Things starts to happend more in this chapter, also remember that Hermione is suffering from a small post traumatic depression and is a little confused about her feelings. I know that some things about the characters are a bit unclear, but I wrote it that way on purpose to keep the mystery. So just stick with the story and everything will explain itself (or ask :P)
Disclaimer: I do not own or have the rights to any of the characters used in this fic or the original plotline, everything belongs to JKR.
Next morning was dreadful. She had always been so exited on the first day of school previous years, she loved to learn and, oh Merlin did she love to read, but it just didn't do it for her the same way anymore. She felt like she was on muggle autopilot.
Yet again she thought of how much she'd changed.
One look in the mirror told her straight away that she hadn't gotten nearly enough sleep. Her brown eyes were dull and lifeless, her cheeks sunken and she had dark circle under her eyes. She looked sick.
The only thing remotely vivid about her was her hair. It wasn't bushy anymore, more like curly, but not exactly not-bushy either. It had great volume to it and the mahogany color had a nice shine.
After breakfast consisting of two fried eggs she ran off to Transfiguration for first period. They were only twenty one students in her new class and ten of them were Gryffindor's.
Professor McGonagall lectured about the laws of vanishing spells and its advantage and disadvantage versus transforming the material in question and then had them practicing it non-verbally.
Hermione wondered how McGonagall had time to teach, not to mention the extra advanced classes, now that she was Headmistress because Dumbledore sure never did (this was of course before he started his horcrux quest).
They were supposed to work in pairs which were usually not a problem but everyone expected that Malfoy and Zabini would work together since they were the only Slytherin's. But Zabini gave Malfoy a malicious glare when he approached and stomped of to a Ravenclaw girl.
Malfoy shrugged and stared into the wall to avoid the burning looks he got from the majority of the class.
"Miss Granger, work with Mr. Malfoy, will you dear?" McGonagall said after a while and earned herself a very intense look from Hermione. This is going to be great she thought and as she felt herself fuming already, and Malfoy haven't even spoken yet, she didn't even want to look at him for Merlin's sake!
But since she was way too well behaved even with her new "don't give a flying fuck" attitude she quietly accepted with a nod. Someone had to be mature around here, and it certainly wasn't going to be Zabini. What was that all about anyway?
Malfoy shrugged again and stepped up to her, but avoided looking her in the eyes.
"Shall we?" He murmured quietly. Hermione just huffed and they went to work with very little conversation from her part (they were practicing non-verbal spells after all). As time went by Hermione noticed that Malfoy wasn't his usual charming, comment spitting self but quiet and tense instead. He seemed a bit sad too, like his mind was somewhere else.
He wasn't quite polite either but his lack of condescending comments were really surprising. All the air seemed to have gone out of him but this observation only made her glad.
About time he realized that you just couldn't go around and act like he had done just because his father was rich, and oh, worshipping evil warlocks wasn't that cool either. On the other hand she also noticed that he was very smart which was displeasing, now that he hasn't any Death Eater play dates anymore he has to focus his brains elsewhere, go figure.
In fact at the end of class she was quite baffled by his effort and thought it was nice to not work with Ron for a change, who could be quite thick really.
At the end of the day when Hermione returned for the Extra Advanced Transfiguration she found the room empty besides Malfoy and Professor McGonagall. She took a seat at the front and waited for her teacher to speak.
"Since these lessons are optional and only for your own benefit they will not be planned and we will just go with it as it comes" she paused shortly before continuing.
"You will not be graded in your N.E.W.T's by this and you are unlikely to get homework, I said unlikely Mr. Malfoy, but it is not impossible" she added when Malfoy's head whipped up in anticipation. Hermione smiled at this, some things never changed.
"You may see it like a workshop if you like, yes workshop is the proper word, now I don't have a plan for today so is there anything you would like to do?" Hermione hadn't thought of that since she was so used to just following instructions and a silence fell in the room.
McGonagall waited impatiently for approximately half a minute before she spoke again.
"Come on now, there must be one reason you are here, can't you think of one thing you want to learn?" she exclaimed.
"Well, you are an Animagus Professor, cant you tell us more about that?" Malfoy asked, surprising Hermione since she had thought the exact same thing.
This proved to be an extraordinary private lesson in very advanced transfiguration magic and Hermione couldn't wait to get up to the common room to do the homework they had gotten afterwards (despite the fact McGonagall said they would get any). Malfoy looked surprisingly pleased too.
The following lessons turned out to be just as interesting and Extra Advanced Transfiguration became Hermione's new favorite subject.
Often it was just her and Malfoy who didn't bother her at all; in fact they worked together a lot in all their classes. After a few days Malfoy had relaxed but it was still clear that he really just wanted to keep to himself which suited Hermione perfectly since she strove for the same, hence they ended up together.
She felt awkward amongst her friends and the comfortable silence that had formed between her and Malfoy was something she opted for more and more, despite the confused looks she got from everyone else who refused to talk to him.
But every time she started to feel to content with him she reminded herself of the absolute vile tattoo he had on his left forearm.
After some time she actually got really mad since she couldn't figure out the sudden change in him. She had really thought about it and it was driving her mad. Why was he studying so hard? He never seemed interested before, and why was he sulking like a little boy? The man was broken for sure. But most important, why was he not mean to her anymore?
One day after Extra Advanced Potions she just cracked. The two of them were alone in class and he was silently chopping up some Dandelion roots. He ran a hand trough his blond strands and unbuttoned the first button under his tie due to the heat in the dungeon.
"What?" He asked with a cocked eyebrow when she stared at him.
"Why do you do it?" She hissed.
"Do what? The book said to cut half an inch pieces" Hermione rolled her eyes.
"Not the instructions I mean the Extra Advanced Classes, it's practically only you and me half the time and I just don't get why you do it" she exclaimed.
He blinked a few times and then leaned back with a smug smile, just like he used to (thank you! At least that Malfoy she knew how to handle, the new quiet one was harder)
"Afraid that you are not the only brainiac anymore Granger?" He chuckled, but his eyes were colder than ice.
"No I actually enjoy working with someone who has a brain and who doesn't spend half the day stuffing their face, but that's not the point" She hated to admit this to him.
"Yeah, I always wondered were Weasel puts it all" He snickered.
"I mean why the sudden interest in your academic path? It not like you were aiming for all "O's" last year?" Hermione added darkly and started stirring in their potion. This question made his gaze turn even colder if possible and his reply dripped with acid.
"I don't have to explain myself to you but since you asked so bloody nicely I will, besides Granger, you have always been a now-it-all but you are really outdoing yourself now, all you do is study for Merlin's sake!" He spat. Of course he'd turn it on her.
"It's not the same. It's complicated" She spit back with hurt in her voice. She turned her head town so that he couldn't get the satisfaction of seeing her out of control. He didn't have to know why she drowned herself in her work, why she needed an escape. Why she couldn't think of her parents, or Harry or Ron she added darkly.
"It's complicated? Yeah there you have it…" He answered quietly. Even though it sounded like he actually knew what she meant she highly doubted that he could actually know what he was talking about. He just couldn't possibly feel what she was feeling; he was a stone cold Death Eater.
"No Hermione! Watch how you stir it, it's supposed to be eights not back and forth!" He suddenly exclaimed and took the ladle from her. She had totally forgotten about the potion and frowned at Malfoy's concern, he was going to drive her crazy if he didn't start acting like a patronizing pain in the ass soon.
"Less bickering and more working ladies and gentlemen, it will take you four lessons to complete that draught and I don't think you would want to start over" Professor Slughorn mused from his desk.
"Sorry" Malfoy muttered and started stirring proper eights again. Hermione didn't have the heart to lash out to him. She watched him stir for a while and then realized that she saw very much of herself in him. He looked like she felt (well he actually looked like her as well, sick and tired that is).
He had tension in his shoulder blades from waiting for an attack that would never come. Black ink splotches in his hands from occupying himself so he would think of painful things. And sad, oh so sad and angry eyes that reflected an emotional chaos inside of him. Finally Hermione concluded that she maybe had more in common with the teenage Death Eater than she originally thought. She wondered if he had a "Pain box".
The days crept by and Hermione started to get really worn down by all the extra work she was doing. It would have been fine if she could just sleep for Merlin's sake! But sleep wouldn't come because all she did when it was bedtime was to think about how lonely she was.
She'd miss Harry and Ron who hadn't answered her mail at all, she'd think about her future which she hadn't gotten a clue of what it would be as soon she'd finished her N.E.W.T's and she'd think about her parents.
One minute she missed them like crazy and the other she would despise them in hatred. It felt like she had nothing to live for anymore because her future was so hazy. She had gotten so used to hunting horcruxes and constantly living on the edge of death that she had a hard time adapting to reality again.
How could everyone act so normal when it was anything but?
Harry was fine with Ginny, Grimauld Place and Auror Training, as was Ron. She had nothing but school and she was just sick of being anxious all the time. And she could not cope with it if she had to fake laughs and interest all the time with her friends.
It really bugged her as well that when she actually tried to open up or be herself she was ignored. She just couldn't take it.
The only thing that calmed her was studying. And weirdly enough Malfoy. She had concluded from her observations of him that he was going through some really rough stuff and she could relate to that, and him weirdly enough.
At one point a worrying thought truck her. What if she was losing her morals for sympathizing with Malfoy? Was she turning evil? The thought of Malfoy trying to be good didn't even cross her, so she was left even more conflicted with more feelings to pile in the pain box
Somehow it gave her comfort and satisfaction that he also felt like shit, and feel like shit he did, that was very clear.
She had learned a great deal of him the past three weeks since the start of term. He was left handed for example, and scribbled in the marginal of his books. He'd always rest his head in his hand and play with his hair when he was thinking and he always cut the top of his quills for better balance.
A pin on his bag revealed that he also liked the Falmouth Falcon's, he liked to discuss wizard's history and he liked to draw (and was pretty darn good at it too). He had a nasty habit of running his hand through his hair every time he got nervous, which was completely useless since his blond strands would just return to hang in his eyes. This made him particularly interesting to look at and she loved it when he did that.
It was funny how his personality cam shining through now that he didn't have to impress and entertain his cronies anymore. Who knew?
Although the most prominent trait was his change in attitude and his lack of response to other students. Malfoy the bully was gone and replaced by a quiet observing and brooding one. Hermione had started to notice that he took a lot of crap from the others in school, of course he being a former Death Eater was slightly contributing but sometimes she'd wish that they just leave him alone.
He wasn't doing anything and one person could only take so much before it was enough. Of course he deserved some of it but she wished they could just let it go since he was really, really trying (she could tell even though she could'nt figure out why).
They would bully him (especially in Defense which was highly ironic), call him names and break his things and all he did was glare daggers and walk away (this took a lot of restrain from him but he made it).
Sometimes she could tell it really got to him though especially when his dad was the topic, but she also knew that she would never catch him cry like he had done with her. They had started to treat each other more nicely lately, even sharing some smiles and jokes to the extent of their abilities.
And that's why she really blew a fuse one day after lunch when she saw Ginny, Dean and some fifth year Ravenclaw push him up against a door. She completely lost it for some reason.
Some feedback would be nice? o.0
