"STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!" shouted the blue.
"YOU'VE VIOLATED THE LAW!" exclaimed the red.
The green man was quickly running out of options. Should he continue the chase on the trail where it's safe, or go offroad to lose them? Either way would spell his doom, by tree or by the law. As he focused on dodging the obstacles ahead of him, inspiration struck. He stuck his arm out and scooped up snow in both arm.
"EAT YELLOW SNOW, YA FUCKIN PIGS!" he exclaimed as he turned around, tossing the snow at the coppers. The snow blocked the path of the officers, and they swerved to dodge it. In doing so, they flew into the woods and crashed. After seeing this satisfying sight, the penguin turned around and took out his phone, a version of the PSA cellphone modified to take out all government tracker. He dialed a few numbers, and was soon put through.
"Hey. Lenz. You there?" barked Gertrude into the phone.
"Oh! Hey Slak. How's it hanging, brother?" said Lorenzo, the penguin on the other end.
"I've had better days. Listen, the bird crashed over Club Penguin. I'm fine, but I think Yap is dead."
"Damn, really? He was only 2 days from retirement. What a shame."
"...the fuck are you talking about? Listen, I'm gonna try to get the stash outta the wreckage, I need you to pull some strings and get me a pass out of here."
"Well, I'll try boss, but no promises. You heard what happened, yeah?"
"No, what?"
"They closed all airlines leading in and out of Club Penguin. Something about unknown materials being transported using those planes."
"Really? Huh. Gotta be some good shit if they closed down all the lines. I'll let you go, I gotta find a place to lay low."
"Gotcha. Stay safe, boss."
With that, the call ended with a click. At this point, the sled had stopped at the bottom of the hill. Slak got out of his sled and waddled toward civilization.
The smell of hobo corpse filled the penguin's nostrils as he walked into the town. The place reeked of urine and blood. The neon lights buzzed in the dim moonlight, illuminating the way to the Gift Shop, the Dance Club, and the Cafe. Two pink penguins stood by, dancing for money as a crowd of male penguins mobbed around them. Slak coughed at the two cent whores, and pushed his way into the cafe. The scene changed dramatically, as the place was bright and furnished with clean furniture. The air stank with the stench of Fuhreeze, in wintermint smell. The green penguin walked up to the counter, and rang the bell. As if by witchcraft, the gray shopkeeper appeared instantly. He was adorned in a Stetson and a duster, and on his side lay a six shooter.
"Hey there." said Gertrude.
"Howdy, partner. What can I do for you?" said the man at the counter.
"I need one coffee, something to eat, and a place to stay."
"Coming right up." The man picked up a pot, and poured the black liquid into a styrofoam cup. He then took two slices of pizza out of a box, and put them on a plate next to the cup.
"First meals on the house, because you look like you're in rough shape."
"Yeah, you could say that. Thanks, pal." The penguin took his meal, and sat down on the plush sofa.
"I didn't catch your name, partner."
"My name is Gertrude McSlakovich, but you can call me Slak. And you?"
"They call me Hoss around these parts."
"Sweet name." The penguin gulps down his last swig of coffee, and returns the plate before throwing the cup in the trash. "So, about that room?"
"We don't have much in terms of actual bedrooms here, other than mine. We do have a basement with a spare couch, if ya'd like to stay there."
"That'll do just fine. How much for a month?"
"100 coins."
"No shit? Damn, that's a fair price. Thanks, Hoss." Slak hands a bag of coins over.
"Don't mention it, kid. Bathroom's on the second floor, and the air conditioner is behind the TV."
"You have a TV here? Hot damn, this place just keeps getting better! I think I'm gonna go to bed, though. Gnight."
"Goodnight, fella."
With that, Gertrude retired into the musty basement.
