Dear readers,

I am so sorry, that it took me so long to get the second part finished. Hopefully you will enjoy it anyway.

Also many thanks for the lovely review and Favorite-entry (do you call it that way?)! :) I was so happy.


His voice ripped me out of my thoughts once again, but this time I wasn't excited to hear it or eager to talk to him. Out of politeness I lifted my head and concentrated on his lovely nose. "I always wondered how a young lady like Jane could fall in love with a grumpy man twice her age." He chuckled a bit, but a shadowy look slipped over his face and I couldn't help but wonder what it meant. I bit my lip as I thought about whether I should talk to him again. After all, I wasn't mad at him. "Well, she just loves him. I think it must be as easy as this." I said thoughtfully and I meant it. His eyes searched my face and I saw the shadowy look again – this time for a little longer. Nearly ten minutes later he answered. "Indeed…" His voice was darker and slightly hoarse. His Adam's apple moved slowly up and down again as he breathed. I was fascinated with the strong line of his jaw for a moment and the little traces of fine blond hair on his neck and chin. Suddenly his lips opened a bit. "When I was a little younger I often thought about marriage. I still do, I assume. My father taught me about the holiness of marriage and when I was a little boy I used to attend a few weddings secretively, hide behind the curtains in church and watch the ceremonies go by. I could feel God's presence then. I understood that to be whole in front of God a man and a woman had to be a union. I never stopped dreaming about the one person coming into my life and dedicating her whole being to God, just as I did." With that he looked out of the window. It had begun to snow, just like he had predicted. The treetops glistened white and sparkled a bit. I didn't know what to think about his words. My thirst to hear more stories from his past life was as insatiable as always and I didn't even dare to shift in my seat, hoping he would continue again. But there was a part of me that didn't want to hear the end of the story. I felt terrible discovering the part of him that wanted marriage – but not love. He wanted God's love and he had it – I was sure of it. But I could never fulfill the way he expected his wife to be. I was not even sure if God existed at all – how could I ever share his kind of faith? How could I ever be worthy to be his wife?

"I think you have a point though." He looked at me again and my brows went up in confusion. "What do you mean?" I asked in a thin voice. Carlisle leant back in his seat and twirled the cross between his fingers again as if in deep thought. He looked so awkwardly relaxed now. Although his back was held up straight in the huge armchair he sat in, he actually made contact with the fabric. While his right hand touched the golden cross, his left hand lay casually on the armrest and his fingers tapped at it every once in a while. "With that kind of love you mentioned earlier." My breathing stopped for a few seconds. "Where do you see a point?" I hated the way my voice trembled as I spoke to him. He turned his head and looked me in the directly in the eyes. "Over the years working as a doctor in different places, countries and continents I met many different married couples. And sometimes some of those would have a… sort of timeless connection. It would go beyond deep appreciation or clean care for one another. Both their heartbeats would run faster when they saw each other. I can't explain or describe it truly, but it was clear that they always… longed for the others presence." I was surprised at him using my words from earlier, but he continued before I could say something. "So I do have to change my mind, I guess. Physical love mixed with trust seems like a possibility to explain this kind of… connection." His rationality was like a kick in the stomach, even though he just told me I had been right. I felt suddenly sick.

"I was wondering…" he continued "if, as an example, I asked you for your hand in marriage…" I could no longer take it. His choice of words should have had an indescribably positive effect on me, but I felt numb. The last hour had changed a lot of things and I did most certainly not want to be an example in one of his rational considerations about marriage and a wife. To me, Carlisle was never anything less than perfect. I had felt deep affection for his character since our first moments together and longed for his attention and appreciation towards me in ways I never experienced before. I was fascinated by the way he gave love to everyone around him so unconditionally and natural, his wisdom and thirst for knowledge filled me with astonishment. How surprised I had been, when he first told me about his secret passion for British classics. Now I saw a new side to his person. He seemed totally clueless concerning things as irrational as love between a man and a woman. Somehow it felt like we would start at the same point again. I never really knew that kind of love either and felt extremely damaged because of my first marriage. I had imagined love so differently.

I stood up and cut him off. My fingers were clenched into fists immediately as I did something I had never done before. Although my body felt weak and my voice trembled at the first sentence, I spoke clear and loud. "I… I am not faithful, Carlisle. At least not the way you'd like your wife to be." His eyes grew wide and his lips were slightly parted. He looked stunned and dumbfounded, which I thought was lovely on him, but I didn't give him the time to speak again. I had too much to say and I knew I would never get it over with, if I didn't do it right then. "I do not want to dedicate my life to god. I do not know if God exists! I want love, pure love and trust and a person I can be myself with. I want to laugh and be free and see the world – and yes, I want to help other people, but under the current circumstances I won't be able to be around them for a long time. I want to be… adored by someone and feel appreciated, not like a constant failure. I want to be held in someone's arms and kissed softly every once in a while. I want to be told that I'm pretty and lovable… I will dedicate my life to my loved ones. But… I am not and cannot be what you want and… deserve." I couldn't look at him anymore and turned my head to the crackling fireplace. "I opened up to you about what marriage means to me and our expectations seem so different, but I cannot change my mind on that this time." I was surprised I was still not sobbing. Instead I felt powerful and proud for standing up for myself to a man much more experienced and powerful than I could ever be. There was a deep pain though, that this man was Carlisle and that I was letting go of a dream I had had since I was sixteen. I was pushing him away – but I knew that I had to. My new found strength left me as sudden as it had build up and I closed my eyes to keep it a little longer. Heavily I pressed out the last words left in my mind.

"So please don't take me as an example for your considerations or… give it a serious thought. Given my feelings and our varying wishes on marriage, it could just never happen." With this I opened my eyes again and slowly started walking out of the room. I didn't have to look back at him to know that he was frozen in his seat. In all the time I had talked, he never tried to interrupt me and I was grateful for his patient and respectful nature once again. My whole body was hurting and I just wanted to get some space for myself and feel bad about what I had just let go. I didn't know if I would ever feel fine again or anything near that, but I knew I had done the right thing. By the time I had reached the door, my plans were crossed, though. Strong hands grabbed my waist and spun me around. My stomach was suddenly pressed against the beige sweater fabric. Seconds later Carlisle's nose pressed softly against mine and I could hear him intake a deep breath. I had no time to think about the situation or current position we were in, all I did was feeling his arms around me and his lips just inches away from my own. It felt natural and easy, yet overwhelmingly tense. Finally his lips locked with mine and he kissed me passionately, something I had never thought of him. He seemed furious and I dug my hands in his hair. His intoxicating scent was all around me and I couldn't stop breathing him in, until I had no air left in my lungs. When we parted after a few moments we both breathed heavily. I found myself looking at his chest and let my eyes slowly drift up his neck to his face. His eyes were completely black as he was staring down at me, but he hadn't loosened his hold on my back and waist. My fingers touched his jaw absentmindedly, the feel of his skin was sensational and I did not even realize he made a move to speak until I heard his voice. He spoke in the same hoarse tone as earlier, only this time I could think of why it was that way.

"I feel different about a lot of things now, Esme." He stopped in his tracks as if in search for the right words. "I never thought I could be so drawn to someone else and so desperately longing for someone's presence. Everything is just different around you…" Clearly embarrassed he looked to the side and his grip on me suddenly loosened. As if awakening out of a trance his eyes flickered fast over my face. "I am sorry, if I harmed you in any way. And I hope you don't feel my openness bold." His Adams apple moved delicately as he took a firm step away from me, leaving me on my own again. I couldn't help but smile lightly and tried to speak calm, which failed miserably, when the words finally tumbled out of my mouth. "It's fine." I had barely whispered, but his eyes lit up with warmth. "In fact I think you had just the right timing." I added and was surprised by my own sudden boldness towards him. Before I could think I stepped forward and planted a small kiss on his cheek. This time I could feel his new boyish grin form on his face and was proud of it as an outcome of my actions. It felt so natural to be near him, even if we were a few centimeters apart. "Shall we revert to our reading then?" He asked with that same grin plastered all over his marvelous cheeks. "I would love that." I grinned back at him.

We seated ourselves just as before. Carlisle sat in the huge armchair and I had taken my place on the sofa again, directly in front of him. Amusingly, as a man of his word, Carlisle had indeed returned to the newspaper and preceded reading as if nothing had happened between us. But him looking up and over the paper pages every once in a while made the reading a teasing act. Reaching the last page of my book I suppressed the urge to sigh with relief. I hadn't quite been able to not look too amused every time he glanced in my direction, which had resulted in hastening through "Jane Eyre" in an impressive speed. "I'm almost finished." I declared to him joyfully and was ready to skip the last page, when I felt something much heavier than paper beneath my grip. After curiously turning the page, a small silvery thing fell into my lap and my eyes followed it hastily. There was a ring glittering up at me, small and elegant, yet the most beautiful I had ever seen. I took a few silent breaths before I looked up to meet Carlisles gaze, who I knew had rose from his seat and bent one knee to the ground right in front of me. I couldn't speak, searched for different explanations in my mind for what just happened. Overflowing with joy and hope, but petrified in shock I just stared at him for a long time.

Before he began to speak, I could hear him gulp uneasily. "I was very nervous about your answer to my question the last few months, but after your energetic speech, I must admit I am mortified." He chuckled slightly and I thought him adorable and felt terrible shame at the same time. Suddenly his expression grew serious, as he continued to talk. "Esme, I have waited very long to tell you this. A bit more than a decade, to be honest, but I wanted to since our first faithful meeting." He paused and my ears began to feel numb, while I was still staring at him like a complete fool, awaiting his soothing voice to rise up again. "I love you…" The warmth in his tone was more present than ever. While his eyes fixated mine and burned deep holes into my irises, Carlisle's words were quieting down and his gaze grew pleading. "Will you marry me?"

Only one word pulsated through my head and body, but all I was able to do was nodding lightly and declaring my love for him with quiet whispers over and over again. In a world of arranged marriages and real love just a fairytale, his proposal was so utterly romantic, so unique. Just like him. I barely noticed his hand gallantly slipping the ring onto my finger and kissing my hand in a gentlemanly fashion afterwards. Just moments later I was snaking my arms up his back to hug his shoulders and bury my head in his sweater amazingly happy. We didn't need any more words, just us. I smiled as I felt his nose tickling my hair.