him. Sora considered fighting, but he gave up and kissed Riku back.

-

When Kairi and princess Rinoa arrived there were three servants waiting for them at the door.

"Good morning miss Kairi. Good morning princess Rinoa," Selphie said and curtsied. "May I take your coats?"

Rinoa stared at Selphie with a confused look. "Whot deed you zay?"

"Your coat, mademoiselle, shall I put it away for you?"

"My côt? Poot eet away? Ah, oui! Merci," Rinoa said and handed her coat to the brown-haired servant.

"You don't speak very much English, princess?" Rikku asked. Selphie stuck her elbow in the blonde's side, but kept her mouth shut. Rinoa looked at the girls with a confused look. She turned to Kairi and said: "Ces anglais stupides. Je ne comprends pas un mot!"

"Elle dit: 'Vous ne parlez pas beaucoup anglais, princesse?'"

Fortunately queen Luxord showed up before the third servant, Yuffie, could make some remark or other about French. Both Kairi and the three servants thanked the lord or whomever they believed in, in Yuffie's case that would be Matt Bellamy, that the queen was pretty much fluent in French.

Rikku and Yuffie left Selphie with the guest and went to do something more important. Like making out in an empty room somewhere.

-

"What do we do if Vincent or Selphie find out about us?" Rikku asked when they broke apart for a bit of air. The blonde was always worried that her girlfriend might find out. Yuffie wasn't very worried at all, she had a feeling that Vincent Valentine already knew. She also had a feeling that her boyfriend's relationship with Reno was way past just friendship.

"They won't find out. Selphie's too busy raiding the kitchen for anything containing sugar, or glomping people. Dear Mr. Valentine already knows, I think, but he doesn't care. I don't think he's exactly faithful himself. Now are we going to continue or what?"

Seemingly satisfied, Rikku ripped off Yuffie's t-shirt and bra. Yuffie responded by pulling down the blonde's skirt, and before they knew what was going on it had all turned into the normal competition. Who could undress the other first?

-

"For heaven's sake Zexi, would you stop sulking?" Demyx glared at his boyfriend.

"I think I have the right to sulk. Everyone hates me, the world is going to hell in a hand basket, you're to busy being angry with Axel who stole your bloody teddy bear to care about me, we have fucking guests, and you know what that means, more work, that book I got for my birthday turned out to be complete crap, the CD-player is broken and so is the playstation, Selphie stole my candy and on top of everything, I can't find my goddamned eyeliner."

Demyx sighed. He knew what was next.

"And don't call me 'Zexi'!" Zexion shouted.

Demyx considered whether or not to say "but you are". After a while he decided to say it, only because it would make his darling pissed off, and he was so adorable when he tried to look angry.

-

Sora opened his eyes and looked over at the clock on the wall. 3.15. Huh? How could it be a quarter past three when it wasn't even dark. Wait, 3.15 didn't mean 3.15 pm, did it? Did it?

"Sora, you have got to be the sleepiest person in the whole world," Riku said and threw a pillow at his boyfriend. "No wonder I never get any sex."

-------

Yes, more shameless quote-abuse! There will be so much quoting and twisting famous words in this story :)

Matt Bellamy is God. Well, a god, anyway. There are lots of gods, you know. Among others: Rufus Wainwright (god of music and adorable gay-ness), Matt Bellamy (of music and angsty lyrics), Thom Yorke (of music, especially amazing singing), Robert Smith (of music and beautiful lyrics), Alex Turner (and the rest of the guys from Arctic Monkeys) (of music and the one of most awesome accents on the planet), the guys from Franz Ferdinand (of music and general awesomeness), Jack White (of music and genius), Tim Burton (of movies, genius and gothic-ish fairytales), Johnny Depp (of pirates, acting and sexiness), Jake Gyllenhaal (of sexiness and gay cowboys).

I think the French phrases are correct, but I'm not 100 sure. Please don't kill me if they're wrong. "Ces anglais stupides. Je ne comprends pas un mot!" means "These stupid English. I don't understand a word!" and "Elle dit: 'Vous ne parlez pas beaucoup anglais, princesse?'" means "She said: You don't speak very much English, princess?"

I was planning on a few more funny situations in this chapter, but then it would most likely have ended up with about six pages, and I didn't want that.

I suck at crack-fics. Therefore, I need suggestions. I promise that unless the suggestions totally ruin my plot (well, plot might be a too strong word, but I do have some plans for this), I'll use them. Come on guys, I need you!