Punctual Like a German Train
Once again Spock found himself sitting on a stranger's sofa, only this time he was accompanied by the captain and Dr. McCoy, who had been invited to a small house party by a former student and his two roommates. The atmosphere was pleasant, despite the alcohol the humans were drinking. Ricardo, McCoy's acquaintance, was just finishing his third bottle of beer.
"Don't you think you should drink a bit more slowly?" Kirk asked with a grin.
The other man, Clarisso, shrugged and answered for his friend. "You should see what our roomie can drink. She drank us under the table the other day."
Spock raised an eyebrow. "She? You never mentioned you were living with a woman."
Clarisso shrugged again. "It didn't seem important. Besides, Tami is not like those stereotypical girls you see on the street. Sometimes she behaves like a guy."
The second eyebrow went up. "How so?"
"Well, she doesn't gossip, she runs around in sweatpants, often she doesn't even wear make-up if it's not a work day. And she drinks beer, more than we do actually."
"And she is chaotic as hell," Ricardo added. "She also laughs about jokes many women I know would find offensive. She even makes some of those jokes herself."
The three officers looked at each other. McCoy chuckled. "Sounds like she's an interesting girl. Where's she from?"
At that moment the heard the front door open and slam shut, followed by a woman's voice hissing: "Scheiße!"
Ricardo grinned. "Speak of the devil." And then he called: "Hey, Tami! Punctual like a German train."
There was shuffling and when the owner of the voice came in sight, Spock almost couldn't believe his eyes. Tami was the girl from the president's office. She leaned against the door frame with a somewhat annoyed expression on her face. "If you'd ever been to Germany, you would know that our trains are never punctual."
Spock felt Kirk tense slightly beside him. Even though it had been quite a while since the incident with Edith Keeler, he knew his friend still thought about the woman that had to die to save their future. He didn't know how Germans felt about the matter and he was sure that Kirk didn't know either.
Tami also seemed to notice the captain's reaction to her nationality and Spock saw her swallow and then lower her gaze in – was it guilt? And shame? "Are you ok?"
Kirk gave her a forced smile. "Sorry, I just remembered a scene from a history documentary," he lied.
She nodded gravely. "Do you wish to talk about it or would you prefer a change of subject?"
The captain looked slightly taken aback, but then gave her a more genuine smile. "A change of subject would be nice. So, Tami, we've heard you can drink quite a lot of beer."
Tami snorted. "That's not beer, that's water."
"No, you are just a spoiled brat," replied Clarisso teasingly.
The girl shrugged and gave them a cheeky smile. "I'm Bavarian, what can I say. You've just never tried the good stuff."
McCoy returned the smile. "I guess we'll have to try it at the next opportunity. Right, Jim?"
Kirk grinned as well, back in the party spirit. "Absolutely, Bones."
"Then you are in luck, Gentlemen. There is a store here that actually sells my personal favorite. Imported all the way from earth. " She disappeared in the hallway and quickly returned with an entire crate of brown glass bottles. Spock counted twenty half-liter bottles. "From Munich, since 1328."
She placed the crate next to the coffee table and handed everyone a bottle. When she reached Spock, she hesitated. "I've read somewhere that Vulcans don't drink alcohol, even though it doesn't intoxicate them. Should I bring you a glass of water or maybe a cup of tea?"
Spock was pleased that this human girl would take his preferences into account. "That is kind of you, but I have to admit that you have made me curious."
Strangely, her bright smile pleased him even more. He would have to meditate on that. He accepted the bottle of refrigerated beer from her and the bottle opener from Kirk, removed the crown cap and took a cautious sip, aware that everyone in the room was watching him. A mildly bitter, but not at all unpleasant taste flooded his senses and he had to agree with Tami that this was "good stuff". "It is mild and definitely not unpleasant."
He had seen humans misinterpret his answers on several occasions, but Tami understood what he meant and gave him another smile before sitting down on the sofa next to him, with enough distance between them, so they weren't touching. She really had researched Vulcan preferences beforehand.
"You called yourself Bavarian, Tami. Is there a difference between Bavarians and other Germans?" Kirk asked.
Tami laughed and nodded. "There sure is. You have to know that Germans often identify with the region they come from other than the whole country. There are also quite a number of stereotypes between Germans. For example, Bavarians usually refer to people from parts of Germany that lie further north as "Preißn" which literally means "Prussians". They also consider them to be rude, stiff and humorless, so essentially the stereotypical German. The rest of Germany usually thinks of Bavarians as highly conservative country bumpkins that consider electricity to be witchcraft, only feed on Leberkas and beer, only wear lederhosen and dirndl and tell dirty jokes all the time."
Her description was met with laughter from everyone except Spock. "Sorry," McCoy panted. "But that mental image is just too funny."
"It is pretty funny," agreed Kirk. "But one thing. Leberkas?"
Tami giggled. "Sorry. Leberkas or Leberkäse is a south German specialty food that consists of finely minced meet that is baked as a loaf until it has a brown crust."*
"And is the stereotype true?"
"In some areas of Bavaria it might," she replied jokingly.
"Ok, Tami. Now you need to tell a sexist joke," Ricardo requested. "We told them that you didn't mind them."
Tami blew a strand of dark-blonde hair out of her face. "I can't really think of one that wouldn't get lost in translation. Well, one comes to my mind, but it's pretty old and does only concern a certain type of women."
Kirk raised his eyebrows. "Do tell."
She sighed. "What's a blonde that dyed her hair black?"
The men looked at each other. "What is the answer?" asked Spock.
"Artificial intelligence," Tami answered dryly.
This earned a few more chuckles and a raised eyebrow from Spock.
All in all, Spock had to admit, it had been a pleasant evening. Tami was a quite… interesting woman.
"Well," McCoy said once they were back on the ship. "A German with a sense of humor. Who would have guessed?"
"Indeed." And one that could laugh and make fun of herself. While human humor sometimes escaped him, he found that ability to be quite… likable.
*Definition borrowed from Wikipedia
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