AN: Okay I hope you like it! And thanks for the reviews guys! Cleo2010 and becauseicantwritemyownnovel you both have ideas I'm going to use!
Disclaimer: Seriously, I don't own CSI!
Stares.
I'm still staring at you when Sara walks in. I ignore her, no need to hide my feelings. She knows.
"Come on Greg. Just talk to him." She says firmly, but all I can do it watch you.
Your eyes are on the computer screen, reading something. It must be a long article, because you haven't moved in awhile. You look good like that, the screen's light illuminating every feature. Your deep eyes, your perfect jaw. And your not so short hair which is in need of a cut. If we were still together I'd probably be bugging you about it. But we're not.
"Seriously, Greggo." Sara says from behind me, and she places a hand on my shoulder. I continue to look at you, as does she.
I wonder if you know. That we're staring...that all I do is stare. You must have realized by now, you're smarter than the average person. Actually, you're smarter than a smart person. In my mind you're a genius. You've never agreed, but you're just humble.
I miss you. So much. I never thought you could miss someone this much. I want your arms around me, my head on your shoulder, smiling at a cute movie. I want you to laugh when I tell you about Hodges's latest bragging session. I want you to kiss me after a long days work. Wow, I want a lot of things. But really, I just want you.
Finally, I break my stare and look at Sara. Her eyes are knowing, and her lips are in a firm line. She knows what I'm thinking. She's my best friend.
"No, Sar. I can't just talk to him." I tell her, but she doesn't believe it. I expect her to be angry, but she uses a different approach.
"You miss him don't you?" Those words hit me hard. Hell yes. I miss you every day.
All I can do is nod at her.
"You need to communicate. Nothing's going to change if you don't." She says this sentence slowly, and I think of you.
All my emotions rise at once, threatening to bring me to tears. You were my everything. Maybe you still are Nicky.
"I can't. He doesn't love me anymore Sara. He just doesn't. Maybe he never did, not like I would know. It sucks, yeah. The whole house feels empty, like part of its missing." I rant on, watching as her face changes from speculative to sympathetic. "But I feel like part of me's missing too! Like... like he was part of me."
She looks at me strangely. I wish she wasn't here. I was perfectly fine on my own, watching you. You can calm me down, even when your the reason I'm mad. You were special that way.
"He's your missing puzzle piece Greg." Her voice is so sure, I wonder if she'd been planning to tell me this all along. "Everyone needs there's. Grissom is mine and I know how you feel. When he's in Paris... the house is cold. Lonely. And so am I Greg."
My thoughts are still on you, but I find myself imagining her alone in her and Grissom's townhouse. It's odd imagining her that way. But really, if that was the case, she's just like me. And there I go again, making everything about you.
"Still," I start, trying to make her understand. I love you Nicky. I do. But I can't talk to you.
"Still nothing. You have to talk to him." Sara tells me, softly squeezing my arm before walking quietly out of the room.
I don't know why she doesn't get it. It's so simple. I can't talk to you. I... I don't really know why. Because you're you.
I can't hold on any longer and I look over at you. But to my surprise, instead of the side of your beautiful face, I'm looking straight into your soulful eyes.
Blushing, I grab the first document near me, and pretend to read it, all the while wishing the shocked butterflies would leave my stomach in peace.
XXX
I saw that Greg. I saw you look at me that way. But... what exactly was the way you looked at me? There was a longing there.
You look down blushing deep red, which I have the urge to smirk at. You're so cute when you blush. You're always cute though.
I watch as you fumble with the papers, pretending you had just glanced up casually, not to stare. But I know the truth. Maybe more than you realize, because I was staring too.
G, I want you back. I love you more than you'll ever know. You're special. You were the only person I can be honest with, and admit everything to. You're adorable, funny, understanding, caring... and a trillion other things.
I'm still watching you as you glance up again, trying to be nonchalant. This time I flush red as you catch me staring. I look back at the computer, but I cant stop thinking about you.
You were my other half. Actually, I think you still are. Because I feel ripped in half right now. I have since I left. All I do at night is lie on the couch, drinking beer, unable to stop myself from thinking of you.
I wish you knew of all the tears I shed for you. All the sleepless days, the tired half-jobs at work, and especially, of all my stares.
But I guess you'll never know, because I can't talk to you. Catherine's been hounding me for days, telling me to talk to you. But I can't. I just can't.
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