Chapter 2

The sun was blazing, birds were chirping, and airplanes took flight overhead. I tripped over a raised piece of pavement and fell into Susan.

"Watch where you're going, brat." She hissed.

I apologized and straightened myself. I jumped ahead in time. It was as if someone had a remote that controlled my life; they were fast forwarding to all of the intense scenes.

I stood in the airport, a gun pressed firmly into my back and I begged him to let me die, to let it all end here. I couldn't see him get hurt by Susan and I prayed that he wouldn't grieve me for too long.

A gunshot rang out and I crumpled to the floor. "Jessa!"

"Jessa!" Someone shouted, "Jessa." A hand rested on my shoulder and I jolted out of the daydream.

I sat in the middle of my AP calculus class, the hand belonged to my teacher, "I'm sorry, what did you say, Mr. Singer?"

"The bell rang, class ended." Mr. Singer gave me a skeptical look, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah-" I stood up and quickly gathered my things, "Yes, I'm fine. Have a nice weekend!"

I hurried out of the classroom and bolted to the bathroom that was always empty. The one down by the choir rooms that everyone refused to use. I threw my stuff down next to a sink and turned on the water. I cupped my hands and let the water fill. When they were mostly full, I splashed my face. I repeated the process a few more times until I met my reflection in the mirror.

Dark circles rimmed my eyes and I tried desperately to mask them with makeup. My mascara was smudged and I hadn't reapplied it in days. I looked at myself. My brown eyes looked as though they had shattered into a million tiny pieces. My cheeks were in a constant state of being flushed, almost like I had run a marathon. My hair... I tried not to think about my hair and the state it was left in after Susan had done her hack job.

I pulled the black hair tie from it and the braid it was in, fell apart. It was growing out and it was finally just below my shoulder blades. I sighed as I looked at the broken girl who stared back at me.

I heard my phone buzzing from my backpack and snapped out of my trance. I grabbed it and groaned. "Hello?" I asked tentatively.

"Jessa! Where are you?" Kono questioned.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I had to go to the bathroom after class! I'll be there in two minutes, I swear!"

She sighed, "Okay, just hurry. We're already late and you know how your dad is."

I hung up and grabbed my things. Ever since I had made the choice to go back to school, Dad had been extremely overprotective. He always dropped me off and sent one of the team to pick me up. Monday's it was him, Tuesday's were Danno's days, Wednesday's were Chin's, Thursday's were Jerry's, and Friday's were Kono's. It was frustrating, but I never complained. Secretly, I was always relieved to see one of them at the end of my school day.

I pushed through the exit door of the school and found Kono's familiar car. I rushed over, opening the passenger door as soon as I made it there. I slid in, "I'm so sorry! I swear, I was just going to the bathroom."

"Jessa, it's okay. We just need to hurry that's all." Kono winked at me before turning the key in the ignition. The car came to life and soon we were driving the five minutes to my house.

We pulled into the driveway, the sight of my dad's truck greeting us. I groaned, "Thanks for the ride, Kono. Now, I have to go explain to Dad why I'm late. You think if I tell him it's my time of the month he will avoid what happened like the plague?"

She laughed, "Only one way to find out!"

I closed the car door and made my way up the front steps. I turned to wave goodbye just before opening the front door. The smell of pizza hit my nose and I smiled. Friday movie nights had become a staple in our house once again.

"Dad! I'm home!" I called as I dropped my school stuff into the front closet.

"You're late!" I could hear his loud footsteps drawing closer and I stood up from where I had been bent over, removing my shoes.

I laughed, "I know, I know! AP Calc ran a little longer than expected and then I had to run to the bathroom."

"Okay." His eyes met mine and I found a soft smile spread across his face. He pulled me into a tight hug, "How was school, kiddo?"

"It was fine." I shrugged, "I think Mr. Singer might be worried about me."

Dad pulled back, "Why is that?"

I walked into the kitchen, looking for the pizza that I smelled, "I was a little jumpy in class today. I kind of was in a daydream and didn't hear the bell ring. When he touched my shoulder I about had a heart attack."

Ever since that day in the airport, I had been very jumpy towards the smallest of touches. It seemed that I was always caught in a living nightmare and when someone tried to grab my attention I would jump right out of my skin.

"Do you want me to talk to him? To explain what's going on?" Dad raises his eyebrow as he pulled out two plates for us.

"No, there's really no need. It's not like I'm falling behind in class or failing. I have an A." I placed two slices of pizza on my plate and grabbed a pop from the fridge, "Hey, what's the movie for tonight?"

"Movies."

My eyes widened and I became excited, "Weekend marathon? Of what?"

Dad grinned, "Tolkien's greatest hits!"

"Does that mean what I think it means?" I asked and he nodded, "The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings?"

"What else would they be?" He grabbed his plate and I followed him into the living room.

I plopped onto the sofa next to him, "I am so excited! These are my favorite! Thanks, Dad."

"Anything for my girl! Even if that means I'm stuck watching movies about hobbits and dwarves all weekend." One of his arms wrapped around my shoulders and he pulled me to him, planting a kiss on my hairline.

It didn't take me long to become immersed into the movies. I was completely captured by the world of adventures, wars, and beautiful dwarves! After six hours of the movies and lots of pizza, I found myself growing tired. We had just finished the second Hobbit film as I unsuccessfully stifled a yawn.

"Okay, bedtime." Dad said, standing up and holding out his hand for me.

I shook my head, "I'm not tired!"

"Jes," He began, "We have all weekend to continue watching, but right now you need sleep."

I grumbled and toon his hand. He helped me off the couch and led me upstairs. "Goodnight." I said as I stopped at my bedroom door.

Dad pulled me into a strong hug, "Night, Jes. I love you." He planted a kiss to my hair as I echoed his words.

I walked into my tidy bedroom and closed the door behind me. After changing into a tattered Navy tee and some bedtime shorts I crawled beneath the plush comforter on my bed. I let out a sigh of relaxation and found it extremely difficult to keep my eyes open. I soon gave into the sleep and was thrust into the darkness.


"Hey, stranger!" Catherine grinned as her face lit up the screen of my laptop.

"Hey." I smiled back.

"How is everything? How is she?" The worry was clear on her face.

I shrugged, "She seems to be doing better, but she just won't tell me what's in her head. I'm afraid she's just pretending like everything is okay for my sake. It's frustrating."

Catherine nodded, "It's not like I have much experience in parenting, but I could talk to her if you want."

"No, it will be fine. I just need to let her come to me on her own timing. I can't rush her."

"Yeah. How are you, Steve?" I met her eyes and she gave me her knowing look.

I ran a hand over my face and shook my head, "Considering everything that happened, I could be worse."

She let out an exasperated sigh, "Steve, come on."

"She was shot. My daughter was shot and she flatlined three times. I don't- I can't- she's my everything, Cath. To lose her would have been the worst thing. It terrifies me. It's different with her than it is with you. I know you can take care of yourself, I know that you don't need me like she does. With her- With Jessa, she's dependent on me to protect her and I almost failed horribly at that. I've failed twice at that." I shook my head.

"You can't think like that. Jessa knows you protect her, Steve." Catherine's voice was barely above a whisper.

"Sometimes I wonder if she'd be better off with someone else. I feel like I'm highly inadequate to be her father."

"No." Her voice was fierce and it had my head shooting up to meet her eyes, "She would not be better off with someone else. Do you not remember what happened last year when you were locked up in North Korea? She refused to eat while you were gone. She stayed in your room, wrapped herself in your blankets, clutched your photo to her chest. Jessa wanted nothing more than her father to be home. She is better off with you, not without. So stop this, Steve. Stop doubting yourself. She deserves you and you deserve her."

I nodded my head just as I heard shouts, "Cath, I'm going to have to go."

She nodded her head, "Remember what I said, Steve."

More screams came from the other side of my far wall and I hung up. I bolted out of my room and towards Jessa's. Her door was shut as I slammed through it, ready to kill whoever harmed my daughter. However, I was met with a more heartbreaking sight.

Jessa was tangled within her sheets as she tossed and turned. Sweat formed in beads along her forehead as she continued to thrash. Another scream left her mouth and I rushed towards her.

"Jessa." I called as I wrapped her into my arms, "Jessa, come on, wake up. It's just a dream."

She let out a mangled cry, "Dad!"

"Jessa," I stated firmly, "wake up!"

Jessa jolted out of my arms and out of the bed. Her breathing was labored as she stared widely at me, "Dad?"

I stood up and went to her, my hands resting on her shaking arms, "It's me, Jes."

"Dad." She sobbed and threw her arms around me.

"Hey, hey, hey. Sh. You're okay, I'm here. Everything's going to be okay."

"She killed you." Jessa cried into my shirt, "She killed you and I was left alone."

I let out a forced breath and brought Jessa back to her bed. I pulled her down onto it and kept my arms firmly around her, "I'm right here. Susan didn't kill me. You're not alone, Jes."

"But I watched... You- you were-"

"Jessa," I interrupted, "I'm right here. Susan is gone, not me. She can't hurt you now."

"She does though." Her voice was barely audible, "It's like she's still here, Dad. She's still inside my head and she still has such a hold on my life. How can I make her go away? I'm so tired. I can't close my eyes without her being there, to torture me."

I sighed, "I don't know what to do, Jes. There is nothing I want to do more than take all of your pain away, but I can't. I can only be here to hold you and reassure you that she will never harm you again. We'll get through this. I know we will."

"How?" Jessa's brown eyes met my own, "How do you know?"

"Because I know you, Jes. You're the strongest person. You are a fighter and you won't give up until you've beat her."

A few tears slipped down her cheeks, "I want to give up sometimes."

I nodded my head, "Me too."

"Really?" She pulled away from me further.

"Sometimes I think it would be better for you if I wasn't your father."

"What? Dad that's-"

I smiled sadly, "I know, but I sometimes feel like I've failed you and that it would be better to just give up."

Jessa bit her lip, "But you won't."

"I won't." I nodded, "I won't give up because you are the best thing that's ever happened to me. You are everything to me, Jessa and if I gave up I would lose everything. So we can't give up, either of us. We have too much to lose and so much more to gain in our lives. We'll beat this together, I promise."

She laid her head back on my chest and I could feel her breathing begin to level out. "We'll beat this. Together."

I kissed the top of her head, "We will. Now get some sleep, I'll be right here if you need me."

"I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, Jes, I love you too."