Omega was a haven for criminals, terrorists and various other slimes for thousands of years. The arms of omega welcomed them without question, without prejudice and that is why it drew so many people in. Garrus Vakarian was no stranger to the seedy underbelly that was omega. His stint as "Archangel" allowed him to know firsthand how the place operated. It was something he would of never imagined seeing outside especially when he was surrounded by rules, red tape and protocols from C-sec. He shuddered as he thought of his past and just how naive he had been, but now that was behind him. The music of the lower half of Afterlife pounded against his ears, but after being around it for so long he found that he could tune it out. The tuarian became lost in his thoughts while waiting for Shepard to explain why they were here. She'd literally dragged him out to omega insisting that they drink the night away. He was no stranger to drinking and neither was Shepard but the way she threw back drink after drink he knew something was up.
The Tuarian could only shake his head; it was a miracle that this woman hadn't passed out just yet. He had seen krogans drink less and pass out yet here was Shepard who drunk all of them under the table and only wanted more. Shepard grunted as the warm liquid burned the back of her throat and like Garrus; the bartender wondered just how much more she could take. The drell began pouring another drink for the commander and she greedily snatched it up, drowning it like she had the others.
"Shepard?" Garrus could no longer take the silence between them. He'd decided at first to give the commander space but this was going nowhere fast.
"Yeah?" She cleared her throat without even turning the taurian's way as an asari dancer managed to get her attention. She smiled but guilt came crashing down when it reminded her of her lover. She grew wide eyed and faced Garrus. The taurian then knew exactly what was wrong or at least came to an educated guess.
"We're pretty much siblings aren't we, Shepard? I mean we faced Saren together and overcame impossible odds, something came out of that no?" Garrus took a trip down memory lane remembering their adventures together. He couldn't remember anything more exciting, but by god if Shepard ever tried to jump through a conduit again with the mako he would make sure to space her himself. Shepard did consider him to be like a brother to her. The same applied to Tali, albeit a sister of course. The only reason she wasn't here along with them was because Shepard knew she couldn't hold her liquor if her life depended on it.
"Clearly I was adopted because you are uglier than sin." She deadpanned before laughing loudly and pushed her drink forward for another refill.
"Shepard…" He warned playfully, but couldn't help laugh himself. The smile however disappeared and he became curious once more to find out just what was wrong with the commander.
"I'm Sorry Garrus, I just needed a place to think and company who I knew wouldn't judge me and let me pull my thoughts in." She stared down at her newly refilled drink.
"Thinking equal drinking, Shepard? Only with you." He laughed and patted her on the back. "Now are you going to tell your big brother what's up?" He pushed his own dwindling drink forward towards the bartender.
"Wasn't I the one who save your ass from a life of paperwork back at C-sec? Clearly that means I am the older sibling." Garrus laughed and shook his head.
"Out with it Sheppard…
"Fine…It's about Miranda, she uh…" The commander paused wondering how she could deliver such news without it being such a shock. She quickly came to the conclusion that there was no easy way around this.
"She said she was in love with me." The commander turned away unable to meet what she'd imagine to be shock and confusion. Garrus had made the mistake of drinking while receiving such news. When the words clicked in his head he coughed spewing his drink everywhere.
"SHE WHAT!" Garrus stared at the human like she grew another head.
"I know! I mean one minute I was confiding in her about my nightmares and past. Then the next thing I know she is behind me, kissing my neck and telling me she loves me!" Shepard shuddered at the feelings of lust that attacked her when it happened. She didn't know what was more shocking; the fact that her XO cared about her in that way of the face that she found herself wanting to let Miranda do as she wished to her. She stared down at her drink and sighed as she became uninterested in it. She could no longer ignore what happened between the two of them and it was sobering. Not that she was particularly drunk anyway. Her cybernetics made sure to burn away the alcohol before it could really take effect and even when it didn't; she usually sobered up fast.
"Fucking cybernetics…" She growled to herself.
"Did you two…" Garrus trailed off implying the obvious.
"No no! I told her that I couldn't! That I cared about Liara." She panicked and looked at Garrus, she needed to be understood.
"Then you obviously care about Liara." Garrus sipped at his drink while looking over the rim at the distraught commander.
"Since we've been here I've done nothing but think about Miranda. If it had of been any other woman especially Kelly, I'm more than confident I would of shoved her off. Yet with Miranda the thought of doing that is painful." Garrus sat his drink aside for a moment and pondered to himself.
"Perhaps what you are feeling for Miranda is gratitude. I mean she managed to put you back together and all, don't sit there and confuse that for feelings." Miranda admitting that she loved the commander sucker punched him as well but he couldn't imagine the feeling was anything like how Shepard felt.
"I'm not…when we were on the collector home world, I nearly lost her. The platforms beneath us fell and…" Shepard trailed off as the memory of that day replayed in her head. She would have been desperate to save any crew member in the same situation but thought of losing Miranda hit hard.
"It was almost like getting spaced again." She concluded.
The taurian nodded.
"I mean part of me wants to return how she feels which only means that I too must feel something, but I can't put my future with Liara in jeopardy." Shepard pulled out her omnitool and waved it, paying the drell for their drinks. Garrus knew that was a sign to leave.
The walk back to the Normandy was all too short for the commander. As the both of them stood in the decontamination chamber, Garrus turned to Shepard feeling the need to give her –some- advice.
"I think that you should sleep on this and see how you feel in the morning. This was obviously a huge shock and I doubt you've really processed it yet." The decontamination was finished and the two of them made their way down to the mess hall.
"Yeah but I've definitely got to talk to Miranda." She cringed along with Garrus.
"I think I'd rather face down the reapers alone." Garrus said. Miranda didn't get her nick name of "ice queen" for nothing. "Anyway Shepard, I should be heading off now, calibrations and such." Shepard smiled and patted him on the back before he left. As she stood there alone she could only stare door that separated her and the XO. She'd faced worse but she fear nearly rooted her to the floor.
"Better now than ever."
Miranda had in vain, thrown herself into paperwork hoping to steer her thoughts away from the commander. How could she have thrown herself at Shepard like that; knowing that the woman was in a vulnerable position and yet she still took advantage of it? So lost in her own thoughts she failed to notice the doors to her quarters opening and she visibly stiffened when she realized who it was. Wasn't Shepard supposed to be out drinking with Garrus?
"Miranda?" The commander's voice took on a pleading tone and she lowered her head in submission. She didn't want to be perceived as some kind of threat.
"Yes , Shepard?" Once Miranda had gotten over her initial shock she let the armor of control cage her again.
"About earlier…" Shepard trailed off not sure what to say.
"Already forgotten, Commander." Miranda only glanced at the commander for a split second before giving her full attention back to her work.
"…What?" Shepard wasn't sure of the reaction she was expecting but she knew that wasn't it.
"It was a stupid mistake, Commander. I simply lost myself in the heat of the moment and I assure you that it will not happen again. Now as you can see I am quite busy with work."
Of course she enters back into that cold shell.
"Busy with what? We don't answer to anyone any more, none of this is necessary." The commander leaned against the door way, daring her XO to challenge her. She'd had enough experience to know when someone was using something to deflect something else.
"Well someone needs to keep up with things around here! We know you won't as you're far too busy gallivanting all over omega with your buddy Garrus!" She was losing her temper at Shepard's persistence. Couldn't she realize that this was torture to her?
"I needed a drink so sue me! Besides the best I can get is buzzed anyway." She cursed her cybernetics again.
"Shepard I already said that this is over and-"The commander cut her off and stormed over to her where she sat, slamming her hands onto the hard wood of the desk.
"This!" She made motions between the two of them. "…Deserves more than avoidance! So stop acting like a spoiled five year old brat and talk to me!" She glared at her commander as a last act of defiance and then she finally relented.
and then she finally relented.
"Fine…" She licked her suddenly dry lips and let go a deep breath. Her heart racing a mile a minute at what she was about to confess.
"I don't know when, and I can barely figure out why, but I've fallen in love with you, Samantha. I spent two years of my life putting you back together and then you were only a subject to me, but seeing you in action I could tell that your reputation was well deserved. However…" She paused for a moment and looked away unable to meet her commander's gaze.
"No reports could ever begin to show what kind of person you are. You instill faith, confidence and courage in all of those around you. Your capacity for kindness is remarkable, especially given your past. You even helped a batarian for goodness sake and we both know why you shouldn't of. You're a strong capable leader but a compassionate one or else you wouldn't have helped everyone with their own problems. Now that I think about it, I know when you became more to me than just my commander. It was when you encouraged me to talk to my sister."
Shepard was floored and wouldn't of noticed an attack if it literally bit her in the rear. She wasn't expecting this sort of revelation from XO and it both humbled and intrigued her
"But I know you are with Liara." Again the name made her blood boil in jealousy. "And I'm not trying to change that despite my earlier actions."
Shepard slowly nodded.
"So can we please drop this and pretend that it never happened?" She felt like she had been punched in the gut, but why? This is what she wanted, no?; for Miranda to understand her place beside Liara, but to simply sweep something like this under the rug felt so wrong. However she agreed to what she wanted, it was the least she could do.
"No commander it's what I need. Far from what I want." Shepard nodded understanding the hidden meaning
"Goodnight, Miranda" The doors closed leaving the XO alone
"Goodnight, Samantha." she said in a hush whisper
Defeated, Shepard made the agonizing walk back to her quarters and barely acknowledged her crewmates on the way there. Her wish to be alone on the elevator was granted as it slid open and she slipped inside.
"Commander." Joker's voice cut thought her thoughts.
"What is it Joker?" She crossed her arms.
"We have a transmission from Halgaz; it's your blue girlfriend."
"Patch her though and make sure that the connection is encrypted." She had to make sure that no one could possibly listen, even though she knew liara would be using the same precaution.
"Shepard, what do you take me for?"
"A guy who forgets to send porn to his ear piece and instead broadcasts it all over the damn ship?" She smirked as she could feel his embarrassment.
"Touché Commander, Touché…"
Shepard stepped off the elevator and into her quarters. Before sitting down at her terminal she stripped herself of her armor and into her casual wear. While she wasn't looking for trouble in omega, one could never be sure. She sat down pressing a few buttons before Liara's image popped up on the screen.
"My love." Liara smiled while looking at her commander on the other side of the connection.
"Hello beautiful." Shepard smiled slightly and traced the outline of her image on the screen, but strangely enough the asari didn't bring her complete relief or comfort.
"It's been a week since our last transmission, Samantha. " Her doe like eyes pierced into the commander.
"I am sorry, Liara. I have just been letting you work; you are the new shadow broker now." She nodded to herself.
"I might be the new shadow broker, my love but I'd give up this place for you in a heartbeat, do I make myself clear?" Liara said it in a sweet docile tone but Shepard knew better; she knew it was meant with authority. She could only nod.
"And what have you been doing Shepard? I mean besides drinking a krogan under the table in omega?" Shepard's jaw dropped as she tilted her head. "See! I told you, you were going to become an old creepy recluse that knows everything!" The commander laughed and then sighed lowering her shoulders. She felt so guilty but for what exactly she wasn't sure.
"This isn't right." Shepard turned away from the terminal.
"What isn't right? What's wrong?" Liara's eyes widened in alarm.
"Something happened between me and Miranda today. She admitted she had feelings for me. Well…" Shepard took a deep breath to calm and mentally still herself. "She did more than that" Shepard hope that she wouldn't have to go into specifics and Liara would just understand. The asari could feel her heart shatter as her bondmate admitted this to her. They were supposed to live happily ever after, baring reapers of course.
It is only fitting after what you did to her on Illium….A voice inside her head added.
Liara looked down at her desk, unshed tears forming, but no she would not let them fall just yet
"Did you two…" For the second time that night she was asked that. It made her skin crawl.
"No! I stopped her, I told her that I couldn't, that I was with you!"
Quietness engulfed the room and the tension between the two of them grew with each passing second.
"I blame myself for this." Liara finally spoke.
"What? How is it your fault LI?"
"When we first saw each other on illum, I shut you out Samantha. I used you like you were a common hired mercenary while I was so focused on revenge and my own agenda. You needed me and I wasn't there for you. I think it's only natural that you started to subconsciously bond to someone else in your vulnerable state."
Shepard remembered the crushing feeling from that and while the wound had healed it left a scar. But liara had already apologized and explained herself. She had no business feeling guilty for that now.
"LI I forgave you for that and I came back to help you defeat the shadow broker. Even if I hadn't; what kind of logic is that?" She pleaded.
"That doesn't suddenly erase it or the damage that it caused!" The asari suddenly found herself wishing even more that her commander was there in the flesh with her and not behind some screen.
"But I think the real question here is; Samantha how do you feel towards Ms. Lawson?" Direct and blunt as usual but somehow liara did it with a grace that didn't make it seem so brutal of a question.
"I…." It was without a shadow of a doubt that Miranda, despite their initial meeting had become her best friend. Their unity and understanding of one another both on and off the battle field was only rivaled by the bond that was shared between her Garrus and Tali. Both of which were like brother and sister to her respectively.
Shepard couldn't lie to herself, if it wasn't for the fact that she was with Liara, she most definitely would of taken a run at her second in command. The instant arousal she felt during Miranda's advancements concluded that there was at least lust there. Yet the more she thought about it the more she realized some of her previous thoughts and actions that she perceived as merely those of friendship did hint at how she felt.
She always took Miranda out on missions as she quickly noticed that it did not feel right without her there. She had to constantly resist the urge to threaten the lives of those men who looked at her like she was only a piece of meat. She was more than her looks and those that didn't recognize that deserved a brawler pistol at their throat.
"I…do feel something for her, Liara, but you have my loyalty! I want my future with you!"
Liara could only nod which soothed Samantha's guilty conscious for only for a moment. Liara's two years as an information broker ended up doing more damage than she realized. She approached a situation that years ago she would of showed jealousy and resentment towards with an almost unattached demeanor. As much as she wanted to rage in jealousy those feelings were still under lock and key and instinctively she did as she did for years. She approached the situation with reason and logic.
"Perhaps the two of you should explore this" The alien said seriously. Her eyes never wavered and the blank expression that accompanied further showed she was serious.
Shepard could only stare at the monitor; her left eyebrow twitching in shock.
"Are you seriously sitting there giving me permission to cheat on you? What the hell!" Shepard snarled and walked away from her desk pacing the room like an angry lion trapped in a cage.
"Samantha! Get back here this instant!" The commander only hesitated for a moment before walking back to her desk. Sitting back down with an angry thud she glared at the screen.
"Samantha I want a future with you as well." Liara touched the screen as if she were touching her bondmate's face and the gesture managed to sooth the beast that raged inside the commander.
"But I want you without doubt, without hesitation or to have your mind linger on the if's."
"Damnit, Miranda…." If she hadn't of did what she did those feelings would of never came to the surface and other than the imminent threat of the reapers she'd be happy.
"Regardless, I love you, Samantha. I should go now; Feron is probably considering disabling the vi helper in frustration." Samantha's habits were rubbing off on her. Using humor to deflate a situation was her commander's trademark.
"Heh…you've been around me too much, Liara." She sighed feeling more pressure than before.
"I love you too." Liara smiled and lingered for a moment before terminating the connection.
The commander felt as if she had aged a hundred years in the span of thirty minutes. All of it came crashing down around her as tears of frustration. She didn't know what was worse, the fact that liara would suggest such an asinine thing or the fact that part of her was considering it.
The next two and a half weeks crawled for the commander and were agonizing beyond words. She'd fallen back into routine and to the untrained eye everything seemed normal. However it was far from the truth. Thoughts of her XO lingered and festered in her like bugs in an old condemned house. She couldn't get her off her mind off her if she wanted to. Was it simple infatuation? Was she like a child with a new toy? None of it made sense to her and the frustration from lack of answers was getting to her. Both XO and Commander avoided each other like the plague as neither wanted to face the uncomfortable tension between them. If she was honest with herself which she was, she quickly came to realize that she missed her XO and wish that things could go back to normal between them.
"Missing someone who lives on the same damn ship as me. " If there was a god in all of the universe than certainly he was laughing and at her expense.
Finally with her aggression at an all time high she decided that she needed to find a way to vent before she took it out on the wrong one or perhaps the right one.
"Edi, how far are we out from Tuchanka?" Sadly there was no suitable place for sparing on the Normandy .
"We can be there within the hour, Shepard."
"Good set a course and now patch me through to grunt."
"Battlemaster?" She could clearly hear the curiosity in his voice.
"Your battlemaster wants to spar, are you up for the challenge?" Shepard began putting on her armor. Clicking various pieces of it into place as her mind yearned for the heat of battle
"Of course battlemaster! I've been itching for battle since our brush with the collectors!" Shepard smiled. Of course he would be up for sparring it was in his blood as it was in all Krogans. She knew that grunt could take a beating and simply ask for more.
Yes he was the perfect one to take out her frustration on and unlike with the others she wouldn't have to hold back in the slightest.
"We'll give your clan quite the show"
