Raven sunk to her knees and stared out at the crashing ocean waves. The sun had not made its' appearance yet, and the thick clouds teased the earth with a light mist of rain.
"I'm so alone," she whispered to the sand.
Raven stayed, in the cold sand, hands lying dead in her lap, until the sun disappeared entirely behind the clouds, which opened up and sent water hurling down towards the earth. She barely felt the cold drops pelt her skin, and only moved when the tide rose so high on the beach that small, angry waves lapped onto her legs.
She rose stiffly, her bare feet numb with cold, and stared for a moment out at the reeling waves. Rain pelted her face when she looked up, and she imagined that it had enough momentum and force to strip away her outer layers of skin. Something clicked internally as the empath held her slender arms out in front of her and watched the clean water drip off of her.
With an incredibly un-Raven-esque giggle, she flew up above the water and past the shallow sandbar, out to where the water was deep, and the waves were forming but not crashing. She took a deep breath, turned her body down, and let go of her hold on her flight. Raven plummeted down and crashed into the water with a splash. Momentarily, she felt stunned by the frigid salt water around her, and she let out all of her breath at once, but caught herself before she inhaled again. Her eyes popped open, burning from the salt in the water, and she realized that she could not tell which way was up in the dark murky ocean. Beginning to panic, Raven thrust her hands downward and watched the way the bubbles floated. She let out a surge of energy and shot upwards, inhaling deeply as she broke through the surface. She flew up into the air and spun around in circle, sending droplets of water flinging from her clothes and her hair.
As she landed back on the beach lightly, her communicator buzzed. Frowning at the disturbance, she flipped it open and saw a message from Robin, "Are you coming back soon? We should talk."
Her frown deepened. Having her friends worry about her was too much. She already felt bad enough about nearly destroying them and their world. She needed no sympathy or concerns from them; it only helped make her feel worse.
The tech in her hand buzzed again. Robin had sent another message. This one read, "Star and Cy are worried. I am too. Gar wants to look for you. He's heading out if no sign of you by dinner."
Raven rolled her eyes. "Way to lay it on thick, Boy Blunder," she muttered, typing back a one worded response.
Raven walked back to the Tower. She had no energy to summon a portal, no need to rush back to her dark room, to the ever present company of her team that made her feel so alone. Despite the heaviness of her thoughts, her heart felt lighter than it had in months. She hoped that her recent nightmares would now wane, letting her gain a full night's sleep and getting her friends-namely Robin- off of her back.
As she made the long trek, her mind drifted back to the first few weeks after she had defeated Trigon. Things settled more quickly back into a pattern than she thought they would. Every morning, she still emerged after Robin to make her tea. Changeling and Cyborg still argued over video games she felt they were too old for, and Starfire still tried to get her to go shopping and change out of her uniform every once in a while.
Raven felt odd, though. She felt as though her emotions were both less and more stable than ever. When she smiled, or frowned, her facial muscles seemed to move because her subconscious knew that smiling or frowning was the appropriate thing to do. As the weeks passed, rather than feel better, Raven began to feel worse. She shut down her emotions when they acted up, choosing to ignore Sadness, Rage, and any of the others that made an appearance. She stopped hearing from Happy altogether. Eventually, after seven months, she stopped using her mirror to meditate altogether. The last trip she took into her deep mind had been almost five months ago, and now that so much time had passed, the thought of delving that deep into herself caused waves of panic to rush through her body and mind.
To keep her friends happy, though, Raven used her energy to maintain normality.
Robin had opened his communicator for the third time and typed out another message when it buzzed. Raven had sent a response. One word lit his screen: "Fine."
He let out a sigh of relief at the obviously annoyed tone. He knew Raven well enough to know what a one worded message meant. She spoke less often than the others, and she chose her words carefully, yes, but she rarely used ambiguosity when answering that many inquiries.
Starfire flew to his side, "Raven has sent you a message?"
Robin flipped his communicator shut and stood, "She's on her way back. She should be here soon."
Changeling crossed his arms over his chest and scowled, "If she said she was on her way, then she should be here by now. She can teleport."
Cyborg shrugged, flipping open his latest car magazine and sitting back on the couch, "Maybe she's flying. Teleportation takes energy."
Knowing that his "adopted little sis," as Cyborg fondly referred to her, was on her way and okay for the moment, his worries had lessened. Like Robin, though, the older Titan still felt the gnawing anxiety about Raven's seemingly more frequent night-terrors.
Changeling sighed, "C'mon, Star, let's make spaghetti for dinner."
Starfire clapped, "Yes! Raven loves the carbohydrates! I will fetch the red-fruit sauce!"
Raven's lone figure floated across the water rather than cross through the tunnel to get to the Tower. She landed lightly on the rooftop and looked out across the unsettled bay water, her mind drifting back to the dive she had taken earlier. She sighed, content for the moment-even in her sopping wet and chilled clothing-and trot down the stairway and corridor to enter the common room.
Her steps slowed as she drew nearer, though, as the empath picked up on the apparent chaos waiting behind the closed doors. Cautiously, Raven phased through the doors to see what awaited her.
Changeling and Robin were in each others faces, shouting. Cyborg was also shouting, although he seemed more concerned with how it was possible to catch a pot of pasta on fire. Starfire tried to keep Changeling and Robin separated, talking loudly of how both young men could be correct and she was sure they would find a solution if only they would stop fighting.
"I'm going, Robin! You can't stop me!"
"Changeling! I already said that Raven is on her way. Let it go and clean up the kitchen!"
"Starfire caught it on fire! Make her clean it up. I'm. Going. To. Find. Raven. So. Move!"
Raven sighed and her monotone cut through the chaos as she said, "Congratulations, Gar. You found me."
"Raven!" Changeling and Starfire shouted happily.
Robin sighed, hoping that his team would calm down now that they were reunited in the Tower.
Raven shrugged at their enthusiasm and swept past them into the kitchen. She had started shivering and wanted nothing more than a cup of steaming hot tea.
"What took you so long?" Changeling asked, following at a distance.
"Are you wet, friend? Did it rain upon you as you flew back?" Starfire tried to ask at the same time.
Robin walked quickly to catch up to dripping wet empath and ask his own questions. "Where were you?"
Raven stayed silent until she had filled the kettle, picked her tea and mug, and gotted the stove turned on. She turned away from her slowly boiling water and leaned against the counter, arms crossed. "I went to the ocean- the beach. It started raining and," she paused, hesitant to share her experience as she feared it would only cause more questions, "It rained, and I walked home," she finished lamely, turning back towards her tea.
Behind her back, Robin motioned for everyone to back off, and they did, going back to their games and magazines.
"It must have rained pretty hard. You're puddling on the floor," Robin couldn't help but chuckle.
Raven looked at her feet, "Hm. Yes, I suppose I should go change."
He noticed her look longingly at the almost-to-temperature water. "Go change. I'll finish making your tea."
Raven offered a hesitant smile and dropped through a portal. She changed quickly into thick leggings and a simple black shirt. She even pulled out the matching floor length midnight blue robe and slippers set that the Titans had gifted her their first Christmas together. While she had not worn it up until this point, the robe had hung in her closet and she often ran her hand over the fine fabric to remind herself that she had people who cared for her.
As Raven walked back to the kitchen, her robe swishing around her light tread, she thought back to the Christmas that she had been gifted the robe-
While the other Titans decorated, sung carols, and threw snowballs at each other, Raven remained just as distant, if not more, as the holiday drew closer. Finally, Changeling-who at that time went by Beast Boy- cornered her.
"Raven! What's your deal?"
"What?" Raven barely glanced up from her book. She assumed what the green teenager meant, but chose to feign annoyed innocence.
He crossed his arms and huffed, still leaning over where she had wrapped herself in her favorite armchair. "All month you've been a grump. Starfire has tried to get you to help out with shopping and decorating and Cy even made you your own Christmas cookies and you're just being mean to everyone!"
Raven faltered. The last thing she wanted was for her new-found friends to think of her as mean. Distant, yes. Mysterious, sure. Not mean, though. She closed her book, drawing it to her chest, and glanced away from his glower. "I don't know what you mean, Beast Boy."
She had meant for her words to be terse, but instead they sounded unsure. Beast Boy seemed to sense that and took a step back, his gaze softening. "Rae, we just want you to celebrate our first holiday with us."
"Two syllables."
His brow creased, "What?"
"Rae-Ven. My name is two syllables. Not one." Raven stood and swept past her teammate towards the door.
"You can't just change the subject! Come back and talk to me!"
Raven ignored him, continuing quickly toward her exit.
Before she could escape, Robin, Cyborg, and Starfire piled into the room, each carrying bags and wearing Santa hats.
"Fa-la-la-la-laaa!" They finished singing together, laughing at their off tune singing.
"Friend Raven!" Starfire floated in front of the startled empath and held out a hat, "Join us in our merriment! We have enough festive hats and houses of the ginger cookie for everyone!"
Raven hesitated, but before she could answer, Beast Boy cut in.
"Don't bother, Star, Rae-ven," he put extra emphasis on the last part of her name, "Doesn't like fun."
Starfire's joyful smile faltered and she glanced at Robin for reassurance. He stepped forward and set the bags he held down.
"Everything okay, Raven? Why don't you want to celebrate?"
"Yeah, everybody loves Christmas!" Cyborg added, moving towards the kitchen to set up their gingerbread project.
"Tomorrow's Christmas Eve! You don't wanna be a Grinch on Christmas Eve Eve!" Beast Boy waggled his eyebrows and help out a Santa hat.
Raven had enough at this point. The decorations, the constant singing, the pressure to take part in their useless holiday that they had no business pushing on her. She exploded.
"I said no!" She shouted. In the kitchen a light bulb exploded and Cyborg yelped with surprise as the gingerbread pieces he had set out all cracked in half. "I don't celebrate this pointless human holiday and I don't need you pushing it on me every chance you get!" Her hair swirled around her head as she tried to reign in her emotions and the Santa hat in Beast Boy's hands shredded.
"Okay," Robin quickly intervened, before things got messier. "Raven, if you don't want to be part of the holiday, we won't pressure you."
She nodded once and disappeared.
Beast Boy made an annoyed sound and tossed the remains of his Santa hat into the garbage. "Why won't she have fun?"
"Look," Cyborg threw a new hat at his dejected friend, "Just 'cause Raven doesn't want to be part of Christmas, doesn't mean that we can't have fun with it. So let's get on our hats, crank up the Jingle Bell Rock, and make us some gingerbread houses!"
Two hours into their failed attempts at gingerbread house making, Cyborg decided he'd had enough.
"That's it! We've been going at this for two hours and I can't take it anymore! Forget it!" He stood and pulled all of the crumbled cookie and half ruined candy toppings into his arms then tossed it into the trash.
"Then our Christmas holiday is ruined?" Starfire asked, eyes brimming with tears.
"Maybe not," a gravelly voice said from the kitchen entryway.
The Titan's turned, shocked to see the gingerbread pieces levitating above the trashcan, surrounded in familiar black colored magic.
"Raven! You have returned to our festivities!" Starfire lurched into the air, twirling with joy.
"I thought you could use some help when I heard Cyborg shouting about icing earlier."
Beast Boy pouted, "You coulda come sooner. That was like an hour ago."
"I'm here now. And I had a thought, instead of trying to build fantasy homes for tiny ginger men, what if we tried something else?"
"We're listening…" Beast Boy leaned forward anxious to hear her plan.
Soon after the team set their gingerbread plan in stone, they were able to sit back and enjoy the fruits of their labor. Raven had proposed building one home rather than many, and soon, the Ginger "T" Tower was born. She set Starfire on making gingerbread men figures to look like each Titan, and even had Cyborg pull together a tiny string of lights to hang on the three foot tall ginger- tower.
"Well, Titans, I'd say we handled that mission quite nicely." Robin kicked his feet up on the table and sipped from a mug of hot cocoa.
"What's your favorite holiday tradition, Robin?" Starfire asked as she added mustard to her own cocoa.
Robin made a face at the concoction before answering, "I don't know. The tree, I guess. What about you Cyborg?"
"Oh, I think we all know what mine is, right B?"
"Oh yeah!" Beast Boy leapt up to high five Cyborg as they both shouted, "Presents!"
"I have never partaken in the holiday gift giving, but presents are indeed my favorite! What present did you get that you loved most, Beast Boy?"
The green-teen tapped his fingers on his chin for a moment before his eyes lit up, "Oh I know! One time, I got this stuffed monkey from my parents. The whole day my Dad would hide him in different places in the tree and I'd have to find him." He smiled at the memory.
"I think my favorite gift was my first gaming laptop. Man, I took that thing apart and put it back together with some other parts, and, BAM. Best gaming system of the day." Cyborg grinned and turned to Robin, "What about you, Rob?"
"Titanium alloy cape. It's great at blocking debris and bullets." He thought for a moment before adding, "And fire."
"Oh how wonderful!" Starfire clapped her hands, "My kinorfka once gave me a green amulet from the star moons of the Gorfkarpa region. I wore it every day until my sister destroyed it. I do like to remember opening the gift, though."
Robin smiled and turned to the last member of the team, "What about you, Raven?"
She looked away, "I never got any Christmas presents."
"What about Birthday? Or any other holiday?" Beast Boy pressed, yearning to know more about the mysterious empath.
Raven stood, her hood lifting to shield her face as she withdrew from the room, "I've never received any presents. From anyone." And with that, she was gone, having returned to the shelter and safety of her dark room.
The next day, a lone figure emerged far too early from her room and left the Tower, heading towards Downtown Jump City.
Raven stayed away from the Tower all day. She let Robin know that she needed some time away from the intense festivities taking place in the Tower, and that she would keep an eye on her communicator if he needed her. When she returned later that night, long after the rest of her team had gone to bed, she held a bag full of wrapped gifts. Carefully, Raven lay out the pile of presents-one for each team member-and adjusted the tags. Before she left the room to go to bed, she glanced back at the tree
A note had been taped onto the package. Raven glanced both ways down the dark corridor and swiftly picked up the wrapped box and brought it into her room. She sat cross-legged on her bed and picked up the note. It read, "You may not celebrate the Holidays, but at least you can relax in comfort. We promise not to bug you… Too much. From, The Titans." Underneath, each member of the team had signed their name. Starfire had signed in pink and added little hearts next to her name. Robin had simply written an 'R.'
Raven's curiosity peaked and she pulled the paper off in one swift move and pulled the lid off of the box. Inside was a silk robe, a pair of matching slippers, and a book with a bookmark stuck in the pages. Raven smiled, set the box full of presents on the ground next to her bed, and curled up with her new book.
Raven shook her head at the memory. They had all been so much younger. How they had changed and grown-and learned- since then.
No one looked away from the movie they had on the TV when she entered the room. Robin had kept his promise and her tea waited on the counter in the now empty kitchen. Raven sighed and swept into the living room, knowing that her friends would be worried.
"May I join you?" She asked quietly, gazing down at her steaming mug of tea.
"Hell yeah!" Changeling shoved Starfire further away from him, she protested as she was rudely rammed into Robin's side, and giggled when he pulled her onto his lap. "You're just in time to catch the next episode of the four part series 'It Comes At Night!'"
Raven hesitantly moved to sit between Robin, who had shifted Starfire to his other side, and Changeling, who grinned hugely at her.
"Uh, thanks," she muttered, squeezing next to him and simultaneously trying to keep as much distance as possible between herself and her two friends.
Robin nodded hello and his eyes drifted back to the slasher movie.
Cyborg leaned forward so he could look at Raven, "You gonna be alright with this movie, Rave? Last horror movie we watched didn't go so well for you," he trailed off, remembering when Raven had inflicted a night of pure terror on the Titans after not admitting her fear caused by the horror flick Beast Boy had chosen.
She smiled wryly at him. "So long as I don't get too caught up in it, I'll be fine."
She was almost cut off by Changeling and Starfire's shrieks of terror as a masked man weilding a knife leapt on screen.
Raven rolled her eyes, "Besides, I have big, brave Garfield here to protect me."
Cyborg and Robin laughed and she smirked at her green friend, who had halfway hidden behind the edge of Raven's robe.
