The Broken Street Rat

If the mind is your solitude,

If the eyes are your soul,

How can they be so blind to see,

That a fairytale was never meant to be.

You can make the choice,

But there's only one answer,

Fate could always pull at the heart,

But it might leave you torn apart.


The day had brought another sunny, dry, and slightly windy day across the vast deserts that surrounded Rabanastre. Vaan had stopped at one of the few known water holes to take an afternoon nap. It had been a long time since he'd ventured out into the desert on his own. He figured a little break from the city might do him some good. Penelo had offered to join him, but Vaan politely declined--he needed just as much a break from her as he did the chaotic city.

It had been two years since the fall of the Empire led by Vayne Solidor, and even though Larsa had now taken control, he still could not let go of the bitterness that he felt. The Arcadian Empire represented everything that he so passionately despised. It had never brought him any kind of fortune--only taking away things he valued and loved. He'd lost a family, friends, freedom--everything that he so greatly clung to had always been swept out from under him. Probably the only person that was never taken from him was Penelo, whom he loved dearly. He would always be indebted to her for putting up with him over the years, and allowing him to come stay with her family when he was deprived of his own. She was, in a sense, the only person he could rely on anymore. He'd felt guilty for not allowing her to accompany him on his venture, but he just needed some space, and some time to try and clear his head of the everpresent clutter.

It was once a dream of Vaan's that he would become a great sky pirate. It offered him so much more than hope. It offered freedom, it offered adventure...it offered happiness that he'd never known. Now, that just seemed like a far off destination that he felt he would never arrive at. All of his dreams were shattered, and no one was there to pick up the pieces.

Suddenly, tears began to mount in the young blonde's eyes. Penelo had never known, but her best friend actually had shed quite a few tears on his solo desert adventures that he'd ever so often partaken in over the years. She also didn't know that this is what kept him sane most of the time. She'd always looked at him with admiration, and Vaan could never allow her to see him so vulnerable. Not now, and not ever.

To a casual onlooker, Vaan would probably be described as a carefree, youthful, and driven individual. But to those who knew him, they knew a different story. Vaan was a bitter person, and could be as cold as the blue orbs that make up his eyes. He had learned early on in his life as a street rat that you could catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, so he would put on a facade of happiness. True he was a very intelligent person, although a bit naive at times. He knew there was too much sadness in the world, and he simply couldn't play into that. He had to remain positive--to at least hold out for hope, even if fate had never given him a reason to do so.

He was finally starting to crack. His mask was beginning to come undone, and there wasn't anything he could do to stop it. He felt helpless, and yet he had already done so much for the world--a hero, one might say, although he would never admit to such credit. You would think fate might just smile, for once, on such a humbled person. Perhaps it's not fate's choice to allow such a thing though. Bitterness eats away at a person, and until they let it go, life will always lead right back to the same place it left off at. A never ending dance that Vaan was completely used to by now, but had still not quite gotten used to the melody. He's never relied on anyone to help him (not that he hasn't needed it, just never been good at accepting the invitation has been his problem). But perhaps, that's why fate is witholding a smile--sometimes the things we need, we never willingly want to accept...