Disclaimer: Own MHA, I do not.
Unyielding Vibrations
Chapter 2
Complications Of A Dream
A tense silence hung over the room we were in. I didn't say a word, instead I waited with bated breath as I awaited my mother's response. I didn't dare look at her, I didn't want to see the look on her face. Whatever it may be.
For what seemed like hours we stood in that silence, in front of her room mirror. Her hands stopped roaming over my body, and instead of making sure everything was perfect, they were on my shoulders, applying a small amount of pressure. Whether she was aware of the tightening of grip or not, I wasn't sure.
"...why?" My mother asked, her voice soft and low. She sounded uncertain, as if my reason alone was something she didn't want to hear, which it probably was. I turned my head from the mirror and looked at my mother in her eyes.
I wished I just continued to look at the mirror.
As long as I've known her, Ayame Hadō, hasn't once cried. Not when I bit her finger when she was teasing me, not when Nejire and I tracked mud into the house and all over her recently bought carpets. My mother never cried, she was always smiling and laughing.
But this….this is a first.
Her shoulders were shaking slightly, her eyes were misty from unshed tears, and her grip tightened to the point of stinging. Her bottom lip was shaking so much she had to bite down on it to, most likely, stop a sob from escaping her lips.
"...Why, Kiyoshi?"
I couldn't meet those eyes anymore. I just looked down at my feet. I knew that being a hero was wanted, that was something that had always been with me. I didn't need to look at this world's heroes for inspiration. I already had inspiration.
I wasn't being some stereotypical kid that wanted to be a hero just for the sake of it. I knew why I wanted to be a hero. I knew the risk of becoming one. I knew that being such a thing was basically putting a bull's-eye on your back, but I didn't care. I didn't care about the ranking or the monetary compensation. I care not for such things, for such things that a true hero should never value or seek out.
The only reason I needed...
"...Because, I want to be there for others." My voice cut through the silence with determination that shocked both me and my mother, "I want to help others so no one has to die," my mother's shaking stopped and her gripped lessened. I used that opportunity to escape her grasp.
All that I wanted to accomplish...
I turned around and looked up at my mother, "I...I want to make a world where you and Nejire-nee are safe." I was ripped from my family once, without so much as a goodbye.
I wasn't going to let it happen again.
Silence reigned supreme once again as I stared down my mother. Her hands were slowly opening and closing into fists, her bangs shadowed her eyes so perfectly that I wouldn't be able to tell what she was thinking, but I wasn't scared. I wasn't scared that she was going to hurt me, far from it, I was scared of what she would say.
"...no." She stated, her voice firm and strict. Her response got me off guard so badly all I could do was gape at the blue haired woman. I had a feeling this was going to be the route we were going to take, but I didn't think that she would just up and say 'no'. I was about to respond, but she beat me to it. "No, Kiyoshi, I won't let you become a hero."
I looked down at the ground once more at her tone of voice, "B-but…"
"If you want to help others you could be a doctor, a police officer, or even a lawyer." I looked up at her to see that she was glaring at me through her misty eyes, "But I will not have my son risk his life on a day to day basis fighting deranged lunatics! I don't care if your quirk manifests and you have the power of a god. I don't care if you get recommended by All-Might himself, you are my only son and I won't let you be a hero!" She spat out the word 'hero' with so much venom I had to stop myself from flinching.
She paused and let out a breath before recollecting herself, "This is the only and last time we will have this talk. Am I understood Kiyoshi?" Though her glare lessened, she still looked at me pointedly, and there was a small amount of steel in her words.
"B-bu-" I tried to reason with her, before she cut me off again. Her glare came back full force and her tone grew frosty.
"I said, 'Am I understood Kiyoshi?'"
All I could do was give a small nod and reply, "...yes ma'am."
It was on this day that I learned that my mom doesn't cry because she is sad. Or because she is frustrated. Or because of some other circumstance.
She cries when she's furious.
Mom looked over me with a critical eye for a few moments before sighing. She knelt down so we were face to face(though I was still looking at my feet) and put a hand on my shoulder in a comforting, motherly manner.
"Kiyoshi?" I didn't speak, "Kiyoshi, dear? Look at me, please." I couldn't deny her that much. I lifted my eyes from the ground and met my mother's eyes. Her eyes weren't glaring at me anymore nor was there a frosty edge to her voice. Instead her eyes were soft, almost sad like, and her voice was warm, but shaky.
"I...I'm sorry about that Kiyoshi. I'm sorry I snapped at you like that, but I need you to understand something Kiyoshi. You're my son. My first and probably last son that I will ever have in this lifetime. I know that you're just a child, but you've always been smart, incredibly so, so smart in fact that your father would be proud." Her voice wavered slightly at the mention of my father.
My mother leaned forward and drew me into a tight hug, "While I am not one to destroy the innocence and the dreams of a child, especially the ones of my own son, you have to understand that your dream of being a hero is a damning one," Well that was the first time she cursed in front of me, but I chose not to comment on it, "Being a hero is more than beating the villain, it's more than protecting civilians, it's more than having a flashy quirk to flaunt around, it's more than the costume."
She paused and pulled away to look me in the eye, "It's about sacrificing everything for the people you wish to save." As soon as the last word left my mother's lips, I blinked in confusion. Sacrifice everything for the people I want to save?
I didn't agree with that.
While I don't know what it means to be a Hero or what the life of one is like. I couldn't find what she said as fact, but it was her voice that caused me to doubt my own belief. She spoke with the experience of someone who had given everything she had into being a Pro. I couldn't put it into words, not right now at least, the best I could come up with is that she sounded broken, and betrayed.
"I don't understand." was my simple response.
She looked like she wanted to say more. Like she wanted to vent and explain why being a hero was such an undesirable thing. She looked like she wanted to, but she didn't. "…You'll understand when you're older Kiyoshi. If you don't, perhaps I'll tell you then, but for now you and Nejire have a school to attend. Speaking of which, where is that sister of yours…"
Then she walked off, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
While the car ride to school was anything but quiet, I couldn't bring myself to be apart of the nonsensical chatter that my mother and sister both partook in. Well it wasn't a two sided conversation if I'm being completely honest. It was basically my sister telling me about how fun school would be and how she would introduce me to her friends, while my mother just nodded her head along. If it was to Nejire or the radio, I'd never know.
Even though my sister was making a considerable effort to get me engaged in the family conversation, I just couldn't bring myself to be apart of it. Back in my previous life, I wasn't much of a talker, especially while riding in a car. Normally I'd just close my eyes and listen to music, but since that wasn't an option here I just opted to look outside the window.
While the thought of going to school did, unfortunately, make me more nervous than I felt in a long time, that wasn't one of the reasons behind my quietness. Granted one of them was the fact that I didn't like talking in the car. I was currently trying to make heads and tails of what my mother said.
"Being a hero means sacrificing everything for the people you wish to save."
That conversation, though in all honesty it was basically a scolding, happened a better part of an hour ago, yet I couldn't get that one phrase out of my mind. I even tried to not think about it, just for it to rear its ugly head towards the frontmost part of my mind.
I wanted to chalk it up to my mom being a little overprotective. I wanted to believe that even though she said that she wasn't going to let me follow my eighteen plus year long dream I wanted to believe that she hadn't actually meant it. I thought it was just a scare tactic. Something to dissuade me from becoming a hero. After all, in her eyes I'm a child and what child likes to give up what belongs to them?
But that wasn't it.
The look in her eyes as she glared down at me. The frosty edge to her words that cut with the strength of a sword. The fury that radiated off her in waves. That was no scare tactic. That was an honest to god declaration.
Ayame Hoda, my kind mother, absolutely loathed the idea of me even dreaming of becoming a hero. Yet, while I had listened to the angry words of mother, I somehow knew that she wasn't mad at me. But angry at heroic society as a whole.
There are only a handful of things that have scared me enough to the point of me never wanting to see or experience them for a second time. On the very top of that list was Ayame. She wasn't like my past mom, who when mad or angry at something would openly talk and belittle the thing that made her angry.
Ayame didn't do that.
She hid her anger and fury. It was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. One moment she was kind and compassionate, easily one of the most loveable women in both of my lives, and the next she was a rapid ball of feminine fury. She was like a bea-
Hang on a mo.
Why did the car get colder?
"Kiyoshi~" Mom's calm, soothing, voice rang out throughout the car, yet the smile on her face didn't match her voice at all. Apparently I wasn't the only one to think this because Nejire had promptly closed her mouth with an audible click. And for those of you who don't know, that in of itself is a feat of epic proportions. I love my sister with all of my heart, but once she starts talking, she never stops.
And no that isn't a hyperbole.
"Kiyoshi~" she reiterated once more, the obviously fake smile still on her face as she spoke, "You're not thinking of anything bad about your dear mother are you?" We were at a red stoplight, so she took this time to turn around in her seat and show me her full face.
The face of a sadist.
The face that promise pain.
I shuddered, "No~ O-of course not mom. I was just… Uh… erm…," let it be known that I am horrible at thinking of excuses and bullshit stories on the fly. I looked around the car to find something to distract her with, and I must've been pretty obvious too if the way her smile grew darker was any indication.
Then my eyes settled on Nejire, who looked out the window while whistling an innocent tune.
Chance~
'God that sounds like something a cheesy anime protagonist would say'
"Hey Nejire-nee, do you think I'll make any friends at school?" Nejire looked over to my side of the car and I gave her the most innocent look I could muster, and despite there being a literal she-devil-sadist looking at me like I was a snack, I think I did pretty well.
Nejire looked at me for a few moments before giving a squeal in delight, "Of course lil bro! You're the best and most funniest boy I've ever met! If those kids in your class don't want to be your friends then it's their own faults!" She then grabbed my cheeks and pinched and pulled at them in delight.
"Mou~ That hurts, Nejire-nee." I tried to pull away from the over enthusiastic girl, but she had a grip of iron. How the hell did a seven year old have such a strong grip?
"I can't wait for us to get to school Kiyo-kun! I'll show you all of my friends, I'll walk you to your class too, and then we'll eat lunch together!"
"I'm pretty sure kindergartners don't eat lunch with the older kids."
"Nah...sure they do Kiyo-kun, isn't that right mom?!" Nejire stopped what she was doing and leaned over a bit to look at our mother, who started driving once again, "Cause that's what my friend said at school! She said that all grades eat together at lunchtime."
Our mom didn't take her eyes off the road, but the amusement was evident in her tone, "Did she really say that, Nejire-chan, or did she just nod her head?"
Nejire went on to explain the talk with her friend in excruciating detail. She didn't leave anything out either. She spoke of everything, from the time it started to the time it ended. The fact that she, a hyperactive seven year old with the attention span of a kindergartener, could remember such a conversation was kind of shocking.
She wasn't giving an abridged version either, it was the full on conversation, and I only know this because some of the dialogue didn't sound like her at all, complete with erratic hand gestures and everything.
Despite my current situation I couldn't help, but smile softly at my chatterbox of sister. She was so pure and innocent it was adorable. I honestly hoped she would stay like that for a long time. It would be beyond painful to see such innocence be destroyed and jaded.
As Nejire continued to talk and ask questions about random things, I continued to ponder on what I wanted to do with my life. Or more precisely what I needed to do in order to become a hero. Because the way my mother is now, there's just no way I can become a hero.
Well that's not entirely true, or at least I think it isn't. I needed to attend a high school with a hero course, and I know for a fact that my mom would be watching my applications for high schools like a hawk. I don't know why, nor do I understand why she doesn't want me to be a hero, beside the fact that I'm her only son of course.
Her rage towards the thought of heroes only belonged to those who lost someone because of the very same people that were supposed to help them. I didn't know who my father was, not really. I couldn't remember his voice or his face. Hell, I don't even remember his name!
Once upon a time I had asked Nejire who our father was and what he was like, but you know what happened?
Her usually happy face fell and became drowned in despair, so much in fact she was on the verge of bawling her eyes out. Now that I look back on it, the only reason she didn't break down completely was because she wanted to look strong for me. I guess, she thought that as the older sibling she had to be the strongest of the both of us.
Why she thought that, I didn't know. But what I do know is what she said, "...Mommy will tell you when you're older, Kiyoshi." The sheer amount of grief in her voice had made me hug here on sheer reflex.
My musings came to a halt when I felt a tap on my shoulder, "Kiyo-kun, are you alright?" My sister voiced her concern as she leaned over to look me in the eyes once more. I looked at her with one of my eyebrows raised in curiosity, silently prompting her to go on, "It's just...we're here."
I looked out of the car window and blinked. Sure enough, we were here, kids walking towards the school with their parents holding their hands and book bags on their backs. All of the kids looked different from each other and, not in the everyone looks different way, but some of the kids had distinctive features, like one of them had wings and other had a weirdly shaped head.
"Are you nervous, Kiyoshi?"
I actually was, but not in a new experience kind of way, I don't know how to describe it, but for some reason just looking at the front school gates and the walking crowd of kids and parents filled me with a sense of dread. Even though I was an introvert, I shouldn't have this bad of a reaction towards school.
"No, I'm just ready to go back home already." I half lied to ease both my mother's and sister's growing concern. What was with them? Why do they always treat me like I was something fragile?
Mom looked at me with a critical eye for a few moments before giving a soft chuckle, "I'm sure you are son," She unbuckled her seatbelt and turned towards Nejire and I with a wide smile, "Well, since I'm sure you're both so excited for school I won't keep you two waiting. Be safe, pay attention in class, and be respectful."
I glanced outside to see parents walking their kids to the front gate, "You're not gonna walk us to the front gate?" In response my mom just raised an eyebrow in curiosity.
"Do you want me to?"
"No. I'd rather you not embarrass Nejire-nee and I on our first day of school."
"That hurts, Kiyoshi."
Taking notice of my sarcastic tone mom put a hand above her heart in mock pain, before turning towards Nejire, who also voiced her intrigue, "Yeah mom, why aren't you going to walk us to the school gate?" Nejire got out of her car seat and leaned over to look out mother in her face. They were so close mom had to lean back a little.
"Sorry kids maybe next time. I'm already going to be late for work as it is," Nejire pouted at the older woman, and said older woman just cooed at the girl before saying, "How about this? Once school is over we'll get some Shabu shabu, how does that sound?"
Both of us beamed at the older woman, "It sounds awesome! Yes!" The both of us turned toward each other and did a high five. Nejire leaned forward and gave her a hug. I got out of my car seat and kissed her on the cheek.
We both got out of the car and waved at her as we walked towards the school. Or we would have if Mom didn't shout at us to stop in our tracks. At first I thought she had second thoughts about not walking us to school, but when I turned around I knew I was wrong.
Nejire and I both turned around with confusion clear on our face, "Nejire-chan! Can you come back here for a second?" The blue haired woman sent a quick nervous glance, a glance so fast I almost missed it, before locking eyes on my sister, "And stay right there Kiyo-kun!" Somehow knowing what our mother wanted, she sped walked towards her.
I watched as my two family members talked for a few moments, before Nejire gave our mom a sharp, stiff, nod. She turned on her heel and sped walked back towards me with a sense of urgency and something else I couldn't decipher.
Huh, wonder what they talked about.
As we continued our walk towards the front gate, I couldn't shake the feeling of dread that washed over my body again. It feel over me like a blanket, trying to cover me completely. My heart was beating against my chest so hard it was practically the only thing that reached my ears.
Refraining from putting a hand above my chest, I tried to do a slow breath exercise, the type of breathing exercises that was meant to help with anxiety, something that I had suffered from I'm my first life. I tried to do anything to ease my nerves; reciting some of the songs I remembered, thinking of eating my favorite type of food, hell I even tried to picture Niagara Falls.
Why was this happening?! This shouldn't be happening! Sure, I had social anxiety, and was nervous on my first day of school, but I shouldn't be reacting this badly! Though this may seem a bit childish, it did ease my nerves, at first, knowing that I was in fact going to school with Nejire and that she would walk me to my class everyday.
Add on the fact that I was basically a high school student crammed into the body of a four year old, I should be fine with going to Kindergarten. Yeah, sure it would undoubtedly be boring(as anything dealing with school naturally was) and tedious, I should be fine.
But for some odd reason, I wasn't fine, far from it, in fact I felt downright terrified. Why did I feel like that? I didn't have the slightest clue. Just what the he-
"Kiyo-kun."
"Huh?"
Broken out of my thoughts, I snapped my eyes towards Nejire, who was now in front of me with her eyes filled with worry, "Y-yeah? W-what is it, Nejire-nee?" I fumbled with my words as I continued to look into her eyes, which were becoming more worried as I spoke.
"Are you okay?"
I took a few moments to recollect myself, "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" I hated lying to my sister, especially my sister. She had always been there for me, and even though I was only four that meant the world to me. But I couldn't tell her how I really felt. No, that would only make her worry more. Nejire and mom already treat me like glass, I was actually surprised they let me go to an elementary school instead of homeschooling me.
Nejire raised an eyebrow at me, clearly not believing a word I just said, "Oh really?" I didn't trust my voice, in fear that it would fail me, so I just gave her a small nod in an affirmative.
"Then why is your hand shaking?"
It was?
I looked down at my right hand to find that, it in fact, was shaking. Not violently, it shook rather softly, otherwise I probably would've noticed it. Then again I was lost in my thoughts.
Covering my shaking limb with its non-shaking counterpart I spoke to my sister in the calmest, and most clear voice I was able to muster, "It's nothing Nejire-nee. I'm completely fine, okay? My hand just fell asleep and I was trying to wake it up without bringing too much attention to it or looking weird."
She didn't believe me, but didn't say anything opting to just glare at me. I glared back at my sister, clearly not falling for her intimidation act. We glared at each other as other students started going to their different classes.
Relenting, she gave out a soft sigh, "...fine. Just... just...you'll get me if something bad happens right? I know that it can be a bit nerve wracking meeting new people, and I know how antisocial you can be-"
"Hey!"
"-but once you get in there and meet the rest of your classmates you won't have a reason to be nervous," She looked at me for a few moments with a critical eye, then she glanced at my hand that was still shaking, before her gaze softened, "How about this Kiyoshi; If you're feeling scared just ask the teacher to get me and I'll come as fast as I can, okay?"
I gave my sister a half hearted glare. Why did they keep treating me like I was made of glass?! "I'm fine Nejire-nee." The glare didn't do anything to my older sister. In fact it just amplified her concern even more.
"Promise me, Kiyoshi."
Why was she so intent on pushing this? "I already told you I'm-"
"Promise. Me. Kiyoshi." The blue haired girl interrupted me with a sharp, demanding tone and a glare that held no room for argument. A more than a little miffed that I was being treated like a child, I didn't say anything only intently glaring back at her. We stayed like that for a few moments before I caved.
"Fine," I groaned out to my older sister, who had a satisfied smile on her face, "I promise I'll get you if something bad happens, okay?"
Nejire looked at me for a few seconds before crossing her arms, "You're not just saying that so you can hurry up and leave me, right? You're actually going to get me if something happens?"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." I deadpanned at the girl with a flat and bland tone of voice, "And I mean it. If I'm not feeling well or something, you'll be the first to know." Saying this eased her a great amount since her shoulders and posture seemed to genuinely relax.
Seemingly happy with this, Nejire leaned down a planted a soft kiss on my forehead, "That's a good little brother. Now let's hurry up and get to your class, at the rate we're moving you might be tardy for your first day!" She gave me a big smile, grabbed my hand, and guided me towards my class.
Looking at my sister as she practically dragged me forward, I couldn't keep a smile from threatening to tear my face in half.
Even if it didn't match what I felt on the inside.
AN: So, huh, yeah! This was a thing! I would've had it out sooner, but some of the things in here looked a LOT, and I mean A LOT, worse. But I think I got it somewhat close to what I wanted it to be. And on another note. Twenty something favorites and thirty follows! If that ain't a confidence booster, then I don't know what is! Also! Reviews!
ARSLOTHES: Thanks man! :)
Hawkright-01121999: Thanks! Yeah I have a pretty good idea of what I want Kiyoshi to do before I go straight into canon. I honestly can't wait to get there so I can see how much I can FUBAR it. Also I'm glad to be of service! :D
Guest#1: Thanks! Glad you find interesting!
Guest#2: That means a lot, thank you! :)
Guest#3: Yeah, I agree with you. The self insert concept has been done so many times they belong on a website of their own, but I'm glad you find it interesting! :)
Guest#4: Yeah, Kiyoshi is going to develop a more realistic reason as to why he wants to be a Hero, but right now it's just something he wants to do because that is one of the only things he remembers finding actual joy in back in his first life. I hope that makes sense.
As always feel free to review! Till next time! XD
