Chapter 1 – That Feeling

I feel her arms around me, she is warm, and she is holding me and rubbing my head. It is so warm here, her embrace is warm. I see light trickle in through the window, and it aluminates the white sheets on the bed we lay on. Her hair is long and covers my back as she grips on to me.

"I have to go," she whispers.

"Please no, not yet," I whisper back.

"Tobias its time for you to wake up," she says sitting up slowly.

I clutch her arm, begging to hold on to this. "Please. Tris, not yet, please I'm not ready to let this go."

"Yes you are, its time to let go," she says as she gets out of bed.

" Please, I am not ready! I need you." I say snatching her hand. She turns to me with her coy smile and kisses my forehead and walks into the light.

"Its time to break free,"

I wake up in a cold a sweat somehow between the crying on the living room floor and the dream I ended up in my bed. I roll out of bed and try focusing on the time. A quarter past five, I have slept in more than usual. After loosing Tris sleep doesn't come often and usually it is plagued with nightmares. It makes me hate sleeping. I get out of bed and go downstairs and begin my daily workout, trying to retain my strength and muscle because I don't eat much anymore and the weight loss is beginning to be noticeable. I then hurry to the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day. I will go to check on gate patrol as well as help with any odds and ends my mother believes need to be addressed, that is of course after out weekly meeting.

I finish quickly never opening my eyes because the glorious windows. If I ever find out who decided floor to ceiling windows was a good idea I might have to shoot them. I dress in Dauntless black pants an Amity red loose t-shirt and my favorite black coat, we aren't technically allowed to wear so much of one factions colors but my mother hasn't said anything to me, I favor the black it reminds me of where I have come from. I figure she makes an exception for because I am her son. I make my way down the hall stopping to stare up at the Hancock building where we said goodbye to Tris's remains. It's a daily ritual of mine to stop just for a minute to say hello to her, I haven't been able to find it in me to go back up there.

"Tobias?" I turn startled by my mother standing a few feet from me, "Tobias didn't you hear me?" She says walking up to me, and placing her hand on my shoulder, I flitch it away from her touch regaining my composure. She lets her hand fall free as she stares strangely at me.

"Are you feeling all right today Tobias," she says, again with the over coddling.

"I'm fine," I say, hoping she doesn't notice the dark puffy circles under my eyes; I hate appearing vulnerable in any way.

"If you would like to take the day off, that would be ok," she says as she grips tightly to the papers in her hand. I couldn't bear being alone today, and keeping busy is all I have.

"No, I am fine, we have a meeting in ten correct?" I say moving past her quickly before she can say another word. I move down the hall to the elevator and my mother follows me along with her newest assistant a young girl in blue, I suspect she was once a Erudite based on the way she holds the tablet with notes and wears her square glasses, I see her peak over them taking quick looks from the corner of her eye, I'm uninterested. After everything the Erudite have caused I feel a deep-rooted hatred toward them all.

When we hit the 15th floor I exit quickly in front of my mother to the large office at the end of the hall. The office that once belonged to Jeanine Matthews, I feel a little pleasure inside knowing that we were able to scratch her name of this door. The anger starts again; I try calming myself as I take my seat in the busy meeting room.

After we took over the city we were able to appoint some of the most trusted people as a part of a council who control little bits and pieces of the community. I am head of the protection (what was once Dauntless Duties.) My mother has placed Cara the once Erudite as head of research and she hired Caleb as her second in command, so I have to see them once a week sadly. I can't stand being around Caleb, I try not to feel hatred toward him because I know how much he hurts to, but deep inside I hate him. I hate him for letting her take his place, I hate him for being alive while she is dead, and I hate him most because he reminds me of her.

Cara and Caleb enter the room bickering about some test results they have been working on, I keep my head down I can't look at them, not looking like this. Most of the council is made up of the once factionless, I know its because my mother trusts them, but I don't. They all sit among us, its hard to let go of what I have always known but my mother says it's a time of change and we all have to either move with the tide or fight against an unstoppable flow.

"Good morning Four," I peak up to see Zeke and Christina standing next to me as they take a seat near me. I was able to appoint my most trusted dauntless as my sort of guard leaders, this of course was before I began detaching myself from everyone, today I regret it.

"Morning," I say simply keeping my eyes on my tablet avoiding eye contact and pretending to keep busy. I can see Christina frown from the corner of my eye as she gives Zeke a concerned look, I am so sick of concerned looks, like I'm an injured puppy.

"How have you been?" Zeke pipes in trying to appear more casual but I can hear the concern in his voice.

"I'm doing well," I say trying to convince him, or maybe trying to convince myself. After a long pause my mother enters the room calling the meeting to order. Caleb sits across the table from me and I can see him taking quick glances at me, he has been trying to be nice, and be there like everyone else but the truth is the only tie we had died with Tris.

"We have been seeing an increase in activity near the Amity fields," I hear a member pipe in.

"We are aware of the activity and have increased guards along the fence," I hear Zeke explain.

"We are in need of more guards in the farms, my people are scared, and the raiders are getting to close for comfort," I hear Johanna Reyes speak up. After the revolution in the city she earned a permanent spot on the council controlling what was once the Amity farmlands. Most of the people stayed in the same field of work they did when the factions did exist but everyone is given the option of what type of work they choose to do. More freedom to expand and aid in the city, we are now what my mother calls a democracy. We allow everyone to vote on large-scale issues but we also control the small things to keep the city running.

"Tobias?" I hear my name and come back to a reality where all eyes are on me. "Tobias what do you suggest?" I hate it when she uses my name as far as I am concerned the only person who could call me that was Tris, now everyone calls me Tobias; it bothers me on some level.

"What do I think about what?" I say flashing a quick glare her direction but attempting to control my anger.

"What do you suggest we do about protecting the farms?" Her voice reeks of concern.

"How many guards do you have now Johanna?" I say searching my tablet aimlessly pretending I care.

"About 15 or so," she says, "to cover 15 separate farm lands and about 100 acres of land."

"Christina how many daunt… guards do we have to spare?" I continue pushing the screen of the tablet almost slipping on the rule of not using the factions names.

"Not many, maybe eight or ten but they usually they take over patrol when someone requires a day of," she says looking sadly at her hands.

"We need more guard recruits," I say looking to my mother.

"I can send out a request but they will require training, Tobias you will oversee this, since you have previous experience in this field," she says as she nods to her assistant to transcribe the reminder.

"I don't know if I could train them properly," I say, the truth was I wanted nothing to do with interacting with recruits ever again, and the last group of trainees I had she was in.

"Don't be ridiculous of course you can, you have done it before and you can do it again," she says as she tries deciding what topic to tackle next.

"I will appoint someone to take care of training the recruits, I'm sure there is someone much more qualified," I say, I do not want this responsibility.

"Tobias, you are the most qualified and you can handle this, now onto the food storage, where are we with food storage," she says toning me out, I can feel my face turn red with anger. Now is not the time to push me.

"Evelyn, I do not want to train anyone," I can feel it in hits of the words.

"Tobias it has already been decided," she says authoritatively and that does it the anger fills my veins in each corner of my being.

"MY NAME IS FOUR," I am yelling now and the room does silent. "YOU CANT CALL ME TOBIAS EVER, AND I WILL NOT TRAIN YOUR RECRUITS."

I can see everyone staring at me, like I've lost my mind. I probably have, I have defiantly hit that wall of crazy. My mother's fast twists, she isn't angry like I hoped only concerned. I can't handle this now; I can't handle everyone staring at me in disbelief like I am crazy. I snatch up my tablet and storm from the room; out of anger or embarrassment I am not sure. I must have lost my mind.