That's Why I Still Haven't Fire Him II: Reno's Revenge

A/N: That's right people I decided to write a second chapter, originally I planned this as a one shot, and then planned a sequel to appear sometime down the line but due to popular demand here it is, the second chapter with possible more on the way depending on reviews and if I can think of anything (I have one idea but I'm not quite sure about it), so anyway enjoy!

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In an office of the ShinRa building, high up and well known sat a man, not just any man but the most devious prankster known to prankkind. Long red hair pulled into a ponytail flowed over his back, like a river of flames, the blue uniform of the deadliest men on the planet and an unkempt appearance. This would-be nuisance was Reno of ShinRa.

He rubbed his palms as he watched the computer simulation on his desk in front of him and frowned at the image it bore. "No, no, no!" He yelled in exasperation. "A pie in the face is just too weak, I need something elaborate, something incredible belief, what the foreigners call Reno-esque."

He sat in silence for a long time until his head shot straight up and his lips formed a smile, a bright glowing light appearing above him, he looked up at it for a moment. "Rude turn off the damn lights I'm trying to think."

"..." His friend shot back.

"Ok now a comment like that is just uncalled for, of course I think, I think all the time, I'm thinking right now." Reno defended.

Rude ever prepared for a verbal joust responded quickly. "..."

Reno ran one hand over his face. "How many times do I have to tell you I was really, really drunk."

Reno threw his hands into the air in defeat and sighed. "I need some air, if Tseng asks where I am tell him I shot the president."

Rude raised an eyebrow at his departing friend and grinned. "It's like playing with a child."

"What is?" A voice asked from behind him.

Rude turned around to face Elena, and if she could have seen through his sunglasses she would have noticed the glare of death he had been giving her for almost making him jump.

He quickly regained his composure and ceased his evil glare of hate filled death. "Just screwing with Reno's head."

Elena smiled. "It's the oddest thing, I still don't know how you two do it, finish someone's sentences is one thing but being able to hold an entire conversation without you even saying something it's uncanny."

Rude waited for her to take a breath and then jumped in. "Truthfully half the time I'm just thinking of my grocery list well he's going on and on."

Elena watched the big Turk exit trying to figure out if he was being truthful.

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Reno sat in the dark corner of the ShinRa food court, far from the prying eyes of the table usually reserved by the Turks, not technically reserved but everyone was to afraid to try and use it. I slowly put a fry in to his mouth as he eyed the table suspiciously, he had done it, it had taken a year but he had come up with his master plan and soon they would pay.

"Reno!"

The red headed Turk jumped out of his chair and spun around, electro mag rod held out in front of him. "What!"

Elena blinked twice. "I just asked why you were sitting way over here."

Reno stared at her for a moment and slowly sat back down. "No reason, change is good isn't that what people always say?"

Elena stared for a moment and then turned on her heel and headed back to her table.

Reno watched her depart, although not necessarily because he wanted to make sure she was gone. "Excellent they don't suspect a thing."

On the other side of the room Elena leaned over and looked at Tseng and Rude. "I think Reno's up to something again."

Rude didn't even look up at Reno, he simply nodded in silent agreement.

Back at Reno's table he watched his friends/nemeses which he liked to call friendeses, he greedily stuffed several fries into his mouth and stood up on his table in glee. "Finally Reno shall have his revenge!" He yelled around a mouth full of half chewed food.

He looked at a group of secretaries passing him, quickly he swallowed his food and waved a fist at them. "What like you're so perfect!"

Putting one hand to his throat he moaned. "Maybe I shouldn't have swallowed without chewing a bit more thoroughly."

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Reno carefully hauled himself into the vents and crawled through the system, cursing the fact that he had to go one floor down to get in. He slowly made his way, stopping once to curse at a janitor who had poked his head up when someone mentioned an odd rattling noise.

"Here we are, Tsengs office." He looked down and silently curse to himself. "Why does that man have to work so late, it's damn near four thirty."

Tseng looked up at the vents and raised and eyebrow, prompting Reno to pull back and stop moving.

Tseng cleared his throat. "Reno if you're up there, just remember what we did to you the last time you were in the vents!"

Reno winced and peered through the grate, whispering to himself. "Oh I won't forget, I had a piece of peanut lodged in my eye for three hours, and when they found out I wasn't a pinata they didn't stop hitting me, I will never forget the shame that day my friend."

Tseng kept staring at the vents for what seemed like an eternity to Reno Tseng finally stopped and went back to work. Reno moved forward and rubbed his hands in anticipation. "Soon you shall feel the shame of defeat old man."

Tsengs head whipped back up. "Ok I heard something that time, Reno get your ass out of there!"

Reno jumped, slamming his head against the top in the process, thinking quickly he mustered his best accent and put his face to the grate. "Qué?"

Keeping one paranoid eye on the vent Tseng went back to his paperwork. Reno rolled his eyes and made himself comfortable, waiting for his boss to finish. Unfortunately for the trouble making Turk it was quite some time before that happened.

It was nearly three hours later when Tseng decided to leave, figuring he was working too hard when he started to hear snoring coming from the vents. Little did he know it was one of his own people, sleeping after a long night of waiting, his face pressed against the grate and his mind filled with thoughts of holding up Santa Claus at gunpoint.

It was a friendly rat that finally woke Reno. "Wha?...get the hell away from me." Reno mumbled as he swatted at the rat, missing horribly.

The rat cocked its head to the side and watched Reno for a moment, and then decided that the dust covered, vent crawling Turk was beneath him and walked away.

Reno watched the retreating rat. "What the hell was that about?"

Turning his attention back to the task at hand he set about removing the grating, rubbing his face, not noticing that sleeping on it had left several parallel lines in his cheek. He moved the grate to the side and pushed himself through the hole, forgetting that he didn't have anything to lower himself to the ground. "Awww crap..." Reno mumbled to himself.

He looked down and winced, it was a surprisingly long fall, why the hell was Tseng's ceiling so high Reno wondered as he dangled there.

Groaning Reno took another look at the ground. "There's gotta be another way to get down there, I'm a Turk something like this shouldn't be able to stop me, hell I once pole vaulted through the top window of a twelve story building that was on fire just to get my cigarets, I'll think of something in no time at all."

He didn't...

"Good, you'll leave for Junon tomorrow morning and-" As Tseng entered his office his gaze was drawn upwards. He closed his eyes counted to ten and opened them back up, it was still there. Tseng moved over to his desk and pulled out a bottle, taking a swig from it he then proceeded to do some paperwork, not looking up as he addressed his subordinate. "Reno have you been up there all night?"

"Yes boss."

Tseng shook his head and continued to write. "Do you really want to die that badly?"

"No boss."

"Are you sorry Reno?" Tseng closed his eyes and counted once more.

"Yes boss."

Tseng pressed a button on his intercom to his secretary. "Get the ladder, Reno's stuck again..."

They had done this before and getting Reno down didn't take very long, other then the time it took to convince him that there really was a ladder below him and he could just let go.

Reno rubbed the back of his neck nervously and looked down at his feet. "Sorry Tseng I was...helping a janitor hunt down this rat and I fell through."

Tseng gave him a blank stare and then continued on with his work.

Grinning as he turned his back on his boss Reno rubbed his hands together. "Soon you will all feel my wrath."

"What was that Reno?"

Reno jumped and turned around. "I said I feel like getting a wrap, I haven't eaten in a while."

Unconvinced but too tired to deal with it Tseng simply rolled his eyes and waved Reno out of his office.

"Excellent, now I just need to go down to the labs." Reno grinned, eyeing the security pass into Hojo's labs that he'd swiped on his way out of the office, usually all Turks were issued them but Reno had his revoked when he accidentally let a mongoose loose in a special containment area. "Stupid mongoose, how the hell was I supposed to know he liked the taste of Jenova meat." Reno could still remember the look of anger on the scientists face as he found the animal gnawing on Jenova's leg.

Reno walked casually into the lab, knowing the crazy doctor would be out of town this week he had nothing to fear.

"Reno."

Reno jumped at the sound of his name, turning around to find his partner standing beside him. "Don't scare me like that!" Reno screamed.

Rude raised an eyebrow. "What are you doing here?"

Flashing the security pass Reno mustered his best fake grin. "President wanted ME specifically for a special assignment, very hush hush, now move along, you're obstructing...something."

"..." Rude kept a watchful eye on him as he left.

"Ok now let's see, a little of this, a pinch of that." Reno mumbled to himself as he carelessly threw random ingredients into his bag.

The sound of a throat clearing drew his attention. "May I help you."

Shuddering at the sound of that voice, that pure malevolent voice, with the essence of nails on a chalkboard-ish evil. "Hojo...I, I thought you were out of town?" Reno ended, cursing himself at finishing by making it sound like a question.

"What are you doing?" The scientist asked.

Reno's eyes shot completely open. "I'm uh..just putting some things into...ummm this uh bag here for the President."

The depraved man shot him a questioning glance. "What bag?"

Reno looked back over the table he had placed the bag behind before Hojo had interrupted him, and winced when he saw a large smoking hole burning it way through the floor. "Maybe I should have kept it all in separate containers for now." Reno mumbled to himself before turning back to Hojo. "I was just...doing reconnaissance, I'll be back for the things later." Reno hurried to the door.

Before leaving he turned back to Hojo. "Now remember, when I was here I absolutely did not touch a thing...Rude did." He walked out hurriedly, wincing as he heard a shout of rage from the lab behind him.

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Tseng, Elena, and Rude all carefully made their way into the meeting room Reno had commandeered and closed off to his fellow Turks, simply inviting them to a private gathering later on when he was finished.

"I wonder what it could be, maybe he's going to apologize for all the things he's done?" Elena said with a hint of hope in her voice.

"I doubt it." Tseng stated.

Rude agreed. "..."

Flames burst from the stage at the back of the room, shooting up from either side as a shadowed figure rose in the center.

"Swear I heard the angels cry
Pray to god no more may die
So that people know the truth
Tell the tale of Paschendale!"

"Reno what the hell are you doing?" Tseng called out to the long haired silhouette on the stage.

"What the hell is he singing?" Elena asked

"Was that stage always there?" Rude asked, confused by the sudden appearance of a large stage at the back of a meeting room.

"Foolish mortals, you who have wronged thine superior shall be smotten!" Reno cried out in an overly dramatic voice.

"Smotten isn't a word." Elena called out to him.

"He butchered that song." Rude mumbled about Reno's previous singing.

"Did not!" Reno countered.

"What did you do to my meeting room!" Tseng yelled as he noticed the stage.

"Not to mention you're mortal too Reno." Elena said with a grin at the rage growing on her fellow Turks face.

"Everybody shut the bloody hell up!" Reno screamed at his loss of thunder as his friendeses kept nitpicking.

Holding a vile of greenish brown liquid in his hand he let loose a maniacal laugh ."This little potion will turn you all into monsters so hideous you will not survive the experience of even looking in a mirror, it grabs hold of something so precious to everyone that they could not possibly survive." He let loose another round of laughter. "Say goodbye to that which everyone holds dear..." He paused for effect. "Bye bye HAIR!" He screamed and threw the container to the ground in front of them.

It exploded in a ball of smoke, quickly filling the room.

"What happened?"

"I can't see anything!"

"Where's Reno, I'll kill him I swear it I will."

The voices rang out over Reno's psychotic laugh.

The smoke slowly cleared and they took a moment to look at each other. "Wow your hair colour is a little lighter I think." Elena said as she winced, trying to verify if it was actually different at all.

Tseng nodded. "Yeah your hair is a little darker blonde I think."

"Hey where's Rude?" Elena asked, looking around.

They turned at the sound of a throat clearing to see Rude's arm from behind the door. "I'm right here."

"What are you doing?" Tseng asked.

"I'd rather not show what Reno did to me." Rude stated.

Reno blinked twice and burst into fits of laughter. "Yes it worked on one of them I knew it!"

They barely saw it as a blur of colour flew past them, tackling Reno into the ground. They hit the table in the center of the room and it collapsed, kicking up pieces of debris. When it finally clear Elena and Tseng both burst into fits of laughter, atop their colleagues head which had once been bald a large afro, and not only was he now sporting an afro but it was...rainbow coloured.

Only egged on by their laughter Rude continued to unload on his partner.

"Somebody help me, he's gone crazy!"

They just continued to laugh.

"Son of a, he bit me!" Rude cried out.

"That's because you- AHHH my eye!" Reno screamed in pain.

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"Truce." The two Turks said in unison as they shook left hands, Renos having been broken when Rude tackled him down the stairs.

Each one garnered many stares as the walked down the hallway, covered in bandages, casts, bruises, and of course the patch over Reno's eye. Rude was less damaged but drew just as much, no matter how often he shaved his head a thin layer of rainbow hair seemed to keep sprouting no matter what. "Just know Reno that one day when you least expect it I will get my revenge."

"Awww come on Rude." Reno whined. "You broke my arm and made me temporarily blind, doesn't that count for something?"

"..." Rude pointed to the rainbow fuzz adorning his once bare head.

"...Good point..."

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A/N: Hey everybody due this getting more reviews on one chapter then I have on stories that were fifteen chapters (that's less than a review a chapter people) I decided to write a second chapter and maybe more if I get the right incentive (winkwink) but anyway it felt a little weak around the middle and at the end I think I pulled it together but I hope you enjoyed it! plus an extra 10 points to the people who know what Reno was singing!

Oh and I would like to thank all the great reviews I have, thank you so very much all of you, JML, Nando, Kei, Sylverskyz, Ardwynna Morrigu, TheDonutMistress, TrueBornChaos, Sulphurya, FireDanser, Santuary of Darkness, Kao, and Omega Gilgamesh

Just in reply to a few

JML: Thanks for pointing out that little typo, I'd probably have never caught it

Kei01: Yep seen it and loved it...and then watched it again and loved it again...and that keeps going on for about twenty more viewings...and then I had to start paying attention to school again. Not to mention I damn near cheered when he spider-manned it up that wall.

Sylverskyz: Aww thanks, but mine isn't better than yours, I loved it, hell you've seen the reviews I left

Omega Gilgimesh: I guess it's the whole he just seems like a really casual guy, the type that would be supposed to be working on something for the company but in all reality he's just shooting paperballs into a trash can, you know someone who would get bored quick and find any way possible to amuse himself

and again THANK YOU ALL so very very very very very very much I love you all people!